You Don’t Have To Get Naked To Be Body Positive……
Last week during a conversation with a lady who has recently embraced Body Positivity, she told me she had booked a naked photoshoot to celebrate her new found confidence. “Oh wow, I could never do that!” I had replied, literally shuddering at the thought, and she had looked at me, with a sympathetic smile and a gentle pat of my shoulder and said, “Ah don’t worry Laura, you’ll get there in time”. And, although I had simply nodded and listened to her excited chatter about her upcoming shoot, I couldn’t help but wonder at what point getting naked had become the end goal in reaching body positivity?
You see the truth is, I don’t want to get naked on social media, I don’t even want to get semi naked. I can’t think of anything worse than standing there in my mis-matched bra and knickers shouting about how much I love my body. I would genuinely rather stick pins in my eyes than stand naked in front of a photographer or, even worse, share those photos with thousands of people on the internet.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not body positive, does it?
You see I know, more than many, just how debilitating it can be to live with low self-confidence. I know how all-consuming those thoughts of self-loathing can be and how they can spiral out of control in no time at all. I know how soul destroying it is to look in the mirror and hate what you see, or to rely on the scales to determine your mood each morning.
I know first hand how eating disorders can destroy lives, how they can take lives, and how easy it can be to succumb to the pressures of what society hails as “perfection”. I know how those feelings of low self-worth can impact on your life in countless ways – on your relationships, your career and, ultimately, on your hopes and your dreams.
But I also know that even in my darkest days, when I loathed myself for so many reasons, I still went on holiday and wore a bikini. I still wriggled myself into tight fitting dresses, cut off denims and skimpy tops, and from the outside looking in I was very confident in my own skin. I know that even at my lowest ebb I didn’t shroud myself in layers or hide myself away, a master of deception, smiling through my sadness, and it is for those reasons I struggle to believe that getting naked is in any way a true measure of body confidence.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for the body positivity movement and I think it’s great that so many of us are embracing our bodies, in whatever shape or form. I love nothing more than seeing men and women sharing their messages of self love, particularly those who have shared similar battles to mine. I think it’s amazing that body positivity has quite literally changed so many people’s lives and given them the confidence to shed their clothes and put themselves out there in all of their glory. But at the same time, it feels as though baring all is seen as the pinnacle of positivity and that doesn’t sit right with me and nor is it something I want my children to believe either.
The message I want to teach my children about body positivity isn’t about getting naked on social media, or wearing skimpy bikinis and parading up and down the beach. The message I want to teach them is about being body positive on the inside, about understanding that, whilst we are different shapes and sizes outwardly, we are all different people inwardly, with different opinions, strengths, abilities and goals.
I want to teach them about being caring and empathetic, I want to teach them about being honest and being open-minded, about using their brain, not their looks to get ahead in life. I want to teach them that body positivity is about being healthy on the inside, not just on the outside, about the importance of owning their feelings of inadequacy and refusing to let the opinions of others impact on their own happiness. I want to teach them about loving themselves first and foremost, long before they fall in love with someone else.
I want to teach them about the importance of self-care and self-appreciation, about putting themselves first even if it means going against the opinion of others. I want to teach them about judging their self worth based on kindness and compassion, on being smart and switched on; I want to teach them about celebrating the things which make them unique, about championing their successes, forgiving their failings, and holding their heads up high, always.
And most of all I want to teach them that, as important as it is to embrace body positivity, it is equally important to stay true to themselves and their own beliefs as opposed to following the crowd. And if, like me, they’re not comfortable with getting naked at the drop of a hat, or posing on social media in their underwear, then there is nothing at all wrong with that.
And that doesn’t mean that we aren’t as confident as the next person, or that we don’t love our bodies in the way we should, but perhaps it just means that we love our bodies enough to want to keep them for ourselves……
Laura I totally get this. I am body positive but I don’t want to get naked on social media. I just doesn’t feel right to me. I love my body but I see most of it as being private. I air a lot out on social media but my body is one thing I don’t really want to. Each to their own though! x
Exactly this Talya. Each to their own absolutely, and I admire those who are breaking down barriers, but that shouldn’t take away from our own body confidence and being seen as less confident simply because we prefer not to get naked. I want my children to know that body confidence is so much more than that. xx
I can totally relate to this, Laura. I also suffer from that wrong public impression that not wearing bikini means not being confident. I don’t know how to tell people that I’m 100% confident with my body without having to expose it to everyone, because their minds are already rooted to that kind of belief (and it sucks). Exposing too much skin shouldn’t be the only indication of “self-confidence” or “body positivity”, that is totally wrong. And I can just pitty those who think that way. On top of that, my body is reserved for my future husband’s eyes only! 😁
I feel exactly the same and I feel sad that the body positivity movement has become so focused on getting naked if I’m honest. I think there are so many of us who are body positive without the need to shout about it, or flaunt our nakedness, and I really hope that my children grow up to know that being body positive does not equate with nudity. I applaud those who are shouting it from the rooftops and breaking down those barriers but for me, and many others, that’s not how we do it. xx
This is a wonderful and thoughtful article. I totally agree that not wanting to do a nude or boudoir photo shoot, does not mean one isn’t comfortable with one’s body. Such a thought is rather annoying. I don’t even think you have to wear a bikini or tight clothes to prove to or pretend to yourself (or others) that you’re okay with your body. In my circle of friends I’ve noticed that the women who appear to be most comfortable with their bodies actually show the least amount of skin or body shape. They are so “just themselves” that they don’t care about neckline or showing/hiding waist/belly or trying to be anything but comfortable. That to me is most inspiring – and how I’d like to feel about my body. The most important aspect I’m taking away from your post is however that you are aiming to teach your kids to truly find their own path and be themselves.
