Tommys #TogetherForChange – Joseph’s Story

In the UK, 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage, stillbirth or premature birth.

The emotional impact this has is devastating and leaves parents with so many unanswered questions.

There is still silence and shame around baby loss. But if we can talk about it openly and honestly, not only can we help each other feel less alone, but we can also pave the way for greater awareness and more research to stop it happening.

This is why Tommy’s is launching a brand new campaign ‘Together For Change’.

For those who dont know my story, and even for those who do, I wanted to share it again, to do my bit, and to urge each of you to share yours, to talk about baby loss, to support each other, and to know that together we can make a change.

Joseph’s Story

When Lewis was 18 months old my ex husband and I found out that we were having another baby and we were over the moon. I had always imagined myself with two boys and so it was with great excitement that we found out we were indeed having another son.

My pregnancy flew by and through the summer of 2006 we spent our days basking in the sunshine, pushing Lewis around in his old navy pram and imagining what life would be like as parents of two. “How will I ever love this baby as much as I love Lewis?” I used to wonder out loud, for that was my biggest fear. “What if Lewis is jealous of the new baby?” I would worry and yet seeing him kiss my tummy and talk to his baby brother brushed away all of my fears.

And I was excited, just so excited.

We bought everything – a new pram, a cot, a steriliser, a Moses basket. We filled a wardrobe with clothes ranging from new born to one year – tiny little rompers, irresistible little outfits, “I’m the baby brother” novelty T shirts and a matching “I’m the big brother” one for Lew. I used to sit in the nursery looking through all of the lovely things we had bought, imagining how lucky I would be to bring home our baby and have two beautiful boys.

Life was pretty much perfect.

I remember the day the double buggy was delivered and Lewis helped us to tear the box open and how he jumped in one side and stuffed his teddy in the other. “Baby brother!” he exclaimed and we had all laughed and told him that the baby would be here in just a few more sleeps.

And then one beautiful Summers morning on the 18th of July when the flowers were in full bloom and the birds were singing without a care in the world, during a routine hospital appointment, our whole world ended.

“I’m sorry but your baby has died”.

Looking back now I have no idea how our legs carried us out of the hospital that morning, into the car and home to pack a bag. We sat side by side on the bed, totally silent, staring at all of the lovely things we had bought for our baby that he would never wear, never use, never need. We put on brave faces for Lewis who was packed off to my parents and we drove silently to the hospital where I would give birth to our second son and return home without him.

Thirty hours later, after a horrific induction, at 3.44pm on the 19th July I gave birth to our son, our second born, our Joseph Allan. And I won’t lie to you, I was terrified. I was so scared to even turn my head to look at him, scared of what he might look like, of what I might feel, of how much it might hurt. I remember squeezing my eyes shut as tight as possible and praying that it was all a mistake, that any minute now we would hear a cry and we would breathe a huge sigh of relief that the nightmare was over.

“He looks just like Lewis” my ex husband whispered through his tears, and only then did I open my eyes and look across at my little boy who was every bit as perfect as we had imagined.

He was so beautiful. A full head of dark hair, a perfect button nose and the most beautiful ruby red lips that were just waiting to be kissed. His skin was still warm and I shall never forget placing him on my chest and breathing in that newborn baby smell and wishing I could freeze that moment forever. Like all new parents we counted his fingers and toes, we “oohed” and “ahhed” over his long eye lashes and we beamed with pride at what a beautiful baby boy we had created.

We bathed him and dressed him, took prints of his hands and feet, a lock of his lovely dark hair and photos that would hurt too much to look at for such a long time. We talked to him, told him about his big brother and how much he would have loved him, about his grandparents who had been counting down the days to meet him, and about the life he would have lived.

And we stayed there like that until day turned to night, his body grew cold, and we slept with our baby between us for the first time. And the last.

We desperately tried to give him as many hugs and kisses as we possibly could, to tell him everything we needed to say, and yet as we said goodbye for the thousandth time and closed the door behind us, we knew that it would never be enough.

The days that followed were a blur. It all just seemed so desperately unfair. Why us? Why our baby? I had done everything I could to keep my baby safe and yet then, and even now, I felt that I had let him down in some way. I felt so empty, my arms aching just to hold him; my heart was broken into a thousand pieces.

“At least you still have Lewis” people would say, “Some people aren’t that lucky” and I would rage with such anger and hate that anyone would think that it could hurt any less. “At least you didn’t get to know him” someone dared to tell me, as though that somehow made our loss easier, and it took all of my strength not to place my hands around their neck and squeeze the life out of them too.

