Dear “Concerned Friend”….

Dear “Concerned Friend”

When I posted my blog post this week, telling the story of my battle with mental illness, I’ll be honest with you – it took some guts. I did question whether I was ready to share that with so many people, whether it would change peoples opinions of me or have them question my health and my sanity. But I still shared it. Because ultimately, it was important and, as I have subsequently found, it helped a lot of people.

So when you messaged me, with false bravado from behind your computer screen, and asked me, “Are you not embarrassed to share so much of your life on your blog?”, I have to admit, I was feeling a little hurt. Because in all fairness, you aren’t the first person to ask me that, nor the first person to think it I’m sure, but the implication that I should be embarrassed or ashamed was a low blow and a reminder of the ignorance surrounding not only mental illness, but of me as a person.

When I started this blog it wasn’t for you, or for anybody else to read. It was for me, for my own sanity first and foremost, but also a record for the children, of our lives as they grow and the journey we have made together. It was a place to write down every thought in my head, however crazy they may be perceived, and to raise awareness of issues that are dear to my heart. It has taken a lot of bravery to press that share button at times, to put myself out there and lay my soul bare, but it has been hugely therapeutic in doing so. And I appreciate that sometimes it may be difficult for you to read my posts, that it may make you feel uncomfortable or emotional, that there may be times when you question whether I should have even shared those thoughts at all. But that is your problem, not mine.

A few months ago, a new “concerned friend” questioned why I had told her that I have five children. She politely advised me that in future, perhaps it would be for the best if I didn’t tell people about Joseph, if I simply told them that there are just the four children so as not to cause any upset. “It can be quite upsetting”, she had said, “Sometimes people don’t know how to take it”. And later, I had beaten myself up for merely nodding along, my heart pumping out of my chest with pent up anger, for not placing my hands around her neck and telling her, “How dare you!”. How dare you imply that the loss of my son was un-comfortable for you. How dare you make me feel ashamed to mention his name, to tell you that he existed, to share with you that he was just as much a part of my family as the other children.

Likewise, a “concerned friend” casually asked me whether the children were aware of my blog, whether Lewis inparticular was upset that I would share so much of our lives on the Internet? There was the underlying implication, so thinly veiled with a smile, that I was putting the children at risk by sharing their names and photographs with “God knows who”. And I told them, I’m not stupid. I’m an intelligent, well-educated, protective mother who would never put my children at risk, never share something that would put my children in danger and would never deliberately embarrass my children with photos or stories that could come back to haunt them years later. Yes I talk about the children, this is a parenting blog afterall, yes I share photos of them, talk about the highs and the lows, but where’s the harm in that?

For me, knowing that when my children are older, when they are teenagers or parents themselves, the thought that they will have this blog to look back on is priceless. For them to be able to look back on the times we have shared, to laugh at old photos, anecdotes, memories of holidays, birthdays, occasions that they have long forgotten, how is that a bad thing? To read how loved they are, how we longed for them, went to hell and back just to get them here safely, how we never gave up hope of having the family we had dreampt of, tell me how that could ever be an negative? To read about their brother, about the babies we lost, about the struggles that I faced, to see me as not just their “Mum” but as a human being who made mistakes just like they undoubtedly will, tell me how is that something to be ashamed of?

And I know that you may read this, or perhaps not given that my last post was so offensive to you, and think that I should not have shared this so publicly, that yet again I have embarrassed myself with over-sharing, but why not? What is so wrong with being honest and open? What is so wrong with just telling it like it is? What kind of world would it be if we all went around sugar coating our lives, editing out all of the bad stuff, pretending that life was just a bed of roses? Why shouldn’t we talk about the days we are struggling to stay afloat, how parenting is the hardest job in the whole world, how relationships aren’t all romance and flowers? Why shouldn’t we acknowledge that life can be so cruel, the fact that some of us are simply trying our hardest just to survive? Why shouldn’t we talk about mental illness, about stillbirth, miscarriage, marital woes and those days when the baby just won’t stop crying? Heck, that’s half of the problem isn’t it? That everybody is just SO afraid to talk for fear of being judged??

And surely, if these things are embarrassing or shameful to you, if you find these subjects are all still such a taboo, doesn’t that say more about you as a person than it does me…?

So thank you for your concern, it has been duly logged in the “Could not give a tiny rats ass” folder in the back of my mind.

Yours, Laura Dove.

Mummy Blogger Extraordinaire.





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  1. February 5, 2016 / 6:42 pm

    Dear “concerned friends”, Laura’s blog is inspiring and has helped me no end. At times when I’ve questioned my own sanity, ability or struggled with my own health, I have found that I’m not alone through reading Laura’s blog.
    As for the “concerned friend” who said she shouldn’t mention her fifth child… Just no. Joseph has touched so many people and is still very much loved by those people… It is not even conceivable that he wouldn’t be mentioned.

    Keep going Laura… You’re bloody awesome and your blog makes a difference to many.

    • February 5, 2016 / 6:44 pm

      Thank you so much my lovely, it’s just crazy isn’t it how “friends” can get something so brutally wrong. I did question myself massively in the beginning for sharing so much, worried about the implications should Lewis’s friends read it or family members who may feel that I had crossed the line, but like I say, I’m not stupid. There are things that I would never share, secrets that I would always keep, and I would never tell somebody elses story, regardless of how it may affect my own life. Thanks Jeni, off to read your blog now! xxx

  2. February 5, 2016 / 7:36 pm

    Brilliant post Laura and very well said. It’s your space on the internet and sharing your stories so openly and honestly helps other people. I’m so shocked by the comment from your “concerned friend” who implied that it would be better not to let people know about Joseph – what a horribly hurtful thing to say and I’m so sorry that this was said to you. Carry on writing – as you say, the reaction from others says a lot more about them than it does about you x

