Losing my sh*t

I haven’t felt like writing this week, not because of the fact that I didn’t have anything to say, perhaps because I just wasn’t sure exactly how to say it? I guess if I’m honest with myself, I have been struggling with things. My parents are away (again!) and whilst every day is difficult at the best of times, more so this week as the lurgy has struck me down, Megans behaviour has become increasingly difficult to handle.

As a Mummy of four, I can handle a lot of things. I can handle endless dirty nappies each day, mopping up spillages, breakages, bloody knees. I can handle Frozen playing on repeat, twenty seven games of Hungry Hippos in succession, the relentless witter, pointless questions and the repetitive scream of, “Mummy!”. I can handle the constant demands for juice, food, cuddles and Peppa Pig, the incessant whining, griping, bickering amongst the youngest three. I can handle teething, germs, snot and vomit and the countless school runs, nursery drop-offs or general taxi-man to the eldest. But I’ll be honest with you, if there is one thing that I cannot handle it is the sound of my youngest daughters screeching on repeat, for several hours solid, day in, day out. I defy anyone to handle that.

And it’s not even just a cry, it is far more animalistic than that. It’s a shrill, grating, torturous sound that genuinely hurts my ears, rattles my brain and makes my blood pressure soar. And as much as I try and remain calm, remember all of the parenting techinques that I have read about, heard about or watched on Super Nanny, when that screech penetrates my brain I lose all sense of sanity, and it is impossible to think straight. Because anyone who has had the misfortune of hearing that racket will tell you that for the ten minutes, half an hour, even several hours of listening to it, it physically and mentally drains you. And most people can’t wait to get away from it quick enough!

Usually when it starts, when it reaches the point of no return, when she is thrashing and screaming and lashing out, there is no amount of reasoning that will cause her to stop. No amount of stern talking, sweet-talking, soft talking or gentle hugs, no amount of positive reinforcement, offers of rewards or even out-right bribery will stop that level of screeching. And I am the first to hold my hands up and tell you that when that happens, when this continues to happen on a daily basis, I completely and utterly Lose My Shit.

I have been guilty this week of feeling like the Worlds Worst Mummy.  Every morning I get up and promise myself that I will find the patience to endure another day of screaming. And despite trying my hardest to ignore her tantrums, to remove myself from the room entirely, to place my hands over my ears and wish that she would just stop crying for one minute, I have still found myself losing the plot entirely and screaming at her like a demented banshee, “Megan! You are a naughty girl!!!”.

And despite the look on her face, the absolute shock and devastation at seeing the angry look on mine, I can’t bring myself to tell her that it’s okay as she lays down and kicks and screams some more. I can’t push away the resentment inside that yet again she has driven me to such levels of insanity, that another day has passed where she has shown me up with her behaviour in public, made us pack up and leave a social situation, change our plans and cause me to cry silent tears on the drive home with her…still screaming in the back.  And as she lies there with her fog horn like cry, I just want to pack a bag, close the door and leave it all behind.

And later, when she has exhausted herself, when her eyes are puffy and her face swollen with angry tears, when she has screamed herself hoarse and there is no fight left in her, I scoop her up onto my knee and bury my face in her damp hair and I tell her, I beg her, “Please be a good girl for Mummy”. And I sit there and I question not only her sanity, but mine too.

And later, when she is tucked up in bed, her beautiful little face so restful, her pouty little lips parted ever so slightly, making the most perfect little snore, I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and I tell myself that tomorrow, I will be a better Mummy.

Because sometimes, I forget. When she is kicking and screaming and headbutting the floor, I forget that she has frustrations just the same way that I do. I forget that she has her own battles in her own little head that she too is fighting every single day.

When she throws her food across the table, spits out her tea, kicks her chair back and launches her bowl across the table because I have given her a blue bowl instead of the purple one, I forget how important these things are to her. I forget how much it means to her to have the colour bowl that she really needs that day.

When she cries at 4am for the Ipad, for Team UmiZumi or Peppa Pig, when she wakes up the whole household with her relentless screams, I forget just how much she needs that programme right there and then, how much she needs that reassurance, that cuddle, that drink of juice, for whatever reason.