Yes! I totally agree, the amount of flesh you show should not be a measure of body positivity. Yes I want my children to grow up to be body positive but I don’t necessarily want them to grow up to pose naked on social media. If that’s their choice then so be it but for me, it isn’t necessary to do that to prove you love your body. Everyone is different and I appreciate what many are trying to achieve with the body positivity movement, I just think it’s important to remember that getting naked isn’t the ultimate goal. Thank you for reading. xxx
This is so true and such a good post! I love what you are trying to teach your children. I also think you have a lovely figure if that’s ok to say!
Thank you Rachel, and thank you for reading. xx
I love my body. I love my tiger stripes (stretch marks) and my “love handles.” Body confidence is not showing too much skin. Honestly, I cannot even imagine how you can pose for photos looking like your were just born. Just my thoughts, though.
It’s so true – the inside matters a lot more than what is being shown on the outside. I am also raising two girls and to be honest the future scares me a lot – bringing children up with social media is going to create challenges beyond our control as parents, but hopefully we can work on what’s on the inside 🙂
I love my body. I am very confidenyt but posing naked or semi naked is definitely not for me. I agree with you.
My body is far from perfect, I have done a naked photoshoot, but my husband was the photographer (he is a photographer and has his own studio). He suggested it to actually boost my confidence and it worked. Saying that these photos have never been posted anywhere. I could never have done this with anyone else x
Ahem to that! I would never get naked to prove I was body confident and I don’t want my girls brought up in a world where this is what happens x
My body is about as far from perfect as it gets. As a result I have huge confidence issues and no body confidence whatsoever. My kids treat everyone as equals, and that’s all I can ever ask of them
I admire you so much. My body is not perfect but I love it. But there are things that were not for you. You don’t need to prove yourself to others.
Yes, yes yes!! I completely agree with this. you have made an absolute 100% true point and love the way that you have wrote about this important message xx
You can definitely body confident without showing it to the world. I would never want anyone to see all of me that I’m not incredibly close to, that’s a private thing. It doesn’t mean I’m not happy with myself
I absolutely agree with you: body positivity has nothing to do with the desire to share semi-naked photos on social media. I’d rather say that the more I like my body, the less I want to be undressed on Facebook or Instagram ))
You are my favorite blogger 🙂 I always love seeing the photos on your blog. This post is also nice. It’s a reminder to appreciate myself the way I am . It also reminded me of the people who had been showing off on the Internet with the photos of how they are positive. Things you are teaching to your children are good ones too.
Ahh this comment has made my day. Thank you so much, I really hope I am doing my children proud. xxxx
I can’t understand the trend for naked or semi naked photos on social media. There is a lot more to self confidence than being prepared to pose in a bikini and as for a naked photo shoot. I would never have done it.
Fascinating read Laura. In the past I have written about the impact of positive body image on boys and men because it’s often overshadowed by body positivity and women. The issue with women is much better recognised with more resources for dealing with it but for men, it’s a growing issue. That aside, this lady and her photoshoot….that was a very judgmental thing for her to say. Being comfortable naked could simply be exhibitionism, not body positive. You should all be free to do what you want. I certainly wouldn’t be splashing photos of myself semi-clothed or naked on my blog or social channels because I wouldn’t want to embarrass my kids. There shouldn’t be any pressure to strip off to make a point.
As a 40+ something mum, I am so with you on this. I still sometimes struggle with seeing pictures of me, never mind showing a bit too much flesh!!
This resonated so much with me Laura! I feel exactly the same. I’m fine with my body, I don’t feel the need to make any apology for it, and I love what it does for me. But I don’t see the need to show it to people I don’t know online to prove that. Your messages to your children sound perfect to me.