For Eva on your 13th birthday…
Eva,
It has taken me the longest time to write your birthday letter this year, partly because life has just been so manic and yet mostly, because I just really don’t want to admit that my little girl is a fully fledged teenager. Thirteen. It feels like the biggest milestone yet and as much as I keep telling myself that you are still very much my little girl, when I catch sight of you from a distance, the way your face is changing and that new found wisdom in your eyes, I see a glimpse of the woman you will fast become and it’s just the most bitter sweet feeling imaginable. I am so grateful for the chance to watch you grow but so utterly heartbroken that it has happened way too fast.
Last year I sat here and shared that eleven had been my favourite year and nothing makes me happier than to know that actually, twelve was even better. Twelve was the year when you finally became your own person, when you blossomed into the kind of girl who did your own thing, in your own unique way, without buckling under the pressures of those around you. Whilst so many of your peers spent their time on social media and learning make up tutorials, you filled your time making paper maché sea creatures and painted them so beautifully, and so intricately, that you lost yourself in each and every one.
You watched YouTube tutorials and taught yourself to knit, to crochet, to make jewellery from hair elastics and decoration from empty drinks bottles. You talked for hours about lemon sharks and sea turtles and reeled off facts like a walking encyclopedia, but your thirst for knowledge was everything and I loved hearing you talk so passionately about the things you loved the most.
At twelve you were the ultimate magpie, collecting crystals and rocks, shells and stones, often sifted out from dirty rivers or unearthed from mounds of dirt. Your window sill was full of trinkets and gadgets and non-sensical pieces of broken ceramics found on your adventures, but you are so attached to each and every single one of them and god forbid I threaten to throw any of it away.
Your 12th year was spent travelling far and wide visiting Denmark, New York, France, Belgium, Holland, Greece, Disneyland and Thailand and countless places in between. And whilst I could sit here and tell you all about those adventures, from the incredible things we saw and the amazing things we experienced, it’s the little things with you I will always remember the most.
It’s the sound of you zooming down the mountain on the ski slopes of Meribel, the way you’d say “Come on slow coach!” as you’d whizz past me and laugh when I followed at a snails pace. The way you’d build a snowman at every given opportunity, or how you always managed to get a snowball right down the back of Harrys coat whatever the distance, and the way you’d scream blue murder if he or Meggy did the same to you.
It’s the pretzel you bought on our first night in New York from Time Square, something you had waited so long to experience and even exhaustion from jet lag wasn’t going to stop you. It was the stalest pretzel I have ever seen, as though it had been sat there for weeks, and yet you still forced yourself to eat it and faked that you enjoyed every single bite. The bubble tea from China Town and how we queued for the longest time just to get it and you told me it was the best thing you’ve ever tasted and it became the bench mark of all bubble teas going forward.
It’s the turtles you discovered in Central Park and how you lured a whole family out of the water with a trail of pickle (man, you love pickles!!) and told them “Come and eat at the Pickle Cafe!” as they crept closer and closer as a small crowd gathered to watch. It was the look on your face watching Wicked on Broadway, the way you squeezed my hand the whole way through because you knew how special this was and how much it meant to be sharing it together.
It was the 7am swims in Crete when we would wake up whilst the others were sleeping and do 20 lengths of the pool together as the sun was rising and joke that we were true athletes. “They don’t know..” became our little catch phrase and we’d say it on repeat to each other throughout the day much to Harry and Megs annoyance. It was the kittens you befriended at Kiani Beach and how you would take food from every meal time to feed them and sit there patiently feeding each and every one. The way you love animals is still one of my absolute favourite things about you.
It was the way you completely fell in love with Belgium this Summer, eating your first waffle in Bruges and pork belly Ramen in Ghent. The way you’d work your way through a whole plate of cheese and crackers each day on the boat and make noodles no matter what the time of day. The way I’d look behind on one of our bike rides and see your face, your hair flying in the wind, and know that you were having the kind of childhood I only dreamt I’d be able to give you and you were truly loving every minute of it.
