The first time ever I saw your face…
I share photos of my children every single day on Facebook, on Instagram and here on my blog. I am so fiercely proud of all of my children, not only of how beautiful they are but also how sweet, kind and funny they are too. I take thousands of photos to capture the essence of their characters, their personalities shining through on each one, and I store them all away to look back on as they grow. And I will show photos of my children to just about anyone, to perfect strangers I meet at parties, to women I get chatting to in toilets on a night out, to random people whose paths cross mine. I have become that person! Because, and I think all parents will agree, there is nothing nicer than having somebody compliment you on your children, to reinforce what you already know. That they are utterly perfect.
So I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that whilst I am sharing photos of four of my children, there is one little boy whose photos are hidden away, never shared, never seen. And I really struggle with that. I may share a photo of his perfect little toes, or his tiny little hands, but never do I share a photo of the most beautiful little face you could ever see. And why is that? For it is certainly not because I do not wish to share his photos, I would happily show them to anyone who wanted to see. Ultimately, it is because it makes other people feel really uncomfortable, the look on their faces says it all, and that’s very hard to accept.
After Joseph first died I had photos of him all over our home, framed by the side of the bed and on the mantelpiece. And I noticed that when visitors came over they would quickly divert their eyes from his photo, looking anywhere but at my little boy, and that really hurt. When we moved house and packed away all of those photos, I didn’t unpack them in the new house to display again. They were kept in a drawer by the side of my bed, for my own personal viewing, as I didn’t want to make any guests feel uncomfortable. And it feels massively insulting to me, that a baby whom I am so proud of makes others feel that way. I can remember showing his photo to a family member, not long after he had died, who told me, “Oh you can tell there was something wrong with him!”. And comments like that made me feel so ashamed of his photos, as though he was so abhorrent that they should be hidden away and kept private.
A few years ago I shared a post on Facebook, not photos of Joseph, but a link to a photographer who had shared photos of stillborn babies. The photos were so beautiful and such precious memories for their parents to treasure. So to then see a passive aggressive post on a friends status, “Does not want to see dead babies on my news feed!!” had taken me aback and I was so shocked as, to me, these are not photos of dead babies at all. These are photos of our sons and our daughters. They are not harrowing images of babies cast aside in a gutter on the streets of China, nor are they grotesque images of babies suffering horrific deaths in war torn countries. They are babies in arms, lovingly wrapped in a blanket and cradled. They are the moments that you and I shared with all of our children, the first glimpse, the first cuddle. They are snap shots of moments that we will cling to for the rest of our lives. They are quite simply, all that we have.
And I do know of several ladies whose babies were stillborn who do not wish to share their photos with anyone. They believe that these thing are private, that those photos are special just for them, that there is no need for others to see their child. And I completely understand how some people may deal with their loss that way, but, for me, stillbirth isn’t something that should be kept a secret, packed away and never spoken about again. It is the stigma of stillbirth that makes us believe that we should act that way, that wants us to sweep it under the carpet and act as though our babies never existed.
A new friend recently asked me could she see a photo of Joseph and it absolutely made my day. For somebody to want to see a photo of my child, despite the fact that she herself was pregnant and it must have been hugely emotional, really made me happy. And I did show her, with complete and utter pride, and when she told me that he was beautiful, I felt like the proudest Mummy alive. Because that’s all we want to hear isn’t it? That’s all that needs to be said.
Because he was perfect, and I’m not ashamed of him, not in any way whatsoever. And as the years have gone on I feel I have got to a point where I have to say, so what if I offend other people? So what if they feel uncomfortable? This is my child and I have every right to share his photo just as the rest of you do with your own children.
But actually, when it comes down to it, I do feel a little nervous about sharing a photo of Joseph with you all. I have shared so much through my blog already, laid my heart on the line, bared my soul and my darkest secrets. But the thought that some of you may read this and feel uncomfortable, horrified or offended, that really is quite nerve wracking for me. I would hope that those of you who do look at his photo will realise that actually, there is nothing scary about stillbirth. He is simply a baby, sleeping.
I apologise to anybody who may find a photo of my son upsetting but if you do not wish to see, then you do not need to look.
This is my son.
And he was utterly perfect.
