For Harry, On Your First Day Of Primary School

Harry,

Well here we are, your first day of school, and I can’t quite believe that my baby boy, my last little Dove, is leaving me for five days each week. And whilst I’ve always known that, as the baby of the family, this would be my hardest goodbye, I didn’t realise it would come around quite so fast.

When Eva started school two years ago I consoled myself with the fact that I still had you and Meggy at home each day and, when Meggy joined her the following year, I was comforted by your little hand in mine. I can still remember how you had wiped away my tears, snuggled up beside me, and told me, “You’ve still got me Mummy.”

And so tomorrow, as I wave you goodbye and return home alone, I already know that my heart will be breaking that this finally marks the end of our pre-school years; that after six long years at home with you all, I am finally being made redundant. And I am going to miss you so much.

You, my beautiful little boy, were never a part of our plans. When I fell pregnant again, with Megan just 3 months old and Eva 18 months, we genuinely wondered how we would ever cope with 3 under 3. family of 6. My pregnancy was fraught with worry, even more so as we learned that we would have a son, and I was convinced we would never be lucky enough to have you arrive safely into our arms, to take you home and live a long and happy life together.

When you were born, completely grey and silent, I genuinely believed that history was repeating itself all over again. And when you spent those first few weeks in NICU, a machine to help you breathe, your tiny little body covered in tubes and wires, it simply reinforced my belief that we had tempted fate by adding to our family, that we had asked for too much in wanting another little boy to love.

And yet slowly but surely you opened your eyes, you ripped out that feeding tube, and you started to breathe on your own. And on the day we finally brought you home, the proudest parents in all the world, I knew that you were special – our bonus baby, the missing piece of our jigsaw, our little piece of Heaven. 

You are undoubtedly, the most beautiful, loving, hilarious little boy in all the world, and over the last four years you have been a shining light through a really difficult time for me. Through so many ups and downs we have had the most incredible four years together – the six of us, the four of us, and lately, just the two of us. And I have loved every single moment with you.

Over the last twelve months, with the girls in school and in-between your 15 hours of pre-school, we have had two and a half days a week just for the two of us. And we have had the most fun together. Whether we’ve been playing at dinosaurs, watching Paw Patrol, singing songs from ‘The Greatest Showman’, or exploring in the woods, your enthusiasm and zest for life is contagious. I can’t imagine how quiet my days are going to be without the sound of your laughter, how empty my arms will feel without your cuddles, or how lonely I will be without you by my side.

At the start of the Summer I promised you that we would have the Summer of our lives, enjoying every single moment together, creating as many memories as possible, and we have done exactly that.

You’ve rode on aeroplanes, ferries, tractors and donkeys; enjoyed holidays in Spain, Dorset, Jersey and Lincolnshire. You’ve built sandcastles on Spanish beaches, jumped waves on Jersey shores, rode rollercoasters at Paulton’s Park, climbed trees on the farm, basked in the heatwave, sheltered from storms, and eaten your body weight in ice creams. And then some. 

You’ve visited castles, lighthouses and zoos, seen tigers and lions and ‘real life dinosaurs’; you’ve played on a whole host of playgrounds, visited countless parks and beaches, stayed in some of the most amazing hotels, and you have laughed and smiled through all of it.

But my favourite moments are the ones which were just for you and I, when you slipped your little hand into mine, or you crawled up onto my lap and rested your head against my chest; when you told me, with those big brown eyes gazing into mine, that I was your best friend in all the world.

And you, my beautiful baby boy, will always be mine.

Because deep down I know that you are more than ready for ‘big school’ and I can see just how excited you are to be joining your big sisters – God knows they are excited to have you there too. I know that you will flourish under the care of your teacher, that you will endear yourself to every single child and member of staff at school (how could they not love you!), that you will take it all in your stride, as you do with whatever life throws at you, and that school will be the making of you, giving you a real outlet for your imagination and feeding your hunger to learn.

And whilst I do know all of that, when I look at you I still see that baby boy who I held in my arms just moments ago, and I am so sad that the years have gone by so fast.

And so tomorrow, as you put on your uniform and head into school, forgive me if my heart breaks just a little. Excuse the lump in my throat as I hold you close, my shaking hand as I wave you goodbye, and the tears which will inevitably fall as you disappear from view.

You have been my greatest adventure Harrison Joseph. My very best friend, my little piece of heaven, my very last little Dove.

And I am so very proud of you, always.

Love you all the stars in the sky

Mummy

xxxxxx

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37 Comments

  1. September 3, 2018 / 4:48 pm

    What an exciting time for him! While it will be a BIG adjustment for you try and take comfort in knowing that he is going to have a great time and go on all sorts of new adventures!

  2. September 3, 2018 / 5:45 pm

    aww bless him Harry looks so smart in his uniform , hope he have a fantastic year in primary

  3. September 3, 2018 / 7:37 pm

    He looks s happy in his uniform, it is hard when they are all in school, I hated it when mine first went but I soon stopped clock watching and getting to the school far too early. Hope he has a great day x

  4. September 3, 2018 / 8:01 pm

    Harry looks so smart in his school uniform. Wish him all the luck for the primary. i
    It’s a big change for you too, try to busy yourself in other household chores. Wish you luck too..!! All his pics are so amazing.

  5. September 3, 2018 / 8:19 pm

    Oh my goodness you nearly made me cry! What a beautiful post to read. I hope Harry has a wonderful first day at School. My girls are going into Year 3 and 9 this year. They grow up so fast.

  6. Monique Cláudia
    September 3, 2018 / 10:52 pm

    Auwwn ??..they grow up so fast. I wish him everything good the world as to offer in this new journey.

