Review: Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo
This month I have been reading the second book in the Mumsnet Book Club, the debut novel from Ayobami Adebayo Stay With Me. The story is set in Ilesa, in the state of Osun, against the political chaos of the 1980s and explores how the intense pressure to have children impacts on one Nigerian couple across two decades.
The story is told from both Yejide and Akin’s perspective which did make it a little hard to follow initially. As the story progresses I see why Adebayo chose to write in this way, allowing us to get to know both characters equally and understand the reasons behind their actions.
Yejide is a strong, fierce Nigerian woman who finds the traditions and beliefs of the older generation to be frustrating and intrusive. Her husband, Akin, clearly adores his wife but is very much stuck in the middle between his wife and his Mother, a ferociously matriarchal character, Moomi. These three characters, along with Akins brother Dotun, are revealed to us across 42 chapters, and I can honestly say that my opinion of them changed from one chapter to the next.
When Akin’s family insist that he have a child, be that with Yejide or the second wife they force him to marry without Yejide’s knowledge, this triggers a series of desperate attempts which ultimately lead to tragedy. Adebayo portrays how the desperation of a woman to be a Mother can lead to trying just about anything to have a baby, something I can absolutely relate to. When Yejide succumbs to the “Mountain of Jaw Dropping Miracles” where she is told to breastfeed a goat in a bid to get pregnant, we see just how desperate she has become and how, ultimately, her mental health has become so affected that she begins a year-long psychosomatic pregnancy.
The biggest twist to the story comes from Akin who, so desperate to give his wife a child, resorts to a shocking method to get his wife pregnant. I love the way that Adebayo doesn’t reveal the twist until the plot is well under way, leading us to lurch from disbelief at Yejide, to horror at Akin. Ultimately, I found myself feeling quite emotional that Akin sacrificed his own beliefs, and his own pride, to give the woman he loves a child.
The hardest part of the plot for me, and something I was unaware of before I began reading, was the theme of loss. As a Mother who misses my own child every single day, I could not help the tears that spilled on the page as I felt every word of Yejide and Akin’s sadness. I know all too well that feeling of despair having been through infertility, and the devastation of losing a child, and in the closing paragraph when Yejide longs to hear the word “Moomi”, a word she associates with Mother, she says,
“I understand how a word others use every day can become something whispered in the dark to soothe a wound that just won’t heal. I remember thinking I would never hear it spoken without unravelling a little, wondering if I would ever get to say it in the light. So I recognise the gift in this simple pronouncement, the promise of a beginning in this one word.”
I could not help but think about my own experience when Eva first called me Mama, a word I never though I would hear again after our heartache of losing Joseph. In that moment, I understood all of Yejide’s actions, I forgave her mistakes, and I admired her greatly for her strength and courage.
This book isn’t an easy read, it did require a lot of concentration (which can be hard with four children!) but it was well worth the perseverance. As a debut novel it was innovative and inspiring, and I think, as a believer in miracles, it’s absolutely worth reading to see if Yejide and Akin were blessed with theirs.
Stay With Me is available to buy from Amazon here.
** I was gifted this book as a member of the Mumnet book club. All words and opinions are my own unless otherwise stated. **
nice! I am from Nigeria, would like to read the book, thanks for sharing
Oh you should, its so well written! xx
This sounds like a very interesting book, especially that the subject is so unfamiliar to us. I wouldn’t even imagine how would it be to live in a marriage like that, where a man has more than 1 wife.
Nor me! I found it fascinating actually and it really opened my mind to accepting that our normal may not be for everyone! xx
I have been thinking of starting in a book club for a while to try and read new books, to be honest this wouldnt be one I would ever pick, but it sounds great! How did you find out about the book club you are in?
