For my Sons StepMum on Mothers Day
For my Son’s Step Mum on Mothers Day,
When I married for the first time at twenty four, when your husband was my husband, I thought that it was forever. When we chose to have children there wasn’t a single doubt in my mind that we would raise our boys together, so sure I was that we would live happily ever after – God knows we deserved it.
From the moment I gave birth and held Lewis in my arms, I wrongly assumed that we had all the time in the world, that I would be the one to raise him, every second of every day, who would tuck him into bed each night and wake to him each morning. I naively believed that, regardless of what life threw at us, I would always remain at the very centre of his entire world.
And had I known that our time together as a family was limited, that there would come a time when I had to wave my son goodbye every other weekend and eat dinner alone twice each week, perhaps I would have cherished those moments a little more. Perhaps I wouldn’t have moaned quite so much about being utterly exhausted when he crept into my bed each night, showed a little more patience during those daily battles to get him to eat his vegetables, made the most of each every moment when he snuggled beside me.
Perhaps, had I known that one day he would be sleeping in a house that wasn’t mine, eating a meal that I hadn’t cooked, and loving someone who wasn’t me, I would have been a better Mother from the outset.
I’m sure that now, with your son as old as Lewis was back then, you can imagine how hard it was to suddenly have my entire world turned upside down, how much it hurt to wave him goodbye, go home to an empty house and count down the minutes until he was back in my arms.
I imagine that when you fell in love with my husband, your plans had never included me, I know mine certainly hadn’t included you. I’m sure none of us spend our childhood dreaming of becoming a second wife, or an ex wife, and certainly not of handing over our children to another woman, or indeed raising her child.
And so at just four years old, when Lewis came home and mentioned your name, I felt as though the wind had been knocked right out of me. And although I gritted my teeth and told him how lovely it was that Daddy had made a new friend, I broke my heart in private, terrified of what it would mean for he and I.
In all honesty, in those early days, I really wanted to hate you. Still reeling from the devastation that my marriage had ended, still struggling with the grief that my family of four was now a family of two, still trying my very hardest to stay afloat, there you were – replacing me not only in my husbands affections, but in my son’s too.
And whilst I was the one who had been there through the sleepless nights and dirty nappies, through teething and tantrums, through first smiles, first words and first steps; whilst I was the one who had supported my son through the devastating loss of his little brother, through the break up of the only family he had ever known, I felt angry that all of a sudden you had claimed a part of his life, of our life, so easily.
I resented that you had been handed a ready made family, a family I fought so hard to have; that you got to reap the benefits of my hard work by spending time with a child who was so delightful, so intelligent, so polite and funny and entertaining, a child who I had raised to be all of those things, perhaps selfishly, to enjoy for myself.
But as the months passed I began to notice Lewis’s excitement when he spoke about you, when he told me about the lovely things you had done together, the delicious meals you had made, the fun and interesting activities you had planned, and I fast went from feeling angry to simply feeling jealous.
When he pushed around his dinner on his plate, telling me, “But this doesn’t taste like when B makes it!”, when he moaned that I wouldn’t let him stay up a little later to watch one more round of WWE, “But B lets me!”, when I read him a story and he told me, “But B doesn’t read it like that!”, it took everything in me not to take it personally.
Because, whilst I have never claimed to be the perfect Mother, there you were, swooping in and, not only filling my shoes but, seemingly doing a better job than I ever had.
And yet slowly but surely, somewhat reluctantly at first, I came to respect you and to feel incredibly grateful that you loved and cared for my son when he was not with me. I know that one of my biggest worries when his Dad and I split up was that there would inevitably be times in the night when he would wake up and call out for me, when he needed a cuddle or someone to wipe away his tears, when he was poorly or sad, when he needed help with his homework, someone to patch up grazed knees and pull out splinters, when he simply needed his Mummy to make it all better, and I wouldn’t be there.
And yet you were, and you did, and it was obvious that he adored you.
And the truth is, as hard as it was initially, and however hurt I felt all those years ago, things are very different now. When emotions settled, when that bitterness was cast aside, when time, and we, moved on, there remained a joyful acceptance that everything was exactly as it should be.
And today, on Mothers Day, I want you to know that however hard it was for me waking up this morning without my son, knowing that it would be you he brought tea and toast to in bed, and you he presented with a card and flowers over breakfast, I genuinely hope that you enjoyed those moments.
I am thankful for everything you do for my son, for our son. I am thankful that you love him, in just the same way that you love his little brother and sister, that you guide him and support him, and make his time with you as wonderful as possible.
I want you to know that I am so grateful you respect our bond as Mother and Son, that you have never once tried to infringe upon that, to replace me or undermine me, that you have never taken away from my relationship with Lewis, but simply added to it.
And I’m sure as he grows there will be moments when he comes to you to share a secret, to confide in you about his latest heartache, his bruised ego, dilemmas in work or in marriage, for advice on raising children of his own. And in the same way that you have always respected our relationship, I will always endeavour to respect and encourage yours.
I want you to know that I acknowledge that everything Lewis has become, and everything he will be, is down to the four of us; that collectively we have been able to give him two loving families, seven wonderful siblings, and more love and support than most children ever have the privilege of knowing.
I want you to know that, after years of worrying you would replace me in his affections, I realise now that there is room in his heart for the both of us.
For all of us.
But mostly I want you to know that should I have to share my son with anyone, then I am so glad it’s with you.
Happy Mothers Day.
xxx
It is certainly hard! You have more respect than I do! Even 6 years on my ex’s girlfriend still hides her face with her coat when they come to collect Liv. It’s both sad and also hilarious. Different strokes for different folks I guess… she is very much welcome to my ex… they are perfect for each other! 😉 Sim x
SO hard! I think it must be so difficult for step parents to know where they fit in with a new step child, and trying to navigate a new family whilst being mindful of an ex partner. It’s a minefield really! xx
This was a very touching story. It’s sad, but this is what life is for some people, unfortunately. I was happy to hear though that you are able to have such a positive and grateful view of life no matter what. Thank you.