    • February 5, 2016 / 8:57 pm

      Thank you Louise. It is a shocking thing to say isn’t it and yet sadly I have heard it, and most definitely felt it, many times. And yes, it may be uncomfortable when I tell them that my son died but appreciate that I need to acknowledge that, I need to say his name and share his story and all it takes, all you ever need to say to me is, I’m sorry. Thank you for reading. xxx

  3. Bryony
    February 5, 2016 / 7:41 pm

    I don’t often comment on your blog Laura – I don’t get much time, in fact I struggle to understand how you can write something I have no time to comment on! Lol
    You were one of the first people I knew about when I started my baby loss journey, granted you were taking a hiatus from BW at the time but your presence was still there and I was so honoured when we finally became ‘friends’ we shared our rainbow journeys together, you helped me get to grips with CBT and knowing you were just one step ahead of my during the list anxiously terrifying moment in my life was such a blessing. I honestly and genuinely couldn’t have got through it quite as well as I did if it wasn’t for you. I am honoured to read about your amazing family. Please know that for one ‘concerned friend’ there are 10 more ‘grateful friends’ because if you wasn’t so open you might not have helped so many. Love ya xxxx

    • February 5, 2016 / 8:55 pm

      Aww Bryony that has made me cry, thank you so, so much. I am so honoured to call you a friend, to have gone through this journey together holding hands from a distance. If it wasn’t for both of us being so open and sharing our stories then we would never have found eachother in the first place.
      I always say to people, why WOULDN’T I tell you about my child? Why would I not share with you that there was a baby who I carried, gave birth to and stayed with for two precious days, would it not be even more uncomfortable for me to deny that?
      Thanks for your support Bryony, you’re amazing. Love you lots. xxx

  4. bplegs
    February 5, 2016 / 7:49 pm

    Good grief! Some people really need to get a life!
    Laura, you can only be you. A job that you do brilliantly. Chin up matey, you have dealt with worse than a ‘Concerned friend’. Cowards are never to be taken seriously, well only when you need to get an ASBO on them! And I agree with Jeni, only an idiot would tell a mother not to count her children.
    Love you xxx

    • February 5, 2016 / 8:52 pm

      Thank you Em, your support is much appreciated as always. There will always be a difference of opinons, some people would never dream of sharing so much as a photo of their children on social media, let alone laying down their soul for all to see. And I get that, but I would never judge that. Thanks for your support, love you too. xxx

  5. February 5, 2016 / 8:31 pm

    I have only shared my blog with a few friends, but I can sense the underlying lack of understanding of why I might do it from some of them – incidentally, from friends who plaster their lives all over social media (which apparently is totally fine with 99.99% of the population, so why is blogging so weird?).
    I love the voice of realism in your blog. It unites so many parents who have faced tough times – times which maybe some other ‘concerned friends’ might never be able to relate to or understand.
    I wholeheartedly salute this post Laura, as well as your blog, and YOU as an inspirational mother, blogger and survivor.
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

    • February 5, 2016 / 8:51 pm

      Thank you so much. I also smile to myself that those who sneer at my “over-sharing” are living a Jeremy Kyle like existence on their public facebook page, but hey, each to their own!
      Thank you for such lovely words an as always, for hosting. xx

  6. Sarah
    February 6, 2016 / 12:28 am

    You know, when I read your posts Laura, I always think how proud I am of you, what strength you have to write so honestly, (and your going to laugh and think this pretentious!) it reminds me of, in the past, when I painted and showed my work – How hard it was to put it out there for people to see the something I thought so raw. So screw those ‘concerned friends’, don’t they know about life?!
    Thank god for people like you! We don’t live a bloody plastic world!

    • February 6, 2016 / 10:31 am

      Aww thank you so much. Not pretentious at all, it’s always hard to share something that you have put so much of yourself into. There is always the fear of someone turning around and saying I don’t like that, or criticising your work for whatever reason. But I agree, I would rather be criticised a thousand times over than pretend that life is something it is not. Thank you for reading my lovely. Xxx

  7. Robyn - The Years Are Short blog
    February 6, 2016 / 3:35 am

    Well said! I love that your posts are full of personality and insight and that you give your readers so much food for thought. I’m a fairly new reader so can’t make any blanket comments about your posts but I love what I’ve read so far and the candid style of it. You’re so right, the comments you’ve received from ‘concerned’ friends says more about them than it does about you.

    • February 6, 2016 / 10:33 am

      Thank you Robyn. I think that for me I don’t want to read something that is so clearly sugar coated, where the writer is always holding back. And if I don’t want to read that stuff then why would I write it? I always think you either say it or you don’t. Don’t skirt around an issue that you aren’t prepared to discuss. Thanks for reading. Xx

  8. Jane
    February 6, 2016 / 7:37 am


    Please ignore the keyboard warriors who hide behind the anonymity of their screens. I’m more concerned about their need to attack those who are just doing their thing online. I for one look forward to updates on the blog.

    So for the ‘concerned friends’ out their reading this, please back off. Live your lives the way you want to, there is no right or wrong way in this world. What others do or don’t do isn’t wrong, it’s just different.

    As for you Laura, lovely please keep on keeping on. We can’t change others but we can change our reactions to them and keep doing your blog the way you want to. It’s refreshingly honest, funny and if concerned friends don’t want to read it then that’s ok, they don’t have to ????

    • February 6, 2016 / 10:35 am

      What a fab comment Jane, you are entirely right. I didn’t write this to attack the person who made the comment, I guess I felt I needed to explain to so many people why I write what I write. Actually, I don’t need to explain myself at all. Thank you. Xx

  9. February 6, 2016 / 8:15 pm

    Oh I don’t understand why someone would send you a message like that. I think it’s great that you have shared your experience as it will no doubt help others. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky

    • February 6, 2016 / 8:26 pm

      Me either. It’s crazy isn’t it! Still, onwards and upwards!! Thanks for reading! Xx

  10. Nige
    February 6, 2016 / 8:18 pm

    Your posts are inspiring I have read many of them and yes we blog for ourselves first and foremost keep going because you write brilliant posts and I personally would nasty people if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything thanks for linking to the Binkylinky X

    • February 6, 2016 / 8:26 pm

      Thank you so much. That means a lot. ?