When she hits Eva for playing with her Anna doll, pulls her hair and pushes her over for touching her toys, I forget that she genuinely believes that she is Anna, that she is indeed that plastic doll wearing that dress, that her sister has somehow stolen her identity in touching a doll that she swears beyond reason is she, Megan. I forget that her toys are so precious to her, that although it doesn’t seem like a big deal to us, it means the whole world to her.

When she goes ballistic because a sheep has looked at her the wrong way (true story!), kicking her little legs and screaming blue murder, I forget that, in that moment, this feels like the worst thing that could happen in her day.

When she hears a loud noise and covers up her ears, her pretty little face scrunching up in distress, I forget that to her, the noise is deafening.

But most of all I forget that she is not a naughty girl, and it is something that I say wrongly and far too often in anger. She is a sweet, beautiful, affectionate and intelligent individual who at times gets frustrated, tired or angry just like the rest of us. Sometimes it is so easy to focus on the negatives, to allow these tantrums and these cries to wear me down until ultimately, I forget that there are so many wonderful things about her that make her exactly who she is, Our Meggy.

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And I am so sorry for the times that I have let her down this last week, for forgetting that she is still just a baby, for failing her in my parenting. Because sometimes, when I am tired, or poorly, or feeling low, she forgets that I too get frustrated, impatient and make mistakes. I too am learning along the way, trying my hardest to find a way to be a Mummy to a child who, although I love with all my heart and soul, pushes me to my very limits and is a constant challenge, every single day.

I love this quote that I stumbled across this week, a little reminder that, not only made me smile, but gave me a much needed boost. I might not be the most perfect Mummy, but very few of us are.

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144 Comments

  1. January 30, 2016 / 5:47 pm

    That’s a great quote! I’ve had some low moments this week too on the parenting anger stakes and will remember that…I do sometimes think that maybe it’s just me that feels a bit insane sometimes, nice to be reminded that it’s not. Although sorry to hear it’s been a tough week for you…hopefully the weekend will offer a bit of a change. Oh and your list at the beginning of the things you CAN cope with!? Far longer than my list would be (and yes, I know, I only have one child, uh oh)!!!

    • January 31, 2016 / 1:15 am

      Haha with four children I’ve had to expand on the list I can handle, I’m hoping “non stop screeching” makes it on to the list eventually!! 😂 Here’s to a stress free week ahead (although my husband is away for a full week so….) and thank you for reading! Xxx

  2. reimerandruby
    January 30, 2016 / 7:01 pm

    I think all of us mums have this moment, no matter how well equipped and well experienced we are dealing with kids, sometimes we are challenged terribly by our little ones that made us go through the roof. As the lovely quote says, we are all losing our shit, other hide it better! I think as a blogger, we’re a bit lucky as we can express it through writing. Lovely post! #justanotherlinky

    • January 31, 2016 / 1:12 am

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one. It’s so hard being a mummy and still trying to tread water when you feel like you’re getting nowhere! Thanks for reading. Xx

  3. January 30, 2016 / 7:36 pm

    I don’t have kids of my own, but I /was/ that screaming child once, many many years ago. God bless my mother for not packing me a little bag and dropping me off in a crowded mall 😉 And god bless you handling all that you do handle, whilst simultaneously realizing that you are, indeed, human! Lovely post. Brought tears to my eyes.

    • January 31, 2016 / 1:11 am

      Thank you! I guess as a parent I try to be super human and sometimes it’s hard to accept that I’m not! Onwards and upwards though, tomorrow may be a better day….!! Thanks for reading. Xx

  4. January 30, 2016 / 10:16 pm

    You are a great mom! We all have these moments where we lose our shit. I know personally this past week has be difficult for me to exercise patience with my two kids. I am a very laid back person generally, and have absolutely shocked myself with the rage within from dealing with a preschooler and baby all day! No mom is perfect, and shame on anyone who cannot understand when a mom is venting or joking about their children. Thanks for you honesty, it’s nice to know I am not alone. I do hope your toddlers meltdowns begin to subside for your sake! Sounds like you have a lot to deal with, and have a future strong woman on your hands! #justanotherlinky
    Tori
    http://www.themamanurse.com

    • January 31, 2016 / 1:09 am

      Thank you!! I’m exactly the same, in most aspects of parenting I’m sooo laid back but the rage that comes from that SCREECHING is just unbearable!!! We did have her referred to CAHMS as the GP and HV suspect she may be autistic but they won’t see her until she is 4….feels like a long way away right now!! Thanks for reading! Xxx

      • January 31, 2016 / 1:47 am

        Aww no that much be so scary. Can’t believe they cannot assess her earlier than that. Hope everything works out! <3 My rage right now mostly comes from putting on and taking off snow suits, and the crying that results from it. Oh, your sock it wet? SUCK IT UP! Lol.