  7. September 4, 2018 / 2:19 am

    this photos are beautiful, your kids are too especially those twins they look so cute i bet you will really miss them

  8. September 4, 2018 / 5:31 am

    It must be so strange knowing he’s off to school and that you’ll have no one there during the day x

  9. September 4, 2018 / 6:22 am

    Doesn’t he look handsome in his school uniform! Exciting times ahead, and yet, it’s always a bit bitter sweet to wave them off at the school gates. Sending all the luck to you for this week Laura xxx

  10. September 4, 2018 / 8:12 am

    Oh Laura you made me cry! Jake goes this week too and it’s a mixture of emotions because he won’t be home with me anymore but like you say, they are ready to go. Sob!

  11. September 4, 2018 / 8:27 am

    He looks so smart and cute in his uniform! Hope he has a fantastic first day at school!

  12. September 4, 2018 / 8:30 am

    If only there was a slow down button. I hope it goes well…for you, I’m sure it will for him 🙂 Beautiful post and gorgeous photos.

  13. September 4, 2018 / 9:42 am

    These are such beautiful photos. I pinned this post. Don’t cry too much, mama. He’ll always need you!

  14. September 4, 2018 / 10:31 am

    That photo of him when he was less than 1 year is so damn cute. <3 He looks smart in uniform

  15. Elizabeth O
    September 4, 2018 / 11:33 am

    I hope Harry has a wonderful first day of school. This was such a beautiful post indeed. Gorgeous photos.

  16. September 4, 2018 / 11:39 am

    The letter is soo deep and thoughtful, your son should read this when he grows then he will realize how his mom loved him!

  17. September 4, 2018 / 2:50 pm

    This brought a tear to my eye because I still remember when my last baby went off to kindergarten. He’s now in the 6th grade but reading your post brought those memories back instantly. I wish you well and your boy looks so happy. Here’s to a knew chapter in all of your lives:)

  18. September 4, 2018 / 7:06 pm

    Can’t believe how quickly he’s grown up! That’s crazy. Sounds like he’s had a whale of a time over summer and will love school.

  19. September 4, 2018 / 8:32 pm

    That was beautiful, its such a mixed bag of emotions. I look back on the things we have done with Lucas over the past 3 and a half years with such fondness. He’ll love school

  20. September 4, 2018 / 8:56 pm

    Such a beautiful post, totally captured my hearts with your words and beautiful photos of Harry. He is so blessed to have you in his life.

  21. September 4, 2018 / 9:32 pm

    Awww, what a beautiful letter! My youngest starts school next year – we’ve dropped his Friday sessions at nursery, and have reclaimed Friday mornings as “mummy& me” time. Looking forward to spending some quality time with him before school life catches up with him.

  22. September 4, 2018 / 10:08 pm

    Harry is so cute and adorable. The letter is just so adorable and a bag full of emotions. All the best Harry !!!

  23. September 5, 2018 / 10:11 am

    Beautiful words as always Laura. It is so, so bittersweet to watch them grow the way they do. And to see how awfully fast it goes. But you have so many more years of lovely memories to come xx

  24. September 5, 2018 / 12:16 pm

    Awww, such beautiful memories and photos. I think your special alone moments with him are going to be even more precious now.

  25. September 5, 2018 / 1:55 pm

    Lovely thought and emotions, as always. I can just imagine how hard it must be to be apart for so many hours with he baby of the family. My youngest is 10 now, and I still miss him terribly at the oddest of times. But I miss the others too, even if they don’t! Thankfully, we homeschool.

  26. kim
    September 5, 2018 / 5:06 pm

    Such a sweet post with beautiful photos! I hope his day was wonderful!

  27. September 5, 2018 / 5:33 pm

    Good luck at big school Harry – how lucky are you that you will have your big sisters there too

  28. September 5, 2018 / 6:43 pm

    It must feel so strange to reach this moment and realize this is the last one which will be going off to school. To realize that there will not be another send off like this. I think I would definitely be shedding a tear or two. I just had the one so it was strange and new and I didn’t know I wouldn’t have another at the time. So I didn’t have that moment of a monumental time passing I guess.

  29. September 5, 2018 / 11:24 pm

    As a father of four grown adults there does come a time when they still keep returning home and you feel like, “ok you can leave now.” Lol

  30. September 6, 2018 / 2:53 am

    Harry sounds like a wonderful young man. I hope he has a fabulous first day and makes friends 🙂

  31. Wendy
    September 6, 2018 / 8:07 pm

    Firstly, you sound like you’ve had the most amazing summer ever!!! I bet it must be so hard to wave your last baby off to school, it sounds like he’s going to really love it there though. I guess there’s going to be an adjustment period but then you will all get used to the new normal. Absolutely stunning photos in this post lovely xx

  32. September 8, 2018 / 12:48 pm

    Aw, such a wonderful post. I’ll sure he’ll love school x

  33. September 8, 2018 / 2:10 pm

    Aww what an amazing letter and I am sure he will read it one day and feel all the love that he am sure has everyday.

  34. September 10, 2018 / 12:25 pm

    What a beautiful post and it looks like you had a fantastic summer too. I hope he’s enjoying school. xxx

  35. Elise
    September 14, 2018 / 6:29 am

    I felt the same way when My first born child finally had to go to school. The first time that I saw her in her uniform, excited and smiling I felt that that is the day that I would let my child go out and explore the world without me. As I waved goodbye to her I felt the lump in my throat and once I got home, I am crying, mixed emotions, you know! Happy and sad at the same time.

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