  11. February 7, 2016 / 3:58 pm

    I completely agree with what you have said here! It is your blog and so ultimately your decision as to how much of your life you share. I think it is right for people to talk about mental illness and stillbirth and miscarriage so that others know they are not alone and hopefully won’t feel so isolated.

    Fabulous post!
    Azaria #KCACOLS

    • February 7, 2016 / 5:03 pm

      Thank you. I admit I did doubt myself when my “friend” said this but the responses to my blog have reminded me why I write what I write. It is so important to raise awareness, I won’t ever stop! Xx

  12. February 7, 2016 / 4:01 pm

    I could not have said this better myself. I too have a lot of these ‘concerned’ friends that often ask why I expose all to the world. In fact, reading this post is encouraging me to post some of the posts that are sitting in my drafts at the moment. xxx

    • February 7, 2016 / 5:04 pm

      Good for you!! I also have several posts in my draft box that I think…should I? I think we should just seize the day and be brave! Go for it! Thanks for reading. Zxx

  13. February 7, 2016 / 5:02 pm

    A great post, this is what I needed today a reminder of why I blog. For me my sanity. You have the right to speak about anything you want and that ‘concerned friend’ needs to keep their concerns to themselves. We need those that encourage us to speak our truth not stifle it x

    • February 7, 2016 / 5:06 pm

      Exactly, first and foremost this is for ME, I do have to remind myself of that too. I would never post something that I wouldn’t want my children to read but ultimately who cares what other people think, my blog, my rules! Thanks for reading! Xx

  14. February 7, 2016 / 6:22 pm

    You are amazing! I love your posts and your honesty and can identify with so much of what you say! Screw what these “friends” have said – such negativity is so unnecessary! You keep blogging exactly how you are – that is what makes you so fantastic xx #KCACOLS

    • February 7, 2016 / 6:42 pm

      Aw thank you so much. It IS unnecessary though isn’t it. If people don’t like what I write then don’t read it. Simple as that! Thank you for reading! Xx

  15. February 7, 2016 / 8:45 pm

    In my opinion, the best blogs are the honest “warts and all” ones, the ones that share the highs and the lows. I think your “concerned friends” aren’t concerned at all and just being dicks.
    Keep writing so freely and honestly, coz I think it’s great. #KCACOLS

    • February 7, 2016 / 9:07 pm

      Haha this really made me laugh!! Thank you. I needed that! ? xx

  16. OneDizzyBee (@OneDizzyBee)
    February 7, 2016 / 9:35 pm

    I’m gobsmacked. I’m also, at almost 51 years old, so darn tired of judgmental people. So tired, in fact, that I can’t even go on a rant about it. No one has the right to judge someone else, unless your profession is actually that of “judge”. Even if you are, you’re only entitled to do it while you’re sitting in a courtroom.

    I’ve been reading blogs for the past few hours, and I’ve just spent a considerable time over at HuffPo, where just about every comment, it seems, is a critique of the article. It’s as if no one has anything better to do with their time these days, than tear other people down.

    One of the reasons I feel fortunate to be a member of the blogging community is that I see a lot more building up than I do tearing down. And that comment about your Joseph made my eyes glow red. He /existed/. How dare anyone suggest you should pretend he didn’t.

    Hmm. I guess I did have the energy for a little rant, after all!

    I love your blog. I love the things you share. They’re real, in that they make me smile, laugh, cry, feel. Don’t change a thing unless /you/ want to!

    • February 7, 2016 / 9:40 pm

      Thank you so much for this lovely comment, and I appreciate your rant. It IS gobsmacking isn’t it? Whatever happened to the saying, if you’ve nothing nice to say, say nothing? I’ve been very lucky not to receive any negative comments on my blog so far but I would be much more accepting of that than comments from a so called friend. Thanks again for reading, and for a much needed boost today. Xx

  17. debsrandomwritings
    February 8, 2016 / 10:04 am

    Well said Laura! I like the fact that you filed it under not giving a tiny rats ass (and so you should). It seems that some people are only really interested in ‘perfection’, and are oblivious that most of us don’t have perfect lives and that there are actually people who want and need to read about other peoples lives for real, in the hope to find something that they maybe able to relate to.

    I share stories about my son and Aspergers, I don’t share those stories for the people who aren’t interested or who may find them uncomfortable reading. I share it for those people (especially parents) who are looking for something to be able to relate to.

    I say good on you!


    • February 8, 2016 / 12:40 pm

      Thank you! I agree, some people prefer to bury their head in the sand and pretend that life is all sunshine and flowers! I always say if you don’t like what I have to say, don’t read it! I would never tell somebody what they could and could not write about though!
      Exactly, I am sure you are helping so many with your stories about your son. I for one shall be reading them, we are currently waiting for Megan to be assessed for similar issues. Reading about other children is so helpful. Thanks for reading. xx

      • debsrandomwritings
        February 8, 2016 / 6:10 pm

        Mmmm, it does make you wonder why people actually read things they don’t want to and then feel the need to express their disapproval. As you said they aren’t forced to read what we write.

        I do hope that you get to the bottom of Megan’s issues, The younger they are diagnosed the better.


  18. dotmakes4
    February 8, 2016 / 10:56 am

    Brilliant post. I’ve only just started reading your blog, but I love it. You are so honest and in a world where we worry too much what other people think, it’s wonderfully refreshing. Keep blogging exactly the way you do!