        • January 31, 2016 / 8:34 am

          Thank you. I’m sure it will. Xx

  5. January 31, 2016 / 8:05 am

    I’ve been there. My son is all about tantrums at the moment and I lose it with him way too often. But try not to beat yourself up over it, we all do it. We all have our limits and they know exactly how to push our buttons x #binkylinky

    • January 31, 2016 / 8:36 am

      Oh Megan most definitely knows how to push my buttons!!! We just always seem to be at loggerheads. Maybe we are far more alike than I realise! Thanks for reading. Xx

  6. February 1, 2016 / 12:06 pm

    Im going through the exact same thing with my own 2 year old and I’m glad it isn’t just me! I’ve just recently written about a similar topic. Hang in there mummy! #sharewithme

    • February 1, 2016 / 12:08 pm

      It’s hard work isn’t it? I’m hoping it stops when she turns 3 but I’m really not sure that it will! Plus my youngest turns 2 just 4 days later so we may well hit the terrible twos all over again! 😂 Off to read your post, thank you for reading! Xxx

  7. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    February 1, 2016 / 12:07 pm

    I love that quote, it’s very true. I’ve lost my temper with the kids & I always feel so bad after. But it’s really hard to avoid doing in a situation when you feel like you are going to go crazy – like the tantrum you describe. It’s not easy being mom we can only do our best! #FridayFrolics x

    • February 1, 2016 / 3:06 pm

      Yes!! I start each day with great intentions but when the insanity takes over I just lose it completely! Like right now, she’s sad here screaming on repeat because I said “the”….I’m close to the edge! 😂 Thanks for reading! Xx

  8. kerryann
    February 1, 2016 / 3:13 pm

    Bless you for being so honest. It’s always easier to talk about the good and wonderful days …the bad days, not so much. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself! #fartglitter

    • February 1, 2016 / 3:51 pm

      Totally agree, and I think that’s why we feel like the only ones feeling this way some days! Thank you for reading. xxx

  9. February 1, 2016 / 7:34 pm

    Thank you for writing so honestly about this. I’ve been there too and I always feel afterwards for shouting so it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky

    • February 1, 2016 / 7:36 pm

      This is what I love about blogging, when other parents tell you that they think/feel/do the same things too. I’ve reached my limit this afternoon but have packed the kids off to bed and am eating my way through a huge bar of chocolate. Thanks for reading! Xx

  10. February 1, 2016 / 9:39 pm

    I read a quote a while ago that really resonated with me. “A bad day doesn’t make you a bad mum”. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  11. Tracey @ One Frazzled Mum
    February 1, 2016 / 10:35 pm

    I lose my shit daily with my 9 year old like clockwork between 8am and 8.30am and I tell myself everyday tomorrow will be different. It never is, you have my sympathy but I agree with comments above having a bad day does not make you a bad mum #KCACOLS

    • February 1, 2016 / 10:40 pm

      I can remember my mum losing her shit on a daily basis with me and my brother, usually over breakfast and the drama of getting us to school. Maybe it’s all part and parcel of being a mum, losing your figure, your youthful looks, your sanity….and your shit!! Thanks for reading!! Xx

  12. February 1, 2016 / 10:44 pm

    That is a great quote, have seen it floating around social media a lot this week. It is very true though, I think we spend far too long comparing ourselves to others when really we should just get on with it

    • February 1, 2016 / 10:46 pm

      It’s just so true and I think every parent can resonate with it. My kids still think I’m the best mum in the world, even when I’m losing my shit left, right and centre. I think I need to remind myself of that more often! Thanks for reading. Xx

  13. February 1, 2016 / 11:17 pm

    I’ve just found your blog through ‘fartglitter’ and I think you must be Supermummy. I have ONE little boy who is mostly an absolute angel, and I sometimes lose my shit too! As you say, we all do. And he still hasn’t hit the ‘terrible twos’. A lovely post, don’t give yourself a hard time, you’re amazing. And your daughter is absolutely beautiful 🙂 x