Because I knew my son. I knew him from the moment he was created. He was mine, a part of me, my husband, a part of Lewis. I felt him grow, felt his kicks, sang to him, talked to him, cradled my tummy in my arms and told him how much I loved him. He nestled deep under my ribs, lying side to side, and would kick and punch beneath my hands. He made me crave salt and vinegar crisps and Findus crispy pancakes, he made my feet swell and my hair grow thick and strong, he loved the water, his kicks growing stronger with each bath or cold drink. I knew him, with every inch of me, I knew him. And I loved him from day one.

We buried him a week later, in a tiny white coffin, surrounded by our family and friends. We watched in disbelief as they lowered our baby into the ground and we left him alone in a cold, dark cemetery and walked away. That thought haunted me for such a long time, the idea of him all alone there without his Mama to hold him and keep him safe. I would lie awake at night torn between my two year old son sleeping beside me or my newborn baby alone in the dark. There were times when I contemplated joining him, when I felt that there was no other option and no other way to make the pain stop. They were the darkest of days, the blackest of thoughts and I still look back in disbelief that I survived them.

It has taken such a long time to come to terms with losing my son, my baby boy who who would be twelve years old in eight days time, and it still hurts, so much, every minute of every day. And whilst that pain doesn’t lessen, and it certainly doesn’t disappear, you do find a way to live with it, to carry it with you, until one day you find yourself smiling again, laughing again, realising that although your baby isn’t here to live their life, you must still try to live yours.

And sitting here now as a Mummy of five, with four healthy children in my arms and Joseph in our hearts, I want to tell you  that had it not been for the support I had in place back then, for the bereavement midwife who dragged me through that first year and the health care professionals who never gave up on me, I would not be right here where I am today.

Had it not been for the family and friends who allowed me to speak about my son, for those who reached out to remind me I was not alone, and those who remember him twelve years on, my life would be very different altogether.

And had it not been for charities such as Tommy’s, working tirelessly to raise awareness, to make these changes and support bereaved parents, my journey through loss would have been far scarier, far more confusing, and far, far lonelier.

Please support Tommy’s in the Together For Change campaign over on their website today www.tommys.org/together-for-change

 

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107 Comments

  1. July 11, 2018 / 2:08 pm

    This broke my heart! I am so sorry for the loss! Miscarriage and so I understand the pain that you went through. There is nothing anybody can say they can make it better and you need to mourn in anyway that works for you.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:22 am

      Thank you Jeanette. I am so sorry that you can relate. Losing a baby is heartbreaking and that pain never goes away does it? xxx

  2. July 11, 2018 / 2:22 pm

    So sorry for your loss. Noone can understand what you go through, take the time you need to mourn as there is no set time

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:22 am

      Thank you. I think you’re so right, there is no set time and it differs for everyone. Having support around you is so important when dealing with grief. xx

  3. July 11, 2018 / 2:41 pm

    I am at a loss for words. I can’t express how sorry I am for your loss. Both of my daughters lost babies last year so I know how traumatic it can be. Thank you for sharing Joesph’s story.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:23 am

      Oh I am so sorry to hear that Terri. How devastating for you and your daughters I’m sure. Lots of love xx

  4. July 11, 2018 / 2:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you went through that, but talking about it will help others. I will check out the campaign for sure.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:23 am

      Thank you Amber. It’s such an important campaign and Tommy’s is a lifeline to so many. xx

  5. candy
    July 11, 2018 / 3:22 pm

    My brother and his wife buried their first born son. Talk about an emotional and difficult day, week, month and year. They went on to have two more wonderful children. We still miss Jerry everyday.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:24 am

      Oh Candy I am so sorry to hear that. It really is just heartbreaking and so cruel, I will never understand why anyone has to say goodbye to their child. Lots of love to you and your family. xx

  6. July 11, 2018 / 3:38 pm

    So sorry for the loss! There is a great book I totally recommend and hope will be helpful : How to Survive a Shipwreck: Help Is On the Way and Love Is Already Here
    Book by Jonathan Martin

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:24 am

      Thank you. I haven’t heard of that book so I will absolutely look it up, it sounds like something I need to read. xx

  7. July 11, 2018 / 3:57 pm

    I felt so sad after reading this It must be so hard for you but I am glad you look at the good things in your life and move forward.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:24 am