    Laura xx

    • February 8, 2016 / 12:37 pm

      Thank you so much. I’m not sure that I would know how to do it any other way! I’ve always been too honest for my own good! Thanks for reading. xx

  19. February 8, 2016 / 2:22 pm

    Adding my voice to the masses : great attitude and keep doing what your doing

    • February 8, 2016 / 2:23 pm

      Thanks Jeremy, such positive responses, such a boost!! Xx

  20. February 8, 2016 / 2:52 pm

    I read your posts out of order and came across this one after I read the one about you wanting to be a writer when you grew up. The funny thing was, as I was reading that post I was thinking how lucky your are kids to one day be reading all the wonderful, insightful posts of your blog. They will get to know you in a way they probably won’t see in the day to day. It is a wonderful legacy for them. All of it.

    • February 8, 2016 / 3:37 pm

      Thank you so much. It’s crazy how judgemental people can be, especially about matters close to the heart. I guess the quote is very true, honesty will always get you the right friends. Thanks for reading. Xx

  21. min1980
    February 8, 2016 / 4:51 pm

    Fantastic response. I don’t see why sharing stories about anorexia or baby loss is in any way inappropriate. Isn’t the whole point that these are things that people often feel they can’t talk about? Anyway, it’s none of the Concerned Friend’s business what you choose to write when it is your own life and you can share your experiences with whomever you choose. I love your writing. #fartglitter

    • February 8, 2016 / 4:52 pm

      Thank you. Exactly! Thank god I’m a much stronger person these days but had somebody said that to me even just a few years ago it could have been enough to send me right back under. I’m so grateful for the positive response to my blog, thank you for reading. Xx

  22. sizzlesue15
    February 9, 2016 / 1:01 am

    Well said Laura and how disappointing for you. One of the problems we have with mental illness is that most people fear admitting to it because of exactly the reaction of your ‘concerned friend’. It is our responsibility to reach out to those who are suffering and let them know we are there for them and there is NO SHAME in admitting you are struggling. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us at #OvertheMoon link up. You have my support. x

    • February 9, 2016 / 6:15 pm

      Thanks Sue, that’s really lovely of you. And that’s exactly the problem isn’t it? How can we ever hope for people to reach out if they fear the reaction? Thanks for reading. Xx

  23. February 9, 2016 / 1:08 pm

    Those people just simply cannot be described using the term ‘friend’. A friend would support you no matter what and guide you in hard times, not make you feel worse. I’ve experienced many of these ‘friends’ and I’m glad to say they are no longer a part of my life. #effitfriday

    • February 9, 2016 / 6:17 pm

      Absolutely, this friend is no friend of mine! I try and surround myself by positive supportive people, it’s the only way to stay healthy and happy. Thanks for reading. Xx

  24. February 9, 2016 / 2:02 pm

    I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience these awful remarks from people. I honestly can’t believe that some people can be so unkind, judgemental and, frankly, WRONG. People like your “concerned” friend who want people’s losses, mental illness and any other challenges left in the dark are the reason stigma still exists.

    I’ve just been reading some of your other posts (and tearing up I must say!) and I can only commend you for your bravery and honesty, not to mention your beautiful writing. Keep sharing, lovely xxx #marvmondays

    • February 9, 2016 / 6:19 pm

      Thank you so much. That’s the thing isn’t it, it might not always be easy to read but it’s important to be shared. I would hate to have to hide away my son, the babies I lost, the struggles I faced. And quite frankly, why should I? Thanks to al of these lovely responses I realise that thankfully his “friend” was in the minority! Thanks for reading. Xxx

  25. Sara
    February 9, 2016 / 8:38 pm

    Perhaps what strikes me most about this post is the fact that you’ve probably questioned yourself far before any “concerned friend” has! I’m the same way…I’ve thought through my posts, my pictures and my blog in general. I’ve questioned if I should share this or that, and I always come back to the fact that I’m doing this for me and not that “concerned friend”. Keep doing what you’re doing mama. This blog will be a treasure for your babies someday. #TwinklyTuesday

    • February 9, 2016 / 9:04 pm

      Thanks Sara, I think I have you’re right. Everyone always tells me I’m too honest for my own good, I’m definitely an over sharer! ? But I do think that there is a fine line and I try never to cross it. There are things that remain private to me and my family and although I may refer to them in parts, I would never betray my husband or my children by sharing in too much depth. Thank you for reading. Xx

  26. February 9, 2016 / 9:10 pm

    Dear Mummy Blogger Extraordinaire (brilliant!) ….damn them! It is your blog and your life and your family. Obviously you have considered all this; what wonderful insight strangers (or concerned friends) have on your life. I, too, must begin my own tiny rats ass folder…love it! #TwinklyTueday

    • February 9, 2016 / 10:53 pm

      Haha a tiny rats ass folder is always a good thing, I need to start filing much more in there! Thank you for reading!! Xx

  27. February 10, 2016 / 12:17 am

    I’m so sorry about this Laura! I guess we should try to ignore those people who are hidden behind their laptops. Probably they are experiencing the same but fear to tell the truth to the world. I think you have all the right to write whatever you want as this is your blog. You know what is best for you and your family and what is best to tell or not. Your blog is obviously a way to speak up all the fears and thoughts that go through your head and it is very cathartic. And of course it helped you. I will pretty much prefer to read an honest post focusing in real life and telling me about all those subjects that I know or perhaps I don’t know but I would like to learn more about it. So as you said at the end, let’s put those comments in the “Could not give a tiny rats ass” folder. I love this! 😉 And John Lenno’s quote is just brilliant!! Spot on!! Thanks lovely for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I’m so happy to see you back this week. I would love if you join me again on Sunday! 🙂 x

    • February 10, 2016 / 1:30 pm

      Thank you, I’m very much the same. I LOVE to read honest blogs, stories of those who have survived the darkest or simply have a story to tell. And I always think if that’s what I want to read, then surely that is what I want to write? There’s a whole heap of stuff filed in my “Could not give a tiny rats ass folder” these days. I used to take negative comments on board, let them eat away at me and knock me right back down, these days I am very good at staying positive and strong and surrounding myself with those who make me happy. Thank you for reading, will be back on Sunday! xxx

  28. February 10, 2016 / 3:57 pm

    All brave topics to take on. And if we’re not talking about them, more people are going to think it’s ok to suggest we shouldn’t talk about subjects that make us uncomfortable. We need discussion. We need discord. There is a balance. And I think you make the cut.

