SANDS Summer Soiree, getting my priorities straight.
It feels as though I’m constantly making excuses these days about why I’ve had no time to blog, to work my way through my lengthy To Do List, to see friends, do the housework, sit down and just….relax!! I’m always so full of apologies, rushed text messages to friends, “Must meet up soon!”, snatched telephone conversations, “I’ll call you back later!” and countless emails explaining my absence, my lack of posts, my inability to get anything done. And this last week, whilst suffering with tonsillitis and the sickness bug, I found myself struggling with the over-whelming pressure of it all, juggling the children and the home renovations, the mountain of washing (why do children always save projectile vomiting for bedtime?), before realising that actually, it’s all about priorities.
As many of you know, I am planning a charity event on the 16th July, the “SANDS Summer Soiree”, in honour of Joseph on his tenth birthday, and in all honesty I had no idea just how time consuming that would be. I don’t think that I have felt this stressed out about something since my wedding day – the worry that it won’t be a success, that people won’t come and support it, that I will have somehow let Joseph down despite my best efforts. I think in some ways it is even more stressful than my wedding day as at least then I had known that an RSVP meant that my guests would definitely be there on the day and not just a loosely based “going” on a Facebook page and the hope that they don’t get a better offer between now and then.
I’ve had to have tickets printed, both entry and raffle, plead for prizes and freebies, advertise and sell, organise music, catering, a bouncy castle to entertain the children. And through spreading the news of our event through word of mouth and social media, I was contacted by a local reporter who asked to share my story, take a few photos and hopefully help rally support for our event. It soon became clear that, what I had assumed would be a short article featuring details of our event, turned out to be a double paged spread, hitting the front page of the local papers, creating such a stir that the following day we featured on the website of a national newspaper and I had journalists knocking on my door asking for interviews by 8am. This week has been spent giving telephone interviews, sitting through photo shoots with the children and signing on the dotted line to agencies who want to share our story.
And for someone who just last week told you how much I hate having my photo taken, seeing my ugly mug on the front page of the newspaper was really quite difficult and I have spent the week battling with that little voice in my head that tells me just how terrible I looked, the regret that I hadn’t even brushed my hair, that I was wearing my oldest, comfiest Primark cardigan and that I really should have put on at least a slick of mascara. And yet I’ve had to suck it up because I know that, regardless of how greasy my hair was or not, there may have been somebody reading that article who really needed to read our story, to know that although it may seem as if their world has ended right now, that doesn’t mean that it’s the end.
And not only has it been time consuming for us all, but it has been emotionally draining too, having to re-live that time in my life, to go back through old, and extremely painful, memories. It has brought back a lot of feelings that I haven’t dared visit in a long while and, all of a sudden, a decade feels like no time at all. I seem to be swept up in this false bravado, the message behind the article being, ‘Look how wonderful her life turned out to be!’ which is absolutely true, of course it is, and yet how can anything ever be truly wonderful when we wake up every single day without our son? I feel that perhaps I am lulling myself into a false sense of security that the event will be nothing but fun and laughter, a time to celebrate Josephs life with some of our favourite people, and yet in reality I’m un-sure as to whether I will even get through the night without falling into a snotty, crying heap on the floor, whether the magnitude of a whole decade without him will hit me like a tonne of bricks
Yesterday I looked back through Josephs memory box for the first time in what felt like an age, through his scan photos, the prints of his perfect little hands and feet, the little name tags that had been placed around his wrist, the tape measure that had measured him from head to toe.
I looked through his clothes, remembering how excited I had been, the “I’m the baby brother” romper suit, the tiny swimming trunks we had planned for the Summer, the “My first Christmas” bib we had so easily expected he would wear. And, through my tears, I read through the hundreds of cards of commiserations, the beautiful messages of support, words that at the time had hurt too much to read, now so poignant, so true. And sat there, surrounded by his things, I realised just how much support we had, and how much support we do have, even a decade later. Those who want to there with us at our charity night will be there, and those who can’t be there, for whatever reason, will hold us in their thoughts, generously donate, send much appreciated raffle prizes and the reassurance that had it been possible, they would have been there for me, just as they always have been. And in that way, there is nothing at all to worry about.
