Life after Loss: a grateful heart

The last couple of weeks have been tough, I’ve been feeling all kinds of emotions, none of which I can find the words to explain exactly how so. I think if I was asked for one word to sum up how I have been feeling, I would simply say, sad. 

I’m sad that for the last few weeks I have scrolled through social media, or looked out of my window, and seen all of the children heading off to high school on their very first day, knowing that my son is not.

It’s hard for me to imagine that tiny little baby who I held in my arms all dressed up in a shirt and tie, his blazer sleeves trailing by his finger tips, a rucksack almost as big as he.

It’s hard to imagine how I would have straightened his collar, kissed his cheek, told him to have a wonderful day and watched him walk away with his big brother, another milestone passed.

It’s impossible to imagine a moment such as that without feeling a familiar lump in my throat, the dull ache in my belly, the longing to know, even for just one moment, what he would have been like.

And whilst I have gone about my days as normal, a smile on my face, laughing and joking with the children, I have struggled with that sadness, battling between the feeling of wanting to wallow in it for a moment longer and searching for a point where it doesn’t hurt quite so much.

For a long time I saw our loss as something that was just devastating and tragic, something that had destroyed our lives in a number of ways. When we lost Joseph there was such an out pouring of grief that any joy at meeting him, any pride at how utterly perfect he was, that this beautiful little boy was finally here in our arms, was completely over shadowed by the sadness that he wasn’t ours to keep.

Back then, if you had asked me to describe how I felt about Joseph I would have told you, without a moments hesitation, that I felt cheated. I would have told you just how much I missed him, how my heart ached with the weight of our loss, how every second of every day pained me to accept that he was not here.

I would have told you that I felt sorry that I couldn’t save him, that we didn’t get to take him home, to watch him grow, that in losing him we lost the future we had planned and the life we had known.

And it is only over recent weeks I have realised that rather than feeling sorry, it is far easier, and far healthier, to feel grateful.

And I am grateful; for that indescribable feeling of joy when we saw those two lines on a test, for the first time we saw him on a scan, for the first time I felt those gentle kicks. I’m grateful for the happiness we felt at learning we would have another son, how adorable it had been for Lewis to kiss my belly and exclaim, “Joses!”.

I’m grateful for the days we decorated the nursery, for our excitement at picking out all of those outfits we had hoped he would wear, the months we spent agonising over his name, lying awake night after night imagining all that he would be.

I’m grateful for the moment he came silently into the world, for the precious hours we spent together, for every single second of holding him in my arms, drinking him all in, making memories to last a lifetime. I’m grateful that we were blessed with a baby so beautiful, so perfect and so utterly precious as he.

So whilst I’m sorry that we had to say goodbye, that hearts were broken and dreams destroyed, I will always be grateful that he was mine, that moments were shared and memories made. I am grateful that right now, eleven years down the line, I am everything I am supposed to be and exactly where I am meant to be.

There’s a beautiful quote I read this week which resonated so loudly with me,

“Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is.”

~Mandy Hale

And with four beautiful babies in my arms, I’m ready to move forward with a grateful heart, finally letting go of some of that sadness, learning to accept that, although life has undoubtedly been tough and there will still be days when our loss is all consuming, it is possible to be happy, to enjoy every moment, and to find peace in a life after loss.

 

 

 

 

DIY Daddy
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161 Comments

  1. September 21, 2017 / 11:59 pm

    This was absolutely beautiful and I love how you are able to focus on being grateful and remembering the good. #ThatFridayLinky

    • Laura Dove
      September 22, 2017 / 8:38 am

      Thank you Heather. It’s been a long time coming, I think I’ll always have days when life is hard, but finding gratitude is a starting point. xx

  2. September 22, 2017 / 5:04 am

    So beautifully written Laura, I can’t even begin to image how you feel – sending you all my love xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 22, 2017 / 8:35 am