    • February 10, 2016 / 6:19 pm

      Thank you, I’ve had such positive feedback from this, any doubt I had is well and truly gone! Thanks for reading. xx

  29. February 10, 2016 / 4:34 pm

    Great post. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, our children are our concern so the way we do it is our concern too. What’s the point of writing something that isn’t honest? How would we ever learn that someone has a different point of view? Keep true to yourself, write for yourself, and unless you are writing something judgemental about someone else, never be afraid that what you write might upset someone. #abitofeverything

    • February 10, 2016 / 6:19 pm

      Great advice, thank you so much for reading. xx

  30. February 11, 2016 / 6:05 am

    I am horrified on your behalf. Who has the right to decide what you can and can’t say? On the internet or anywhere? Do people not think that you are writing things with the knowledge that one day the children will write? People have no tact or manners.

    And I don’t even know where to begin on the “You shouldn’t mention Joseph” comments. You have five little doves. End of. Not four. Thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug xx

    • February 11, 2016 / 5:17 pm

      Thank you so much, it means the absolute world to me when others acknowledge that Joseph is just as much my child as the other four. I cant even comprehend how someone could think any different. Thank you for reading. xxx

  31. February 11, 2016 / 7:33 am

    Wow our stories and experiences are similar, I’m so pleased to have found your blog. And you could have been inside my head when you wrote this post. I have had comments about the same things and its made me more determined to be open and honest. And you know what, I encourage my daughter to do the same. Not to be mean, but to be honest and open. And its done her well, she has healthy friendships and navigates the playground mostly OK. Anyway this isn’t about me, I wanted to say well done and thankyou and keep doing what your doing because it’s wonderful.

    • February 11, 2016 / 5:12 pm

      Oh wow I shall go and check your blog out later when the children are in bed, I love to read blogs I can identify with.
      I am the same with my children too, my eldest (11) especially, if you can instill honesty in them from an early age you always keep the lines of communication open. My son tells me everything and I would love to keep it that way!! Thank you for reading, hope to see you again soon! xx

  32. sizzlesue15
    February 11, 2016 / 9:50 pm

    Hi Laura! Congratulations! Your post was in my top two picks for Over the Moon link up this week. I really felt inspired and touched by your post and am a great advocate of mental health. Keep up the good work in writing about it. The more people read about it the more comfortable they will be with the subject. Have a lovely weekend and see you next week.

    • February 11, 2016 / 9:56 pm

      Wow thank you Sue that’s so great to hear!! It was such a hard post to share but so rewarding, thank you so much. Xxx

  33. February 12, 2016 / 11:34 am

    You are truly amazing and inspirational! I have enjoyed reading your posts as you have a great voice and touch on topics that should be raised! So please continue writing your posts! Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

    • February 12, 2016 / 9:56 pm

      Thank you, it’s not always easy to share something difficult but it’s just so important, I can’t stress that enough. Thanks for reading. Xxx

  34. February 12, 2016 / 5:29 pm

    Fantastic post and well said. I think those ‘concerned’ so called friends need to do one. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

    • February 12, 2016 / 9:55 pm

      You’re so right, and they most definitely have!!! ?xx

  35. Babies and Balderdash
    February 12, 2016 / 11:22 pm

    I can’t believe people have the time or inclination to make such negative comments on people’s posts! I’m new to blogging and until I get a few more posts under my belt I’ve not told friends and family about it. The truth is I find it quite therapeutic and enjoy having a little ‘space’ of my own to rant about the kids or hubby in a post – but certainly wouldn’t stand for ‘friends’ or ‘trolls’ making negative comments! Your blog your life! Good for you for sharing x

    • Babies and Balderdash
      February 12, 2016 / 11:23 pm

      meant to add #binkylinky

    • February 13, 2016 / 11:37 am

      Nor me! I would never dream of saying something so negative, or so hurtful! I haven’t shared my blog with family either although they have slowly but surely found their way over here, I like having somewhere to write without judgement….or so I thought!! Thank you for reading! xx

  36. February 14, 2016 / 1:49 am

    Hi lovely, I cant believe you’ve had to defend your post and your blog like that to someone who is clearly rather small minded. If they have a problem with your posts and your blog then the question in my mind is why are they reading it in the first place. The world would be a much worse place if like you say, we all walked around sugar coating it, living edited instagram lives. Isnt that part of the reason why so many of the young now have the issues and challenges that they do, because in some instances they are trying to live instragram edited lives. Its not healthy and its not real and theres nothing wrong with being real and honest and truthful. Never stop writing and sharing the things you do, your posts are beautiful. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Emily

  37. February 14, 2016 / 5:17 am

    I truly believe that people who don’t blog don’t understand us bloggers. Truly being blogger is like sharing your diary with the world and for some that’s hard to wrap their head around. I commend you for writing so openly about something you are so passionate about . I have many things I would like to write about but know that it will cause problems in some of my relationships with family. But I know at some point I will write about them. Thank you for linking up with #momsterslink…as always I love having you.

  38. February 14, 2016 / 9:00 am

    Excellent response. I will never understand why people who are upset by what they are reading online don’t just click away.


  39. newmummyblogcom
    February 15, 2016 / 10:35 pm

    Wow I cannot believe you’ve experienced such comments! I really can’t. Your blog is for you to write how you feel, for it to be your therapy if that’s what it feels like, to be your memories and your downtime. Don’t let these people get you down, and please don’t stop writing.