So I won’t apologise for my absence, or excuse where my time has gone, because although I could have spent the week blogging or cleaning or doing the ten thousand things that I really should have been doing, I’ve actually been doing something far more important. On the 16th of July, at 7pm, we will be holding our event surrounded by those we love, raising money, a thought, and a large glass of wine, to SANDS, to friendship, to never giving up and most importantly to Joseph and the many, many little ones who we met along the way.
If anyone wishes to join us at our event, buy raffle tickets, has a prize to donate or would simply like to give via the Just Giving page, you can find all of the links below.
SANDS Summer Soiree Facebook Page
Donate via Just Giving
Thank you so much for all of your support so far, as always it is much appreciated.
Oh gosh what a story. I’m so glad I found it. How very brave you are – I’ll be thinking of you on Saturday. Remember to be kind to yourself at this time. All the very best, Amy x
#BloggerClubUK
Thanks Amy. I’m sure a few glasses of wine will help a little, I’m hoping it’s a lovely evening even though I’m expecting tears!! Xx
Wow. What you have achieved is amazing so well done you. I am so sorry for your loss. But I am in awe of the fact that you have founded something so positive out of it. I can imagine how much the charity event will mean to you and I wish you the best of luck.
Lots of love,
Amina xx
Thank you Amina, there are so many worthwhile charities and yet this one will always be closest to my heart. I hope that we do them, and Joseph, proud. Xx
This is so emotional. For Joseph you are doing this amazing event, raising awareness and getting the support that it deserves. I wish I lived closer so I could go! Congratulations to you for having the strength to revisit these memories and being an ambassador for SANDS- will definitely share this.
Thank you, that’s so lovely of you. Xxx
I don’t fully the details of your story only what I read here and towards the end it bought me to tears. I had an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage in the first trimester and that was hard enough but to lose a child must be incredably hard. I take my hat off to you. xx #bestandworst
Thank you. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I know all to well how painful miscarriages can be and I still think of all of my babies who I didn’t get the chance to meet. Having Joseph and then to lose him in that way was so difficult and yet here we are, a decade later, and still surviving. Sometimes there’s no other choice is there? Xxx
What you are doing is amazing. I hope your night on the 16th is an amazing success, and how lucky Joseph was to have such an amazing mother. #stayclassy
Thank you, much appreciated. Xxx
I really shouldn’t have read this in Starbucks. It’s such a heartfelt piece. If you can get that across in your writing, you really needn’t worry about your event. Clearly it will be a success and you will make Joseph very proud. I’m sure you’ll get through the event, the planned things, the big calendar dates you’re always geared up for. It’s the unexpected moments that catch me out. Good luck, I can’t wait to read about how it went.
Much love xxxx
#Sharingthebloglove
Aww thank you. I do hope so, it’s always stressful organising things, I can’t even organise a night out!! Will be sure to let you know how it goes. Xxx
Oh amazing.
What a time you must have had but you are doing a truly wonderful thing. I really hope all goes well.
