Divorced with kids? Five coping mechanisms during the Covid pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic blindsided all of us. For divorced couples with kids, this has introduced a new set of obstacles to overcome. From managing joint custody arrangements while practising social distancing to homeschooling. 

Some key workers are still expected to work, while others are furloughed on lower pay. Every day seems to bring up a new set of challenges for divorced parents. If you’re struggling during this time, consider these 5 ways to make life a little easier.

Turn off the news

Children might become more stressed if they get too much information about the pandemic. Limit contact with the news and make sure you are prepared to talk through everything they hear and see online. Remember that their friends might still be talking about it, and they might see things on social media, so don’t assume that turning off the TV will end all contact with the news.

If they do have questions about what they have seen, don’t dismiss them. Instead, explain things of a level they will understand. And if you don’t have the answers, just tell them this, but remind them that everything will be okay.

Offer reassurance

Children will naturally have a lot of questions and you might not have all of the answers at this time. They might be worried about grandparents, their friends and their school work. Offer reassurance in this time of need that they are safe, that their family and friends are safe, and that life will return to normal soon.

Maintain contact with both parents

Social distancing might mean that the usual custody agreement has to be adjusted. While this might be a short term change, make sure that your children maintain good contact with both parents throughout the pandemic. 

If one parent is shielding, make sure you arrange a time for the children to talk on Skype or Whatsapp. This will help to restore some feeling of normalcy. Many family solicitors have already stated that the lockdown isn’t a reason to prevent contact with the other parent. If you have a child custody arrangement in place, try to stick to this as much as is reasonable. If your ex-partner is not allowing you to see your children because of the pandemic, you can ask for the courts to intervene by working with a family solicitor (www.brookman.co.uk).  

Ease their concerns, don’t add to them

Children are very perceptive and they will pick up on your concerns. Be careful about what you discuss around them and be aware of how your mood will impact theirs. If a child hears your concerns about work, they might adopt them as their own. Likewise for financial and employment concerns. Be aware of what you are discussing around your child and how it might affect them.

Create new memories

It might seem like a time you just want to forget about, but there are still plenty of opportunities to create new memories. You might be stuck at home, but you can still find a way to have fun. You can find a way to have fun around the house, such as building a den or getting creative in the kitchen. You could also host a Zoom party for their friends so they can stay in contact.

The time will go a lot faster if you find a way to make new memories. If you are working from home, create a schedule where you get work done and your child does their school work. This will ensure that you have some free time together and that you can focus on having fun.