    Thanks for sharing and I really meant that, hope you can link up next week too #TheBabyFormula

    • February 15, 2016 / 10:42 pm

      Thank you, it is shocking isn’t it? Some people are seriously lacking in brain cells!! It did make me question myself and yet I reminded myself of the reasons why I write what I write and I got over that. Thank you for reading and I shall be back this week!! Xx

  40. February 18, 2016 / 5:35 am

    That is quite an in depth interview. I guess someone quite likes baking cakes then??? #MMWBH

    • February 19, 2016 / 10:17 am

      Haha yes!! And eating them mainly! ?

  41. April 1, 2016 / 10:05 am

    I still find it so mind boggling that some people can be so amazingly insensitive. What you do and what you write about on your blog is your business. I’m so glad you’ve filed it under your “Could not give a tiny rat’s ass” folder.

    • April 1, 2016 / 6:39 pm

      Hehe that folder is close to over flowing these days!! Thanks for reading. Xx

  42. April 1, 2016 / 11:22 am

    I find it so insensitive of people who feel that they should comment about what u share on ur blog. I feel that mental health should be more well known about as a lot of people have mental illness and can feel so alone and isolated I know I did when I first had depression.

    • April 1, 2016 / 6:38 pm

      You’re right, it’s this kind of thing that makes those with mental health issues feel ashamed as though they should hide away their issues, and that is so detrimental to so many people’s health. I will never shy away from talking about my own battles, whether people choose to read it or not is up to them. Thank you for reading. Xx

  43. April 1, 2016 / 12:34 pm

    I feel that the concern about privacy that’s erupted recently may have pushed your ‘friends’ incentive here. I think that your thoughts can help people and it’s clear from your comments on this post that that’s the case as well. Do what you do, because after all if it’s helping you and others – why not? Perhaps in the future if your kids are unhappy with the content they can remove it so for now don’t let anyone get to you about something they themselves don’t understand.

    Alina from The Fairytale Pretty Picture and category manager at The Olive Fox

    • April 1, 2016 / 6:35 pm

      I completely agree, I’ve had such lovely feedback on my blog and how my honesty about subjects, which are still to some extent a taboo, has helped others. I have never shared anything that I think my children would be upset over, I have been respectful at all times when writing about my previous marriage and ex husband for my sons sake, and yes I have shared my battles with my own mental health but won’t my children be proud rather than ashamed? I should truly hope so. Thanks for reading. Xx

    • April 1, 2016 / 6:33 pm

      Thank you. I would rather be honest and have negative feedback than dishonest and have positive. I much prefer to read truthful accounts of life rather than a lot of the stuff you see plastered on social media, life IS hard and I think we should share our struggles the same way we share our successes. Thanks for reading. Xx

  44. April 1, 2016 / 6:53 pm

    As John Lennon’s quote said, honesty might not make you popular, but it will get you the right friends, the ones to keep, the ones that are truly concerned about you!

    • April 2, 2016 / 5:32 pm

      Yep, great quote and so very true!! xx

  45. April 1, 2016 / 7:41 pm

    Such a heartfelt post. This your place on the Internet and you blog for you. Nobody has the right to tell you what you can and can’t put on your blog

    • April 2, 2016 / 5:32 pm

      Thank you, I completely agree. I would never dream of judging what others share, we all know our limits and what we feel comfortable with, I think we should be supporting eachother and commending others for our honesty, not bringing eachother down! Thanks for reading. xx

  46. April 2, 2016 / 4:58 am

    I am sorry to hear your friends feel this way and have expressed concern. Many of my non-blogging friends just don’t get it but it amazes me how many read it anyway. You have a great attitude and a great blog – keep doing whatever you feel is right

    • April 2, 2016 / 5:30 pm

      I don’t think that many of my friends get it to be honest, I had one friend tell me that it seemed a little self absorbed! Some people struggle to understand what they don’t have, I personally find it hugely therapeutic!! Thanks for reading. xx

  47. April 2, 2016 / 5:41 am

    Fabulous post, I hate it when people ‘think’ they are being concerned when they are the cause for the issue. Its your lif, your blog and well done for sharing your journey.

    • April 2, 2016 / 5:28 pm

      Yes! I agree, and also a lot of the time people mask the fact that they are simply being insulting with “concern” which is just as bad, if not worse! I wont ever change who I am or what I say for anyone, the only people that matter are my family and I and I have always had their full love and support. Thanks for reading. xx

  48. April 2, 2016 / 6:19 pm

    I would have filed those comments in the same place to be honest hun, well done you for writing this post and blowing those ‘friends’ a big fat raspberry x

    • April 3, 2016 / 7:48 pm

      Thank you! And those “friends” are no friends of mine, my true friends are nothing but supportive. Thank you for reading. xx

  49. April 2, 2016 / 10:11 pm

    I totally agree with your response. Your blog, your decisions and nothing we blog about is taken lightly.

    • April 3, 2016 / 7:42 pm

      Thank you. Absolutely, I never just bang out a blog post and press share, I always put a lot of thought into it and ask myself whether it is the right thing to do. I think as a blogger we only need to answer to ourselves, if we are happy to press that “posts” button then that is our decision and ours only. Thanks for reading. xx

  50. April 3, 2016 / 2:42 pm

    Brilliant and very inspiring post! Thank you for sharing

    • April 3, 2016 / 7:36 pm

      Thank you for reading! xx

  51. April 3, 2016 / 7:45 pm

    You are a very brave lady for not letting these people shape how you think and feel. You are clearly very strong and if blogging helps you then stick with it. No everyone gets it, but I think you are helping and supporting a lot of people by sharing your story

    • April 3, 2016 / 7:49 pm

      Thank you so much. It has been hugely therapeutic for me to share my story, although admittedly very difficult at times. I am very aware that others may look at me differently but the ones who matter have been nothing but supportive. Thanks for reading, xx

  52. April 3, 2016 / 11:48 pm

    I think it is important to share your story and not care about what other people think. Ultimately mental health needs to be spoken about.