Thank you. It’s definitely helping to focus on such a positive as we approach Josephs birthday this year. Xx
Well done Laura! This sounds like a fab event and a great way to remember your darling boy too. Now if only you lived nearby would love to attend 🙂
Thank you. Ahh I’m sure you would, I will look forward to sharing it with you all! Xxx
I hope (and know really, given all the work you’ve put in!) the event is a huge success! It’s for such a wonderful cause, and you have done so well getting all the media coverage, etc, because even though it must be so hard to talk about, every person reached by those stories will come away with a little more information and understanding than they had before. x
Thank you. That’s so true, I’ve even had messages from friends saying they had no idea what I had been through, I think for the most part we kept a lot of it to ourselves as it’s just so difficult to talk about when you’re in the thick of it? Thanks for reading. xx
What you are doing is incredible Laura and you should be so proud of yourself. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be dealing with all those emotions and remembering the last 10 years. I wish I lived nearby so I could come along, it sounds like such a fabulous event to remember Joseph xxx #thebabyformula
Such an emotional post. A great event to have in memory of Joseph I sure all your hard work will make it worth while
Thank you! I hope so!! xx
I for one find your story inspirational, so I have no doubt that others would have been helped by reading your story on the front of the newspaper too. And you look great in the photo! I live too far away to attend, but wishing you a successful event on the 16th. #StayClassyMama
Thank you, that’s lovely of you. I hope that it helped someone, every bit of awareness raise helps! xx
I hope you have the most amazing, magical, perfect night ever!
Thank you for posting such a personal blog!I’m sure it’ll strike a cord with many a family xxx
Thank you, I truly hope that it all goes to plan! xxx
Aw I remember you writing about this a while back and here it is. Bless it must be such an emotional time but amazing awareness and support for others. YOu look lovely on the newspaper photo! 🙂 I wish you all the best and hope goes well. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x
Thank you Sarah, the ones inside weren’t too flattering, haha!! I will be sure to share it with you all afterwards, fingers crossed it all goes to plan!! xx
Will be thinking of you on Saturday lovely what you are doing is amazing much love from us all at #coolmumclub xx
Thank you so much. xxx
Best of luck on your event – I really hope it goes well honey. I donate a proportion of any (measly) blog profits to a couple of charities, one of which being SANDS. I’m a bit behind so now I can donate them to your page. Perfect.
Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub xx
Thank you so, so much for your donation, this has really touched me. It means the world to me that people have taken Joseph into their hearts, he was a very special little boy. Thanks again, you are so lovely. Xxx
I can’t imagine how emotional this event will be for you, but I think it’s great that you’ve planned such an amazing event to honour your son. Good luck – we’ll raise a glass to you here on the 16th! #stayclassymama
Thank you so much, I’ll be raising more than one glass that’s for sure!! Hehe. Xx
I cannot imagine how you must feel but your amazing,I hope it all goes well sending huge big hugs to you on the day xxx
Thank you so much. I will be sharing the night with you the following week! Xx
It is an amazing thing that you are doing at what must be a very painful time. Never apologise, you are obviously juggling a lot of things and sometimes you can only do so much. Good luck with the fundraising, you are doing so well
Thank you so much. Xxx
That’s amazing – hope it goes really well. I organised a charity ball for BLISS a few years ago as my daughter was in an incubator (fish tank as I called it) which was bought by BLISS and it really meant a lot to me. It was a great night but a lot of stress. Thanks for linking to #sharewithme
Hehe my youngest three were ICU premmie babies and my eldest called the incubator their “rocket ship”. It’s hard work organising a charity do isn’t it? Well done you, I hope mine is a success!! Xx
I added this post to my Wednesday Wishes edition on my blog. I commend you for the! You are beautiful Laura!
Ahh thank you so much, that’s so lovely of you. Xxx
You are so welcome!! I just love your blog so much xoxo
Wow, I don’t know what to say really. You are so brave to do such a thing to celebrate him. I will be thinking of you And you don’t look terrible at all in the newspaper! What I see is a strong woman and a beautiful family portrait xx
#momsterslink
You are amazing, your strength and power are amazing, and Joseph was very lucky to have had you, even for that too short a time in this world. Sending lots of love and thoughts your way and wishing that you and your family get everything you need from this event. <3 Success be with you. #momsterlink #stayclassymama #mg
Thank you so much. And we were so very lucky to have him too. Xxx
I am so sorry that you had to go through this experience. I am also impressed that you have used this experience to help others when it would have been so easy not to do that. It speaks to the kid and thoughtful person you must be. #momsterslink
Thank you. I think many people who have suffered a loss turn to fundraising, it’s a way of giving back when there is nothing else you can do? It has definitely helped us focus on the positives. Xx
I’m sorry.