      Thank you so much. xx

  3. September 22, 2017 / 6:50 am

    Beautiful words, your pain is palpable. Thank you for sharing x

    • Laura Dove
      September 22, 2017 / 8:34 am

      Thank you Mary, much appreciated. xx

  4. September 22, 2017 / 7:10 am

    This made me cry! Im so sorry for your loss but equally amazed at how strong you are! You are right to find joy in the things you have. It sounds like your baby Joseph was perfect and lovely and you are very blessed to have carried him and held him in your arms. Big hugs to a brilliant mum xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 22, 2017 / 8:31 am

      Thank you so much. I’m determined that our loss won’t take away any more from our family. It’s okay to move forward and be happy, I think sometimes it just feels very hard to do. xxx

  5. September 22, 2017 / 8:21 am

    Ah, Laura. So beautifully written. I have tears streaming down my face and no words to say that could ever do this post justice x

    • Laura Dove
      September 22, 2017 / 8:23 am

      Ahh thank you Tracy, some posts are very therapeutic to write and this was one of them. xx

  6. September 22, 2017 / 8:45 am

    I can relate to alot of what you are saying , especially the qoute.
    I lost a baby ( one of a twin) 12 years ago. My eldest son has a life limiting condition and I can tell you that quote helps me too.
    There is no greater loss for us parents than that of a child ,oh but even if it were only for a moment ,our child was here. Our child will always be. This touched me so much. Sending you love . Xxx

    • Laura Dove
      September 22, 2017 / 8:56 am

      I am so sorry to hear that, how devastating that must have been, and how hard it must be for you and your son now too. The quote really did change the way that I thought about Joseph, I have been so incredibly lucky to have these four beautiful children in my arms. Much love to you. xxx

  7. September 22, 2017 / 9:03 am

    Oh darling as always these posts of yours bring tears to my eyes and a knot in my stomach I can imagine how difficult the start of school must be for you, but what a lovely positive spin for all the things you are grateful for too. Sending lots of love your way xoxo

    • Laura Dove
      September 22, 2017 / 9:14 am

      Thank you Talya. I think I’ve finally reached a point where I don’t want to feel sad anymore, I don’t think he would have wanted me to either? There is always something to be grateful for. xxx

  8. September 22, 2017 / 9:41 am

    This is beautiful! Sending love and hugs.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 12:02 pm

      Thank you Kim. xx

  9. September 22, 2017 / 10:03 am

    You’re so strong Laura. Joseph lives in your heart, and in the heart of SO many people. So many people. Thanks to you. You’re a beautiful soul, and it’s ok to be sad. And then be grateful. And maybe one day, just be sad again. Hugs. #KCACOLS

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 12:02 pm

      Oh Sara thank you so much, I really do appreciate that. xxx

  10. September 22, 2017 / 11:19 am

    I can’t even begin to imagine how it must have been for you and your family to lose a child. It must be devastating. I’m glad you have managed to look forward, and find happiness after all that you went through! Continue focusing on the good! God Bless!

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 12:01 pm

      Thank you so much. xx

  11. September 22, 2017 / 11:30 am

    I never thought about gratitude this way. I can only begin to imagine how immense your loss has been, but I wish you all the best and may you find comfort and release in being thankful.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 12:01 pm

      Thank you Janet. xx

  12. September 22, 2017 / 11:37 am

    Your words are so beautiful. I’m so very sorry for your loss but you’re a strong person, that’s evident from writing this post. It’s inspiring that you’re still able to focus on positives and be grateful

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 12:01 pm

      Thank you so much. xx

  13. September 22, 2017 / 2:00 pm

    Such beautiful words. I am so sorry for your loss and I cannot even begin to imagine the heartache u must be feeling. I appreciate you sharing this post with us and I’m sure this will help others who have experienced this pain a little bit of closure. Xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 12:00 pm