    • April 4, 2016 / 7:28 pm

      You are completely right, and that is the thing that drives me to continue being honest and open, whether people like it or not. Thanks for reading, xx

  53. April 4, 2016 / 5:46 pm

    I’m so shocked and sorry that these people responded in such ways! If someone wants to judge, it’s entirely their problem. Good on you for carrying on. One of the best things about blogging is how it connects us with others – and that’s absolutely priceless.

    • April 4, 2016 / 7:26 pm

      I was just the same, I was really taken aback at the nerve of some people! It did really knock me for a moment but then I realised that for every one negative comments, there was a whole host of positives and I carried on doing what I’m doing! Thanks for reading! xx

  54. July 19, 2016 / 9:37 pm

    Very well said. And you are absolutely right to say “how dare you”. It’s really none of their business on what you choose to share and he/she shouldn’t read your post if they are not comfortable with it. The concerned friend may have been a little out of line there.

    • July 20, 2016 / 7:42 pm

      Thank you. I would never dream of saying those things to a friend, the best thing about blogging is that it is YOURS to say what you like! xx

  55. February 6, 2017 / 9:35 am

    just wow! seriously well said. I’ve had similar responses to my blog too and it’s really made me feel uncomfortable and question what I’m doing – I stop for a few days and reflect but always come back ti the same option that I love blogging, I love the interaction and I love the memories that I am keeping in writing for my children. Well done you for writing this post – just wonderful! #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 6, 2017 / 10:46 am

      Thank you Helen. It’s difficult at times when you start to question whether you are doing the right thing, I hate that I allowed others to make me question something that I was so certain of, and it’s only with time (and age definitely!) that I became brave enough to think who cares what they, or anyone else thinks. My blog, my rules!! xxx

  56. February 6, 2017 / 10:16 am

    Very well said hunny. I, for one, am very grateful that you’ve been so open and honest on your blog. It’s helped me deal with my own miscarriage, knowing that I’m not alone and that there are other people out there that understand. I too have received similar response from people I know in ‘real life’ about writing about my miscarriage experience, I have been accused of deliberately upsetting them as ridiculous as that sounds, some people seem to think that their feelings are far more important that anyone else’s. Don’t ever change xx #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Laura Dove
      February 6, 2017 / 10:45 am

      Thank you so much Claire. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage but I’m glad that you found a comfort in my posts. For such a long time I allowed others to affect what I shared, and how I felt, and I think it’s only with age that I reached a point where I realised that it isn’t my problem – it’s theirs. Good on you for sharing your story, your feelings are always the most important, keep doing what’s right for you. xxx

  57. February 6, 2017 / 10:41 am

    Good Lord, I hope those ‘concerned friends’ have been suitably phased out of your life.
    Your mental health, Joseph & your other babies, your relationship and your journey are all YOURS, you own them and they are for you to share, or not, as you please.
    I’ve not suffered with mental health or suffered stillbirth but that’s not to say I haven’t taken a lot from the strength you’ve shown writing about these things.
    We could all stick our heads up our backsides and ignore every awful thing that happens but that wouldn’t be a good thing.
    I think you’re a very wonderful person for sharing your ups and your downs as there’s someone out there, someone more worthwhile than ‘concerned friend’ who is so very thankful that you’ve ‘overshared’ and offered them a glimmer of hope. #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 6, 2017 / 10:59 am

      Thank you so much Anna. I think that’s exactly the reason as to why I blog, to provide comfort and support to those who have experienced the same and to educate those who haven’t. I’ve had so many lovely messages of support throughout the last 18 months I’ve been blogging, those are the people that inspire me to keep writing, the others have been well and truly phased out!! xxx

  58. February 6, 2017 / 10:43 am

    So, so, so true. I love your blog from the bottom of my heart, and I love it because everything about it is raw and honest and true. I love that you share the tough times as well as the good, that you write the hard posts as well as the easy ones. You blog helps so many people going through the same thing. Don’t ever change, in person or in writing – you have the right to say what you feel. Sending much love and many hugs from #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Laura Dove
      February 6, 2017 / 10:55 am

      Thank you so much. I think it’s important that we all use our blog in the way that is right for us, whether that’s sharing anything and everything, or sharing an edited version. For me, I couldn’t write in any other way than I do, I have always been a very open person and I’m glad that comes across in my writing. The older I get, the less I care, and I have no time for negativity in my life. I’m very much of the opinion that if you don’t like it, don’t read it, and I’m so grateful for lovely people like you who want to read. Much love. xxx

  59. February 6, 2017 / 1:48 pm

    I love your blog Laura- everything is always so well written.


    • Laura Dove
      February 7, 2017 / 9:40 am

      Ahh thank you Kristin. xxx

  60. February 6, 2017 / 3:35 pm

    Why can’t people just think before they speak and save whatever damage they may cause. Like you’ve said this blog is for you, you’re not doing it for their benefit, but by writing about your experiences you are helping someone, somewhere!

    I’d be interested to know if they do read this and say anything to you!