Milestones are hard and this one especially with the added focus of a big event can’t be easy.
I think you’re brave not for all that you have gone through but for allowing the media to tell your story so that it can reach a wider audience and help others.
For someone who’s been in control of how their story is presented through this blog it must have been incredibly nerve wracking to surrender that to not only the local press but the national media.
#StayClassyMama
I’m not sure if we have been brave or stupid, it has been really quite difficult having to go back over it all and like you say, the story is out of my hands. That said, I always think if it helps even one person then we have done something wonderful. I’ve already had countless messages from people thanking me for sharing our story, for making them more aware of how devastating stillbirth is or for making them feel “normal” for feeling the way they do, even 40 years later. The most important thing for us is that next Saturday we will be able to write a cheque to SANDS for a few thousand pounds and know that it was all for a good cause. I just need to keep it together until then!! Xx
You look fab in the paper and well done on your achievement. I hope the event goes well xx
Thanks Kara! xxx
I’ve just had a good cry after reading your post, my lovely. I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like to lose a baby and I really feel for your loss. When people lose a loved one (I lost my mum when I was 24, a totally different type of loss of course) people assume you eventually get on with life and that time’s a healer. But when it comes to children, the years are marked with so many milestones – first birthdays, first christmas, first day at school, first boy/girlfriend – the list goes on. That’s ten years of firsts you’ve missed out on and…(sorry, I’m crying again)…I’m so in awe of how you’ve managed to not only get on with life, but focus on doing such great work to help others. Thank you for being so brave and telling your story. Wishing you the best of luck at your fundraising party. xx
Aww bless you. It’s unbearable isn’t it? I think that’s the worst part about stillbirth, there is literally nothing else – no happy memories, no smiling photos, no shared moments that you can hold on to and cherish. And with every passing year it’s just another reminder of what you lost, right through from first birthdays to wedding days and grandchildren. It’s such a desperately sad situation and one that I struggle with even a decade on. That said, I have been so lucky to go on and have four healthy children, but of course, there should have always been five. Thank you for your lovely comment. xxx
I am wishing you all the luck in the world on the 16th, you are such an inspiration and I hope others, who have been through the same as you have, find some comfort x
Thank you so much! xxx
This is a lovely story and I’m glad the press coverage snowballed for you and helps to raise even more
Thanks Keely. xxx
You’re big time now… front page and all! And nevermind judging yourself. It’s a beautiful photo of a beautiful family. You have an amazing story and we are all the better for it. Thanks for sharing and no apologies required! #FabFridayPost
Hah thank you, you best get in line for my autograph!! Seriously, it was an honour to share our story with everyone, however difficult, and I hope that it reaches those who need to hear it. xx
You are such an incredible person and I hope the event is such a success. You have such a beautiful family and I hope the publication gave you the lift and exposure you needed. xx
Thank you so much. xxx
Oh Laura….. you’ve made me cry again just looking at those pictures of Joseph’s hand and footprints. You have done such an amazing job, not just in terms of raising the profile of SANDS and getting your story in the paper, but in battling on every single day and being an amazing mother for all your children. You have such amazing strength and of course you shouldn’t have to justify yourself for your lack of blogging or anything else! I wish you all the best for the 16th July, I’m sure you will get a huge amount of support both on the day and in donations. Strangely enough my family have been building up for an event on the 16th, we are walking 10 miles at midnight to raise money for the hospice which nursed my father-in-law before he died almost exactly a year ago on the 19th July. I can completely relate to feeling the pressure of trying to raise money and organise a successful event. I’ll be thinking of you and your event whilst I’m walking at midnight! Good luck xxx #CoolMumClub
Ahh thank you so much. Gosh that’s strange we are both holding events on the 16th July, and Josephs birthday is the 19th too. It’s stressful organising something isn’t it? Particularly one that involves sponsors or money as I always feel really cheeky and I know that money is tight for everyone with summer holidays approaching. I hope that your walk goes well, I’m sorry to hear about your father in law but I’m sure he would be very proud of you all. Let’s hope I do Joseph equally proud. xxx
Very strange re same dates. I’m sure you will do Joseph proud. Good luck, I look forward to hearing how the event goes. Xx
How very brave you are and what a moving story – We’ll be thinking of you on Saturday good luck with the event. Everyone deserves a rest and a break don’t be too hard on yourself! #BloggerClubUK #sharethebloglove xx