Thank you Victor, I agree it’s life for so many people these days! Thank you for reading. xx
Oh wow, I love this. Happy Mother’s Day to both of you and it’s great that you did find a balance to make your family work out and get along together because we all know how it can be difficult and never ends up well.
Thank you Joan, yes I agree, I know far too many families who really struggle to accept a new partner into their Childs lives. xx
Oh my goodness. I had to try to stop myself from crying when reading this letter a few times. It was so touching as it took us through the happiness, the sadness and the appreciation of the way things are now. If only we could all be this strong and courageous as you when dealing with blended families. You are an amazing woman! I really enjoyed reading this post. It was so real, honest and raw which I love. I know this is so cliche to say but I honestly mean it. This was a GREAT post!
Ahh thank you so much. That’s so kind of you to say, blended families can be so hard and its difficult at first trying to work out where everyone fits in? I’m just glad that we managed to find a way through! xx
This is such a powerful and beautiful read. I can only imagine how hard it was in the beginning to accept but you are a strong being for being so accepting and respectful!
Thank you Leigh, it was very hard at first but we got there in the end! xx
This is a gorgeous letter and one that is written with such love and openness.
Thank you so much. xx
This is so bittersweet and heartfelt. I can feel the love you have for your son as you put his happiness and well-being over your own personal feelings. He is so lucky to have so many loving people in his life!
xoxo
Annie
Thank you Annie, I think that’s always got to be the focus. xx
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. This is something I don’t often hear about. Very powerful.
Thank you for reading. xx
this is so inspirational. women respecting each other always makes things easier
Thank you, I completely agree! xx
Ohhh my heart. This is such a powerful read, but its written with such love. You are such a strong and amazing woman xxx
Thank you Sarah, it wasn’t easy but we got there! xx
Oh my goodness… what a wonderful, touching, honest letter…so beautiful. You have gone through a lot and obviously have become a very strong, loving person:)
Thank you so much Kim. xx
What a lovely tribute to your son’s stepmother. Your son is lucky to have a mature and understanding mom like you!
Ahh thank you so much Lisa. xx
Oh my what a touching story to read. I know it was hard for you to hear this often by your son.
Thank you Tammy. xx
Oh god Laura the tears are rolling. This is so beautiful and the 4 of you should be proud of the way that you have handled the situation and put Lewis first. This says a lot about the 4 of you and one day Lewis will understand how lucky is he to grow up in such wonderful loving families. Happy Mother’s Day my gorgeous friend xx
Ahh thank you Laura, sorry I made you cry! It’s been tough at times, and even now I have moments where I feel a pang of sadness, but I think that’s only natural. Lewis is SO lucky to have four parents who love him so much. xx
I can only imagine what it has been like for you lovely and of course it is natural to feel like that. Just popping back to say Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheblogLove xx
This is beautiful x
Thank you Deb. xx
Beautifully put as always! It’s lovely to read about a good relationship between mother and step-mother, rather than hostility and animosity. It must be nice for Lewis to know he can speak to you about her without having to worry about your reaction. The way it should be!
Thanks lovely. Yes I think that’s the main thing for us, just putting Lewis’s needs first and trying to find a way where we could all be happy. It’s hard though, it didn’t happen over night! xx
Oh Laura that is just beautiful and i am sure she realised just what a fabulous family she has become a part of too.
Thank you Deborah. xx
I know many stepmoms and it can be hard to balance being a stepmother withourlt taking the place of the mother. I am grateful that thought the pain you learned to appreciate the love that someone else has for your child. It was a beautiful and touching well written story.
Thank you so much. I think it must be very hard to be a step parent, I’m really not sure if I could do it! xx
This is beautiful, it sounds like your son is very lucky to have you both xx
Thank you so much Maria. xx
Laura, this is beautiful. So well written with warmth and feeling. Happy Mothers Day x
Thank you so much Emma, I hope you had a lovely Mothers Day. xx
I can’t imagine how hard it must have been in the early days, as a step mum myself I know that things can be really strange. I am glad that you son has so many wonderful people in his life!
Thank you Jenni. It is strange at first, our instinct as mothers is that we fear we will be replaced. I think once I realised that wasn’t the case I embraced the fact that he is very lucky to have four parents who love him so much. xx
Beautiful Laura. Just beautiful xx
Ahh thank you so much Victoria. xx
This was moving. I know every time I open a post from five little doves that it’s going to be good.
Your son has no idea on what an amazing mother he has. I’m not sure I could ever write something like that. Thanks for always producing something worth reading.
Ahh thank you so much Julie, that’s so lovely of you to say. xx
Oh my gosh what a lovely and very touching post. I think your son sounds so lucky to have the both of you! If only all step relationships could be like this! x
Thank you Emma, he is very lucky! xx
What a beautiful post.
Thank you Emma. xx
What a beautifully written piece from your heart. I’m happy that you are all ok and getting on together. It must have been so painful for you, well done for writing this.
Thank you so much Amanda. xx
You totally made me cry reading this. You’ve probably made a number of step mums very happy with this post. If only all bio mums felt the same way.
Ahh thank you so much Beth. xx
This is just absolutely beautiful. Just stunning. I am glad that your son has two wonderful women in his life. Happy Mother’s Day!
Thank you Lisa. I hope you had a lovely Mothers Day. xx
Oh Laura I completely applaud you. Such a heartfelt and raw post, and you did it every bit of justice. I can’t imagine what it was like to go through those waves and motions, but how graceful you’ve been – I’m sure he will grow up feeling incredibly proud of you all. Not many families can work together like this, you’re doing amazing.