      Thank you so much Melissa. xxx

  8. July 11, 2018 / 5:30 pm

    I know words mean nothing, but I am so sorry you had to go through this. It isn’t fair, at all. I’m glad that there are those who are campaigning for awareness and support. Thanks to some amazing midwife friends and the Count the Kicks campaign, I was made aware of decreased movements which possibly saved my sons life when he wasn’t moving much because the cord was around his ankle, he was born emergency cesarean within an hour.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:25 am

      Thank you Stephanie. I am so glad that your son was born healthy and well, Count the Kicks is an amazing campaign and one that has changed the outcome of so many pregnancies for sure. I wish those campaigns had been around 12 years ago as perhaps Joseph would have been here about to celebrate his 12th birthday. If only… xxx

  9. July 11, 2018 / 6:30 pm

    So sorry for your loss – it must have been tough but it’s great to hear that you got the support you needed…

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:26 am

      Thank you Kate. I think having the right support is paramount to surviving any kind of loss. xxx

  10. July 11, 2018 / 6:37 pm

    Sorry for your loss. I suffered from a miscarriage aswell however did not get close to full term and didn’t have to deliver. My heart really goes out to you.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:27 am

      Thank you Tasheena. I am so sorry for your loss too, it’s heartbreaking regardless of gestation or circumstance. Lots of love. xx

  11. July 11, 2018 / 6:40 pm

    I’m writing this through tears – tears for you and the heartbreak you’ve experienced, as well as all those other families that are lose a child. No one should ever have to lose a child. You’re one incredible and inspiring lady 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:28 am

      Thank you so much, it just feels so desperately unfair at times doesn’t it? Sharing our story is so important and I really appreciate your reading. xxx

  12. July 11, 2018 / 6:58 pm

    So sad to read about your loss Laura. I cannot even start to imagine what you went through. Thank you for sharing your story and helping others who have been through the same as you.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:28 am

      Thank you Claire, I do hope that it helps others, it’s a way to draw a positive out of such a heartbreaking event. xx

  13. July 11, 2018 / 7:17 pm

    Thank you so much for being so brave and sharing your story with the world. I am currently on my 8th pregnancy and I’ve only been able to take 2 little ones home. I’m living daily with the fear that I won’t get to take this little one home either.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:29 am

      Ah Nicole Im so sorry you’ve been through such heartbreak too. I have had 20 pregnancies and only 4 in my arms, so I can relate to that fear absolutely. Good luck with your pregnancy, I will be thinking of you and hoping it all goes well. Lots of love. xxx

  14. July 11, 2018 / 8:28 pm

    All I can say is that I am so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine going through losing a child of mine. Thank you for sharing Joseph’s story with us, and bringing awareness to a campaign that I had never heard of before.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:30 am

      Thank you so much Joanna. It’s always good to know that I have raised awareness of a campaign others may not have heard of ordinarily. Tommy’s is a real life line to so many. xx

  15. Ti
    July 11, 2018 / 8:58 pm

    Laura, you write so vividly, and with such love, about all your children but there is something extra special in your words about Joseph. What a beautiful baby boy he was. Sending you all the love in the world, as always, but especially in the days ahead. Xx

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:30 am

      Thank you my lovely. I can’t believe that beautiful baby boy would be 12, it breaks my heart that I will never know what he would have been like. xxx

  16. July 11, 2018 / 9:50 pm

    This story of loss and it happens so often is sad to me. I am glad that there are more people sharing their story and trying to help. THere’s not much support for this either.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:31 am

      It happens way too often doesnt it? I think we all know at least one person who has been touched by loss. xx

  17. emily
    July 11, 2018 / 11:30 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss but thank you for being brave enough to share your story with others.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:32 am

      Thank you Emily, sharing my story is always therapeutic and if it can help others then there is a positive amongst so much heartbreak. xx

  18. July 12, 2018 / 1:08 am

    So sad! It never easy to lose a little one, no matter how old they are or how long you knew them.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:33 am

      Thank you Alexis, you are so right. I don’t think loss of any kind is ever easy. xx

  19. Emma Riley
    July 12, 2018 / 1:09 am

    This is such a sad story to read and literally it makes me cry and gives me a heartache. I am glad that you have a strong heart to share this with us. Honestly, I don’t know what I feel if this things happen to me but I hoping and praying not.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:34 am

      Thank you Emma, although I am so sorry I made you cry. I know our story is never an easy read but it’s important to share it. Sometimes instilling emotion in others is the perfect way to really hit home how important these campaigns are. xx

  20. July 12, 2018 / 1:46 am

    What a sad story! all couple dream have a baby! I’m sorry to know about this! I know there’s a reason for everything! but to those people suffer depression about miscarriage they need to care of and give attention!

