Grief and the Evening Glass: When Drinking Becomes a Way to Cope

After a loss, people bring food. They send flowers and cards, and very often they bring a bottle. “Have a drink, it’ll help you sleep.” “You deserve a glass of something tonight.” It comes from a kind place, and for many people an occasional drink during a hard time is just that. 

But grief has a way of stretching out the evenings. The house is quieter, the mind is louder, and a glass of wine can slowly turn from comfort into the only thing that takes the edge off. If you’ve noticed that happening, you’re not weak and you’re not alone. It’s one of the most common ways people try to get through the unbearable. 

Grief is not one feeling 

The NHS 111 Wales guidance on bereavement says it simply: there’s no right or wrong way to feel. It lists shock and numbness, overwhelming sadness and lots of crying, tiredness, anger and guilt among the common reactions. Many people feel several of these in a single day. 

The same guidance notes that these feelings usually become less intense over time. For some people, though, grief stays very heavy for many months or even years. When very difficult feelings, such as sadness or guilt, last for more than six months, it can be described as prolonged grief disorder. 

None of that runs on a timetable. Anniversaries, birthdays and ordinary moments like a song in the supermarket can bring it all flooding back, sometimes years later. 

Why a drink feels like it helps 

Alcohol can feel like it switches off the noise for an hour or two. It can make it easier to fall asleep, to get through a social occasion, or to stop replaying the same thoughts. 

The trouble is what happens next. Many people find that sleep after a few drinks is broken and unrefreshing, so the next day feels harder, and low mood can feel heavier too. And the more often a drink becomes the way through a difficult evening, the harder it is to imagine getting through one without it. 

The NHS guidance is clear on this point. It advises trying not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve grief, because they can make poor mental health worse. 

Gentle questions to ask yourself 

This isn’t about judging yourself. Grief is hard enough without adding guilt. But it can help to step back now and then and notice your patterns honestly: 

• Am I drinking more often than I did before the loss? 

• Do I drink to get through particular times of day, like evenings or after the children are in bed? 

• Have I tried to cut back and found it harder than I expected? 

• Are the people close to me worried, even if they haven’t said so directly? 

• Do I feel worse the next day, emotionally as well as physically? 

If several of those ring true, it’s a sign to bring in some support rather than carry this alone. 

Other ways through the evenings 

There’s no swap that makes grief go away. But there are things that can make the hardest hours a little easier without leaving you feeling worse tomorrow. The NHS 111 Wales page suggests some of these: 

Talk to someone. A friend, a family member, a health professional or a counsellor. Saying the words out loud can take some of the pressure off. 

Set small goals. Rather than trying to do everything, pick one or two achievable things for the day and let that be enough. 

Focus on what you can change. Grief brings a lot that’s out of our hands. Putting energy into the few things you can shape helps some people feel a little steadier. 

Look after your sleep. If nights are the worst part, the NHS Every Mind Matters service has practical sleep tips. 

Try peer support. Talking with others who’ve been through a loss, whether in person or online, can be a huge comfort. 

It can also help to create a new evening ritual: a short walk, a bath, lighting a candle for the person you’ve lost, writing them a letter, or simply making a hot drink and sitting somewhere different from your usual spot. 

When to get help 

NHS 111 Wales recommends seeing a GP if you’re struggling to cope, if low mood has lasted more than two weeks, or if self-help isn’t working. You don’t need to wait until things feel desperate. 

If drinking has become part of the picture, mention it honestly. GPs hear this often and can talk you through options, including whether it’s safe to cut back on your own. Anyone who has been drinking heavily every day should get medical advice before stopping suddenly. 

For some people, the next step is a specialist service. Those exist in most areas and come in many shapes, from local community groups to centres offering everything from detox to longer-term recovery support, like one Texas campus that lists both under one roof. Your GP or a local alcohol service can tell you what’s available where you live. 

Support for grief 

Cruse Bereavement Support offers a free national helpline on 0808 808 1677, and Samaritans can be called free, day or night, on 116 123. If you or someone else needs immediate help or has been seriously harmed, call 999 or go to A&E. 

Be gentle with yourself 

There’s no prize for grieving perfectly, and no shame in having leaned on something to get through. What matters is noticing when that support has started to cost more than it gives, and letting other people help you find a different way to carry the weight. 

 Sources 

• NHS 111 Wales. Bereavement (last updated 12 March 2026). https://111.wales.nhs.uk/Bereavement/ 

• Cruse Bereavement Support helpline number, as listed on the NHS 111 Wales page above (checked October 2026). 

• Samaritans. Homepage (116 123, free, day or night; checked October 2026). https://www.samaritans.org 

• Cenikor. Corpus Christi (client page; read October 2026). https://www.cenikor.org/locations/corpus-christi-texas/