Thank you Emily. It’s very hard to share your child, I doubt anyone finds it easy, but I think it’s so important that we embrace an extended family and focus on our children’s happiness. I genuinely couldnt ask for more than a Step Mum who loves and cares for my son, he is incredibly lucky! xx
Happy Mother’s Day for you! It was such a moving post, that I cannot find the words to describe my feelings at the moment. You are a strong, kind and amazing women. All the best x
Thank you so much, that’s lovely of you to say. xx
This is wonderful, you have such a strength writing this and I really admire you! X
Thank you Lucy. xx
Happy Mother’s Day to you also. His step mum is lucky to have such a great ex wife x
Thank you so much. xx
This was such a sweet, touching and well written post. You never know what like will be made of, which is one reason why you need to make the most of every moment. Writing this to the new wife is so brave. Happy mother’s day! xx corinne
Thank you so much, it was a tough one to share! xx
This is so strong. Thanks for the glimpse into your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you Elise. xx
beautifully written! as a child from a divorced family, Inpromise there is room in our hearts for two ❤️
Ahh thank you Kaitlyn, I appreciate you reading. xx
This is a wonderful post. I wasn’t sure how it was going to end… but I am so glad that you’re resentment and jealousy has turned into respect. It’s all about the boy! <3 And happy mother's day!
Thank you Rebecca, I think it does take time for parents to embrace a new parent figure into their child’s lives, but we got there in the end! xx
Wow, a very emotional and real letter! You must be real with yourself, and you were! Lovely read.
Thank you so much for reading. xx
I can’t imagine how tough it must be sometimes. Thanks for sharing your story – you really went through a lot and put a lot into your relationship with your son.
Thank you Marysa. xx
This is so beautiful. I love that you are able to openly express how grateful you are for her. Step-parents have a hard job and deserve to be celebrated.
Thank you Heather, they do have a tough job and I’m really not sure that I could do it! xx
What a lucky person your son is to have such an amazing Mother as you, with such high emotional intelligence. This letter is everything, and all those divorced couples fighting daily battles over the kids should take a look at it. It’s amazing how you respected your childs need all the way, and grew to accept and I’d say – based on your words – love the situation.
Thank you Anna. I think that’s one thing I didn’t want to happen, my ex and I fighting over our son, although I’ll hold my hands up and say we did struggle in those early days!! I’m very happy where we all are right now, although I still feel sad sometimes at missing out on moments with my son, he is such a happy and well-rounded boy because of it. xx
What a lucky child your son is to have to many people who love him! I am glad you can be so respectful to his step mother!
Thank you Debra, he is very lucky indeed. xx
This made me cry. What a sweet letter. I hope she gets to read it.
Ahh thank you, I hope so too. xx
This is beautiful and should be read by anyone who has to share their children with others. Thank you for writing it.
Thank you Rosie, I think so many of us can relate to all of these feelings! xx
This post had me all up in my feelings. Such a wonderful gift and I admire you so much
Thank you so much Dee. xx
Aaaww this is lovely! I hope you all had a wonderful mothers day, such a lovely post to write.
Thank you so much. xx
What a completely honest and moving post. It’s clear that no matter what your personal feelings, you’ve all put Lewis first and want absolutely the best for him. And how lucky is he to have so many people supporting him in life. I’d like to think I’d handle it all with as much grace as you have, but in all honesty I’m not sure I would. I hope you all had a happy mothers day yesterday.
Thank you Katy. Oh trust me in the beginning I really wasn’t quite as gracious, I felt very angry at having to share him, especially with someone new. Time is a great healer and I think we have all reached a point where we can work as a team and make sure that we raise Lewis to be the best he can be. He’s such a lovely boy, we have done a great job this far. xx
Beautifully written and so thoughtful X #bigpinklink
Thank you so much xx
Laura this is absolutely beautiful, congratulations on spreading this kind of love and for putting children first.
Your son is a beautiful child, too.
Thank you so much, I think that’s what parenting is all about isn’t it? Making sacrifices and compromising, even when it might be really tough! xx
This is lovely, just absolutely lovely. If only everyone could find a way to embrace the new people after a family changes shape. #bigpinklink
Thank you Heather, it wasn’t always easy but we got there! xx
This is so lovely! What a hard thing to have to go through but what a beautiful way to write it all down. You should be so proud of your son too. It sounds like he has adapted so well to all of the changes. Such a lovely post. #bigpinklink
Thank you Catherine. Coparenting is SO hard, especially when there are new partners involved, I am SO relieved that we found a way through and did what was right for our son. xx
Wow. You are an amazing woman to be able to put this to pen. Shows that your love for your son is so much greater then you need to dislike this other woman. #bigpinklink
This is brilliant! It’s fabulous that you’ve all managed to get to a place where the most important thing is that the child feels happy, safe and loved rather than it being about other things. Hope you had wonderful day!
What a heartfelt and honest post. This brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been in the beginning. It’s wonderful to hear how you have come to embrace this relationship in your life. Very inspirational and honest.
Thank you Brittany, I appreciate that. xx
Oh that’s so lovely, you have dealt with your struggles in such a gracious way and you have obviously brought up your boy to be kind and loving and caring. To show him your own maturity and acceptance must have been an amazing example for him over the years.
Thank you Cliona. All any of us want is for him to be happy, and he is SO lucky and so loved! xx
Oh gosh. I can’t even begin to imagine what an emotional rollercoaster Mother’s Day, and other holidays must be for you. You have definitely turned it into a positive. Out of curiosity, do you think she’ll read this?
Weirdly, I dreamt about my husband leaving me with 2 kids last night so I am glad I didn’t read this then so I am putting that down to pregnancy hormones hahahaha
I’m not sure Vicky? I like to think that she will, although even if she doesn’t it was very therapeutic for me to share. Haha oh no! I have weird dreams all the time about my husband and then feel angry at him the next day! xx
Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms (and Dads) worldwide. You might have differences but there is always binds you with love.
Thank you Blair, I totally agree! xx
Such a beautfiul post. Lewis is so very lucky to be surrounded with so much love #pinklinker
Thank you Natalie. xx
I am so moved by your story, I’m glad everything work out on your favor. Being separated to from your partner and start a new life with kids involve was hard. But you handle it well, so glad to see you in a good place and your ex current wife co parenting.
