Starting fresh after separation
Easier said than done, but possible. Discover straightforward steps to getting back on your feet after a break up and feeling confident on your own again.
1. Processing emotions with support
No matter the length of your relationship or who decided to split, a separation can knock you for six. Emotions will run high, even if this initially manifests as numbness and calm, and it can be tempting to withdraw while you’refeeling vulnerable. However, support can be invaluable in regaining control.
Everyone reacts differently, so remember there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, whether you’re tearful or having daily tantrums. Reach out to friends and family when you feel lonely, and set up face-to-face activities as a welcome distraction, such as brunch at a café or walk around your local park.
Counsellors and therapists provide an unbiased sounding board and offer professional help with managing difficult emotions. You may also find support groups in your area where you can connect with others going through similar situations.
2. Rebuilding daily routines
Losing your routine only compounds to the sense of loss following a separation, so avoid drifting and try to develop regular habits as soon as possible. This might include morning jogs or gym visits and evenings cooking in the kitchen. Fitness classes and seeing friends are an easy way to fill empty weekends when it’s easy to feel alone.
When you do have free time, dedicate it to self-care, whatever this looks like to you. Popular options include long baths, yoga sessions and spending time outside. Take advantage of having the freedom to do whatever you want and investigate clubs and classes that reawaken old hobbies or let you try something new that you’ve always wanted to do. Being ‘selfish’ with how you spend your time will help you rediscover your passions and what’s important to you.
3. Creating a home haven
Our home should feel like a sanctuary, and if it was a space that was previously shared with your significant other, chances are it no longer feels welcoming. Invest some time and money in making it a haven that supports your wellbeing.
Start with the lighting. Any interior designer will tell you that this is all-important in setting the desired ambience. Swap harsh overhead bulbs for dimmable options and create a layered lighting scheme with lamps for cosy evenings. Introduce fabrics that are pleasant to the touch, in the form of throws, furnishings and rugs. Home fragrance products, such as candles and diffusers or room sprays, can help to establish an uplifting and calming atmosphere.
4. Managing legalities and finances
You might want to shy away from the administrative aspects of separation, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will get. If you’re ending a marriage or civil partnership, investigate family law solicitors specialising in divorcewho can offer appropriate legal support on challenging tasks such as resolving child custody and dividing finances while fighting to ensure a fair outcome.
For amicable splits from non-legal partnerships, you might feel comfortable sorting out the details directly but consider asking someone you trust to be there for the conversation. This will help to keep things civil and keep youcalm.
5. Planning for the future
When the present is so overwhelming, it’s easy to find yourself stuck, with thoughts about your ended relationship repeatedly dragging you into the past. Forcing yourself to focus on the future will encourage you to break out of negative thought cycles and provide much-needed motivation for making changes.
Start small, filling up your calendar with meet-ups and events that inspire joy. You could also declutter, making space for new things that feel entirely you. From there, you can strive towards bigger goals, whether this is heading off on the holiday of a lifetime or climbing the ladder at work.