Nor me Hannah! But I’m so glad I read it. Mumsnet asked me to join their book club but it’s open to everyone, you can join in via the link in my post or head over to Mumsnet. xx
Oh this definitely sounds interesting! A difficult read but sometimes they can be the most memorable and rewarding I think, most of my favourite books were quite difficult reads emotion wise. Great review! x
I totally agree, if a book can move me to tears or make me laugh out loud, it’s a huge success in my eyes! xx
This sounds like a book I will sit there trying to read through tears, I understand loss and heartache x
Its well worth reading, even though it is undeniably sad at times. It’s also a story of real bravery and persistence. xx
Sounds like an emotional rollercoaster of a book. I do love a good plot twist. Well done for getting through it lovely, I know that can’t have been easy as you will naturally go to a place of your own loss x
Thanks Laura. I think any book that can move you in that way is a real success! xx
This sounds like a powerful read, one that you can really get into but can leave you feeling a little like you have been punched in the guts by the words alone.
Yes!! I was left feeling really emotional but also enlightened about a culture I know very little about. xx
This sounds like a great read, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m usually all about easy reading so not sure I would find the 2 viewpoints easy to follow, but I’m looking to expand my genre of books so may give it a try.
I totally agree, I’m the same as to be honest I’m so tired or busy all the time I don’t have the chance to really concentrate. That said, I chose a child free day and read this from start to finish. I’m SO glad I persevered! xx
This sounds like a rather powerful book. I like the idea of having the story told through the two different main characters – it would really get one thinking.
Yes me too and it was so interesting to read it from both perspectives! xx
This sounds like a fantastic book! Not necessarily one I would pick up initially but you’ve made me want to read it. Sim x
Yes I felt the same! It isn’t something I would have picked up either but I’m so glad I read it! xx
Sounds like an interesting book. I have just started reading again but must admit I tend to go for an easy read at the moment as the kids are forever interupting
Me too Kara but I chose a child free day and read the whole thing from start to finish in one peaceful morning! xx
This sounds like such an interesting book – and quite heartfelt too in parts with the theme of loss. I do like when the author allows you to get to know the different characters equally, although I do know it can be quite hard to follow the narrative that way too.
Yes I think you have to really focus which I quite enjoyed once I got into it. I think it’s important to push ourselves at times, especially after you’ve had kids and your brain turns to mush! xx
Always looking for a good book! And looking to do a ‘book club’ like series on my blog this summer. Thanks for this!
I think it’s definitely one to read Kaitlyn, there’s so much to discuss afterwards in a book club too! xx
The plot sounds quite interesting. I usually read non-fiction books, but sometimes I think that these types of books also have so much wisdom in them, especially when they tackle our human problems. 🙂 Thank you for the post.
Yes I agree, this was particularly interesting as it really opened my eyes to Nigerian culture, something I knew very little about! xx
Sounds like a good read, good for you to stick with it too, it’s so easy to chuck a book down if it’s hard to follow at times, give me netflix any day on my commute, reading puts me to sleep 🙁 lol
I think it’s good to push yourself sometimes, as the story progressed I was desperate to find out how it ended! xx
Although i wouldnt normally pick this up you made me interested so will add it to my amazon basket!
Yes I was exactly the same, it’s not at all something I would have picked up but that just goes to show never to judge a book by it’s cover! xx
It sounds like a very hard hitting book with the themes you mentioned especially with the feeling of loss. I do love the suspense and idea of plot twists as they keep me engaged, I would give it a go I think!
There are two HUGE twists to the story Kirsty, I didn’t see them coming! xx
It sounds like an amazing book. I must admit I prefer movies ever since i was small but now I’m older I like to read more and search for books to keep me really engaged and hard to put down.
I would much rather read than watch the movie, I always find the movies never quite live up to the books! It’s funny how we are all different! xx
This sounds like such an interesting read. I love books where you actually learn something about different cultures and lives. Doesn’t sound like an easy read, but one that makes you think, and I usually really enjoy those! 🙂
Yes me too! When I finished it I felt so many different emotions, I love a book that can do that to you! xx
I’ll definitely be buying this one, it sounds just like my type of book x
I hope you enjoy it! xx
This sounds a sad book. I must admit, I try to read books that make me smile these days, but it sounds well written and intriguing.
I go for light hearted stories so this was out of my comfort zone, but I literally read it from start to finish and loved it! xx
I love stories involving miracles. I would definitely check this book out on stores, it sounds interesting.