Thank you Farrah. I think divorce is so hard for everyone involved, more so when there are children involved. We found our way through though and our son is so happy as a result. xx
What an emotional piece. Lewis is definately a lucky boy. Happy belated mother’s day x
Thank you Kira, back at you! xx
I applaud you for being strong and mature enough to accept how your lives have changed. It’s not an easy situation to accept but you did your best and it paid off. I think this is a wonderful, heartfelt letter to your son’s step-mother.
Thank you lovely lady, it wasn’t easy at all but we did what was right for our son. He is such a wonderful young man because of it. xx
I just love how honest your posts are. I’m sure other step parents will be able to relate to this and find it comforting too. It’s not easy to parent someone child and it’s a struggle to find a balance, you’re doing great
Thank you so much Chelsea. xx
Wow what a moving piece to read and something that must have been very hard to write.
Thank you Can, I appreciate that. xx
You made me cry…again! What a beautifully honest and touching post xxx
Ahh thank you so much. xxx
I haven’t read anything this heartfelt in a while. I ca imagine how hard it must have been for you. But I’m happy that you’ve now found a place of joy. What a lucky kid Lewis is! Loved by so many. And I guess at the end of the day that’s the most important thing.
Ahh thank you so much Joline. That’s exactly it, as long as he is loved and cared for I am happy. xx
I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes as a step parent, but I have a friend who recently adopted her husband’s children. It hasn’t been easy for her, but she keeps going day after day.
Ahh that’s lovely she did that. I think any kind of role as step parent is difficult, it’s not something I know if I could do. xx
Laura, as usual I just love your posts. Being a step-mum and seeing my son grow up with another woman around him this post wad everything I needed to read.
…and to think after the blogging event you were gonna quit! Pfft! X
Ahh Tina, thank you so much. You are so kind to me, I’m glad that you can relate to this. xx
Aw what a beautiful post Laura. I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day too – it’s so lovely that you’re all so happy. 🙂
#bigpinklink
Thank you my lovely. xx
What an incredibly raw and honest post…I love your writing. Hope you had a Happy Mother’s Day, I’m sure Lewis had you in his thoughts all day even though he wasn’t with you.
Thank you Vanessa. Yes he rang me in the morning and he was home earlier than usual for a mothers day tea, it’s just the way the weekends fall. I don’t begrudge it at all. xx
It must have been a very hard journey to go through and to see your son being looked after by someone else and being compared to each other. I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend mother’s day with Lewis but I am sure he loves you so much and is proud to have you as a mum.
Thank you Kirsty. I did get to spend Mothers Day evening with him, he came home in time for a mothers day take out (yum!) so that was lovely. xx
This is just brilliant. Such a well written, moving post, such a clever take on Mother’s Day. But what really makes it wonderful is the real emotion behind it. How strong you are to have dealt with all these emotions and then to have turned them into this. You are very good at sharing, in more ways than one. #bigpinklink
Ahh thank you so much my lovely. That’s so kind of you to say. xx
how strong a Mummy you are. was such a emotional post to read so I have no idea how you managed to write it.
Thank you Caz, it was a tough one that’s for sure! xx
Wow! This is great at. I love how open you are about a blended family. This is so healthy for your children!
Thank you Komal, it’s important that we try to put our children first isn’t it? xx
Aww this is just lovely . Really strikes a chord with me . Pity more people couldn’t be like this x
Thank you so much. xx
What a touching read this was…it is very hard to be away from your child but yet again it’s very bold of you and so courageous of you to remain positive amidst all this. I wish you the very best in finding this kind balance. Blessed mother’s day to the both of you.
Thank you Dalene. It’s important to just embrace the path that life has placed you on, even when it’s really tough! xx
I love how you write with such honesty. Your way with words is beautiful. Effortless. This is such a lovely letter. I’m sure all involved will love that you’ve written it!
Thank you Sinead, I do hope so, I was so scared to share it! xx
Laura, this is just beautiful. Honest and pure. B sounds wonderful and it’s great that when your son isn’t with you, someone else is taking such good care of him. Happy Mother’s Day to both of you xx
Thank you Kat. That’s exactly it, although his Dad is always there for him, sometimes you just want a cuddle off your Mum and if I can’t be there, I’m glad she is. xx
Wow, I have so much respect for you. I can only imagine how hard must have been for you and despite all you filled with love and kindness.
Thank you so much Jana. xx
This was such a lovely read, Laura. I wish my mum could have been like this with my stepmum. You have a big heart xx
Ahh thank you Nadia. xxx
This is so sweet and honest of you writing something like this! I do understand both sides and for you to be braver to actually admit that this other person is also a loving person on your son’s life it’s of big bravery! Well done, x
Thank you Amalia, I appreciate you reading. xx
I think this women is very lucky to have your appreciation and admiration. I don’t have the same feelings for various reasons but more women probably could hold less of a grudge then they do.
Thank you Rose. It’s not always possible for some women to accept a new step parent, I know so many friends who cannot have any appreciation, or even liking, for their exes new partner. It’s a very tricky role to navigate, I think we all have to learn as we go. xx
I now have tears rolling down my cheeks. Wonderfully written. You are a very special lady! Much love & I hope you had a fantastic mother’s day ?
Ahh Catie thank you so much, that’s so lovely of you to take the time to say. I hope you had a lovely mothers day too. xx
Jesus bloody Christ that got me right in the feels! Sitting on the Bus to work sobbing!!! You are amazing, I don’t know if I could ever get over what you have overcome and embraced. What an absolute inspiration.
Ahh Lucie thank you so much, that’s so kind of you to say. xx
I can’t even imagine having someone else care for my daughter. I shudder to think I will ever separate from my lovely husband. You are a great mom.
Thank you, it’s not something that any of us want to think about but it happens so frequently in this day and age. It was tough, but we got there. xx
This was so heartbreaking to read and I can’t even imagine your feelings when your son was taken away from you. Even if his step mother loves and treats him like her own, he is still your son and I could feel your pain through your words that he was not there on Mother’s Day… as he should have been with you. I’m so sorry, and I do hope that maybe next year things will be different.