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:34 am

      Thank you Maysz, Tommy’s is a real life line to so many parents. xx

  21. July 12, 2018 / 1:52 am

    I cannot even begin to imagine the heartache that a mother would feel when she finds out that she would now have to say goodbye to her new baby. I think it’s really important to support charities like this that help parents who have lost or are dealing with the loss of their child. It’s not easy and it’s not something one can get over, no matter how many years pass.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:35 am

      Thank you Carol for understanding. I think thats the important thing here, losing a baby doesn’t end there, the ripple effect of that grief is infinite. xx

  22. July 12, 2018 / 3:39 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. I remember the day my friend delivered her stillborn baby. I remembe the nurse coming out to tell us he was perfect. I really was waiting for her to tell us he really was alive and all the monitors had been wrong. When she didn’t, it was a punch in the gut.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:36 am

      Oh Emily I am so sorry to hear that. I remember feeling the same when I was having Joseph, perhaps there had been a mistake. I guess we don’t ever want to believe that something so tragic can happen to us or someone we know. xx

  23. July 12, 2018 / 5:35 am

    Thank you for sharing this. But I can’t help but wonder, is it in your culture where parents feel shame for losing a baby? Here in our country, the general sentiment is sadness and loss, not shame . I hope the moms get over that soon.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:37 am

      I don’t think that we feel shame as parents, but other peoples reactions and the way they treat such a loss can definitely lead to bereaved parents feeling ashamed to even speak about their baby. I know I have had some terrible reactions when I have mentioned my son, and especially when sharing his photos. I refuse to allow those reactions taint the memory of my child, and Tommy’s really believes in that too. xx

  24. July 12, 2018 / 7:07 am

    I have nothing but respect for you and how you raise awareness. A very dear friend lost her son in childbirth and I know from her how much Tommy’s campaign helped her and her family

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:38 am

      Thank you Kara, and I am so sorry to hear that about your friend. Tommy’s is a real life line to so many and the work they do to raise awareness makes such a huge difference. xx

  25. Monidipa Dutta
    July 12, 2018 / 8:42 am

    I don’t know love if you remember my comment on your instagram post or not. It takes courage to pen it done. Joseph is proud of his mummy Laura. I can’t say anymore.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:38 am

      Thank you, yes I do. Always appreciated. xxx

  26. July 12, 2018 / 9:52 am

    I can’t even begin to imagine how painful this is for you to go through. My Mom said losing my father was hard but losing my brother a couple of years after my Dad was even worse. I am so sorry for your loss.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:38 am

      I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and father, how utterly devastating for you and your family. Lots of love. xx

  27. Janet C
    July 12, 2018 / 10:34 am

    I could not even imagine this happening in my life. Anyone having to pick up from this emotionally needs all the support that they can get from people.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:39 am

      Thank you Janet, I was the same, I never imagined it would happen to me and also never imagined I would survive it if it did. xx

  28. July 12, 2018 / 10:57 am

    I am so glad that I found this blog. You are skilled my friend. Keep inspiring.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:39 am

      Thank you so much xxx

  29. July 12, 2018 / 1:17 pm

    I just can’t imagine going through that. 1 in 4 is such a high loss rate! I don’t think its that high here..at least it doesn’t seem that way. Anyway, when I was pregnant the fear of losing my babies in utero would wake me up at night. I have so much compassion for those that have. I just don’t know how you return to normal life after going through something like that. Thank you for sharing your experience that will surely help or identify with many others.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:41 am

      Thank you Heather. The UK miscarriage/stillbirth rate is one of the highest in Europe which is shocking! Around 9 babies are stillborn every day in the UK and that really needs to change. xx

  30. July 12, 2018 / 1:22 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss, I truly am. I lost my son when I was just over 5 months pregnant, almost 12 years ago and this was very hard to read as it bought back memories. I’m so glad there are charities out there like Tommy’s – Sending you love x

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:41 am

      Oh Charli I am so sorry to hear that. Joseph would be 12 this month, all of those what if’s and if only’s are heartbreaking aren’t they? Much love xxx

  31. Elizabeth O
    July 12, 2018 / 1:41 pm

    I am incredibly sorry for your loss. This was heartbreaking to read, I can feel the pain through your writing. Together for change sounds like a much needed charity indeed, I will head over to support.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:42 am

      Thank you so much Elizabeth, I really appreciate everyone taking the time to read our story and support this campaign. xx

