What to Say (and What Not to Say) to Someone Who’s Grieving
When someone has lost a loved one, they will often need to be comforted and reassured. However, certain phrases should never be said to someone who is grieving. The following blog post will describe what you should say (and what not) when someone is grieving.
- “It was God’s will”
What you should say: “I am so sorry for your loss”. Saying that it was God’s will is often dismissive and does not acknowledge the person’s loss.
- “Everything happens for a reason”
What you should say: “How are you?” The concept of there being a reason behind every bad event can be comforting to some people, but others might think that it devalues their experience of pain and suffering. Ask them how they are doing at first; their answer will give you an idea as to how much they want to talk about what happened. So if they do want to talk about it, listen. If they do not, move on. There is no right or wrong way of grieving; everyone will express their grief differently.
- “Be grateful for the time you had together”
What you should say: “I’m sorry”. It might seem as though this is a nice way to comfort someone, but it can often come across as being dismissive if they have just lost their spouse or child. Some people only get a short time with their loved ones before they die, so saying this will not be a helpful response. If the person decides to talk about what happened, listen and offer support. For example, send them Pearsons Florist sympathy flowers to remind them of happy memories that will help them feel better in the long term. The most important thing to remember when comforting someone who has lost a loved one is to LISTEN and be supportive; everyone grieves differently, and you do not want to make the situation worse.
- “God never gives us more than we can handle”
What you should say: “Is there anything I can do for you?” This response minimizes the grief that someone is feeling as well as their loved one’s death. If they decide to talk about what happened, listen attentively and be supportive. Also, instead of asking whether there is anything that you can do for them, state what you are going to do for them. For example, if a friend of yours has just lost a son in a car accident, let them know that you will go with them to collect his belongings from the police station or help them sort out the funeral arrangements.
- “I know how you feel”
What you should say: “I’m here for you”. If someone has just lost a family member, they will not appreciate it if you try to act like you understand what they are going through. Instead of saying that you know how they feel, use active listening (repeating back things that the person has said) and acknowledge their feelings instead of trying to relate your own experience to theirs. For example, if a friend has just broken up with their boyfriend, let them tell you why they broke up first before sharing your own experiences. This will make them feel validated rather than dismissed by your response. Remember; everyone grieves in different ways.