I think we all look for a happy ending don’t we? xx
This book sounds amazing. I’m really into reading at the moment so it will be going on my ‘to read’ list. 🙂
I hope you enjoy it! xx
This book sounds great, I’m not sure I would pick it up if I ever saw it in a store. Since reading about it, it makes me want to go get it! Thank you.
Yes I felt the same. I would never have bought it but I’m so glad I read it! It’s true what they say, never judge a book by it’s cover! xx
I’ve never heard of it, but your post sure made me interested in finding it!
I really do recommend it Alice! xx
What a wonderful and touching review. My heart aches for you with the loss of your own child. I could not even imagine the pain you have experienced. From your review, I’m inspired to read the book. thank you.
Thank you Tina. It’s a book that really pulls you in, I think we can all relate to those themes on some level. xx
Sounds like a book worth checking. I am definitely adding it to my to-read list.
It’s definitely worth reading, it was totally out of my usual genre of books but I will make a real effort to read more like it. xx
Sounds like such a powerful read, I really love books that make you feel everything
Me too Charli! It really gets you thinking! xx
I was born in Nigeria. Would love to read this book. Sounds interesting.
Oh I think you would really enjoy it then! I loved reading more about Nigerian culture! xx
This book sounds amazing. I am not familiar with the author but we Nigerians can tell a very good story.
You certainly can! I read it all in one go from start to finish! xx
Interesting narration. I always like the stories with African or Chinese background. This book is really worth to read.
Thanks for sharing the story plot in detail.
Take care,
Thank you for reading! xx
Sounds like an interesting read Laura. I am so out of touch with the latest books at the minute. I really need to find more time to start reading again.
I was the same which is why I love being part of this book club, it really forces me to find the time to read! xx
This sounds like a great read and something so different to my normal choice of book. I’ll have to look out for this.
Yes I felt the same Laura. It’s not something I would have picked up but I really enjoyed it! xx
This book sounds like a really great read and I would love to read it too.
It’s really interesting and there are two major twists which really shocked me! xx
This looks great, I’ve been looking for a decent new read 🙂
Oh it’s worth as read Marie, it was really eye opening! xx
I’m always looking for new books to read. This sounds really interesting.
It really was interesting, it was very different from the books I’d usually read! xx
This looks like an interesting piece of read and was a genuine review.
Thank you, I definitely recommend reading it! xx
This sounds like something I would love. I love books that make me think, feel and that are well written.
Me too, if it can make me feel any kind of strong emotion, it’s a hit with me! xx
The story sounds so powerful – and it’s so unlike anything I’d usually pick up. I do love a book that can really make you think and feel, thank you so much for the recommendation Laura – and hugs for your family as always.
Thanks lovely, it really is very powerful and the twists had me completely blown away! xx
This is not a book I have heard of, or one I would normally choose if I saw it in a bookshop. However you have me really transfixed by your review and I really want to find out what happens to the family and how it all ends. Thank you for pointing this book out to me x
Thank you Tanya. I think many people commenting have said the same, it’s not a book they would necessarily pick up but it has them intrigued! I really do recommend it! xx
I do love a good book review as it saves me time and an easy way to find my next read x
Me too Melanie, its always great to get a recommendation! xx
Oh gosh, what an emotional sounding read. I love the sound of this, it’s exactly the kind of book I could lose myself in which is so good to have those moments.
I agree Nichola, I lost an entire morning reading this and it was wonderful! xx
Sounds like a good book, I haven’t read a book this year yet! I might have to get this x
It’s well worth a read Dena, really enlightening! xx
I’ve been looking for book recommendations to read for myself, thanks to your review I’m really interested in getting this for myself. Would love to know the story of this family. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂
Ahh that’s great! I really hope that you enjoy it! xx
This sounds like another really interesting read Laura, I am really hoping to get back into reading again soon. I find it hard to fit any in!