I’m at a loss for words…you’re so brave.xxx
I have tears streaming down my face for you and your gorgeous little boy. He just looks like he’s sleeping, and he’s absolutely perfect. That gorgeous little face and button nose…
It’s utterly heartbreaking but I’m so glad you shared this and you’re right, nobody should judge grief.
This is something nobody should have to experience and I’m so sad for you all.
Sending all my love to you.xx
Thank you so much, I actually felt sick when I pressed the “share” button as for such a long time I have felt that I should hide away his little face. He WAS perfect wasn’t he? And anyone who finds him anything other than that needs not look. Thank you for reading my lovely. xxx
I can imagine you felt sick – you couldn’t lay yourself any more bare but it’s so important for you to do this, and I’m sure others who have gone through this will completely understand.
Anyway, this is your little space on the World Wide Web, you write what you want to write and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.
He was perfect. Little Joseph is so loved by you all and that will never change.
As I said, I think you’re very brave and anyone that doesn’t want to look, that’s their prerogative. You didn’t want to have to see this either but those are the cards you were dealt and this is how you’re dealing with it.
So many hugs to you.xxx
Thank you, that is so true. I think it’s so important for people to see that stillbirth isn’t scary, they are still just babies, just like yours and mine. I’m sure there will be some who find it too painful to look at but as you say, I live with this pain every single day and I shouldn’t have to hide away one of my children for others benefit. Thanks again. xx
<3
I wonder if some of those guests averted their eyes because they weren't sure what exactly to say.
I don't know how I would be if I ever had a loss, but I feel like I would be the person displaying pictures.
Your little boy existed. His picture should have a place on the wall with his siblings.
You’re right Laura, he’s beautiful, absolutely perfect. Thank you for sharing him with us xxxxx
Thank you so, so much. xxx
Thank you for sharing with us, he’s gorgeous x Your message is so important. I’m glad I got a chance to pop by today.
Thank you so much for reading. Means a lot. xx
Ahhh Laura, he’s lovely. I felt so teary reading this post. I can not begin to imagine how you coped with the loss of Joseph but I think you’re right, he should be remembered with photos because that’s all you have. I have several friends who have gone through the same thing and they all treasure and post photos. If others can’t handle it then that’s THEIR problem.
I was talking to my mum today whose cousin had a twin that died soon after birth but has never been able to track down where she was buried because 40 or 50 years ago babies that died were treated so differently. Even her own father didn’t know where she was buried. That’s shocking and terrible to think of now. Keep remembering and posting your photos. xxx
Thank you so much. I know that my ex husbands Nana had a baby who was stillborn and he/she was simply taken from her and that was that. She never got to see them or not the sex, and the babies were simply thrown into the grave of whoever had died that week. It’s horrific, thank god that things have changed. Xx
So beautifully written but so heartbreakingly sad. He is gorgeous with the most perfect button nose. Be proud, be so very proud x
Thank you so much. I am so, so proud. Always. Xxx
What a beautifully written post. Baby Joseph was absolutely perfect, I’m so sorry for your loss Laura xx
Thank you Emma. He truly was. xxx
Adorable and absolutely perfect xx
Thank you so much. xxx
Such a sweet perfect little boy. I’m so sorry for your loss but am happy that you finally felt comfort in sharing his memory like you wanted. He is beautiful.
Thank you so much. Just to hear others say that means the world to me. Xx
What a beautiful little boy. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m so happy that you’re keeping his memory alive xxxx #bigpinklink
Thank you. It’s a huge comfort to share his memory on my blog. Xx
I had a friend who last year gave birth to her sleeping baby and when I went to the hospital I got to hold and meet her little boy. Others made comments about her situation as well however I felt extremely privileged to meet him. It meant I could support her as a friend should. She openly talks about him and shares her pictures with us. Joseph will always be a part of you and should be remembered through photographs and memories of when you met him for the first time. X
I am so sorry to hear about your friends baby, how devastating. I am so glad that you were there for your friend and went to meet her little boy. You sound like an amazing friend. Thank you so much for reading. Xx
Beautiful. A gorgeous sleeping beauty. It’s lovely to put a face to the feet, hands and name. I love this post and I love your pride in all your scrumptious children. Lucy xxxx
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. Xxx
No one should ever make you feel like you should hide him away. He is your son. He is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing his photograph. Such a moving post xxx
Thank you so much, for reading and your lovely comment. Xx
Oh, Laura, it’s heartbreaking, but it is not disturbing. He looks like he is sleeping, and he is very, very beautiful. Also, in my opinion, this is your loss and it is not for anyone else to tell you what you can share of it. It isn’t your responsibility to protect other people. We all ultimately have the choice not to read, not to look and not to listen if we don’t want to. Though, personally, if someone wants me and anyone else to hear about and see their beloved baby, then I would like to do so – after all that is the only thing you can really do for someone in that situation, you can’t make it better, but you can listen. I am glad that you have your photos – he was perfect, as you say.