Thank you so much. I’m going to need a break when all of this is over, luckily we go on holiday the week after, ten lovely days to relax! Well as much as you can relax with four kids….! xx
You’re amazing Laura xx Sarah #FabFridayPost
Thanks lovely. xxx
I really hope the event goes really well and you raise a tonne of money. You really are an amazing person – I’ll be thinking of you on the 16th. I’m so pleased that SANDS were obviously so helpful for you – I sadly know from friends experiences the amazing work that they do in supporting parents through such an agonising time. Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
Thank you Katy. Fingers crossed it all goes to plan. The weather had given sunshine and yet today it says torrential so I’m stressing out about that a little! I need to just relax, what will be will be!!! xxx
You are so brave to face the media and share your story, and you are truly an inspiration to be organising an event like this too. I’m glad you’re not giving yourself a hard time about putting other things to one side for a while as you concentrate on this very important time and event in your lives. I’m sure it will go brilliantly, but even if you do end up in tears, it will be 100% understandable, and there will be so many people there to hold you and help you on. Have an amazing time xxx #FabFridayPost
Thank you. I’m sure that you’re right, I think there will be tears all round but also lots of happy tears too. I have a lot of ladies coming who I have never met, who also suffered stillbirths and we have supported eachother over the years. That in itself is going to be emotional all being together at last!! xxx
What you are doing is amazing, so no need to apologise if you if you need to put your time elsewhere, we love your blog and will always be here when you feel like posting. To think Joseph would have been 10 is so amazing he was so blessed that you are his mummy, that you were the one who spoke to him whilst he grew, that you held him, and that you continue to celebrate him. And also what you are doing for other parents out there who are hurting like you is such a gift. I admire you! Sending love, and if I was in the UK I would be right ether with you my friend xx
Thanks Mac. I so hope that he is proud of us, both myself and his Dad will be there on the night with all of our families and friends, and that in itself is amazing that we can come together and celebrate Joseph. Very stressful but also very excited, I shall let you all know how it goes!! xx
What a wonderful thing you are doing hope it works out Thanks for linking to the #binkylinky come back next week please
Thanks Nige! xxx
Just here to wish yu luck again from #KCACOLS
Thank you so much. xxx
So pleased to see this morning that you’re story has made it all the way to Australia! #KCACOLS
I know!! Madness!! Amazing though, the awareness raised has exceeded by expectations!! xx
I really hope the event goes well on the 16th July, such an amazing thing to do and a lot of work to organise. But, it will be worth it and you should be really proud of yourself. To share your story and raise awareness of SANDS is such a brave thing to do. Good luck and thank you for joining us for #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x
Thank you. It’s giving me sleepless nights but it will all be worth it, we’ve already made a thousand pounds before it’s even began so that in itself is unbelievable, that money will be put to amazing use by the charity and hopefully much much more! xx
Laura, your efforts have been monumental! Please do apologise one bit! Congratulations on your newspaper featured. That’s wonderful news! I hope you have the most magical night. I have sponsored, twitted and have also just nominated you for Best Campaigner for Mumsnet Blogging Awards 2016! Good Luck! Enjoy your night! XXX
Thank you Laura for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost
Thank you so much. That is so lovely of you, really means a lot and for your donation too, so generous of you. I shall be reporting back next week with how it went, fingers crossed it runs smoothly!! xxx
You are so amazing, I am in awe of your spirit, determination and generosity. I’m sure your event will be a great success and you will help the SANDS charity and other parents because of it. I haven’t done my MUMSNET nominations yet but I will be nominating you for BEST CAMPAIGNER because you are an inspiration and a great writer. Thanks for linking up #stayclassymama
Thank you so much, that’s so lovely of you and such an honour to be nominated for that as obviously, this is a cause so close to my heart. Only five days to go, I feel super nervous but excited to share it with you all! xxx
You’re amazing! What an amazing thing to do! Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
Thank you so much. xxx
Good luck with the soiree you deserve a break afterwards andake no apologies for being busy doing something important to you. #kcacols
Thank you, luckily we go on holiday the week after so a much needed break! xx
Hi lovely, I’m so so sorry it’s taken me til now to read this. This is such a worthwhile charity, so SO meaningful to so many and I really hope it goes well for you. You should be immensely proud of everything you do, you are inspirational, and really work so hard. You must enjoy the kids and not worry about all the other stuff all the time, and definitely don’t apologise.
