Things I want my daughters to know…

I read a really lovely book the other week Things I want my daughters to know , and it got me thinking about the advice that I would give to my own daughters. It’s very hard to imagine a time when my girls will want their independence, when they will become opinionated and hormonal and tell me that I haven’t got a clue, that I’m so ancient I couldn’t possibly understand what they are going through. But the best thing about a mother/daughter relationship is that ultimately there is the chance that one day, albeit many years from now, they will sit you down and utter those magic words, “You were right!”.

And so I compiled a list, merely the tip of the iceberg, but here are the things that I want my daughters to know.

There is so much more to life than being beautiful.

You are so exceptionally beautiful, don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise, but don’t ever become complacent that beauty is enough. There is so much more to you both than being beautiful. Be kind, be caring, be smart. Be a good person, a good friend, a good partner. When your looks fade, although I cannot imagine a time that they ever will, be assured that your inner beauty will continue to shine through and you will always remain as beautiful as you are right now.

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You don’t have to be liked by everybody.

As you grow, especially during your school days, being popular might feel like the most important thing in the world to you. And yet you have to remember that sometimes, those who are surrounded by others can often be the loneliest people of all. Don’t be a people pleaser, don’t follow the crowd, be yourself and if somebody doesn’t like you for it then it’s their loss. Choose your friendships wisely and remain loyal to them, through thick and through thin. And remember that whatever happens, there is no friend in the whole world like your sister.

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Don’t give your heart away too easily.

There will come a time, hopefully in many years from now, when you discover boys and truly believe that you are in love. Believe me when I tell you, the best is yet to come. There may be several men (although I really hope, for your Dads sake, that there aren’t too many!) before you meet the right one and you need to learn to trust your instincts and enter into every relationship with your eyes wide open. If he loves you, he will love all of you. Don’t change for any man or stay with someone who makes you feel any less than his whole world. And if you have your hearts broken, which you inevitably will, don’t let it break you. There is someone out there for all of us, sometimes it just takes a while to find them.

Leave your hair alone!!!

You have the most beautiful hair, don’t make the same mistake that I made and destroy it through years of experimenting in a quest for the perfect hair colour that actually, doesn’t even exist. People pay extortionate amounts of money for hair like yours, take good care of it and please, please, please think twice before you cut it. I know that you won’t want to be Rapunzel forever but it really does take years to grow back!

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Learn to say no.

If ever something feels wrong, however small that niggling doubt may be, learn how to say no. There is so much pressure to conform with your peers, with boys, with experiences and situations and it is so important to trust your gut instinct. Don’t ever be afraid to stand up and say no, be that in friendships, relationships, your career or even to us, your parents. Believe in your ability to make the right decision and you can’t go far wrong.

The number on your scales should never dictate your self worth.

Trust me when I tell you, there is so much more to life than being slim. Please don’t ever believe that you would be happier if you were ten pounds lighter, that you would be more attractive if your thighs didn’t meet in the middle or you could squeeze yourself into a size zero. Don’t waste your time following fad diets, slogging it out at the gym, worrying so much about gaining a few pounds that ultimately, you forget how to live.

Grow to be confident in your body with the knowledge that although it is important to take care of yourself, eat well, be active and stay strong, life is far too short to skip dessert. Remember that everything you see in the media is a smoke screen, that we could all look amazing with a bit of air brushing, a few clicks of photo shop, that women don’t look that way in real life at all.

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Life is short, do what makes you happy.

I am sure that by the time you reach an age where you are capable of making your own decisions, we will have instilled in you the values to know right from wrong, to have the sense to think things through and weigh up all of your options. I hope that when it comes down to decisions with your studies, your career, your choice in partner or lifestyle, you are strong enough to do whatever makes you happy, whether that makes others happy or not. Sometimes in life you have to be selfish, even if that means hurting the ones you love, and if you can hand on your heart tell me that your choices make you happy, you will always have my full love and support.

Whatever you’re going through, I’ve already been there. 

