20 things that will happen on a Mum’s Night Out

It’s inevitable when the children start school, having got friendly with the other parents, that sooner or later someone is going to utter those magic words, “We should plan a Mum’s night out!”. And it’s also inevitable that twenty things are sure to happen……..

1. The night is booked three months in advance and discussed, with a daily countdown, via a WhatsApp group you’ve labelled ‘Mums Big Night Out’.

2. Never before have you planned your outfit with such military precision following extensive discussions in the WhatsApp group over what constitutes smart/casual, whether it’s too hot to wear Spanx, and several screen shots of outfits you’ve ordered, and returned.

3. When it comes to the night at least two of you will cry off with a poorly child, lack of babysitter, or simply through fear that all of this hysteria may result in alcohol poisoning.

4. You’ll meet at 6.30pm, when the pub is still completely empty, but it means you avoid having to deal with the kids bath time and bed, and it gives you way more time for drinking….

5. All talk of taking it easy goes out the window the moment someone mentions Cheeky Vimto’s……

6. By the second Cheeky Vimto the talk has taken a turn for the worst and all of a sudden you’re over sharing with birth stories, sexual history, and, the inevitable, slurring of how much you love each other. On repeat.

Image credit: Hurrah for Gin

7. Before you know it you’re heckling the DJ for some “songs we can dance to!”, specifically hits from The Greatest Showman, Trolls, and Frozen.

8. You’ll all go into a panic thinking you’ve lost one of the Mum’s only to discover she’s been in the toilet for the last hour, chatting to another equally drunk Mum, and you’ll welcome her new friend Julie with open arms, compliment her on her outfit, and ask if she too knows all the words to The Greatest Showman.

9. At some point during the evening you’ll plan your next night out. Only it will be an entire weekend….in Vegas…..Hangover style. Unsurprisingly, this will never actually happen.

10. There will be photos, mainly selfies, and videos where, at the time, you thought you were busting dance moves like Beyonce but in reality you look like those women you swore you would never become when you were 18 and actually had moves like Beyonce.

11. At least one of you will reappear from the bar with a straw behind your ear, singing into your “microphone”, a la Britney Spears circa 1998.

12. By the end of the night you will each have a nickname, and a catchphrase, that later, when you use it in the WhatsApp group, there aren’t enough crying laughing emoji’s out there to stress just how funny this is.

13. You’ll drunkenly tell anyone who will listen your age, and how many kids you have, and high five anyone who seems surprised.

Image credit: Hurrah for Gin

14. You will show at least one stranger in the pub photos of your children on your phone whilst gushing, “But aren’t they so sweeeeet..”.

15. Someone will dash to the local shop to buy a packet of cigarettes, despite the fact that none of you actually smoke.

16. The group will slowly get smaller without you even realising but the remaining three will make a pact to get a cab to the nearest club and “stay out till the death!”. Ten minutes later you’ll admit defeat when the barman boots you outside and, as the weight of 8 pints of Cheeky Vimto hits, you’ll be falling into a cab.

17. You’ll spend the next day dying, whilst repeatedly saying “I’m not hungover, I’m just tired!” as your husband mentally chalks up a free pass to get equally leathered on his next night out, and, when the kids clamber all over you, screeching at the top of their voices for a drink of Vimto, death will suddenly seem like a more appealing alternative.

18. There will be a blow by blow debrief in the WhatsApp chat with some serious OMG’s, embarrassed emojis, and endless discussions about the perfect hangover cure. Mcdonalds, every time. 

19. You’ll spend the whole day glued to your phone, untagging yourself in photos and videos on Facebook. Particularly the ones where you’re rapping Do The Bartman, word for word.

20. Monday morning will result in you shuffling into the playground, flashbacks of your maniac-like tendencies coming back to haunt you, only to discover that one of the Mum’s is already planning the next night out and, even better, you’re still invited! Cheeky Vimto’s all round!!

 

 

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62 Comments

  1. July 9, 2018 / 4:01 pm

    My moves were always more Kate Bush than Beyonce, but it sounds like a great night out! Nobody parties like a mum… except other mums 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      July 9, 2018 / 4:54 pm

      Haha nothing wrong with a bit of Kate Bush! Mums nights are always fun! xx

  2. July 9, 2018 / 4:14 pm

    This made me giggle. Due to working full time I only get to do the school pick up and drop off once a week. This has made it quite difficult to meet mums but it would be good to get to know a few more and see if your list comes true.