Thank you Joanna. Luckily I have him 9 days out of every 14 so in terms of spending time together, there is always opportunity. It was just the way the weekends fell this time that he wasn’t home for mothers day, but we did have a lovely mothers day meal together later on which was nice. xx
Wow. This is amazing Laura. So open and honest, real and raw. I have never even thought about this before, it must have been so horrible to hand your boy over but what a wonderful flood of positivity to come out of it. The world would be a better place if more people could have this outlook in my opinion as there is so much bitterness and resentment in situations like the one you described. Understandably as well at first I’m sure, but not good when it impacts on the children. I have so much respect for you for reaching this positive outcome. It must also give you so much more peace and closure than the negativity which came first. Big love for this.
Thank you so much. I was really worried about sharing this as I know initially, I did struggle so much and I still feel guilty about that in some ways. I think it’s natural to find things hard, especially when your children are concerned, I missed him SO much in those early years. I think having two families and two homes has been a wonderful thing for Lewis, he is so much more well rounded because of it. xx
Wow what an amazing woman you are. no wonder your son is so wonderful. His step mum sounds very wise and obviously appreciates the qualities your son has bought into her life. How fantastic for you both, and for your son, that two amazing women are willing to put insecurities aside for the shared love of a boy xx
Ahh thank you so much Maria. We are very lucky to have him that’s for sure. xx
It’s great that such a potentially difficult situation has worked out so well. I count my lucky stars that my husband doesn’t have any kids from his previous marriage.
Yes it’s worked out so well. I feel the same Linda, I’m honestly not sure I could do it! xx
How lovely that given time you have managed to reach a point where your son benefits so much from both of you. Good for you for acknowledging that too. #Dreamteam
Thank you, it’s been lovely that everyone has been so supportive of my post! xx
A beautifully written post. My parents divorced when I was 10 and it was a rocky road, but fast forward to today and we all have a great relationship with my step dad, and our step siblings, and everyone is in a really good place where we’re just a family, albeit not a very conventional one! #TriumphantTales
Thank you. I love that Siobhan, and that’s exactly as it should be. It isn’t easy, and it has been a case of swallowing our pride and biting our tongues at times, but the most important thing is that lewis is happy and loved. That’s all that really matters. xx
I felt all the emotions there Laura, as if I was you. I would have felt exactly the same things. I can’t imagine going through what you’ve been through. But then again, we might not have understood the purpose at that time but surely we see it now. What’s important is everything worked out well for you and the entire family. That is all that matters. You are blessed to have her in your lives.
Thank you so much. I think that’s just it, with hindsight our lives turned out the way in which they were supposed to. It just took us a little time to realise that. xxz
Oh Laura what a beautiful post which pulls at my heart strings. You see I am the stepmother (obviously not Lewis’ but you know what I mean). My stepson was 2 when I began dating his Dad and whilst things have been a rollercoaster with his Mum, thankfully we have in the past 4-5 years found peace with each other. I have never wanted to replace his Mum, even at a time when he asked if he could call me Mum I suggested how this might really hurt his Mum to do so. I know that he loves me and he knows that I love him as much as my own children, the only thing that surprised me was that Lewis wouldn’t be with you on Mother’s Day. No matter how our weekends fall, the four of us will always ensure he is with his Mum on Mother’s Day and his Dad on Father’s Day. He will still give me and his stepdad gifts but he will spend such days with his true parent xx
What a beautiful boy you have xx
Thank you Sabina, it sounds as though you have reached a point where things have all worked out between you. And yes, dependent on the way our weekends fall Lewis may be here for mothers day or at his dads, BUT we always make sure that he returns home earlier than usual to spend a little time with us before the evening, and this year although I didn’t wake up to him, I did get to share a meal with him at night and we had our cards and presents then. I don’t begrudge this stepmum that at all, she deserves those moments as there are far too many that she misses out on that are reserved purely for Lewis and I. xx
I think this post shows how much maturity you have to be able to realize that a loved one can have a place in their hearts for more than one person and I truly commend you on your ability to translate that into a feeling of respect as opposed to jealousy.I had issues with jealousy growing up, as I hated being left out or being made to feel like I was second best. I would often feel jealous of those who had their perfect families and then there was me. But now I am in a much better place and have grown just like you. It might not have been what you expected from your life but I am glad that you and Lewis’s stepmum have a mutual respect for each other now.
Thank you Ana, I think that’s exactly it isn’t it? Just because we didn’t expect our lives to pan out this way doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t embrace it with both hands. Lewis is SO lucky to have the love of four parents, I know that you will agree with this, some children are never that lucky. xx
wow!This is so amazing. I sincerely this post; so touching;i hope she get to read it
Thank you Matthew. xx
You write and express yourself beautifully and I have been crying since the second paragraph. I have never had children but you have given me an understanding of why mothers act the way that they do when there is another wife involved in their family relationship. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Ahh thank you so much Razena. I totally agree with that, I think the thought of having to share your child and the fear of being replaced can make a lot of women react very badly indeed. I struggled a lot in those early days but I had to swallow my pride, and my own hurt, and do what was right for our child. xx
Much respect to you. I can only imagine how tough it was for you in the beginning, but glad to see that you saw the good in the situation. Your son is lucky to have two families full of love and care.
Thank you so much Kristyn, he is very lucky indeed. xx
This is a beautiful post. You are so strong to be able to talk about this when so many others would avoid it. I hope your Mother’s Day was full of love.
Thank you so much Steven. I really appreciate that. xx
Oh Laura, here I am with tears running down my face reading your blog post… again. Your writing is so true, so heartfelt, it gets me every time. Every emotion you describe I know I’d feel the same. I’m so happy that you and B make things work so well and that you have so much love for the new family situation. Lewis is truly blessed to have you handle this with such grace and love. x
Ahh thank you so much Becky. I was really worried about sharing this, I think it’s very hard to share a story that isn’t all mine. That said, it has been so lovely to have such supportive comments and seeing how many can relate to this too. Sharing a child is so hard, but seeing how happy he is and what a lovely boy he has become? That part is easy. xx
I can feel your pain and your joy in this post. So beautifully written. So relateable for so many people. I think it takes so much to be the bigger person and accept the ‘other mother’ into your life. But it’s so much better for the kids when you do. Great post as always Laura x.