Thank you so much lovely, that really does mean so much to me. This blog is about ALL of my children and so it feels only right that I share my memories of Joseph, and his photos, and the heartbreaking truth is that this is all I have, so it’s this….or nothing? I’m so touched that his photo has been so well received, has really made me happy. xxx
I for one am really glad you have shared a picture of your handsome son. It is yours to share. Whilst I may be crying that is more because I feel bad that you ever worried about making other people uncomfortable, when they should have been worrying about making you comfortable. Oh and I cry at everything, there’s that too!! Sending love and hugs. xx #TheBabyFormula
Ahh thank you so much, that’s really so sweet of you. These comments have honestly made me so happy. Xxx
I’m glad you shared with us all. It must feel horrible for people to not want to to see Joseph when he is your son. He does just look like he is asleep. That was my first thought. And so beautiful and peaceful. I hope people so look at him and see this too. Brave post to share and thanks for doing so with #bestandworst xx
Thank you Sarah. I always admit that when I first gave birth to Joseph I was absolutely terrified to look at him, I was so scared of what he might look like. It was only when I dared to open my eyes that I realised that he looked no different to my other children, just sleeping so very soundly. I wish I had known there was nothing to be afraid of, and I wish I had been braver over the years and shared his photos more readily. Thank you for reading and for hosting, as always. Xxx
As a mum who lost a little boy too I can totally relate to your post and shocked and saddened by some of the reactions you got. I’m not on facebook for similar reasons. Oliver will never be forgotten, just like Joseph won’t, and we’ll always have photos of him in our house regardless of what people think.
Lots of love x #bestandworst
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your little boy, I just had a look and he was absolutely adorable! I have no idea how you survive that, I’m sure, like me, you ask yourself the same question each day.
People can be so cruel can’t they? As devastating as it was to lose Joseph, I am grateful that it made me a much more understanding and sympathetic person. I would never judge how another parent grieves or find a photo of a precious baby anything other than beautiful. Thank you so much for reading. Xxx
I’m so sorry to read about your loss and the awful comments you’ve had to deal with. Your strength, courage and pride in every single one of your children is so obvious in this post, thank you for sharing. #bestandworst
Thank you. I am so proud of my children, all five of them. It saddens me that I have so little to share about Josephs short life and yet what I do have, it is an honour to share with you all. Xx
Hi Laura,
I’m 100% behind you in being proud of your beautiful son. I think it is sometimes all too easy for others to forget those babies were real children, that we carried, loved, delivered, held in our arms and kissed goodnight, because they cannot visualise them.
Thank you xxx
#bestandworst
Thank you so much. You have hit the nail on the head there. For so many, in their heads, a “still born baby” was not a “real baby”. I hope that this photo shows those people that these babies were, and are, every bit as real as the babies we were lucky enough to take home. I also hope that it shows others that there is nothing to be scared of at looking at babies born sleeping. They are every bit as perfect as those born kicking and screaming. Thanks again for your lovely supportive comment. Xxx
He is just perfect. Like you say, utterly perfect, and I feel privileged to have seen this picture of your precious boy. I think, as somebody else commented, some people haven’t yet worked out how they feel about death, and to hide their feelings, they can make ridiculous and inappropriate comments. I would be the sort of person who would ask to see a picture, and want to hear you chat about him-a treasured member of your family. But for those not comfortable with the concept, that is for them to work through, and doesn’t mean you should protect them by putting pictures of Joseph away. I hope you continue to share your beautiful boy. Thank you so much for sharing with #bigpinklink
Laura this is such an emotional and brave post which brought tears to my eyes. Joseph is beautiful and please show your pictures with pride. What a lovely Mummy you are. Sending lots of love x
Thank you so much, I am so touched by how lovely you have all been. It’s an honour to share him with you all. Xxx
I am really not good with saying the right words a lot of times and I am wishing that I would say the right words this time. He is beautiful. Every photo is lovely and I am sure cherished forever as this is the short moment that you were able to touch and see him. I am a mother and when I see his photos I ache because I can only imagine how hard it is to lose a child. #MadMidWeek
And that is all you need to say, thank you so much. xxx
Beautiful Joseph – and so many more beautiful pictures and moments missed. I love your writing, it always is what I feel but worded far more eloquently.