      Thank you Alicia, I do hope so. xx

  14. September 22, 2017 / 2:39 pm

    I hope that writing this post has been helpful to you x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:59 am

      It really was, thank you. xx

  15. September 22, 2017 / 3:14 pm

    What a beautifully written post. I have a friend who lost a baby at full term and she feels much the same as you x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:59 am

      I’m sorry to hear that Emma, I can imagine she does. xx

  16. September 22, 2017 / 3:30 pm

    Lots of love to you. Stay strong as you already are doing and things will feel simpler 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:58 am

      Thank you. xx

  17. Georgia Stallcop
    September 22, 2017 / 3:34 pm

    I an so sorry for your loss. This post is so beautifully written, I hope it inspires readers who need help getting through their grief and find what they can be grateful for.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:58 am

      Thank you Georgia, I hope so. xx

  18. September 22, 2017 / 3:52 pm

    What a heartfelt and beautiful post you have written to all of your children. I can’t imagine what it is like to lose a baby at such a stage, the heart ache and sorrow it much bring 🙁

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:57 am

      Thank you Sarah. xx

  19. September 22, 2017 / 4:36 pm

    This is absolutely beautiful, and the fact you had the courage to write something that can’t have been easy for you makes it even more so. Wishing you all the luck in the world on your journey. <3

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:57 am

      Thank you so much. xxx

  20. September 22, 2017 / 5:41 pm

    Oh Laura, I don’t even know what to say. You write so beautifully and so full of emotion. I can’t bare to think about what you’re going through. Sending lots of love your way. Thanks for joining in with #ThatFridayLinky

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:56 am

      Thank you so much Emily. xxx

  21. September 22, 2017 / 8:10 pm

    Laura I literally have no words for how beautiful this is. I love that there is so much happiness in this post about something that is so sad. You are an inspiration and the strength you have is amazing. You are a brilliant mum and your 5 babies are lucky to have you xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:55 am

      Thank you so much lovely, I’m so lucky to have them too. xx

        • Laura Dove
          September 26, 2017 / 9:56 am

          Love you too xxx

  22. September 22, 2017 / 9:27 pm

    I have no words. This is such a beautifully written post. You’re such an inspiration that you can see positive in times when the sadness becomes so consuming. #ThatFridayLinky

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:55 am

      Thank you so much Jo. xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:51 am

      Thank you lovely. xxx

  23. September 22, 2017 / 10:16 pm

    I read that with a lump in my throat. I’m sorry you ever had to experience such a loss but your gratitude is humbling! I want to give you such a huge cwtch. xxx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:50 am

      Ahh thank you so much Beth. xxx

  24. September 22, 2017 / 11:13 pm

    Ah hun, i can not even begin to imagine how you feel but the way you have written about the loss of your son is so moving.

    The quote you have within this post is pretty amazing, i think if a lot of people did this, life would be so different.

    You are a very strong lady and a great mummy x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:50 am

      Thank you so much. I never realised just how powerful gratitude was. xx

  25. September 23, 2017 / 2:18 am

    No one can possibly know what it has been like to walk in your shoes since that tragedy. The sadness of this aside, this post was so great to read – just to see and appreciate how you are evolving, as time progresses, to your family’s and your benefit and to know that there is still so much to be grateful for.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:50 am

      Thank you Nicole, I appreciate you reading. xx

  26. September 23, 2017 / 6:43 am

    I admire you for your outlook on life. It must be so hard to push through the feelings of sadness to focus on the positive but you are doing that so well. Beautifully written post #KCACOLS

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:49 am

      Thank you Becky. xx

  27. September 23, 2017 / 7:22 am

    What a lovely quote – I can’t imagine how hard it must have been / be for you, I’m glad you have found some peace x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:49 am

      Thank you so much. xx

  28. September 23, 2017 / 8:01 am

    I am sorry for your loss. And I am glad you found a way to show gratitude in hard times too. That’s really inspiring. Sending all the love to you❤️