Me too Su, I read so much before I had the children (and the blog!). It’s lovely to know I can read one book a month at least for this book club though! xx
I’m struggling to find the time to read with baby Nila 🙁 but this is definately my kind of read x
Ah yes its hard when you have children. I took advantage of a child free morning and read this from start to finish! xx
Sounds like such an emotive book Laura, I will look into it x
It’s definitely worth considering if you’re looking for a good read! xx
This is not my usual type of read, but oh it sounds fantastic. Lovely review. Kaz
Nor mine but it has spurred me on to read more books which I wouldn’t normally do! xx
I really do need to take more time out to read more books!
I read a lot of self-development books at the mo, but I miss a good novel!! I like the sound of this plot!!
Oh I love losing myself in a book, you can’t beat it! xx
The story sounds interesting. Now I am really curious and I want to read the book myself.
I think it’s definitely finding time to read it, I was left gobsmacked! xx
I am adding the book to my read list. Your post sounds amazing. Thanks for sharing your opinion. By the way I love the logo of your blog. It’s perfect and super cute.
Ahh thank you so much! That’s very kind of you to say. xx
This sounds like a wonderful read! I’m curious to know whether Yejide and Akin were blessed with a child or not? Adding it to my reading list!
You’ll have to read and find out! Let me tell you, there are two major twists which I did NOT see coming! xx
I have a friend who is currently dealing with the loss of their child. It hasn’t been easy for her. I can imagine this piece would be tough for her to read as well.
I’m so sorry to hear that Dana. I have been through the loss of my own son and send nothing but love and strength. xxx
I loved this book when I read it about 18 months ago. It has stayed with me ever since. I loved the twists and turns and that the writing just drew me in. Very emotional as you say and yes, I did have to concentrate which made it all the more enjoyable. I’ll definitely look out for more by Ayobami Adebayo.
It’s such an intriguing, enlightening tale isn’t it? xx
This sounds like an interesting read. Wow…I now want to read it for myself.
Oh you should, it’s so interesting! xx
I love reading a book that steers your emotions to the point of tears. I will most certainly add this book to my book club list. Thanks for sharing.
Yes I think any book that can move you in some way is a real success. xx
I love this story!! This sounds like a great read. I would love to read it sometime.
Its definitely worth reading Dee. xx
This sounds like such an interesting read. From your review, I can tell it’s something that I would definitely enjoy.
I’m sure you would Jemma! xx
I can always count on you to give me a heads up on the next best read! Sounds like a must and is on my list x
Thanks Melanie, it was a great read! xx
This book sounds really interesting, not something I would normally read but I am intrigued. I can imagine the themes made it difficult to read but sounds lovely or it deals with this sensitive subject in an interesting way x
Yes I think it’s written in a way that is so sensitive of the subject matter, but still so hard hitting at the same time. xx
Doesn’t sound like its one that I am going to be able to read without crying! The quote makes me realise just how much we take for granted on a daily basis. Will be giving them extra cuddles tonight x
I think anyone would feel moved by it at times, we can all relate to loss on some level can’t we? xx
This sounds like such an interesting read! I am going to have to check it out!
I’m sure you would love it! xx
Gosh I feel really touched reading your review Laura. I can only imagine how hard this must have been for you to read, It does sound like it was very well written though and I think I’d like to read it too. Mich x
Ahh thank you Michelle, it stayed with me for a long time afterwards, I think that’s the beauty of a good book. xx
This is a brilliant review Laura! I’ve seen a few different posts on this, but this one is definitely coming from a different perspective and adds a new level of understanding to the book.
Thank you Emma, it was a tough read at times but really powerful! xx
This sounds like a great book! Definitely very interesting. I’m almost positive that I couldn’t be in a marriage with more than one woman. But, I concede that impossibility has to do with the culture I was brought up in. I’m definitely going to add this to my book list.
Oh me too Lauren, and actually the characters in this book felt very much the same. xx
Wow! This sounds like an amazing book! I may need to have a look and see if I can find it. x #bloggerclubuk
I recommend it Siobhan! xx
This sounds really interesting. A different style of book than what I usually read!
Me too but its’ great to go outside of your comfort zone isn’t it? xx