I had pics everywhere too and it was a similar reaction. I am working on a large frame/collage now as a little memory to Poppy. x
Thank you Mary. Sometimes there just are no words are there? I’m going to re-frame all of my photos and hang them everywhere, and why not? Thanks for reading. xxx
This post just ripped my heart out – as I read your post, I was thinking I do hope you will share a picture of Joseph and you did – Beautiful Joseph indeed. He is very much a part of you as your other children. I am very much touched by your post and honoured that you are sharing your journey with us. Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything
Aww thank you honey, I’m so glad that you wanted me to share this photo, I would hate to think that anyone would read about him and not want to see his little face. Thank you for being so lovely. xxx
Beautiful post and lovely photos of a precious little soul. My friend carried her baby to full term and had a still born little girl. I still look at photos of her. It is nothing to be ashamed of and I don’t understand why people wouldn’t want to see a photo of a gorgeous little baby who was born to play with the stars in the sky. I love this post so much and wish more people would share photos of their little bright stars. Lots of love and thank you for linking up #abitofeverything xxx
Oh I’m so sorry to hear about your friends daughter, how utterly devastating. I agree, I wish more people would share their photos so that more people would realise that there is nothing to be scared of. Thank you so much for reading. xx
Oh Laura, I feel terrible reading your post, some people are so inconsiderate, I really feel so terrible that people should make you want to hide your gorgeous son’s photos, it’s none of their business, it’s your home and your son. I’ve known for some time how proud you are of all your children, and that pride shines through your post. Joseph is so well remembered and you’re right you have to live your life as you want, cope how you cope, and smile when you want to smile. A beautiful boy, thank you for sharing on #theBabyFormula
Ahh thank you so much, that really does mean so much. I think it’s fear for a lot of people isn’t it? They don’t want to see something that makes their fears all the more real, but for us grieving parents, it can be really hurtful. Thanks for reading. xxx
He is perfect, and you are so brave. He must be so proud of you xxx
Thank you so much, I really hope that he is. xxx
I read this last night (Easter Sat) and it definitely wasn’t the sugar comedown that made me cry and cry. Have been thinking about it a lot in the early hours too as the clocks go forward and I sit listening to my children waking up. What an incredibly brave post and one I hope millions and millions of people read! I think I just tweeted that Joseph ‘was’ beautiful but that’s wrong and I’m sorry: he ‘is’ beautiful and obviously very much part of your family. Thank you so much for sharing the photograph. He is, as mumzilla says above, perfect. xxx
Ahh thank you so much. I’m so sorry that it made you cry, but it’s always lovely to know that someone was thinking of my boy. Thank you for reading. xxx
I’m glad it did! It is a beautiful post. Hope you had a great day today and happy Easter. xxx
Happy Easter to you too. xxx
What a beautiful post and a beautiful little boy. You should never be ashamed of photos of him – he was a little person and should always be remembered. If people have a problem with it then tough – it’s their problem! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
Thank you so much, that’s exactly the attitude that I need to adopt, comments like these have really reminded me of that. xxx
Oh gosh, this post gave me goosebumps and I am actually sat here crying. Joseph is beautiful, he just looks like he is asleep. I feel so bad people have made you feel like you can’t display a picture of your son in your own home. Thank you for sharing it with us all, it was very brave.xx #mg
Ahh thank you Wendy, I’m so sorry to have made you cry but thank you. Means a lot. Xx
I first saw that little hand and those gorgeous toes and I was in awe of the cuteness and as I read your post I went through a range of emotions, I couldn’t believe what was said to you and how you were made to feel, my heart broke for you. When I reached the bottom and saw his beautiful face I could not stop looking at how perfect he was, it must have been so hard to have to ever let him out of your arms. He is perfect! I feel so proud of you, I can not imagine how nervous you felt posting this, but you did it and I am so glad you did, he is your son, part of your beautiful family always, he will always be loved and missed xx
So much of what we deal with is second guessing other people’s reactions and it gets tiring.