    • Laura Dove
      July 9, 2018 / 4:56 pm

      Ahh it must be difficult when you don’t do the drop off. I think a lot of bonding goes on in the playground! Hopefully you’ll get to know more of the Mums, if not then just thank yourself lucky you escaped the Cheeky Vimto hangover!! xx

    • Laura Dove
      July 9, 2018 / 4:56 pm

      Hahah I can only imagine!! I bet it was the funniest thing in the whole world at the time too! xx

  3. July 9, 2018 / 5:45 pm

    Good post this. It’s not just Mums you know, Dads tend to cry off on nights out sadly lol

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:01 pm

      Haha yes I bet they do! Do they get up to as much mischief though?

  4. July 9, 2018 / 5:55 pm

    I love the photos from the very rare nights out I’ve had since becoming a parent! They remind me of who I was before children 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:02 pm

      Oh me too, it’s important to let loose every now and then! xx

  5. July 9, 2018 / 7:31 pm

    I don’t think I’ve ever really had a mum’s night out. But it sounds vaguely accurate based on stories I’ve heard from others. It definitely made me giggle.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:07 pm

      Mums nights out are notoriously wild! xx

  6. July 9, 2018 / 8:04 pm

    Ha, I love this, although none of that seems to happen on my nights out. Clearly I’m doing them wrong lol.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:08 pm

      Hahah maybe your friends aren’t as crazy as mine! xx

  7. Emma
    July 9, 2018 / 8:15 pm

    Sounds like you have an ace Mummy group – unlike the Mummy mafia at my school 😐

    I got ignored in the pub and cried all the way home on my own not been on a night out in two years 😳 3 months after the night out I got Facebook defriended by 6 members of the Mummy mafia – now I just avoid them all. Eagles fly solo , pigeon fly round scrabbling at the floor – picking up others peoples shit 😂😂😂

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:13 pm

      Oh Emma! That made me so sad! They definitely don’t sound like the kind of friends you need, I have been very lucky to find some Mums (and dads) who I think will be friends for life! xx

  8. Ann Snook
    July 9, 2018 / 9:46 pm

    hahaha I love this! My favorite part is the music requests. Who doesn’t like to jam out to The Greatest Showman? :p

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:14 pm

      Hahah exactly! We were singing along word for word! xx

  9. Geraline Batarra
    July 10, 2018 / 2:17 am

    Such a nice post and I really enjoyed reading this.I don’t have a mum’s night out even once but it looks like a lot fun!

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:18 pm

      Thank you for reading! xx

  10. July 10, 2018 / 2:45 am

    I love how funny this is! There is so much truth to it, which makes it all the more fun to read. Really well written and dare I suggest, from a fair amount of experience? Until the next mum’s night out… great read indeed!

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:18 pm

      Thank you Nicole. Haha I’m standing by the fact it’s entirely fictional……!! xx

  11. July 10, 2018 / 4:47 am

    Even without kids some of these also apply with me and my friendship group and we do have to plan things months and months in advance x

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:19 pm

      Haha yes I bet! I dont think I have changed since my teens! xx

  12. July 10, 2018 / 6:47 am

    Ha ha I love this, way too true and too much recognition on my part!! These nights don’t happen often enough though!

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:19 pm

      Hah I think they need to be rare or we’d never have time to recover in between! xx

  13. July 10, 2018 / 8:13 am

    Haha this is so true and hilarious! Last time I went on a mum’s night out a bust out my running man dance from the 90s god help me!!!