Sometimes it’s very hard to see past the fact that I am your Mum, thirty two and three years older than you both and, in your eyes I’m sure, completely out of touch with the youth of today. Believe me when I tell you, whatever it is that you are going through, I have been there, experienced it and lived to tell the tale.

However bad the situation, however despondent you may be, I have advice by the bucket load. Talk to me, share your lives with me, remember that once upon a time I was a confused child, a defiant teen, a young woman who more than anything just desperately needed the advice of my Mum.

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Life is tough, but so are you.

More than anything I want you to know that whatever life throws at you, you will survive it. I wish that I could promise you that life was going to be easy and yet there is no way of knowing what lies in store. What I can promise you is that there is nothing in this world that we cannot get through together, and if ever there comes a time when you simply cannot find the strength to go on, I will be right there beside you fighting back for the both of us.

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I will always love you.

And that, my darling girls, goes without saying.

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115 Comments

  1. March 3, 2016 / 10:06 pm

    Beautiful Laura. What else can I say xxx
    Thanks so much for sharing with #coolmumclub

    • March 3, 2016 / 11:44 pm

      Thank you, and for hosting also. Xx

  2. March 3, 2016 / 10:17 pm

    This is really touching…I kind of teared up (embarrassed face). These are so important to remember, I feel like I could use the reminder! What a great idea for a post. Thanks for linking up at #stayclassy!

    • March 3, 2016 / 11:43 pm

      Aww bless you! Thank you so much!! Xx

  3. randommusings29
    March 3, 2016 / 11:00 pm

    This is lovely. I totally agree with it all (their hair is gorgeous) especially the one about saying no. You have to learn to trust your gut instinct and if something feels wrong, then to be able to say no to it #momsterslink
    Debbie

    • March 3, 2016 / 11:43 pm

      Thanks Debbie! Saying no is a big one isn’t it? It can be a tough lesson to learn and I’m sure there will be times when I will wish they would just do as I tell them to!! Thanks for reading. Xx

  4. March 3, 2016 / 11:23 pm

    This is absolutely gorgeous, wow. I felt very emotional reading that!! My mum, despite me being the accidental fourth child and her being 36 years older than me, has always made me feel she understood everything I went through and is absolutely my best friend. It’s such a special bond – I’ve always said I wanted lots of boys (I have one so far!) but there’s something so beautiful about a mother-daughter bond, not to mention sisters. This is perfect for Mother’s Day! I am going to send it to my family. #stayclassy & #coolmumclub

    • March 3, 2016 / 11:41 pm

      Thank you! I was just the same and said that I wanted boys (I also have three boys!) but it wasn’t until my girls came along that I realised just how much I had been longing for the mother/daughter bond also. Thank you so much for reading. Xx

  5. mackenzieglanville
    March 4, 2016 / 4:41 am

    Awesome advice, really true awesome! You are an amazing mother and a beautiful human being, they have the best role model. And yes their hair is sooooooo gorgeous!! If only we could make them listen, it worries me as my eldest daughter is almost 12, I mean 12!!! We are entering a phase of body changes, boys and confusion and I wish I could protect her from some lessons she will learn. But we have so much good to look forward to also. Gosh we are so blessed to be a mum, I feel so lucky when I see my girls xx

    • March 4, 2016 / 7:36 am

      Thank you so much lovely. Oh I hear you, my eldest will be twelve in April (they were JUST born right?) and we have a whole different set of worries with him! Thank you for reading, and hosting, and as always your lovely comment. Xx

  6. March 4, 2016 / 12:16 pm

    This is so so lovely! I hope my girls will grow up knowing these simple things too. PS – you’re so right about the hair thing! Sarah #FabFridayPost

    • March 4, 2016 / 12:31 pm

      Thank you!! And I know, right?! It would be a CRIME to dye (or even cut!) that hair, I will be drilling this into them their whole lives! Thanks for reading Sarah. xx