We had a similar discussion when it came to selling our home about whether we should hide the photos or the urn during viewings. We decided to keep them.on show. It was still our home and they are still part of the family.
The last bit is important. As you say, for many of us these photos are all we have to remind us that they were here, that they exist and they matter.
Thank you for sharing.
#mg
I agree with you and can’t relate but also feel that is our sons and daughters that is a baby who was loved, carried and cared for and those moments you had with him were the most precious in all the world. You are so brave and strong for standing up and saying wait a minute it’s not dead babies in our news feeds these are precious loved moments for those parents. Your gorgeous little boy, good for you for showing him off. Thanks for linking up to Share With me #sharewithme
Thanks Jenny. It was a really tough post to share but from the reaction, I am SO glad that I did. Everyone has been so lovely, and all I ever wanted to hear, all ANY parent ever wants to hear, is that he was a beautiful baby. I am such a proud mummy. Thanks for hosting. xxx
I felt emotional reading your post and as soon as I see your beautiful little boy, I was teary eyed… As a parent, we are always proud of our own children no matter what happen, they always remain in our hearts forever. Lovely post! #justanotherlinky
Aww thank you so much. You’re so right, I am so proud of ALL of my children, it has been such an honour to share Joseph on here and have such lovely comments about him. Thanks for reading. xx
Firstly, I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby and secondly, for anyone that has a problem with seeing photographs of your son or of anyone else’s babies, it is completely their own problem and their own issue! When people divert their eyes from such photographs, I imagine its more to do with them just not knowing what to say and not because of them being offended. I don’t think anyone who has never experienced still birth will ever understand and people just don’t know how to deal with it sometimes. You should be extremely proud of yourself for coming through such a terrible time and should show off your son as much as you want to, regardless of other peoples ill-informed comments and opinions
#PicnMix
Thank you so much. I think most of the time that is absolutely right, I don’t think that people mean to insult me with their reaction, it is simply a case of not wanting to look through fear or upset or to have to accept that these tragedies do happen. There have been a few who have visibly recoiled at his photos, I had one family member go as far as saying, “Urgh, I cant look at that” which has stayed with me ten years later. To me, I look at him and I see my son, my baby boy who was utterly perfect, I suppose that is all that matters. Thank you so much for your lovely comment, much appreciated. xx
People just don’t think before they speak or act unfortunately and I’m so sorry that has happened to you. Never feel you need to hide your son away, ever x
Thank you, I don’t plan to. Xx
Wow. You are so brave.
And your son, little Joseph, he was absolutely perfect <3 I can see why you don't hesitate to share him at all, what a beautiful little boy to be so proud of. They say that you don't actually die until someone says your name for the very last time. And, look at all these people gathered to talk about your little Joseph.
Be proud, mama <3
#FabFridayPost
Oh thank you so much, I LOVE that saying, I have never heard it before!! This is exactly why I write about Joseph, the more people who read about my little boy the longer his memory lives on. Thank you so much for reading and helping me to keep his memory alive. xx
I’m so glad you posted this and shared his beautiful face with us in that photo. I wish I had photos of two of my boys and I treasure the photos I have of their younger two brothers. I also moved those photos because I couldn’t bear people’s reactions, but they have pride of place upstairs and they mean the world to us and their younger sister Rachel who sees them everyday. Special friends get to see these photos, they’re not hidden but they’re specially placed and that for us works. Thanks for allowing me to think through this decision again and be happy with it still; and for allowing me to share in your son’s beauty.
