One year ago today I decided to seize the day and get back to doing something that I love – writing. It was a giant leap of faith to put myself back out there and share, not only my family with you all, but my heart and soul too.
It’s not often that I feel a sense of pride in myself, other than in that of being a Mummy, but I am very proud of all that I have achieved this year. It took a great deal of time, and Googling, to fathom how to even start a blog, let alone find the time to update it and learn the different ways to get my blog out there. I have just about managed to get my head around the likes of Twitter and Instagram, manoeuvre my way through Word Press, laid the groundwork for going Self Hosted, and get to grips with the many, many link-ups available to us bloggers! I have learned to trust my instinct in what I share, in the photos of my children and the details of our lives together. I have taken on board every compliment, and every criticism, and I have, I hope, stayed true to myself in what I write, what I share, and ultimately, what I believe in.
I never wanted to be the kind of blogger who painted a picture of the perfect life. I think that there are many of those types of bloggers out there, and I love and enjoy their blogs equally, but for me, I knew that should I share my blog, it would have to be warts and all. And I’ve faced some negativity over that, albeit in the minority, those who feel that I should not have shared my experiences of mental illness, or my battle with anorexia, nor the deep dark secrets that they feel were not made for public reading. I think, rather sadly, that there are many people who would be happy to sweep those kind of things under the carpet and ignore the harsh realities of life, but, for me, my attitude has always been this; life is tough, but there are so many wonderful moments amongst such sadness should we take the time to look.
I know that there are occassions when my blog does not make for a pleasant read. There are times when I write about my memories of Joseph, our experience of losing a much wanted son, the way in which his death has impacted on our life as a family, even now, ten years later. I know that there are moments when it must be impossible to read about these things without feeling moved in some way, without bringing you to tears as you cradle your pregnant belly or hold a healthy child in your arms. I know that it must evoke thoughts, emotions, a reality that you would rather not face, and for that I am truly grateful for the fact that you continue to read. Even when it’s upsetting, when it’s scary, when it’s so desperately sad to even begin to imagine, you honour Joseph’s memory and you read on. Time and time again I am moved by the support I have been shown, by the way in which so many of you have allowed my son into your hearts. I am certain that he would be very proud of himself, I know I am.
Amongst all of that, it has been an absolute delight to share my little doves with you all. I have adored sharing my memories of Harry as he grows, through from his first birthday to the way in which he has blossomed into a cheeky, adventurous and funny little boy. I have been grateful of the opportunity to share the adventures of our beautiful, sweet Meggy, to have your feedback on the difficulties we have faced with her behaviour, to welcome the shared experience of a child who, let’s face it, has tested my very limits. I have loved sharing our tales of Eva, the way in which she is finding her feet, how she has flourished at pre-school, grown in confidence and undeniably, in beauty. And I have been so thankful to share my stories of Lewis, to tell you just how very proud I am of my boy, the most handsome and kind young man we could have hoped for.
This year has seen so many changes within our family. Lewis starting high school, Eva at pre-school and Meggy at nursery. We have enjoyed two very different holidays, from our disastrous week down in Dorset to our adventures up in Cumbria. We have shared birthdays, Christmas’s, anniversaries, days out and days in. There have been some amazing times, some terrible times, days where I have loved every minute of parenting and others where I have wanted to pack a bag and leave. I have struggled massively with on-going health issues this year, spent far too much time in and out of hospital, still searching for a diagnosis, let alone a cure. I have been up and down and back again, we have laughed, cried, torn out our hair and spent many, many hours counting down to bedtime. But from the ordinary to the extraordinary, what a year it has been. And I am so glad that in years to come, we will have all of this to look back on.
And to all of you who read this, who take the time to comment, to message me, even to stop me on the street and tell me, “I love your blog!”, that, right there, makes me feel as though I have achieved something to be proud of. I love being a Mummy, I hope that comes across in my blog, but I also love that for just a short time each day, even just ten minutes of an evening, I can just be me, doing what I love, sharing the highs and lows of life as a thirty something dealing with life, love and loss. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Happy Bloggiversary to me! Here’s to the next twelve months!!