I’ll be thinking of you on Saturday and will raise a glass as well xx
Thanks for linking up to #TheBabyFormula xx
Thank you so much, will be sure to let you all know how we get on! xxx
Hope Saturday goes well – I’ve a feeling it will and it’ll be emotional too and profitable. And look at you on the front page there – well done – you should be proud and what the heck, stuff the housework!! Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo xx
Thank you so much for this, really touched to have been included. xxx
Such a moving story and you look great on the picture! #KCACOLS
Thank you so much for choosing my post, such an honour and means so much. xxx
Its such an important thing you are doing and it will help so many. I can only imagine how hard it must be. Thanks for linking to #picknmix x
Thank you so much. It’s actually given us something positive to focus on which has been really lovely. Xxx
Oh my gosh that is such a beautiful family photo! And you look absolutely gorgous in it! The very best of luck with the event #KCACOLS
Thank you so much. xxx
Wow, what a story Laura! How amazing is that you and your beautiful family ended up at the Evening Posts. Things happen for a reason and I think you have a mission in this life. I think you look beautiful in that picture and I don’t see any of the things you say. I only see a happy family that has gone through a lot and that needs a break of it. Time for good things for now on. I wish you all the luck on this event. To be honest I’m sure it will be super successful. I’m looking forward to hear all about it! Thanks so much for sharing this story at #KCACOLS, 🙂 xx
Thanks lovely. Things actually went crazy this week in that we made the national papers and even went as far as hitting the headlines in Australia! I am so proud of my family and all we have achieved this last two weeks. Tomorrow it will all be worth it! xx
I had tears in my eyes reading this lovely. What you are doing is fantastic to raise awareness for such a brilliant cause. All the hardwork that you’ve put in, I’m sure will pay off and you will all have a brilliant day. Well done on making it to the front of the Evening Standard too, that alone you should be super proud off. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x
Thank you so much, we had an amazing night, a huge success! Will be posting about it this week. xx
First off you look fabulous with your beautiful family on the front page of the newspaper. What a huge accomplishment for you to have come so far and dealt with so much pain and still able to find strength to share it with others. I hope your event went well. I must apologize for being behind as well but mine is just the summer holiday and not being home much since school getting out. Thank you for linking with #momsterslink :))
Ahh thank you. Our event went so well, we raised almost £3000 and the turn out was amazing. I have to admit I drank a little more than I should towards the end of the night, it’s a little bit blurry after the jagerbombs!! Hehe. xx
Oh jagerbombs have gotten me in trouble many times. Can’t touch the stuff now. My newest love is mimosas and the watermelon-ritas. Summer time. So glad to hear that the event went well. Kudos to you for taking the time and effort to do that.
Ooh mimosas sound way more sophisticated!! After all of that stress and worry I gathered I had earned a few jagerbombs but yeah, never again XXX