    • February 2, 2016 / 8:20 am

      Ah thank you! We are so hard on ourselves sometimes aren’t we? My youngest will be two in May, I’m hoping that he skips the terrible twos!!! Thanks for reading! Xxx

  14. February 2, 2016 / 9:06 am

    Lovely post. I find my youngest, a girl, very hard to deal with sometimes too. She is younger than yours but when she loses it nothing will console her. Her brother screamed…still does…but he can usually be calmed by kindness or a hug ir in extreme circumstances, a biscuit. One littlest lady kicks off THAT’S IT. She can scream and scream for hours. I hate to think how bad it could get when she hits two! I find it very hard to deal with. We are all definitely losing our shit at some point! #KCACOLS

    • February 2, 2016 / 9:10 am

      Yes! That’s like Megan!! Some days she will scream for 8 hours solid!! Nothing and nobody can stop it where as the others might have a tantrum but it can be calmed/bribed when necessary! Megan has been like this since birth, it’s just exhausting isn’t it? But at the flick of a switch she can be the most affectionate, hilariously funny little girl. I’m just trying to learn more about her triggers and hoping that it’s something she grows out of! Thanks for reading. Xx

  15. February 2, 2016 / 10:45 am

    What a fantastically honest post!My daughter was a total shock to the system after having 2 very placid boys.She also screeches,kicks,cries at the most random and ridiculous things.I’ve hidden in the toilet just so I can gather myself for a few minutes but when she’s not screaming she’s the most loving kid ever x #kcacols

    • February 2, 2016 / 2:03 pm

      This is just like Megan!! She is the most loving of all my four and when she is in a good mood she is the best child to be around. It’s just when she blows, she BLOWS!! I was very lucky with my first two children, and my youngest too, it’s just Megan….always!!! Thanks for reading! xx

  16. February 2, 2016 / 12:35 pm

    We’ve all been there. Parenting strips away all the surface things and leaves you to confront who you really are. It is truly humbling. Great post

    • February 2, 2016 / 2:04 pm

      Thank you, I never realised just how little patience I have until I became a parent! It’s something that I really want to work on but it’s just so hard!! Thanks for reading. xx

  17. February 2, 2016 / 3:09 pm

    hank you for writing this. I feel the same far too often. Little ones screaming is one of the worst noises!! Everyone gets stressed. Keep calm. Youre an amazing mum x

    • February 2, 2016 / 4:19 pm

      It’s just the worst isn’t it? We often joke that they should borrow Megan to torture information out of prisoners of war!! They’d be spilling all their secrets within the hour!! It’s impossible to stay calm with that level of screeching, particularly when the other two join in and my eldest is moaning be can’t hear the telly! The joys of parenting. Right back at you! Xx

  18. February 2, 2016 / 4:22 pm

    #TwinklyTuesday – bless you, I know THAT scream very well, though not on the level you have described. I was right there with you through your post. When have a threenager on our hands who will scream a particular noise that goes through me like a numeric drill. It’s so hard, but luckily for us, hers are very short lived tantrums.

    You are doing a great job, and through your post answer your own frustrations about why she screams like that. Hang on in there. X

    • February 2, 2016 / 4:28 pm

      Thank you. I do often doubt myself but I know that I’m doing my best. We are waiting for CAHMS to assess her (but won’t do until she is 4) and I think this bit, these next 15 months or so, is the hardest part as we are very much in limbo. I’m hoping she grows out of it but who knows, she’s a one off that’s for sure! Thanks for reading!! Xx

  19. February 2, 2016 / 5:22 pm

    It’s a good quote. From what you’ve written you’ve done well to keep cool for as long as you have. My son is sometimes so grown up I forget he’s only two and hold him to the same standard as his older sister. I’m trying to get better and it sounds as though you are too. It’s hard learning each other’s rhythms and trigger points. You’ve got some hardcore reframing of behaviour going on there so you are doing better than most!