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:49 am

      Thank you Bhumi. xx

  29. September 23, 2017 / 8:50 am

    Such a powerful post Laura, I hope it was cathartic to write because sometimes just writing down what we are feeling can be just as healing. Lots of love to you and hoping that you’re able to start looking towards a happy future while always keeping Joseph close to your heart x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:49 am

      Thank you Alex, it was hugely therapeutic to write, blogging has been a god send! xx

  30. September 23, 2017 / 8:51 am

    Oh Laura, that was beautiful. I love that quote, too and if you can it is a wonderful one to live by. Sending much love your way as always. xxxx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:48 am

      Thank you Nadia. xxx

  31. September 23, 2017 / 10:31 am

    Beautifully written. And such a thought provoking quote at the end.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:48 am

      thank you Jenni. xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:47 am

      Thank you. xx

  32. September 23, 2017 / 2:27 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through. The quote you included is really beautiful x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:47 am

      Thank you Sally. xx

  33. September 23, 2017 / 3:08 pm

    Oh darling, I am so proud of you and I love how you looking out on life, in a positive and healthy way.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:46 am

      Thank you so much. xxx

  34. September 23, 2017 / 4:12 pm

    This is a very beautiful piece of writing. It’s so valuable to share the fact that you will always grieve for the life that your son couldn’t lead, I think a lot of people don’t understand that. The quote about happiness is very striking and true. Thank you for sharing this. #Stayclassymama

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:46 am

      Thank you, that is exactly it, it’s very hard but writing is hugely therapeutic! xx

  35. September 23, 2017 / 9:08 pm

    Every time you talk about Joseph my heart aches. You are so strong and do so well to find a place where you are grateful. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:45 am

      Thank you so much, it’s always an honour to share him with you. x

  36. September 24, 2017 / 2:11 am

    This was beautiful! Grief never really goes away, you just learn to live with it. That quote really struck me too.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:44 am

      That is so true Elodie, thank you. xx

  37. September 24, 2017 / 9:49 am

    This is beautifully written, I have lost a few babies and I often think of them and wonder what they would be doing now, lots of love Laura xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:42 am

      Thank you Lynne, love to you too. xx

  38. September 24, 2017 / 10:32 am

    This is a deep beautiful post. It is possible to find peace after a loss. The happiness quote here resonates with me.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:42 am

      Thank you. xxx

  39. September 24, 2017 / 11:08 am

    I can’t even imagine how you managed to compose yourself and focus on a grateful heart than the sorrow that you must have and maybe still feel. I too would have felt cheated

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:42 am

      Thank you Anosa. xxx

  40. September 24, 2017 / 3:22 pm

    I admire so much about this post but most of all I admire your bravery. To go through what you have been through and come out the other side with positivity is so brave. When you want to feel sad and angry you have chosen to change your emotions around to be grateful. Time is a great healer and your baby will always be there in your heart and thoughts. Take care and love to you and your family x x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:41 am

      Thank you so much Louise. Anger is easier to come by but gratitude makes life a lot easier. xx

  41. September 24, 2017 / 4:12 pm

    As always, such beautiful and heartfelt words. I’m so sorry for everything you have been through but I so admire the strength and grace with which you write about it. Those milestones must be so difficult.
    Gratitude is something that I try to focus on in my darkest moments too. I had a miscarriage with my very first pregnancy and it completely devastated me. I’m still very much affected by it. I have always written about our experience and spoken publicly about it and I like to think that even though he or she is not in my arms, that little baby has made a difference in the world by helping raise awareness and supporting others. I so admire you for having the courage to write about your feelings and I know they will be providing support for others who have been through similar. Much love x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:40 am

      I’m sorry about your miscarriage but I totally relate to that, these babies have made a huge difference in our lives and that is to be celebrated. Gratitude is so hard to achieve at times, especially when tragedy strikes, but when you do find it, it is the best coping mechanism I have come across. xxx

  42. Joanna
    September 24, 2017 / 4:47 pm

    You have wrote so beautifully about your son and you left me with tears in my eyes. I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through and I know how hard it is to move on when a part of you is not there anymore. I think that seeing your loss as gratefulness for having him in your life makes you such a strong person!