Thank you Emma, it has been lovely to share this and receive such positive responses. I am so glad that you have your photos to share with your friends and family, they are priceless aren’t they? But yes, the reactions of others are very hard to face at times. It has taken me a long time to reach a point where I am able to finally stand up and say this is MY son and I wont hide him away just because others find his photos uncomfortable. He was perfect, he IS perfect, and I wont be made to feel otherwise. Thank you for understanding although I am so sorry that you know how this feels. Much love. xxx
Thank you for sharing your beautiful boy with us, I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have been through that. Every parent thinks their baby is the most beautiful thing and so they should and you should be no different. Im so
sorry people have made you feel ashamed or embarrassed of his pictures. Some people are just cruel and narrow minded. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix
Thank you so much. It has been such a huge relief to hear these lovely comments about Joseph, I was so afraid that this would be received badly. Thanks again. xx
There is no need to apologise. None at all. You have every right to share your perfect little man. He is utterly beautiful. I have tears all over my eyes streaming down my face I have to say I am a little angry to those that would said such a thing about showing stillborn photos online. They are as you have said are just a baby sleeping. Thank you so much for sharing your emotional post with us on #FabFridayPost Big Hugs to you. XXXX
Thank you so much my lovely, I’m sorry I made you cry but I’m so honoured to share him with you. xxx
Oh you have made me cry (again) with your beautiful words. And your gorgeous boy! I think it’s wonderful that you want to share his photo because he is your son and it’s the most natural thing in the world to look at pictures of him and share them with others. I cannot believe someone said such a crass and horrible thing about seeing photos of stillborn babies. Those are people’s children, their loves. #coolmumclub
Thank you so much. And sorry I made you cry – AGAIN!!! xxx
Oh sweetheart I can not even imagine how this must have felt losing him, but as so many have said you have no reason to hide his photos. They mean so much to you and he looks so peaceful and perfect. Ignore what others say, sadly some lack the compassion gene! Thank you for linking up to #PicknMix with such a brave post.
Stevie xx
Thank you so much Stevie, that’s so lovely of you to say. xxx
Once again I admire your courage and bravery. Joseph was beautiful and you should share his picture. His exsistence deserves to be recognised and celebrated. I’m so sorry that he was taken from you. #CoolMumClub
Thank you so much. I am so, so happy that others have said such lovely things about him. xx
Thank you for sharing such an emotional and brave post, Joseph was beautiful xx
Thank you so much xxx
Back again from #coolmumclub – thank you for linking this beautiful post
Amazing skin-tingling post. I think it’s brilliant that we have been able to see Joseph too thanks for sharing his photo with us and thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
Ahh thank you, and thank you for hosting. xxx
This made me cry. What a beautiful little baby boy. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Ahh I’m so sorry!! But thank you for reading. xxx
He was a beautiful and handsome little bubba. What a brave lady you are xx
Ahh thank you so much, he really was. xx
This is a beautifully written piece that brought a tear to my eye, as I’m sure it will to many others. I can’t claim to know or understand what it must be like to experience a stillbirth, but I do feel that it something that needs to be talked about and acknowledged. I will be sharing this.
Thank you so much. It really is SO important to talk about it, we cant just pretend that stillbirth doesn’t happen or that these babies didn’t exist. Thank you for reading. xx
Absolutely Beautiful wee boy xxxx Well done you on having the courage to post this. I think I saw that post on facebook about sleeping babies and I thought the pictures were beautiful. Xxx Kathy
Thanks Kathy, it was really difficult for me to share this one, I was really nervous of the reaction. Thankfully it has been so positive and reminded me that people can be so lovely and kind. xx
A beautiful article.
Just because your baby died why can’t you share a picture?
It’s normal to see pics of parents cuddling baby’s so what does it matter if they are alive or not?!
That does really get to me and I’ve not experienced a stillbirth.
My sister in laws sister in law (confused much!) lost her baby at around 20weeks or so and had to birth him. I’ve been told she has photos of him around the house. I don’t see anything wrong with this as its your child 🙂
And he is gorgeous.