    #abitofeverything

    • February 2, 2016 / 6:40 pm

      Thank you, it has been like this since the day she came home from hospital to be honest, I don’t know how we have survived – me or her!! I’m praying it’s something she grows out of but we are under CAHMS and will be assessed when she reaches four. It’s just this limbo land which is hard. A diagnosis would explain or rule out a lot of our questions. Thanks for reading. Zx

  20. Kat
    February 2, 2016 / 6:33 pm

    I think it’s safe to say every single mother has these moments…just like the quote says. We shouldn’t compare because it can happen at any moment, at any time to any one of us. It’s part of being a mum! 🙂

    • February 2, 2016 / 6:42 pm

      Thank you, you’re right. Just feels like 99% of our moments are these ones right now!! She’s had a better day today, and by that I mean there has been some happy moments amongst the screams, which always gives me a boost! Thanks for reading!! Xx

  21. The Parenting Trials (@sarahnblogger)
    February 2, 2016 / 7:36 pm

    Aww big hugs hun. We all feel like this at times…well I know I do. I think we would be more weird if we didn’t. Hope things start to perk up for you soon sweet xx

    http://www.theparentingtrials.com
    X

    • February 2, 2016 / 8:05 pm

      Thank you, think I’m struggling more as my parents are away, my husband is away in Austria for the week with work and so of course the lurgy has struck! Sod’s law! Thanks for reading! Xx

  22. February 2, 2016 / 9:43 pm

    Ahh while reading this all I wanted to do was give you a hug and make you a nice cup of tea. It is such hard work and you are not alone in any way shape or form with your feelings. My second daughter has been much more challenging than my first, right from Day 1, and there have been many times when I have just wanted to walk out the door and keep walking. Stay strong. everyone knows you are a great mum and this time will pass. But Lord knows it is so so hard to take comfort from that when you are in the midst of it. Thank you for being so honest. xx Kathy #KCACOLS

    • February 2, 2016 / 9:47 pm

      Awww thank you Kathy, that’s really sweet. I’ve never experienced anything like this, my first two were very straight forward and lulled me into a false sense of security! I often feel that I am letting her down, she was ousted from baby at just 12 months and 4 days old, and I wonder whether her behaviour is just a cry for attention. That said, she gets 90% of the attention in our house, positive and negative, and part of me just thinks that this is the way she is….full stop! Thank you for reading and your lovely comments. Xxx

      • February 2, 2016 / 10:21 pm

        I felt exactly the same, we didn’t know how lucky we were with number 1! I know exactly how you feel xxx Tomorrow is another day 🙂

        • February 2, 2016 / 10:22 pm

          Thank you, let’s hope it’s a good one! Xx

  23. February 2, 2016 / 10:55 pm

    Oh bless you lovely that must be hard. I know you dont want to hear hopefully it’s a toddler phase and doesn’t last long. We all lose our shit more than you think even without the huge tantrums as you describe. I have been there feeling like the worse mommy getting up saying to myself I will not shout today and be patient. It goes out the window 30 mins later. eeek We all feel that guilt that we can’t hack a certain part of it especially when it’s out of the norm and sounds like she has stronger emotions than others my friends little girl had this and her tantrums were out of this world but it did stop eventually and was a phase she learn to control her emotions and direct them else where. Biggest hugs to you. You are doing amazing even if you dont feel like you are. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round of #sharewithme

    • February 3, 2016 / 9:45 am

      Thank you so much. All of these lovely comments have given me a real boost and maybe, even though if often feels that way, it’s not just me!! Part of me is still un-sure whether this is just “normal” terrible twos, we are in the system to be assessed for ASD when she hits 4, so it really is a case of watching and waiting to see if she grows out of it. I do think a lot of it is frustration and like you say, just strong emotions full stop! Thank you so much for reading. Xx

  24. February 3, 2016 / 9:24 am

    Goodness what a nightmare – and she looks like butter wouldn’t melt! It sounds like you’re doing your best and like all things this phase will pass. Good luck! #twinklytuesday

    • February 3, 2016 / 9:43 am

      Doesn’t she just?! I think that’s the hardest part, especially because in public her behaviour is “marginally” better, that people can’t believe this little angel face could cause so much trouble! Thanks for reading. X

  25. cvnxena
    February 3, 2016 / 9:45 am

    I think we all make mistakes – and I am definitely guilty of the same thing! what makes you a good parent is that you recognise that you have let some things get to you and can try not to in the future! I know a lot who wouldn’t even consider it themselves! Thanks for sharing on #KCACOLS and hope to see you back next week!