  7. March 4, 2016 / 1:40 pm

    great list. I wish out teen would believe the “I’ve already been there” thought. She seems to think we are imbeciles

    • March 4, 2016 / 5:47 pm

      Oh I can imagine, but then I thought exactly the same about my parents too. It’s only with hindsight that you can realise that they were right all along. Xx

  8. March 4, 2016 / 6:55 pm

    This is so lovely. Wise words indeed all round and the love for your daughters is palpable when reading this. Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely! x

    • March 4, 2016 / 7:07 pm

      Thank you, really lovely of you to take the time to read and comment. Xx

  9. March 4, 2016 / 10:07 pm

    I know you say that being beautiful isn’t everything but your girls really are beautiful! But wonderful advice for your girls. #LifeLovingLinkie

    • March 5, 2016 / 2:47 pm

      Aww thank you, they are pretty special that’s for sure. X

  10. March 4, 2016 / 11:24 pm

    I absolutely love this post. And yes, what wonderful things to let your daughters know but reading your list was such a fabulous reminder for me. Every woman should have these printed and put on their bathroom mirrors. (especially the one about don’t touch your hair lol) Thank you so much for participating in #blogsharelearn

    • March 5, 2016 / 2:46 pm

      Thanks Elena. I agree, as I was writing it I realised that I really need to take my own advice too!! Thanks for hosting. Xx

  11. All About the Child
    March 5, 2016 / 3:30 am

    What a wonderful list that I’m sure your daughters will appreciate once they know the wisdom that it contains. #binkylinky

    • March 5, 2016 / 2:46 pm

      Thank you! Will check yours out when it’s up!! Xx

  12. March 5, 2016 / 6:04 pm

    Lovely post and a brilliant idea. I worry about my little girl through those difficult school and teen years too. We should all write one of these! x #coolmumclub

    • March 5, 2016 / 9:38 pm

      Absolutely! I also need to take on board my own advice too! Thanks for reading. Xx

  13. Nige
    March 5, 2016 / 8:25 pm

    Beautiful and so touching truly another great post from you Thanks for linking to the #binkylinky

  14. March 5, 2016 / 8:35 pm

    I loved your post. They are things that my mom still says to me at 34 with two children of my own (and I love her for it). And I agree; you’re girls have absolutely gorgeous hair!

    • March 5, 2016 / 9:38 pm

      Aww thank you. I am super jealous of their beautiful hair! Xx

  15. March 6, 2016 / 6:42 pm

    Lovely post. Often think about this as my girls head towards teenage years!!!

    • March 6, 2016 / 6:51 pm

      Eek so much to come!! My eldest is 12 next month, not sure who are worse – boys or girls but I guess I will soon find out!! Thanks for reading. xx

    • March 6, 2016 / 6:50 pm

      Ooh I’m off to look, looking forward to reading!

  16. March 6, 2016 / 6:47 pm

    Oh crap I meant I’m visiting from ##KCACOLS …it’s been a long week.

  17. Emily
    March 6, 2016 / 8:28 pm

    Brilliant advice for your girls a wonderful post thanks for sharing thanks for linking to the #binkylinky

  18. March 6, 2016 / 8:46 pm

    Yes! This post is great! Life is short and do what you want is a mantra to live by! I’m three and love to act like a princess all the time, it makes me happy so my folks encourage it! 😉 #KCACOLS x

    • March 7, 2016 / 8:14 pm

      Hehe my girls also think that they are princesses, and why the hell not! Enjoy it!! xx

  19. March 6, 2016 / 9:03 pm

    This is a lovely post Laura. Your girls are gorgeous and you have some wonderful pictures. I think your words are very wise. Especially the part about your sister always being your friend and always being there for each other. My sister and I have always been close and even more so now as adults. She’ll always have my back.