Oops! #bigpinklink
Thank you Claire. It’s SO hard, especially to think of someone taking our place. It took me a long time to realise that she didn’t want to take my place at all, and there was room in Lew’s life for the both of us. xx
Aw, this is such a touching post! I hope that you had a wonderful Mother’s Day. 🙂
Thank you so much. xx
What a lovely post. He is very lucky to have you both in his life. #bigpinklink
Thank you Julie! xx
Such a mature outlook you have now and one that is so much healthier for your mental health. It must have been very hard for you to have had a new female person in your sons life and one that shared his affections. However, you will always remain his mum and as he grows and matures his affection, love and respect for you will grow too.
Thank you Kathryn, you’re so right. It’s so much healthier to embrace a new figure in your Childs life than to feel resentful about it. xx
This made me well up. He is so lucky to have so many people who love him x
Thank you Jen, he really is very lucky. xx
Oh gosh I have tears in my eyes. What a difficult situation to navigate, and one that I have not heard spoken about much in this way. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said no-one grows up dreaming of being the second wife or an ex-wife. But Lewis sounds like a fine young man and it’s great that he is loved by so many people. #dreamteam
Thank you Lucy, it was a tough one to write and share, I always feel nervous when I press that share button! Lewis is such a gorgeous young man, he really is so lucky! xx
I love how honest this post is. It takes us on your journey of processing everything and coming to a place of acceptance. That’s super hard I’m sure.
Thank you Nina, it was hard but we got there in the end! xx
You are an elegant and classy lady. Your son is so lucky to have two compassionate and caring mums in his life. Blessed.
Ahh thank you so much Stephanie. He really is. xx
Such a heartfelt post. It’s nice to know you embrace your son’s stepmom. Not a lot of women do.
Thank you Fatima, I think it’s important that we do. xx
This must be difficult especially for step parents. I really like how well written this is
Thank you Hannah. xx
Brave, strong and beautiful. Your son looks as if he has thrived with all this extra love and attention. #bigpinklink
Thank you, he is a wonderful child that’s for sure! xx
This is beautiful. I am on the other side – I am step mum to two children (as well as having three of my own) and it is so so hard. It’s hard to be the parenting figure but not quite able to discipline how you would like. It’s hard when they making cutting remarks about how you are NOT their mum and when they ask their Dad in front of you why he is no longer in love with their mum. However time really is the best therapy and the harder you work at it, the easier things become. Your post has made me see things from the other side and I hope that their mother has as much respect for me as you do for Lewis’s Stepmum (although I fear this is not the case!!) Thank you for sharing. #fortheloveofblog
Ahh Kayleigh I always say to Gaz that being a step parent must be the hardest job in the world. You love them like your own but you know you will never be their mum or dad, it must be very hard. I think celebrating the step parents in our children’s life is so important, I want Lewis to grow up knowing that he can talk about his life there, and share his love for his Step mum without hurting me and vice versa with his Dad. We are all doing the best we can to raise our child, its important to work together! x
Oh darling, I so admire you. This is such a beautiful post. I am now and always have been a single parent and currently going through difficulties with an ex and his new lady. Put it this way your a better woman than me and I admire you for that.
Ahh thank you so much, but honestly in those early days I really wasn’t quite as understanding at all. It came with time and acceptance, but it IS hard. xx
I have a lot of feelings from this post. Being that dad who has their child every other weekend and one night a week, I can tell you I know how hard it is to lose my daughter for all of those times. I fill up my life with work, and blogging, but it still doesn’t fill the void when my daughter is gone. It’s great though that you and the step mother have been able to have a healthy relationship and build one where you trust one another to do the right thing for your son, which is the most important thing. This is really a beautiful letter.
Thank you David. I can only imagine how hard that is, I know I am very lucky that I have Lewis slightly more than his Dad does, and I know that he must miss him tremendously on those days, just as I do when he is there. None of us have a child with the intention of missing out on part of their life, but I guess that is the situation for so many of us. It’s just a case of finding a way through and making sure our children are happy. Thank you for reading. xx
Beautifully written and incredibly poignant. Lewis is lucky that you have all made this set up work so well for him and he has so many loving people in his life. Putting aside your personal feelings and emotions must have been hard initially but you have shown how worthwhile it has been. I hope his stepmother gets to read this and appreciates the sentiment. #fortheloveofBLOG
Thank you Hayley. I think that will always be the hardest part, putting aside your own feelings when a relationship ends is very hard, especially in those early days. I love that we have all reached a place where we have found our feet, know our roles and have Lewis’s interest at heart. xx
This is such a beautiful post Laura. It hit very close to home since I also coparent with my son’s father and relate to your post so well. It sounds like Lewis is such a lucky boy with so much love in his life xx
Thank you. Co-parenting is so hard, nobody ever sets you up for that do they? I had no clue where to begin or how to handle it, and introducing new partners was a whole new ball game. I think it’s just about finding a way through, and putting our children first. xx
I can’t love this enough. Absolutely stunning. Thanks so much
Thank you Charlie. xxx
Just popping back again from the #fortheloveofBLOG linky!
Thank you! xx
What a beautiful and from the heart letter. You’re the amazing person you’ve taught your son it’s ok to love and care for someone else too. That is a beautiful emotion to teach him
Thank you Stephanie, he has taught me so much in return. xx
Oh my goodness.. what a wonderful & touching story! so beautiful!
Thank you Suchi. xx
Your letter to his stepmum would be unconventional, but meaningful and sweet. Everyone should get along no matter what status are you in. Very touching and hope your son is happy having two Moms!
