Psychological and Emotional Cost of Spousal Maintenance

 While many marriages survive and thrive for decades, there are those that aren’t so lucky. In fact, the rate of divorce in the U.S. alone is about fifty percent which has caused some Millennials and Gen Zers to make the decision to put off marriage for a while, until they are more financially secure and have sewn their wild oats, so to speak.  

But whether a divorce results from constantly butting heads over finances, infidelity on behalf of one or both partners or even the death of a child, it is important to realize that just because you are parting ways doesn’t mean one of the ex-spouses won’t be responsible for paying his or her fair share in spousal maintenance.  

What exactly is spousal maintenance? The professionals at Laura Gillis Law Office, a spousal maintenance attorney in Phoenix, AZ, spousal maintenance, or what’s also known as alimony in many states and jurisdictions, is engineered to serve as a financial support tool following a legal separation and divorce. The reasoning behind spousal support is to make certain both separated parties can maintain a standard of living that’s considered similar to what they encountered during the marriage. This especially holds true if one of the ex-spouses is economically injured because of the divorce.  

Those are the facts behind spousal maintenance. But what is the psychological and emotional cost of spousal maintenance or support? According to a recent report by DivorceAdvised, playing the role of a sole financial provider for a person who is no longer a major part of your life can potentially be a major burden to contend with.  

Paying spousal support might be mandated by the courts, but the impact it can have on your emotions can be prolific. In a word, it can make you feel as though you are being cheated. This holds especially true if you’re having a difficult time keeping up with your own bills. This can lead to concerns about self-worth. In other words, you might end up feeling as though your hard-earned money is being wasted on someone who no longer cares about you.    

Alimony’s Psychological Impact 

The economic burden of paying a large alimony payment every week or every month might be extremely heavy. It can have a negative effect on your overall health and well-being. In the short and long run, the psychological impact of paying major spousal support can be huge and therefore should not be ignored.   

Here’s how the financial pressure of alimony can directly affect your mental state:  

Depression: Having to support your ex for years can lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair. This can lead to persistent depression.   

Anxiety: Knowing you are mandated by law to pay a heavy alimony payment can lead to many sleepless nights due to persistent anxiety.  

Guilt: Paying spousal maintenance can lead to feelings of guilt. You’re more likely to feel guilt if you are the reason for the breakup or if you sense that you and your financial situation are being taken advantage of.   

Resentment: This is perhaps the worst of all emotions. Because you are obligated to pay alimony, you might come to resent your ex-spouse, especially if she seems to be enjoying some of the money with a new partner. This can wreak havoc on your mental state.  

If you are experiencing some or all of these psychological impacts, it’s important that you seek out the help of a therapist a support group, or both. They will assist you with putting your situation in perspective. For instance, even though the amount of time you are required by law to pay alimony might feel like forever, it is entirely temporary. Taking care of your financial obligations is said to be as important as taking care of your mental well-being.  

How to Cope with the Emotional Cost of Spousal Maintenance 

Aside from seeing a therapist to help you cope with the mental stress that comes with paying alimony, seeking the advice of a financial planner can help make you feel more in control of your finances while reducing your overall anxiety. Don’t be afraid to ask for help during what can be one of the most challenging times of your life.  

Also, keep in mind that if you’re finding it impossible to pay your ex-spouse and keep a roof over your head without going into significant debt or even bankruptcy (bankruptcy does not make your support obligation null and void), you can ask the court to modify your settlement. It’s said to be an uphill battle, but on many occasions, the ex-spouse will agree to a modification, even if your divorce was a nasty one.