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:38 am

      Thank you so much Joanna. I never feel very strong but then I see how far I have come and realise I must be. xx

  43. September 24, 2017 / 5:29 pm

    beautifully written! I’m glad you have taken that amazing quote to heart and that you will embrace life for all it is. Losing anyone is hard, but even more a child!
    The best gift in the world is the time you have with others no matter how long or how short, but to remember the good and loving times you’ve had with each and every person you’ve come across. I’m glad that you found beauty in sadness!
    Keep loving those around you and soaking in the time you have together! …And for the ones we’ve loved and lost, know that they are our angels and that they want us to live on in happiness until we meet with them again.

    thank you for sharing your story!

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:38 am

      Thank you so much Eloise, you’re so right. Joseph would have wanted us to go on and have a wonderful life, I think its’ important to remember that. xxx

  44. September 24, 2017 / 7:10 pm

    This post is so beautifully written, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It must be so hard not having your child go through all of those milestones with.

    It is so important to talk about loss and you’ve written a beautiful post which I am sure others will be able to relate to.

    Keep being strong! xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:37 am

      Thank you so much Olivia, I think writing about it is hugely therapeutic for me and I do hope it can help others. xx

  45. September 24, 2017 / 7:50 pm

    So beautifully written, it brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love and strength x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:37 am

      Thank you Jenny. xxx

  46. Helen
    September 24, 2017 / 8:05 pm

    This is so beautifully written Laura and I love the quote, it is so fitting. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to go through but can imagine how each missed milestone must always bring such sadness. It’s brilliant that you are choosing to be grateful and think of the good things.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:37 am

      Thank you Helen, milestones are always tough but they are also a reminder of how far I have come. xxx

  47. September 24, 2017 / 8:19 pm

    That’s so hard. I cannot even imagine how difficult it must to have been to go through that. I am happy for you that you have been able to keep going. And you do have a beautiful life worth living.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:36 am

      Thank you David. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful life with four amazing children, being grateful is an amazing survival mechanism. xx

  48. September 24, 2017 / 10:30 pm

    Oh my gosh I can’t even begin to imagine how you are feeling. I love that you are keeping on going for the life you have. This brought tears to my eyes to read. X

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:35 am

      Thank you Ellie, I really appreciate you reading. xx

  49. September 25, 2017 / 5:51 am

    So beautiful written, I still feel sad about the baby I lost but so grateful as you said for the ones in my arms xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:33 am

      I’m sorry that you can relate to this, but these rainbows are pretty amazing aren’t they? xx

  50. September 25, 2017 / 10:59 am

    What a beautifully written post, we can’t even begin to imagine what its like. However it sounds like you have found peace and its great that you can look back with fond memories now xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:32 am

      Thank you so much. xxx

  51. September 25, 2017 / 12:10 pm

    What a beautiful and personal post. It must be incredibly hard to lose and forever think about how things could’ve been. You’re very strong to think about the positives and being grateful now to try to move forward x x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 4:24 pm

      Thank you so much Emma. xxx

  52. Francesca
    September 25, 2017 / 12:54 pm

    I can’t begin to imagine what you have been through and I’m not quite sure I have the correct words for it! I am so so sorry for your loss, you have written such a beautiful piece that I’m feeling very emotional!! The quote you shared that resonates with you is also a big eye opener and something I think we would all benefit in remembering!