Thank you Blair. xx
Reading this has taken me through such a range of emotions and I really can’t imagine how heartbreaking it must have been back in those early days. The love and respect that you all share as a family is incredible and Lewis is so lucky to be adored and cared for by two such wonderful women. The fact that you can see through all of the heartache and potential causes for jealousy, to put his happiness first, shows just what an an amazing mum you are Laura. This is absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing it with us at #DreamTeam xx
Thank you lovely, I will never pretend that it was easy because it really wasn’t, but it was important that we did what was right for our son. It took me a long time to realise that his Stepmum wasn’t looking to take my place, and there is a role for her in Lewis’s life that is just as important as my own. xx
Wow Laura what a beautiful and heart felt post I think it’s so amazing that you wrote this for Mother’s Day so touching hun. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub with this xoxo
Thank you Talya, and for hosting too! xx
Oh wow what a heart warming post. It actually brought me to tears. I’m so happy that you have such a lovely family dynamics and that you have embraced the exclusivity for the sake of your son. I’m sure that through all the heartache and tears, you have always put your son’s best interest first. You are an amazing mom and to acknowledge what his stepmom has done in his life – I’m sure has taken a lot of courage to share. I salute you and may your relationship grow from strength to strength.#dreamteam
Ahh Thank you Noleen, it has been a long, hard, journey at times but we got there and that’s the main thing isn’t it? xx
I remember talking with a friend of mine, many years ago now, about her ex-husband’s new wife. She said “she’s really lovely – which is good. Because why would I want my daughters spending time with someone who isn’t….” and at that moment it made sense. It still takes a special person to acknowledge that – and you’re certainly special. ps: that last pic… oh my goodness, but isn’t he the IMAGE of you?!
Yes!! Exactly that!! Even when you don’t want to like a person, for whatever personal issues you have or feelings you are dealing with, you need to know that the person who is spending time with your child is a good person. It took me a little time to reach this point, I think that’s only natural when your heart is broken, but I’m so glad that we did. And thank you so much, Lewis really IS my double, hah! xx
Omg Laura. Your posts almost hit a real nerve with me and this post is no exceptions. You write from the heart and it’s clear that you have a real gift for it, . Growing up, I was Lewis and although it wasn’t easy to be shuttled about between houses, it was made better because if the lovely adults in my life. You have a very positive outlook on a, at times, tricky situation. Xx #coolmumclub
PS your son looks just like you!
Ahh thank you Sophie, you’re so kind. It must be very hard to be back and forth, I really sympathise with Lewis for that, but he has such a good life, with soon to be six siblings, and four parents who love him very much. And yes, he is SO like me, haha! xxx
Wow! What a gorgeous and honest post. It really does give a huge insight into the lives of blended families and whilst many do struggle, I’m so glad that you’ve all got through this to be in the very best of situations: with everyone getting on and surrounded by love. Lewis sounds like he is a very lucky boy. #CoolMumClub xxx
Thank you Cheryl. It’s not always been easy but we have reached a point where we all have Lewis’s best interests at heart and he is such a happy, well rounded, gorgeous young man because of it. xx
So choked up reading this Laura – for my own Mum who I know found sharing me with my step mum so hard (and still does), for my Step-mum too, and for the very concept of sharing my won children with another mother figure.
So candid and honest, yet so selfless in conclusion, you really are such a wonderful soul. Happy Belated Mothers Day x
#CoolMumClub – Thank you for linking
Thank you lovely, I think it’s always going to be hard at times, for all involved, but it’s a reality for so many people. I feel happier knowing that Lewis is happy, even if there have been times when I have not. xx
It’s a difficult situation isn’t it. I’ve been in both shoes and continue to be so now with my son and my partner’s son’s. Waking up without him on Mother’s Day must have been very hard but sounds like you’re doing a great job of it all.
Thanks Fi, there will always be moments which are hard, it’s just about finding the best in the situation. xx
Oh my goodness what a beautiful heartfelt letter. I went through a rollercoaster of emotions reading it. What a journey. #ThatFridayLinky
Thank you so much Tash. xx
What a inspiring and honest post. Hopefully it will help give other families going through a difficult seperation hope that there is light. #thatfridaylinky
Thank you, I really hope that it does. It’s incredibly hard for parents when they split, especially if it hasn’t ended amicably, but it really is possible to put those feelings aside and embrace a new, slightly dysfunctional at times, family. xx
Oh Laura, what a beautiful heartfelt post. I have often thought about this when friends have seperated what that would feel like and I’m not sure I could handle it with even a fraction of the way you have. Thanks for being my fabulous co-hostess with the hostess this week. #bigpinklink
Ahh thank you Lou. It’s hard when our maternal instinct is to want to keep our children close and someone else comes along and threatens our place. I guess it’s a learning curve trying to work out where we all fit, and realising that there is room for all of us. xx
This is so darn beautiful. I haven’t had to face this yet, but my ex-husband had to face his children having a Stepdad. I can’t imagine it is easy, but the strength you have to come through it when so many others couldn’t see it the way you have – is astonishing. And commendable. xx
Thank you so much. I think it’s very hard for any parent to have someone else come into their Childs life, I’m sure that however hard I found it to see my ex husbands wife become a part of Lewis’s life, he felt exactly the same way about my husband too. It’s hard, and it can take a long time to work out where we all fit, but I’m so glad that we all did. xx
Oh my gosh crying reading this. All the way through I was enjoying the writing and the story unfolding reading as an outsider thinking I’m not a Step Mum but then as the post ended it dawned on me my Mum and Dad broke up when I was 8 and he went to live with the other woman, married her and 37 years later they’re still together so I read this as a Step Daughter who now feels very guilty as I’ve never ever thought to wish my Step Mother a Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for sharing such a touching take on things. It’s really spoken to my heart and I hope the lady who it is about reads it x
Oh Liska, thank you so much for your lovely comment. Please don’t feel guilty, I think everyone has a different relationship with their step parents, Lewis was very young when his Dad and I split and I think it makes a big difference to how accepting he was to my husband his Dads wife. We were very lucky that it was a smooth process, I know for many it is very hard indeed. Thank you again for reading. xx
It must be so difficult going through this experience. I can only assume that he will be happy that both his parents are happy now. It’s great that getting to see him runs smoothly and there’s no unnecessary hurdles thrown in the way. #bigpinklink
Returning via #TriumphantTales
Thank you Helena, he has a wonderful life and that’s all we can hope for. xx
Oh Laura, this is beautiful! My parents divorced when I was very young and both parents remarried. My first stepmother was an angel, she went out of her way to make us feel comfortable in what is an awkward situation for all at the start. She honestly cared for us like her own and did things for us that our mum would also do.