    • February 3, 2016 / 9:46 am

      I hadn’t looked at it like that, thank you. And thank you for reading! Will def be back next week! Xx

  26. February 3, 2016 / 1:38 pm

    Amazing post!! You are remarkable for having the patience to put yourself in your childs shoes even at the most testing times – you’re clearly an amazing Mummy xx #abitofeverything

    • February 3, 2016 / 2:14 pm

      Thank you, that means a lot! Xx

  27. mackenzieglanville
    February 4, 2016 / 2:13 am

    oh yes honey we do all loose our shit! It’s bloody tough, there are times I feel so guilty for yelling or getting frustrated, but I ma umma and I get tired and tiredness is what makes us less rational and harder for us to cope in a high stress situation. Try and get some time for yourself when you can and make sure Meggy gets lots of rest too, she may be overtired or overstimulated. (like us) Take care and don’t be hard on yourself. We all have mummy guilt way too often #mg

    • February 4, 2016 / 8:57 am

      Thank you, I think you’re right with Megan she IS tired most of the time. She can sleep for England but we are waiting to be seen by ENT to see if her englarged tonsils are causing sleep apnoea which would explain it? She’s also waiting to be assessed for ASD so there’s lots of “what ifs” at the minute with her and I’m just trying to get through each day without us killing eachother!! Being a mummy is just the hardest job in the world isn’t it? Thanks for reading. Xx

  28. Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby
    February 4, 2016 / 4:08 pm

    Oh goodness, we all have days like that, don’t we? I certainly do, and I only have two compared to your four…although it’s definitely my 2 year old who brings out the exasperation, so it’s got to be something to do with them being *that* age, don’t you think?
    I try (so hard!!) to remember this quote: “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” which should apply just as much – if not more so – to our children, who aren’t yet able to verbalise their feelings, as to other adults.
    You’re doing a great job. Hang in there and I hope you’re feeling better.
    #KCACOLS

    • February 4, 2016 / 4:11 pm

      That’s my favourite quote! I actually wrote a blog about it a few months ago, “Be kind, always”. I try and remind myself of it all the time but it’s hard sometimes when that screaming is relentless.
      Part of me hopes that it’s just an age thing, the other part worries it is something more. She’s been referred to CAHMS but they won’t see her until she is 4 so it’s a bit of a wait in limbo until then. Thank you for reading! Xx

  29. newmummyblogcom
    February 4, 2016 / 9:39 pm

    Wow, I’m awe. You’ve had such a tough week. Such a tiresome week, and yet you’ve still managed to come through it seeing your daughter’s point of view and trying to help her. You are an amazing mummy!

    Thanks for sharing on #TheBabyFormula

    • February 4, 2016 / 9:43 pm

      Thank you! I never really looked at it like that! I try my best, I think we are always our biggest critics aren’t we? Thanks for reading. Xxx

  30. February 4, 2016 / 10:42 pm

    Let me just confirm that yes …ALL us mothers lose our shit sometimes…hell I lose mine almost daily. My most recent pure and utter meltdown was over the misplacement of my girls’ hairbrush. Because I saw monster M with it and told her to put it back in her bathroom and of course she didn’t (I swear she will be the one to push every button, rake any ounce left of a nerve I have, and will probably eventually bury me)…so when it came time to brush hair after showers the brush was nowhere to be found and I CAME. UNDONE. Like raging lunatic mother of the year. Because I knew she put the brush somewhere on purpose. It’s her thing …to see how far she can push me…did I mention she’s 4? Yeah she is already a teenager as far as I’m concerned. And when I get mad like that it’s not her I feel bad about getting mad at its my other 2 children who have done nothing, the 2 that really never do much to push my buttons…it’s then witnessing my lunaticness that later breaks me down. Yep show me a mother who hasn’t lost her shit and I’ll call them a liar…especially with multiple kids. Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink…I loved reading your honesty. 💌Trista

    • February 4, 2016 / 10:55 pm

      Oh Trista your reply made me howl with laughter! The lost hairbrush is most definitely a regular event in our house too! And my Meggy is ALWAYS the one to push my buttons, every time!! My neighbours must think I’m a psychopath the way I scream at them some days, I’ve even started checking to see if his cars on his drive so I know to rein the volume in a little!! Thank you for understanding, really needed to hear that I’m not alone!! Xxx