  32. Kayla
    July 12, 2018 / 1:42 pm

    This had me crying the entire time. I understand that nothing I can say will begin to comfort you, I can’t not imagine the pain you must feel. All I can say is that by writing and posting about it, you will help to bring comfort to another mom who is going through the exact same thing. I hope that can help you on your journey to recovery, or rather acceptance.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:42 am

      Thank you so much Kayla, I really appreciate you reading and your kind words. xxx

  33. July 12, 2018 / 2:01 pm

    You are truly brave to have endured this loss and be able to go on and stand here today trying to help others and raise awareness. Any stranger’s heart will break when reading your story. But you are an inspiration what you are doing with your experience.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:43 am

      Thank you so much. I think sharing my story is the only way to find a positive amongst so much sadness, I really hope that it helps even one parent feel less lonely through their own loss. xx

  34. July 12, 2018 / 3:22 pm

    I had no idea it was as high as 1 in 4. My mother gave birth to 7 children but only 5 were born alive. It was hard to go through that as a child and wanting a sibling. I can’t imagine the pain as the parent.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:43 am

      Oh Angela I am so sorry to hear that. It must have been so hard for your parents and you as a sibling too, much love. xx

  35. July 12, 2018 / 3:45 pm

    What a touching post. There is some stigma around miscarriages and It need to be talked about. That’s the only way to find closure, although some may never find it. I know tons of people who’ve gone through miscarriages and I could feel how broken they were. I could tell they didn’t want to look “ungrateful” about the children they already had, so they had to put on a brave face. But I think it’s pretty fair to be sad about a child you could have had, but didn’t. No one can judge how people handle their miscarriages because you never know the pain until you’ve had one, sadly. It takes tons of courage to share your story again, I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for sharing.

    🙂

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:45 am

      Thank you. I think that is such a true point right there. I was told repeatedly at least I had one child, some people were never that lucky, and it does make you feel as though you are being ungrateful! It’s crazy to even think that anyone would view it that way, it’s like asking a parent to choose which one of their children to give away, it’s shocking! xx

  36. July 12, 2018 / 3:52 pm

    My sister would have a baby who turns 7. No one should ever go through the loss of a newborn; not even my worst enemies.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:45 am

      I am so sorry to hear that Kita. Much love to you and your family. xx

  37. Megan
    July 12, 2018 / 4:16 pm

    This is such a heartbreaking post, admittedly I couldn’t read the whole thing because I’m bawling. I think you are so incredibly brave to go through this and then to share. No doubt this is going to help so many people. I am so sorry.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:45 am

      Thank you so much Megan. xxx

  38. Princess Quinn
    July 12, 2018 / 4:20 pm

    This is a great campaign. I had lost a child when he turned 12 weeks in my tummy too. I was so scared, I can’t hold.my tears for days. It was supposedly my first born, until we lost him. Count me in. I am in full support of this cause.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:46 am

      Thank you so much for supporting this. I am so sorry for your loss. xxx

  39. July 12, 2018 / 4:56 pm

    Your story absolutely breaks my heart. I can’t imagine the pain. No parent should ever have to feel that.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:46 am

      Thank you Heather, much appreciated. xx

  40. July 12, 2018 / 5:42 pm

    So sorry to read about your loss and I’m glad that there is a foukndation to help parents go through this pain. It is awful for any parent to experience, especially a mother.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:46 am

      Thank you Kemi, that sense of loss is indescribable, I often feel there are no words to explain that. xx

  41. July 12, 2018 / 5:46 pm

    I’m so sorry for what you had to go through and for such a painful loss.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:47 am

      Thank you Rachel. xxx

  42. Kiwi
    July 12, 2018 / 8:05 pm

    I swear I was not prepared to read all of this today. My heart hurts for your loss and only in a few days will that exact day be here again, but I do hope you have some healing from the loss of Joseph. My sincerest condolences.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:48 am

      Thank you so much Kiwi. It always helps me to share our story and to know that through my words I can raise awareness of baby loss and help others going through the same. He was a very special little boy thats for sure. xx

  43. Joanne
    July 12, 2018 / 8:44 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered a miscarriage just before Christmas and am still heartbroken for my baby that I will never meet. I found it so difficult as it seemed to be such a taboo subject so was an isolating experience.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:50 am

      I am so sorry to hear that Joanne. I think that’s definitely why going through a loss is so isolating, because others find the subject so uncomfortable and in turn we end up feeling guilty for sharing our experiences! This is why the Together For Change campaign is so amazing, we need to break down those taboos. xx