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:20 pm

      Hahah Talya, I can just picture that! It’s hilarious how us mums just got full on crazy when we are finally let loose! xx

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:20 pm

      Same! It takes me forever to recover! Hope you had fun! xx

  14. July 10, 2018 / 9:33 am

    hahaha! I love this. It is all so true!
    I have a mums night out about once a year…..That’s all I can handle. lol

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:20 pm

      HAH yes!! I’m still fragile and it’s been a week! xx

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:22 pm

      My camera roll is just one big selfie, haha! xx

  15. July 10, 2018 / 11:08 am

    I haven’t been out with the girls in years…….I really do need a night out though

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:22 pm

      You should get one in the diary, you might just get a date this side of Christmas! haha! xx

  16. July 10, 2018 / 12:13 pm

    I read this on Facebook earlier on today and laughed my head off. So true! It has been forever since I had a mum’s night out and reading this made me desperately organise one at the same time thinking no, not a good idea! I don’t think I’ve ever had a cheeky Vimto (although I’ve heard of it) – what’s the “cheeky” part?

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:23 pm

      It’s blue WKD and port! It tastes like Vimto but it is LETHAL!!! I swear I have a full on mind blank for the last two hours! Agghh! xx

  17. July 10, 2018 / 1:15 pm

    Oh this is brilliant . I love a good mums n Get out with the school mum friends 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:23 pm

      Me too, its a great way to really get to know eachother! xx

  18. July 10, 2018 / 1:53 pm

    Haha! I can’t say I’ve ever had a real mom’s night out. I’ve been out with friends but nothing big. I can totally relate to a lot of these though – too funny! Life has definitely changed since we were younger.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:28 pm

      It has hasn’t it? Although after a few Cheeky Vimtos I was back to being 18! xx

  19. July 10, 2018 / 8:05 pm

    Haha! Yay for a mum’s night out. If you don’t have a hangover the next morning then it clearly wasn’t a good night.
    The last one I went on I was hanging out of my arse the next morning and insisted on a Maccy D’s for breakfast 😋 x

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:29 pm

      That;s definitely the rule right? Mcdonalds is the cure every time! xx

  20. Elizabeth O
    July 10, 2018 / 8:48 pm

    This post made me laugh so much. You are so on point!! That is exactly how it goes every time!

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:29 pm

      Thanks Elizabeth! xx

  21. July 11, 2018 / 7:18 pm

    thank you so much for making me smile. you touched on many great points 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:30 pm

      Thanks Nina! xx

  22. July 12, 2018 / 5:17 am

    Hehe,I am remembering my mum’s nights out from years ago when all my children were small. I was nodding along to all of this. Thankfully we never took our phones out back then so not got any embarrassing photos 🙂 I think about going out now but it feels like a lot of effort so mostly stay in. I should make more of an effor but a glass of wine and something good on the TV wins, lately 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:33 pm

      Oh yeah thank god there were no phones years ago! I wish there were none today on nights like this! ahah! xx

  23. July 12, 2018 / 9:42 am

    I was nodding and laughing all the way through this! On my last mum’s night out I thought I’d impress the entire bar with my ‘Flashdance’ routine, only to end up with a crick in my neck! Never again. Honestly 😉

    Louise x

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:34 pm

      HAHA Louise that really made me laugh! It’s like we all go wild!! xx

  24. July 12, 2018 / 12:51 pm

    Number 13 made me laugh! I’m now thinking if I’ll have the chance to go on a night out again with my very busy schedule.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:34 pm

      Oh you will, just make sure you book it in 3 months in advance! xx

  25. July 12, 2018 / 3:07 pm

    Sounds like a crazy night out. Lol. Gotta love the expressions of love for one another. I have heard I love you man so many times when friends have had one too many. And you definitely look forward to the next time . . . after the hangover of course.

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:37 pm

      Oh yeah, that’s just a standard night out isn’t it? Hahah! xx

  26. July 12, 2018 / 8:11 pm

    A mums night out sounds like a fun filled planned out the night full of laughter and catch ups

    • Laura Dove
      July 13, 2018 / 6:38 pm

      Mums nights out are the best! xx

  27. July 14, 2018 / 10:12 am

    Oh wow!!! How true all of this is. I’m probably the one who cries out though. Through panic.

  28. July 14, 2018 / 6:35 pm

    I love my ladies/mama night outs. It’s a must to add fun adult time, it makes you a better parent to get out a while!

  29. July 14, 2018 / 7:08 pm

    Your post made me laugh so hard! It was very cute especially the day after, yes Mcdonalds is always the best option for hangovers!

  30. July 16, 2018 / 12:11 pm

    haha I always try and get out to avoid bedtime and we always try and fail to arrange our next night out

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