    Sally @ Life Loving
    #LifeLovingLinkie

    • March 7, 2016 / 8:14 pm

      Thanks Sally. I always wanted a sister and so I envy my girls having a sister. I hope that they always remain close! xx

  20. March 6, 2016 / 9:23 pm

    Lovely messages and I agree wholeheartedly many of these are things I have said or will say to my daughter. #kcacols lifeinthemumslane

    • March 7, 2016 / 8:12 pm

      Thank you, I actually realised when writing this that I needed reminding of several of these too! xx

  21. The Pramshed
    March 7, 2016 / 7:39 am

    This is lovely and so true, I hope that when my little one is older I can give her all the advice from your blog post. Beautiful post that has bought a little tear to my eye at 7.30am on a Monday morning. Claire x #KCACOLS

    • March 7, 2016 / 8:11 pm

      Aww thanks Claire, really lovely of you!! xx

  22. March 7, 2016 / 8:11 pm

    Beautful and so true. I love the quotes you have chosen too #KCACOLS

  23. min1980
    March 7, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    What lovely advice. And I love their outfits in the photo at the top. x #fartglitter

    • March 8, 2016 / 8:31 pm

      Thank you for reading! xx

  24. March 7, 2016 / 11:40 pm

    A beautiful post! My mum has always said these things to me and it has helped shaped me and nurtured me though all kinds of twists and turns. #MarvMondays
    Just adding you on twitter, hope to tweet soon.

    Warm wishes from Petite Words

    • March 8, 2016 / 8:30 pm

      Ahh thank you! Will check you out on twitter, see you over there! xx

  25. March 8, 2016 / 7:49 am

    Absolutely brilliant advice! This is a wonderful post. PS I’ve read that book too 🙂 #kcacols

    • March 8, 2016 / 8:30 pm

      Thank you! It’s a lovely book isn’t it, a bit of a weepy though! xx

  26. Babies and Balderdash
    March 8, 2016 / 9:41 pm

    Aww lovely post. Your daughters hair is amazing! My daughter has ringlets and I hope she never uses a straightener or dyes it as I will be devastated! #brilliantblogposts

    • March 8, 2016 / 9:49 pm

      Thank you! Their hair is so precious isn’t it! My four year has never even had a hair cut yet!! 😳xx

      • Babies and Balderdash
        March 8, 2016 / 10:02 pm

        Haha I thought I was long leaving her until she was 3! She’s now 3 1/2 and her ringlets get really dry at the ends so I felt under pressure to get her a trim. Yours look fab! X

        • March 9, 2016 / 10:24 am

          I’m going on the theory that unless she’s standing on it, it doesn’t need cutting! 😂xx

  27. March 9, 2016 / 1:54 am

    Fantastic messages I’d like to impart to my son too x

    #fartglitter

    • March 9, 2016 / 10:21 am

      Me too although my eldest son is 11 and thinks that he knows EVERYTHING already!!! 😂 xx

  28. March 10, 2016 / 11:34 am

    Aww I love this. Very wise words. Especially “life is short, do what makes you happy” #KCACOLS

    • March 10, 2016 / 5:13 pm

      That just about sums it up really doesn’t it? Do what makes you happy….but also please don’t cut your hair! Ha! xx

  29. March 10, 2016 / 11:48 am

    This is such a lovely list. And a list that makes them such a strong young independence women one day. And your daughters have the most gorgeous hair by the way. I hope you don’t mind – but I am pinning this. Thank you so so much for sharing and linking up with #FabFridayPost xx

    • March 10, 2016 / 5:13 pm

      Thank you so much, of course I don’t mind! Its an honour. Thanks for hosting. xx

  30. March 10, 2016 / 9:49 pm

    What a lovely post and one I’m sure your girls will read fondly. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

    • March 10, 2016 / 10:03 pm

      Thank you! And thanks for hosting!! Xx

  31. rightroyalmother
    March 10, 2016 / 9:56 pm

    Oh dear, just cried and cried (and have a horrible cold so am a real mess now) when I thought about this in relation to my 2 and a half year old daughter, NG. Thanks for this – I absolutely couldn’t agree more and am so glad you wrote it. xx