  31. February 5, 2016 / 12:56 am

    Thanks for writing this, it’s made me feel less alone to know that someone else is struggling to keep their cool with a button-pushing little one. I have a 15 month old who screeches just for the sake of it, he’s not even upset, it’s just fun. He doesn’t understand No (or he does but thinks ‘or what?’) so all I can do is try to distract him or try to tune him out. I can ignore it for so long until I’m suddenly bellowing ‘enough’ and he’s looking at me like, ‘what’s her problem?’. I have to laugh or I’ll cry 😉

    • February 5, 2016 / 8:20 am

      Yes! Exactly this!! It gets to a point when you’re all out of deep breaths and polite requests and screaming feels like the only option! We’ve all been there, some more than others (😳) but I defy anyone to keep their cool under that level of screeching!! You’re doing an amazing job. Thanks for reading. Xx

  32. February 5, 2016 / 10:04 am

    I love your honesty. I have been there and i have been there a lot recently. I know how you feel and its horrible but you are no alone. Its kind of nice to know im not the only one losing my s*** lol. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

    • February 5, 2016 / 10:54 am

      I love how many people have replied to this and said, you’re not alone. I think it’s very easy to think that we are the only ones struggling, it’s a comfort to know that so many of us are losing our sh*t every single day. Thank you for reading. xx

  33. February 5, 2016 / 10:53 am

    What a great quote and so true! We all lose it – I’m just as guilty and there are certain buttons which my youngest knows to push and that really sends me over the edge. Now when he does something, and I can feel my emotions rising, I walk away and just cool off. If I were to engage, it would end up as a battle of wills. My youngest used to especially do it in public too!Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

    • February 5, 2016 / 10:58 am

      It’s harder in public isn’t it? I feel like all eyes are on me and everyone is judging me and thinking that I can’t control my child. I do tend to appear far more patient in public though, just grit my teeth and then as soon as we get in the car I go ballistic!! Thank you for reading, it’s great to know I’m not alone! xx

  34. February 5, 2016 / 3:18 pm

    Oh bless you. I totally understand. My youngest repeats herself constantly. My eldest has been the badly behaved one this week. x
    Thank you for linking up with #justanotherlinky

    • February 5, 2016 / 6:45 pm

      Oh the repetition is enough to drive anyone over the edge isn’t it?! Kids hey? Who’d have ’em!! Thanks for reading! xx

  35. The Anxious Dragon
    February 5, 2016 / 9:10 pm

    I think as parents we all have that one thing that above all others we find really hard, and I would probably be the same as you with the screaming, its something that I never handled well with my boys. I dont think you should be too hard on yourself for losing your shit occasionally, I think any mum who says they have never done so is probably not being totally honest.
    Thanks for sharing with us, Tracey xx #abitofeverything

    • February 5, 2016 / 9:26 pm

      Thanks Tracey. Screaming is most definitely my nemesis!! Xxx

  36. February 6, 2016 / 9:55 am

    Oh honey I know exactly how you feel *hugs*. I know you might feel like the worst mummy in the world but you are far from it. In fact we mummies tend to feel like this quite often, *well if I’m honest i feel like this most day*. From the sounds of it Megs screaming would drive any sane person mental, bless her. Just try to remember you are a fantastic mummy and your little ones love dearly!xx #KCACOLS

    • February 6, 2016 / 10:36 am

      Aww thank you. I love the replies to this post and how so many of you have said, I do it too. Has really boosted my confidence that actually, we are all losing our sh*t from time to time. Thank you. Xx

  37. February 6, 2016 / 7:34 pm

    We all lose our sh*t every now and then! Don’t beat yourself up over it. I always feel bad when I do it too, because I know there’s no point in getting mad at a baby, but it happens. None of us are perfect, but at least we’re trying. ##effitfriday

    • February 6, 2016 / 7:46 pm

      Thank you, that’s the main thing isn’t it? We ARE trying!! Xx

  38. February 7, 2016 / 2:30 pm

    This is such a great post. You are so right – we all lose our shit! Zach is pushing my buttons right now refusing to do anything I ask of him. But you are right as well that they are just little. He is only three and he is seeing what he can do and what he can get away with. He refused to pick his clothes up off the floor that he’d thrown because that would be admitting that he was wrong and in that moment he didn’t believe that he was wrong. It doesn’t stop me wanting to scream (especially because I feel like crap and am very tired) but sometimes we need to. Remember that everything is new to them, everything they are learning. And it’s up to us to aid them without losing our rag! Your megs is absolutely beautiful! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • February 7, 2016 / 2:36 pm