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 4:19 pm

      Thank you so much Francesca, sometimes no words are needed. xxx

  53. September 25, 2017 / 2:52 pm

    I am truly sorry to hear about your loss, but it is great to hear that you feel ready to move forward with your life now.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 4:18 pm

      Thank you Kacie. xx

  54. September 25, 2017 / 4:53 pm

    Such a heartfelt post. It is tough to come to terms with any loss but that of a child is the hardest, even though they would want to carry on and be happy

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:07 pm

      Thank you Kara. xxx

  55. September 25, 2017 / 7:07 pm

    Thank you so much for linking this up at #SharingtheBlogLove Laura. I think I commented earlier without seeing you’d linked up. It’s a truly beautiful post, I love that quote, and I’m in awe of how you’ve taken it to heart and lived it.

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:05 pm

      Thank you Katy (I’m late with my comment – tomorrow promise!), that means a lot. xx

  56. September 26, 2017 / 8:19 am

    This is a beautiful post. It will undoubtably help other parents who have gone through something similar. I am terribly sorry to hear of your loss and happy that you are finding a way to move forward with some peace x #TriumphantTales

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:58 am

      Thank you so much Maria, I do appreciate that. xx

  57. Elizabeth O
    September 26, 2017 / 8:41 am

    This made me cry. Sorry to hear about your loss. But I am so glad that you are in movinh on process.

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:56 am

      Thank you Elizabeth, I appreciate you reading. xx

  58. September 26, 2017 / 9:13 am

    This is such a beautiful post – your strength and love shines through. Although I am sure it felt overwhelmingly hard at times. Thanks so much for sharing your story – I feel privileged to have read just a tiny bit of it #twinklytuesday

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:56 am

      Thank you so much Carrie, that’s so lovely of you to say. xxx

  59. September 26, 2017 / 10:08 am

    What a beautiful post Laura. I can only imagine the pain you must feel when your beautiful boy would have been hitting milestones. But you write so tangibly about the gratitude you have, to have had your perfect boy in your arms for that short time. Thank you for sharing this. It was a privilege to read. #FabFridayPost

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 4:56 pm

      Thank you Susie, he really was perfect. xx

  60. September 26, 2017 / 10:27 am

    What a beautiful and inspirational way to look at it Laura. I can’t imagine what you go through on a daily basis but I’m glad you are surrounded by happy children and supportive family. Thanks for linking up to #StayClassyMama

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 4:53 pm

      Thank you Jenni, it was lovely to see you this weekend. xx

  61. September 26, 2017 / 1:04 pm

    Excruciating experience, and this must have been hard to write, but thank you for sharing your heart.

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 4:52 pm

      Thank you Michele. xx

  62. September 26, 2017 / 2:01 pm

    Such a wonderful article! I cannot imagine what you are going through but it is very brave to share this and I am sure it will help others who are going through similar tragedies.

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 4:51 pm

      Thank you so much Sarah. xxx

  63. September 26, 2017 / 5:17 pm

    Firstly, a big hug Laura. I’ve been following your blog since over a year now and I think you are one of the bravest women I know… I have lost a fiance three months before my wedding and it took me years to come out of the grief. So I can’t even begin to imagine the loss of losing a child. But as the quote you mentioned says, happiness is about what you make of life. And I think you’ve dealt with the grief beautifully, and are celebrating life again with your four beautiful children. Joseph was so lucky to have a mother like you, and I’m sure he’s so so proud of you! Keep the faith.

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:29 pm

      Ahh Nicole your lovely comment brought tears to my eyes, thank you so much for saying such lovely things. I am so sorry to hear about your fiancé, that must have been absolutely devastating and I can’t even imagine how you found a way forward. I think we are all so much stronger than we think. I have gone on to be incredibly lucky and I wouldn’t change it for the world, Joseph was the most special little boy and it’s an honour to share him with you. xxx

  64. September 26, 2017 / 7:48 pm

    So beautifully written. Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I’ve only had very early miscarriages. It took me some time to get over each, but I was grieving for babies I never felt kicking inside me, babies I never got to meet or to hold. I can’t begin to imagine how hard that must have been for you. Thank you for finding the strength to share. #TwinklyTuesday