    • Laura Dove
      February 7, 2017 / 9:40 am

      Thanks Abbie. I think a couple of years ago, had this happened, I would have been devastated by such a comment, but lately I’ve just stopped caring!! I couldn’t be the blogger I want to be if I had to censor my words and edit out huge parts of my life. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and I hope that sharing my story helps others, thank you for reading. xx

  61. February 6, 2017 / 7:47 pm

    Being someone that has recently shared probably the most open post on my blog, I can totally relate to this. Why do people feel it’s ok to make these comments to you and why do they think that you have gone into having a blog blindly. You will have considered it all before writing that first post, like we all would have done. You carry on being your brilliant self lovely. your blog has helped you and so many others. x #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 7, 2017 / 9:38 am

      Completely agree Laura. The implication that we are putting our children at risk, embarrassing our family, and ourselves, is so ignorant isn’t it? I think long and hard before I share my posts, sometimes I sit and dither over the publish button for hours, but ultimately it’s a choice we make that is right for US. Your post was so brave and helped so many people, in the same way that I hope mine did too, and how can that ever be a bad thing? xxx

  62. February 7, 2017 / 7:18 am

    Wow! I’m sorry you had to deal with those jerks. Really! You always expect people to be more open minded, accepting, or just respectful of people who are brave enough to bare their soul’s but they aren’t. Ridiculous! #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Laura Dove
      February 7, 2017 / 9:33 am

      Thanks lovely. I think when I experience something like this it just encourages me to share more, clearly there is still so much ignorance out there!! xx

  63. February 7, 2017 / 8:05 pm

    Great response I hope they read it!! My mum always said you don’t need enemy’s when you have friends like that!


    • Laura Dove
      February 8, 2017 / 9:39 am

      Haha yes! Who needs that kind of negativity in their lives? xx

  64. February 7, 2017 / 9:35 pm

    I like the sound of a rat’s ass folder! I always say if people don’t like it they don’t have to read it. Make sure you keep writing for YOU – nevermind what anyone else thinks #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 8, 2017 / 9:32 am

      Haha it’s getting crowded in that folder let me tell you! I think the day I stop writing for myself is the day that my blog stops being what it set out to be, and I always say the same – if you don’t like it, don’t read it! Simple! xx

  65. February 8, 2017 / 9:48 am

    Some people really need to learn to filter what they say. You shouldn’t have to hide one of your children just because it makes other people feel uncomfortable. I know a family who lost their first son long before I knew them. To begin with it made me feel uncomfortable when I found out about it, simply because I didn’t want to say something that might upset them. That was my problem to deal with though, not theirs. The way they talk about Toby is no different to the way they talk about their other children. They still celebrate his birthday each year, and remark on things he would have loved to see/experience. Yes he is no longer around, but that does in no way make his life any less significant.


    • Laura Dove
      February 8, 2017 / 5:24 pm

      I completely agree Rachel, and I think it took me a long time to realise that the problem lay with other people and not me. I often think imagine if I asked them not to mention one of their children, to hide them away like they didn’t exist, it’s just the same isn’t it? Nothing makes me happier than being able to say my sons name, to include him in our family and keep his memory alive. It’s always lovely to hear that other people feel the same way. xx

  66. February 8, 2017 / 10:28 pm

    Well said!! The “concerned friend” needs to mind her own business, nobody forces her to read it and I for one love your blog! It’s a shame there are people who are so ignorant out there but for 1 or 2 of them there are hundreds that find your blog a massive help. #PostsFromTheHeart

  67. February 9, 2017 / 9:32 am

    What an honest heartfelt post. I have just started my blog and have questioned myself – am I exposing too much of our family life? Will the children look back and be embarrassed but like you, there are issues I want to discuss, and I think it’s important. Also like you say, it’s a lovely record for them to have. I also greatly admire you for talking about your mental health. My latest post on my blog is highlighting Children’s Mental Health Week with a lot of personal experience used, and it was tough to write, but hopefully it’ll touch others who are going through tough times with their children. Thank you for sharing. #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Laura Dove
      February 9, 2017 / 8:56 pm

      Thanks Susie. I think as long as we are comfortable with what we share, that’s all that matters. I would NEVER share anything that would put my children at risk or embarrass them, I am very aware that my eldest is approaching his teens and his friends could read whatever I share, but I don’t want to censor our lives entirely for fear that one day someone might have an issue with it. I would have loved for my mum to write a blog so I could look back on it at this age! xx

  68. February 10, 2017 / 12:54 pm

    I love this post! Not that you had to go through what you did to inspire it though I would think they well and truly get the message after this! You don’t need people in your life like this and you keep on doing what you do because it’s good! And if they feel don’t feel comfortable with you saying you have 5 kids then that’s their issue, not yours, isn’t it! #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 12, 2017 / 4:21 pm

      Thanks Tracey, I’m always surprised that others have such an issue with honesty, I would think it would be the opposite! I think some people prefer to bury their heads in the sand don’t they? xx

  69. February 12, 2017 / 6:40 pm

    I love this and so well put. I have been told i ‘over share’ and so called friends have had quiet chats with me that they think i am over doing it work wise. The fact i get out of bed before 10am is a start on them. They can all take a long walk off a short pier as far as i am concerned. Thanks for linking up with #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 13, 2017 / 11:34 am

      Haha good for you! I’ve had all kinds of comments about sharing too much in my posts, even from close friends, and I just don’t think that they understand that without that, I couldn’t blog in the way that I do. It’s not for everyone to bare their souls on line, but the ones who do are my favourite bloggers as opposed to those who only share an edited version! xx

  70. May 8, 2017 / 12:12 pm

    It baffles me to understand why people have to bring other people down with their judgements. Everyone judges people that is a human trait, but to do it so brash and rudely is where it is a problem. “You do you” is my mantra in life now. I just wish we didnt live in a world where people have to tear each other down.
    This was a great post. I’m sorry you had to go through those situations with people who are meant to be your friends! x

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:35 am

      You do you is the best mantra ever! I love that, and it is so true. I would never dream of judging someone else, and even if those thoughts popped into my head, I wouldn’t write them down and tell someone that they were embarrassing themselves! It’s shocking really, safe to say they are no longer my friend! xx

  71. September 11, 2017 / 10:21 am

    Loved reading this post, just what I needed to hear this morning. I love that you tell it like it is, and encourage others to do the same. It’s sometimes hard to silence the negativity of others, thanks for talking about it x

    • Laura Dove
      September 11, 2017 / 11:36 am

      Thank you so much. It’s so important to keep being honest isn’t it? xx

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