It was your squeals of joy on the speed boat at TerSpegelt in the Netherlands in August, how you threw your head back and laughed without your usual sense of feeling self-conscious. The photos you’d send me when you were playing with Harry and Megs just a few metres from the lodge, showing me a sand village you had created and showing me a guided tour via FaceTime. It was the friendships you made that Summer and the confidence they gave you, you literally seemed to blossom under the warmth of the sun.
It was your suppressed excitement when we queued to meet Winnie the Pooh at Disneyland Paris, the way you blamed Megs at us having to wait so long and when your turn came around I thought your heart might just burst. It was the Minnie Mouse ears which you wore for three days straight, the Mickey Mouse pancakes and your squeals of happiness when the characters looked right at your during the parade. It was the reminder that although you are growing so fast, you are still so very young at heart.
It was your brutish strength during your first Muay Thai class in Thailand, your determination on the paddle board, your amazement on snorkelling expeditions. It was the way you climbed to the top of the look out in Ang Thong, even when Daddy and Harry and Megs all refused because it was too hot, how you made it to the top without barely breaking a sweat and turned to me and said, “They don’t know…”. It was the friend you bonded with over her shark sliders and how I hung back and listened to your conversations and wondered where that shy little girl had gone.
It was your Moana like pose on every long boat, the way you would silently take it all in as though you were right at home on the island. The way you would be just as excited at every single night market, whether it was the first time or the twentieth time, and your arms would be littered in bracelets and pockets filled with gifts to take home for your friends. It was the way your eyes would light up at a 7/11 and you’d excitedly tell me “It’s only five pence!!!” as you ate your 10th ham and cheese toastie of the day. The way you fell in love with each of the elephants, every single monkey, and every stray dog we came across.
It was your excitement at visiting the Scottish Highlands this Winter, the way you begged “Please can we go for long walks!” much to Harry and Megs disapproval. The way you walked around the abbey we were staying at each night to “get my steps in”, or you’d come to the gym and tell me “Look how strong I am!” as you went crazy on the rowing machine. It was the way you’d put your hands in my pockets to stay warm from the cold, how you tried to take a 0.5 of a highland cow and narrowly escaped getting gored, how you told your friends about it afterwards as though it was the most amazing thing that had happened during the entire trip.
And despite all of these incredible adventures, spanning three different continents and more countries I can count, when I told you that we could do anything at all to celebrate your 13th birthday, you told me you wanted to go to Yorkshire, to stay in a shepherds hut, and to eat gammon and chips in a pub for tea. And so that is exactly what we did, just me and you, for two blissful days together and I loved every single second of that time together, just as much as our fancy trips and elaborate outings. The way we shared a hot bath on the balcony looking up at the stars, read our books in bed wearing foamy face masks and drinking cans of Mango Tango. The way we woke early in the morning to eat boiled eggs and climbed Malham Cove together “like true mountaineers”.
They don’t know, they will never know….
And now you are thirteen and as much as I’m so sad to say goodbye to twelve, I feel like this is the year when things just get better and better. We have so much to look forward to, and you have so much growing up still to do, but the best thing about you Eva is that you’re not in any rush and I hope you stay that way for a lot longer yet.
You are the most beautiful, creative, adventurous, bravest individual who may not be the loudest, nor the most out-going, but when you love someone you love with your whole heart. You are gentle but strong, kind but sarcastic, easy going but stubborn, and will openly tell us that you prefer animals to humans. You are musical, artistic, sporty, independent and way more together than I ever was at that age and we are so incredibly lucky that you are ours.
Happy 13th Birthday Eva Sienna, here’s to another year of adventures, eating ramen, adding to your sea collection and refusing to back down when you’re wrong, even when you most definitely are.
We love you all the stars in the sky.
Mummy
xxxxx
