Today you are four years old and, although I am shocked at how fast the years have gone, the biggest surprise will always be that we have survived them.
Being your Mummy is hard work, I wont ever shy away from that fact, but loving you is easy. The thing with you Meggy, is that it’s all or nothing, there is no inbetween. You can be the most amazing, loving, sweet little girl, but at the flick of a switch you are the complete opposite. And I guess it makes for an interesting life that we never quite know which one we will wake up to each morning!
For a child that looks as angelic as you, it’s always a shock to see the other side to you, your alter ego where you scream and cry, kick and push, and refuse to give in until you get your own way. In the beginning I took that personally, thinking perhaps it was something I had done, blaming myself for having you all so close in age, wondering whether had I given you the time and attention you needed, it would have changed things somehow. But, as the years pass, I realise it’s just a part of who you are, and, although it may not be my favourite part, without it you wouldn’t be you.
You are such a complex little character, more so than any of your siblings, and for such a long time I didn’t understand your tantrums, your daily melt downs and non-stop crying, and that was really tough going for both of us. Over the last twelve months I have learned to accept that the things which make you different are the things which make you special. And in that way, I stopped battling to change you, to make you conform with your peers and I simply loved you, imperfections and all.
Because the truth is everybody loves you, there is something about you that you can’t help but love in love with. It’s the glint in your eye, the sound of your laughter, the crazy faces and silly voices, the smirk on your lips when you’re trying your hardest not to smile. It’s the fact that whether you’re screaming or laughing, sulking or smiling, you are utterly adorable. And that’s what gets us through the bad days.
For that reason, in so many ways, I am sad to see the end of three, the year when you started pre-school and finally found your feet; the year you discovered a love of singing, dancing and dress up, when you watched Moana and Trolls back to back and developed an obsession with Chinese You Tube tutorials!
Three brought us so many adventures, hunting for dragons in the woods, seeking out fairies in the bluebells, collecting shells on the beach, and flying our kite in the park. We have filled every single day with so much fun and laughter and, although our lives are by no means perfect, when I look back on the year you were three, those are the moments I will remember.
When Eva started school last year and you lost your best friend for five days each week, it broke my heart a little. Until that moment, you had never known a life without Eva beside you, your sister and best friend, and I wasn’t sure how you would cope with such a huge change in all of our lives.
And yet you took it completely in your stride, you watched from the side lines as the big day arrived, waved her goodbye without a single tear or fuss and, instead, you simply recruited Harry as your little sidekick, a role which he was more than happy to fill!
I could sit here all day and tell you how wonderful you are, but the best part is that you already know it. You tell me every single day how beautiful, how clever and how funny you are, and I love that you have such confidence. I see the way in which you thrive on the sound of our laughter when you are being silly, or the smiles on our faces when you sing one of your made up songs (always about unicorns or castles!), and it brings a lump to my throat at how much you want to please us, to make us proud, to have us shower you with praise. And we do, every single day.
You are the most beautiful little girl, inside and out, everybody tells you so and you simply nod in agreement. You can be kind and caring, polite and helpful, sweet and cheerful, and, on a good day, an absolute joy to be around.
You are funny, dramatic, creative and your imagination holds no bounds. Your belief in dragons, fairies and imaginary creatures is unwavering and I wish you could stay that way forever.
At the same time, you can be angry and frustrated, completely irrational and demanding, and the most emotional child I have ever known. And, although I never excuse your behaviour, I think that most of the time you react the way you do simply because you feel things so much deeper than other children your age. It’s because you are still working out how to handle all of these feelings and emotions, and that’s some mean feat when you are still so small.
And yet here we are baby girl, four years old, and I can’t imagine our lives without you in it. Because although my pregnancy came as a huge surprise to your Daddy and I, you came along at just the right time. Just when I was beginning to drown again, when the rush of post natal depression was all-consuming, just when I was losing the strength to keep going, fate threw me a lifeline.
And it was you.
I am so lucky to be your Mummy, so proud of all you have become, and so very grateful for everything you have taught me. Life with you is never dull, but I wouldn’t change it for all the world.
Happy 4th Birthday Megan Alicia.
Love you all the stars in the sky.