    • March 10, 2016 / 10:05 pm

      Aww bless you!! I had a cry when I wrote it thinking how fast they are growing up! Thank you for reading, get well soon. Xxx

      • rightroyalmother
        March 12, 2016 / 10:43 am

        Thanks – feeling much better this morning and going to make the most of a lovely spring day. Happy weekend! xxx

  32. March 12, 2016 / 10:00 am

    I love this. It is all such a great advice for your girls. I’m sure they will grow strong and confident as you want them to be. They are gorgeous and they have the most beautiful hair I have ever seen! 😉 Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I would love to see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x

    • March 12, 2016 / 11:03 am

      Ahh thank you!! I shall be there on Sunday with bells on! Enjoy your weekend! xx

  33. March 12, 2016 / 10:51 pm

    What a lovely post, every single piece of advice is perfect and true. I wish I had a mum that would have told me all those things when I was growing up, or even now. Your girls are very lucky little ladies to have a mummy so wise beyond her years. These are definitely the types of things I’ll be telling my little lady as she grows up 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Emily

    • March 13, 2016 / 2:44 pm

      Ahh thank you, I so hope that my girls take notice of at least some of this advice – I know that I thought my mum knew nothing!! How wrong I was!! xx

  34. March 28, 2016 / 9:22 pm

    What a lovely post, such great advice I wish my mum had done something similar #fartglitter

    • March 28, 2016 / 9:25 pm

      Thank you!! Me too although I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have taken the blindest bit of notice!! 😬 xx

  35. March 29, 2016 / 6:26 pm

    Great advice!! I’m sure if they stick to it life will be great 🙂 Fantastic post!

    • March 29, 2016 / 6:28 pm

      Thank you! Let’s hope it’s as simple as that hey?! Thanks for reading!! Xx

      • March 29, 2016 / 6:29 pm

        Oh imagine! My beard wouldn’t have grey in at 29 lol

        • March 29, 2016 / 6:33 pm

          Eek! I’m sprouting grey hairs by the day, I’ll be full on white by the time my kids hit their teens!!

    • March 29, 2016 / 6:55 pm

      Thank you, me too absolutely. I guess I could do to take my own advice also!! Xx

  36. March 29, 2016 / 6:56 pm

    Those are some lovely life advice! I wish someone were there to tell me all of them and guided me through life when I grew up… Your little girls are very very lucky and I’m sure they will do just fine with your guidance 🙂

    Oliver • http://suedeandsymphony.com

    • March 29, 2016 / 7:46 pm

      Aww thank you Oliver, that’s really lovely of you to say. Here’s hoping!!! Xx

  37. March 29, 2016 / 7:52 pm

    Fab advice your girls hair is lovely by the way I wished as a child that I had long hair like there’s.

    • March 29, 2016 / 8:10 pm

      Thank you! Oh me too! Eva recently had it cut for the first time and I cried actual tears, ha! Thanks for reading!,,

  38. March 29, 2016 / 7:59 pm

    Important lessons to learn and once instilled whilst young will remain forever. I am fortunate my mother taught me this a young adult.

    • March 29, 2016 / 8:10 pm

      I made the mistake of ignoring the advice of my Mum and learning the hard way. I hope that my girls listen to me!! Thanks for reading!! Xx

    • March 29, 2016 / 8:09 pm

      Thank you Emma, and for reading too! Xx

  39. March 29, 2016 / 8:06 pm

    This is such a wonderful post and the last point so important and one possibly not used enough x

    • March 29, 2016 / 8:09 pm

      Thank you. Its a fine line isn’t it between shielding them from the harsh realities of the world and preparing them for it. I hope that I manage to find that happy medium. Thanks for reading. Xx

  40. March 29, 2016 / 8:08 pm

    Great advice, your little girls are blessed to have a Mummy like you to guide them x

    • March 29, 2016 / 8:09 pm

      Thank you so much!! Lovely of you to say. Xx

  41. March 30, 2016 / 7:23 am

    a great read and oh so true. I wouldn’t let my daughter dye her hair until she was 16 and she regrets doing it now as she wants her hair the colour it was!