Thank you so much. That’s exactly it isn’t it, everyone else shares photos of their baby, why not mine? Writing this post was so liberating for me, it made me realise that there is no need to hide Joseph away or be made to feel guilty that others find it uncomfortable, he was absolutely perfect and it’s lovely to know that others think so too. xxx
Beautiful boy. Beautiful post. You are one mighty mom! <3
Thank you so much. xxx
Thank you for sharing your beautiful son with us. He is perfect and anyone who cannot appreciate his perfection probably doesn’t deserve to see such a treasured photo. I have photos in my house of my son from the 8 months he was alive and I’ve encountered a few people who haven’t been able to look at those. I’ll never excuse remembering my son so good for you for doing the same x
I’m so sorry to hear that about your son, how utterly devastating that must have been for you, and I imagine still is. He was so perfect, it has been lovely to hear that others feel the same. Thank you. xxx
Oh gosh, he was so cute! I’m so sorry for your loss. You have every right to be proud. Thank you for a beautiful post xxx
Ahh thank you so much. It means so much to me that others can see his beauty. xxx
Only just read this…..made me so emotional
Joseph certainly should be shared he’s just gorgeous…..you are blessed to have photos to treasure I would too have them all around the house…..he is very much a part of your family lots of love xxxx
Thank you so much Sarah, that’s really lovely of you to say so. He was so beautiful. xxx
He is utterly beautiful I would have his photos all over the house. He is to beautiful not to share. Thank you for sharing him with us xxx
How beautiful your words are.
How beautiful your soul is.
How courageous you are!
It’s been days since I read your post, and it’s taken me this long to come up with words.
I have been simply speechless!!
At our core, we are all the same. We may have different journeys, or choose different paths, but at the end of the day we are the same.
We may not know how to express ourselves in the moment, but we all have a beating heart that cares, really cares, whether we can admit it or not, even to ourselves.
Grief is difficult to face. Us humans try to avoid talking about death. It’s the fear of the unknown. Our culture is afraid of death.
But death is a part of life, it’s all around us, and yet, in our own lives and relationships, we avoid talking about it until or unless it is impossible to do so.
I think we all care, even those people who acted cold and cruel on facebook. But in the moment when something is this difficult to face, or talk about, or understand, we choose to turn our back, and not show our true faces.
It hurts! It hurts to face pain. So we try to avoid it. Pease know that no one wants to be cold or cruel. But when we don’t know how to deal with something, we go back to our childhood ways and act out.
It takes an enormous amount of courage to show your pain, and share those feelings with anyone.
How brave you are. How beautiful you are to show your pain.
I must have spent hours and hours crying after seeing the picture of Joseph. That beautiful face!! Those beautiful lips. How even I, a perfect stranger, long to see them move and make a sound.
My little boy was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. He is seven now, and he is non verbal. How much time I have spent crying, wishing things could be different and he could talk.
Reading your post made me feel ashamed. I feel horrible because at least my little boy is with me. Here I am spending so much time crying because he can’t talk.
Do you know how precious you are for sharing your post?
Do you know that in the process of helping yourself heal, you are helping so many!!!!!
Please know that no matter how cruel us humans behave, at our core we all love and care. But when we were not taught how to deal with pain, we act in cruel ways.
The individuals on facebook only showed how unequipped they are with handling this level of reality and pain. Facing the truth can be the hardest thing sometimes!
Your post was the most heart breaking, and the most beautiful thing I have ever come across.
You and Joseph will always have a special place in my heart.
I will always remember Joseph’s face.
It’s been engraved in my heart and soul.
Thank you so much for your comment, I have to admit I cried happy tears to hear your kind words about my boy. Nothing makes me happier than having others see our son for the perfect little baby he was, it means the world to me that you would take time out of your day to look at his photos and read our posts. Thank you SO much.
You are so right, I do not think that anyone is deliberately unkind about this kind of thing, I think it’s about fear and not wanting to look at something which reminds you as a parent how fragile life can be. I totally understand that, I was terrified to look at Joseph myself for the first few moments, it was only when I held him and realised how perfect he was that my fears disappeared. I hope by sharing his photo I can educate others that although it is indeed heartbreaking, a baby born sleeping is just as beautiful as those born with their eyes wide open.
I am sure raising your son has its difficulties, I think parenting is the hardest job in all the world, without added hurdles to overcome. You sound like the most incredible Mummy, if your son has even half of your level of compassion and understanding he will go far in life. Lots of love. xxx