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:25 pm

      Thank you Patricia. I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages, I felt the same about my miscarriages too, having very few memories was very hard. Love to you. xx

  65. September 26, 2017 / 8:14 pm

    My heart breaks for you, I’m glad you have fond memories to hold on to.
    Thanks so much for linking up to #kcacols, we hope you can join us again

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:24 pm

      Thank you Amy. xxx

  66. September 27, 2017 / 4:51 am

    My heart broke reading this. I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 8:48 am

      Thank you . xx

  67. September 27, 2017 / 10:00 am

    Such a heartwarming post, so beautifully written. You have a grateful heart and such beautiful memories. What a mindset shift. I so wish that for you! xoxo #ThatFridayLinky xoxo

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:34 pm

      Thank you so much Lisa. xx

  68. September 27, 2017 / 8:53 pm

    Such a beautiful post Laura. You’re one special lady. To be so strong and gracious when something like that could really make you sort of bitter (in a sad way not a mean way) – you’re one brace lady x #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:23 pm

      Thank you so much Susie. I think I was very bitter for a long time but I finally realised that being grateful is far healthier. Thank you for reading. xxx

  69. September 28, 2017 / 7:56 am

    Beautiful post Laura that has completely got me (and it’s not even 9am), thanks for being so brave for sharing this with us and continuing to be super strong everyday. Claire x #BloggerClubUK

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:17 pm

      Ahh thank you so much Claire, I do appreciate that. xx

  70. September 28, 2017 / 1:07 pm

    This is beautiful. Love and hugs to you x
    #TriumphantTales

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 5:55 pm

      Thank you so much Ali. xx

  71. September 28, 2017 / 7:34 pm

    Such beautiful words Laura, you always manage to bring a tear to my eye. I’m sure he’s looking down on you, proud of how you have dealt with the loss and that you have the strength to share your story. And glad that you managed to bring three more beautiful siblings for him to enjoy watching over! #sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 5:30 pm

      Thank you Louise, I really do appreciate that. xxx

  72. September 29, 2017 / 4:56 am

    Aww… Laura, beautiful written. I am so glad you are feeling much happier where you are now. Letting go is the hardest thing. Well done to you my friend. Big hugs!

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 5:23 pm

      Thank you Su, I’m also so sorry I didn’t get the chance to speak to you last night! I spotted you across the room and when I next looked you were gone! xx

  73. September 29, 2017 / 12:57 pm

    I think this is a lesson that can only be learnt with time. I am sure that Joseph loved his time with you too, and it’s lovely to hear the happy, precious moments you recall #triumphanttales

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:56 pm

      Thank you so much Lucy, I think you are so right. xxx

  74. September 29, 2017 / 5:00 pm

    Beautiful words Laura. I can’t begin to imagine how you cope with this. You are so brave. An inspiration. #sharingthebloglove

    • October 1, 2017 / 9:36 am

      Popping back. Thanks for sharing this with #TriumphantTales, hope to see you Tuesday! X

      • Laura Dove
        October 1, 2017 / 4:31 pm

        Thank you xxx

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:47 pm

      Thank you so much Jaki. xxx

  75. September 30, 2017 / 9:32 pm

    This is just a beautiful post. I can’t even imagine the sadness that you have gone through but I am so glad that you can see the light. Joseph is and always will be a huge part of your life. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:35 pm

      Thank you so much Lisa. xx

  76. October 4, 2017 / 1:14 pm

    Thank you so much for opening up about your loss. I can not even begin to imagine what something like that feels like. Reading your blog has really touched me. You are incredibly strong, and honest. It takes a lot of bravery to be so open about this. <3

    • Laura Dove
      October 4, 2017 / 2:01 pm

      Thank you so much Amina, I really do appreciate your kind words. xxx

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