    • March 30, 2016 / 11:40 am

      Thank you! Oh no! Girls and their hair, we never learn!!! Xx

  42. March 30, 2016 / 9:38 am

    I love this post. I have 2 little girls and I want them to leave their hair alone and value themselves too

    • March 30, 2016 / 11:39 am

      Thank you. I wish I had followed some of this advice, particularly leaving my hair alone!! At 36 I still haven’t learnt that lesson!!! Xx

  43. Raffa
    March 30, 2016 / 10:14 pm

    Beautiful post. My mom always told me this: “Life is tough, but so are you”. It was the most important thing for her to tell me.

    • March 31, 2016 / 7:44 am

      It’s so important isn’t it? We need to make sure that our children realise their strengths with the knowledge that they can handle whatever life throws at them, good and bad. Life IS tough isn’t it? Thanks for reading. Xx

  44. March 31, 2016 / 10:43 am

    Such a lovely post, one I hope your girls get to read one day. They are so beautiful but look as though they have very beautiful and kind spirits too so I think they’re already paying heed to your first bit of advice for them 🙂

    • March 31, 2016 / 6:42 pm

      Thank you, they are beautiful inside and out for sure, I hope that they stay that way and pay attention to their old Mums words of advice!! xx

    • March 31, 2016 / 6:41 pm

      Absolutely! Although knowing me, I probably wouldn’t have listened!! xx

  45. Rachel (Lifeathomewithmrsb)
    April 16, 2016 / 11:45 am

    Oh these are the same things i want my own daughters to know. My eldest is 11 next month, i keep trying to remind her how beautiful, kind and caring she is, and not to cut her gorgeous thick hair or dye it like i used to as she will end up with bad hair like me. #puddinglove

    • April 16, 2016 / 7:37 pm

      Yes! I’ve spent years dyeing my hair and I still hate it!! Eva had her hair cut last month and I nearly cried, thankfully it was just a trim!! Thanks for reading!! Xx

  46. April 16, 2016 / 7:40 pm

    This is really lovely and I think I would pretty much like my daughter to know them all but as we know they will need to experiment and experience things for themselves and so all I want her to really know is that I hope that she are always happy and safe and that I will always be there for her no matter what. Thanks for sharing this lovely post. x

    #puddinglove

    • April 17, 2016 / 2:13 pm

      Yes, I think that’s where the worry comes in doesn’t it. We all learn from our mistakes, I just hope that my daughters mistakes aren’t too catastrophic!! I’m keeping the scissors well away from them for now! 😂 xx

  47. April 16, 2016 / 8:19 pm

    What a lovely post, all the things you say are so important and I hope that I can instill these things in my daughter as she grows. I laughed about the boyfriends and their dad, my husband dreads those dating years already! Thanks for linking up #PuddingLove

    • April 17, 2016 / 2:10 pm

      Haha yes, my husband still insists there won’t be boyfriends and yet it WILL happen!! Eeek!! Thanks for hosting!! Xx

  48. lemonadeletter
    July 1, 2016 / 8:49 pm

    Beautiful! Gotta love all the devoted moms out there. You have two lovely daughters as well! This was spectacular writing; thanks for sharing! 🙂

    • July 3, 2016 / 7:44 pm

      Thank you, I’m a very proud mummy of all five of my babies, thank you for reading. xx

  49. April 27, 2017 / 12:58 pm

    This is beautifully put and your right, beauty may fade but our inner beauty will still keep us just as ‘beautiful’. I wish I knew at a young age that its ok not to be liked by everyone because it used to upset me. Now I realize that not everyone will be your friend and I am sure that your daughters will realize that it is the same x

    • Laura Dove
      April 27, 2017 / 9:33 pm

      Thank you Ana. I felt the same way, I wanted to be liked by everyone and was very much a people pleaser. I hope that my children know that it’s okay that not everyone likes you, just as long as you like yourself. xxx

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