  44. July 12, 2018 / 9:00 pm

    Its just so sad that anyone has to go through this, its completely heart breaking. Thank you for sharing your story though so more people can get the support they need

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:50 am

      Thank you so much for reading. xx

  45. July 13, 2018 / 12:26 am

    Thank you for sharing Joseph’s story and for sharing his pictures. He’s beautiful.
    We lost our first daughter, Braylie, in 2014. In Ontario we have the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network that is a wonderful organization that I just learned of recently. Thank you for sharing this post about Tommy’s. This is a wonderful organization and awareness of pregnancy and infant loss is so important. People really don’t know what to say or how to react and it’s not fair to suffering families that they are expected to grieve in silence.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:52 am

      I am so sorry to hear that Marie, there are no words are there? Sharing our stories is so important, for both our own therapeutic gain and in order to raise awareness and help others. Thank you so much for reading, I know it’s not easy especially when you have your own heartache to carry. xxx

  46. July 13, 2018 / 8:41 am

    Thank you for sharing this sad story or a beautiful little boy. I can only imagine how it felt and that is bad enough x
    #ThatLinkyFriday

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 8:53 am

      Thank you so much for reading David. It means so much to me to have others share Joseph’s story. xx

  47. July 13, 2018 / 9:07 am

    My friend had a little boy named sonny who was stillborn and I will never get over his tiny coffin. I can not describe the heart break. The campaign you are spreading is beautiful xx

  48. Louisa
    July 13, 2018 / 9:40 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine what you went through. Thanks for sharing the story about Tommy and for the awareness/help that this campaign is doing.

  49. July 13, 2018 / 2:30 pm

    Sending massive love. I have 3 friends who have been through very similar experiences and my heart breaks for each and every one of you. Another friend’s mum runs the local SANDS charity and they have been a huge source of support for my friends. #thatfridaylinky

  50. July 13, 2018 / 2:32 pm

    The sight of a tiny white coffin with my Step brother’s beautiful baby boy inside is one which never leaves me. I can’t begin to imagine the pain of it being your own baby inside there. Sending love to you and Joseph xxx #thatfridaylinky

  51. July 14, 2018 / 4:58 am

    Such a touching post and we are sorry for your loss; although we are glad to see you this strong enough to even share your story with us. And again, perfect campaign to even help other moms out there .

  52. July 14, 2018 / 5:25 am

    Thank you for sharing this story. Having a strong support system around you is truly a blessing!

  53. July 14, 2018 / 9:21 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how it feels but I am sending you love and light xx

  54. July 14, 2018 / 2:22 pm

    great cause Laura. This is one of those things that it seems impossible for others to understand the emotional toll without having been through it. heartbreaking

  55. July 14, 2018 / 3:52 pm

    I wish no mother in the world ever suffer from this pain. I am not a mother myself, but I can imagine how hard it would be to say goodbye to a tiny little child. Fortunately, you have now four lovely children with you (and one more in your heart) and you deserve to be happy!

  56. July 14, 2018 / 6:11 pm

    Oh, my heart breaks for you and your family. Losing a child is the hardest thing any parent can experience. I’m glad you were able to hold and say goodbye to your baby.

  57. Linh
    July 15, 2018 / 3:56 am

    I’ve read a lot of miscarriage stories but yours was the most heartbreaking. Every feeling you had for Joseph was so real that even I could feel the pain. I’m glad now that you can finally come to terms with it!

  58. July 15, 2018 / 4:42 am

    This article makes my heart melt. I know it is really hard to those expectant moms. What we can do is give some moral support and let them know that everything happens for a reason and we are just here for them.

  59. July 15, 2018 / 10:02 am

    You always write so beautifully and so honestly. Having lost a child I can relate to what you’ve been through but I suppose we were kind of prepared that Oliver wasn’t going to be forever but I can’t even begin to imagine just how hard giving birth and knowing what the outcome was. Lots of love xx

  60. Tonya Michelle
    July 15, 2018 / 4:51 pm

    Can’t even imagine what you felt and went through, to even share those photos have to be so hard. I’m so sorry you went through this. Praying for your rainbow baby <3

  61. July 16, 2018 / 8:49 am

    Such heartbreaking post, I can’t imagine it ever gets easier. My niece was stillborn after a routine appointment and we still talk about her now, 6 years later. Her two sisters that followed know her name and planted a tree in their yard to remind them of her. #bigpinklink

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