It is only now as a mother I realised how hard it must have been for my mum and also for Simone trying to find their place in their childs life whilst not letting on it was a struggle.
My second stepmum is your stereotypical evil stepmum, so I know how lucky Lewis and all of you are to have someone in your life to respects your boundaries and loves him like her own.
Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week!
Ahh thank you lovely. I think step families can be a minefield and hard for so many people in so many different ways. I am so glad that your first stepmother was wonderful, and so sorry that your second was not. That’s exactly the reason I am so grateful, if anyone has to be a part of my sons life I can only be grateful that she is lovely. xx
Just popping back from #sharingthebloglove =]
That was a beautifully story. Love your honesty. Your son is so blessed to have 2 great moms in his life.
You are an amazing woman and I salute you!
(((hugs)))
#KCACOLS
Thank you Veronica. xx
Laura you have my total respect, for me even 15years on I would never accept my three older accepting anybody as a second dad. I’m afraid it would hurt way too much. Thankfully I haven’t had too. Thank goodness I have a very strong bond with them and something that happened just yesterday showed how strong the bond is. I guess I don’t share well especially when it comes to my older children. Great read as always xx
Thank you Nige. Honestly, it’s one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, particularly as back then, Lewis was all I had. Having just lost one son it killed me to feel that I was losing part of a second. Over the years I have realised that lewis will only ever have one Mum, and my role there will never change, but having B in his life enhances it in so many ways and another parental figure is only ever a good thing. Lew has a great life, with so many people who love him, I can only ever feel grateful for that. xx
Oh I forgot Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week
Such a beautifully written letter. Your son us very lucky to have you all pitting him first. #sharingthebloglove
Thank you Claire. xx
As a step-mum, this was lovely to read. You have a real ability of writing well to get the message across. Thanks for joining in with #ThatFridayLinky
Ahh thank you so much Emily, I have huge admiration for Step parents, you do an amazing job! xx
I love this because a lot of parents find issues when children spend time with anyone other than their parents! This is beautiful
Thank you Cianie. xx
Wow this was an emotional post to read, and I can’t imagine what it must have felt like at first. However as I read it, it was heartwarming to read, and you are one incredibly strong and brave lady. Happy Mother’s Day for the other day lovely, and thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x
Thank you Claire, it was really therapeutic to write and turns out a lot of people can relate to it. Step families are hard work, but can be so rewarding! xx
Such a beautifully written post. #SharingTheBlogLove
Thank you Helen. xx
I absolutely love this post Laura! I can’t imagine how hard it has been to accept a new person into your child’s life, someone who you didn’t get a say on choosing. However it sounds like you’ve handled it so so well and this is such a beautiful letter. Thanks so much for linking up at #kcacols. Hope you come back next time
Thank you so much, I’ve been so touched by the support on this post. I think sharing a child will always be incredibly hard but it really shouldn’t be the case for the child themselves. xx
When adults cannot put their differences aside for their children it is only the children that suffer. It is so brave to overcome the pain and heartache to be a positive role model for your children. I have no doubt that your son will grow into a wonderful human being as a result! #sharingthebloglove
Thank you, I completely agree. As parents all we should want for our children is to be loved and to be happy, I really wish more parents would put their differences to one side and do what’s right for their children. xx
Your son is very lucky to have two women in his life who have so much respect for each other. I see so many fraught relationships between split parents and new partners that it’s so refreshing to see what a good version of that relationship looks like.
And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂
Thank you. I think that was part of my reasoning when his step mum came along, I didn’t want him to grow up around that negativity. Oh and thank you so much! That’s so lovely to hear!! xx
Beautiful and brave words Laura. It must be very reassuring that they both get on so well, making that wave goodbye that much easier. #kcacols
Thank you Carol. xx
In some way, I am lewis. I grew up with a Mum, step dad, Dad and step mum. Unfortunately it came about from my Dad and step mum having an affair when I was only very young so you can imagine that my Mum’s feelings towards step mum were not very friendly. As I was only 4 when my mum and dad split up, i don’t remember it or them ever being together. My Dad died when I was 17 and suddenly, any bad feeling between my Mum and SM disappeared. They both had daughters who had lost their dad and stood united to support us and keep the relationship between me and my (half) sister going strong. I have a lovely relationship with my SM now but she will never be my Mum. I’m sure it will be the same with Lewis. #KCACOLS
Oh Becky I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad but how lovely that your step mum and your mum united. I was in the exact same situation you describe, and lewis was just four too, so I really do relate to your situation. Although at the time it was very hard, now I am so grateful that life turned out the way it did, as without it I would not have married Gaz and nor would we have three more children. Sometimes things work out the way they were supposed to, even though at the time it doesn’t feel that way at all. Lots of love to you. xx
Such a gorgeous post and beautifully written. Lewis is a very lucky boy #SharingtheBlogLove
Thank you so much Andrea xx
A wonderful, happy and tear inducing post. What a great piece.
Mainy
#KCACOLS
Ahh thank you so much for reading Mainy. xx
A beautiful post as always Laura. Lewis is very lucky to have two sets of parents who love him very much, I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you waving him off. But at least knowing his stepmum cares so much for him must help. #sharingthebloglove
Thanks Louise. It’s so reassuring to know that when I’m not with him he is still cared for and loved. xx
Wonderful. Blended families are never in for an easy ride, but you are a great example to those trying to make it work. #kcacols
Thank you so much xx
What a beautiful and honest letter. It must have been so difficult for you all to adjust but it’s lovely to hear what positive relationships you have. #KCACOLS
Thank you, it was difficult but it all ended up as it was supposed to. xx
This is lovely, Laura. Just picked it up from the Mumsnet email, a great read x
This is such a beautiful and heartfelt post.
A wonderful peek into your mind and heart