Every year when January comes around I try to take a moment to reflect on the previous year, to remember all of the wonderful moments we shared as a family and learn from the tough times which left us reeling. I’m sure we can all agree that 2021 was not an easy year to look back on and whilst we were fortunate to enjoy so many happy times together, there were still far too many days filled with anxiety, isolation and loss. I feel as though it will take us months, if not years, to come to terms with everything we’ve all been through over the last two years and yet if we can take anything at all from this rollercoaster, it’s to reflect on the lessons learned and carry them through to 2022. And I fully intend to do just that.

Never apologise for how you choose to survive

The biggest lesson I learned this year is to stop apologising for the ways in which I choose to survive. As much as I try to live my life to the fullest, there have been times, and indeed years, when surviving each day was all I had. When my mental health worsened, when my son died, when my marriage ended, when my physical ailments all just got a bit much, it was a case of simply doing what I needed to do just to get through those moments, and I am unapologetic about the ways in which I did that.

Living life in a pandemic was very much about survival, especially when my mental health teetered so closely to the brink, and with four children to care for, to protect, to home-school, plus a business to run, a family to worry about, health issues to address, I had to shift my focus to just getting through each day. There were times when days, weeks, and even months passed without catching up with friends and family; deadlines were missed, meetings post-poned, housework neglected as I used up every last bit of energy to stay afloat. At the time I was eaten up with anxiety worrying I had offended others by missing their zoom calls or taking too long to reply to a text; I’d lie awake at night panicking that my business would crumble due to requesting a deadline extension, or that when the pandemic ended our house would still look like a bomb went off. And yet here I am, still surviving, with those who understood still beside me, my business still thriving, my home slowly getting straight and, as we enter 2022, I would do it again in a heartbeat, unapologetically doing whatever it takes to make it through.

Surround yourself with the right people

There’s nothing quite like a pandemic to highlight just who and what is important and as we start to emerge through the other side, I am very aware of those who still stand beside me. Whilst this last year has very much been about survival, it’s also been a stark reminder that every person in your life should be there through choice – not because of blood ties, childhood memories or a sense of duty – but a pure, unconditional desire to have them in your life, and vice versa.

This year I am choosing to surround myself by those who love and accept me unconditionally, those who acknowledge each of my flaws and forgive me for all of my mistakes. I choose to surround myself by those who notice when I’m struggling, who reach out without judgement, with no expectation of a reply, simply to remind me that they are still there. Those who understand if I’ve had to cancel our plans three, four, five times in a row, who get that life isn’t straight forward for me for so many reasons, but who still include me in every single invite even if they are certain the answer will be no. Those who champion my successes, and encourage me to pursue my dreams, even if it’s a field they know very little about, even if it isn’t the most conventional of routes. I choose to surround myself with people who make me happy, who bring out the best in me, who will embrace me for each of my quirks but equally, understand me for all of my complexities. And I vow to be a better person myself this year, to make sure that for each of the special people I hold close in my heart, I am all of these things in return and more.

Walk your own path

From a young age I have always felt the pressure to confirm, to follow the crowd, to do the right thing, even when it wasn’t always the right thing for me. The older I’ve got, and the more paths I have walked, I have finally come to realise that the only way to be truly happy in life is to walk your own path. People will always judge others, it’s human nature to query those who choose an alternative route to your own, and yet often peer pressure can make you stray from the path you start to carve for your future. 2022 has been a huge wake up call to continue on my own path and to know that ultimately, although my path may not be conventional, nor has it been linear, it has led me to exactly where I need to be in the here and now.

Be proud of your achievements

Contrary to what some may think, I have worked so damned hard behind the scenes over the last few years to create a business to give my family the very best life possible and my sense of pride at providing for my children that way is unwavering. At the same time, over the last twelve months especially, my work has been recognised on so many levels be that through awards, chart ranking or feedback from clients, and yet I think I can count on one hand the number of times I have shared that out loud with a friend, a relative, or my readers on here.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I have toasted a friends promotion or celebrated their successes over the last year, the occasions I’ve championed them on when closing a business deal or hitting their targets, and I have relished in each of their achievements with nothing but pride and admiration. And yet here I am, a Mum of five, surviving all that life has thrown at me, battling countless chronic illnesses on a daily basis, and still too afraid to share that I too have achieved pretty great things career wise this year. Perhaps 2022 will bring a little more self belief and a little more pride in how far I’ve come.

Every child is different

Behind the scenes we’ve been dealing with a lot as a family and perhaps, if I can find the words, I will share more about that at a later date. I’ve spent a large portion of this year questioning myself as a Mother, wondering if I could have done things differently, whether I’ve let them down in some way, wishing I had a magic wand to make life easier during a really difficult time. I’ve faced challenges I’ve had no idea how to deal with, found myself questioning everything I knew about parenting, and ultimately discovered that I will fight tooth and nail for my children to be happy, healthy and supported in this world.

And in the process of riding this rollercoaster into the unknown, I have learned that every single child is different and despite the diagnosis you may receive, or the label they may be given, they are still exactly the same child regardless. It’s very easy to compare your children, particularly having three of them so close together, and I’ve been more than guilty of doing that at times. I am starting the year with the belief that celebrating their differences is possibly the most important thing of all and I will actively encourage each of them to embrace those differences as they grow. After all, that’s what makes them so unique.

Stop wishing the time away

I’m not a fan of resolutions but if there’s one thing we’ve all learned over the last couple of years it’s that life is too short and we spend far too much time wishing the days away. I wasted so many moments in 2021 wishing we could fast-forward through lock down, wishing those long days of home-schooling would go by a little quicker, wishing the weekends would come around a little faster. I wished away rainy days and tired days, counted down the hours until bedtime, until Spring, until Summer. I wished away so many moments I can never get back and I promised myself that this coming year I will embrace each of them, no matter how hard, no matter how exhausting, no matter how mundane.

To those who found 2021 particularly tough, those who experienced loss, those who endured heartache, those who struggled in ways they may never put into words, I hope that 2022 is kinder to you all. Of all the lessons we’ve learned this last year, of which there have been many, I think we can all agree that above all else, kindness is everything.