      Thank you so much. You’re right, it’s a hard age as they still can’t understand why they have to do things that they truly believe they shouldn’t have to! We’ve just been to a party and Megan lay down on the floor and screamed blue murder, smacked herself (and me!) in the face and showed me right up. On the outside I was very calm and said all of the “right” things but inside? I was losing my shit!! 😂 Thank you for reading. Xx

  39. February 7, 2016 / 7:03 pm

    Amazing post, and one we can all relate to!! You are doing so great as a Mum of four, I lose my shit often with just the one and I’m terrified of adding another to the mix. I love the quote because it’s so easy to think we are the one’s that are failing and everyone else does have the patience of a saint with their kids but it’s just not true. It IS hard and we just have to do our best in the difficult time. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    • February 7, 2016 / 8:18 pm

      Thank you Kaye. I love the quote too, it’s just so true isn’t it? Im sure there isn’t a parent on the planet who hasn’t lost their shit at some point or other, maybe I just lose mine a little more frequently because there’s more of them!! 😬 Thanks for reading. Xx

  40. February 9, 2016 / 1:05 pm

    Losing your shit, or not losing your shit, you’re still doing the best you can as a mummy and being a good one at that. Kids will be kids. It’s tiring and frustrating but as you say, that’s exactly how they feel too. It’s always nice to sit back and reflect on the nice moments even though sometimes the day seems like it’s lost to stress and annoyance #effitfriday

    • February 9, 2016 / 6:16 pm

      Thank you, you’re right. I love the saying, “Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it”. I remind myself of that often! Thanks for reading. Xxx

    • February 11, 2016 / 5:16 pm

      Sorry you’re going through a crappy time too but I keep telling myself that its just a stage…fingers crossed hey?! Thanks for reading. xx

  41. min1980
    April 19, 2016 / 9:19 pm

    I feel extremely confident in saying that I am sure you are not a bad parent! It must be so tough with four children-I can’t even imagine. I have to admit I did smile at the sheep looking at her the wrong way though-I think that merits a blog post in itself! #abrandnewday

    • April 19, 2016 / 9:27 pm

      Haha yes! Megan can have a melt down over just about anything!! She is the hardest child in the world to parent, but the easiest child in the world to love. 💗xx

  42. April 20, 2016 / 4:42 pm

    This is my life some days I can’t keep my cool and there really is no reasoning with a toddler. My biggest issue lately in whingeing these kids just can’t keep a lid on it and it’s whingeing over nothing in particular it drives me insane! I’m glad I’m not the only one who pops her lid sometimes x

    • April 20, 2016 / 6:43 pm

      Glad I’m not alone too! My kids just scream for no reason, on repeat, continuously! I’m sure other kids don’t scream as much as mine do, and the more I tell them to stop the more they do it! Whinge, whinge, whinge!!! Aghhh!! Keep going, we can survive this!! xx

      • April 20, 2016 / 9:25 pm

        Whinge whinge whine, cry cry cry, fight over toys, throw cars at my head. Daniel Bedingfield sings it GOTTA GET THRU THIS xx

        • April 21, 2016 / 8:25 pm

          Haha that shall be my theme tune for the rest of the week!!! Xx

  43. twotinyhands
    April 21, 2016 / 3:06 pm

    I think it’s only natural to lose it sometimes. A huge amount of pressure is around for us to be perfect and at the end of the day every child is different. She must be such a character with such determination to be like her older siblings but forgets that she is as you say just a baby! I can’t believe a sheep looked at her the wrong way!? That does sound like a story that should be shared! THanks for linking to #ABrandNewDay

    • April 21, 2016 / 8:13 pm

      Haha yep, Megan can find just about anything to scream over! I would love to tell you that she is improving but the last two days have been horrific! It’s no wonder our neighbours hate us, they must sit in their gardens thinking someone please shut that child up!! It’s a good job she’s so lovable, it redeems her every single day!! Xx

  44. April 28, 2016 / 12:38 pm

    Oh my goodness, your daughter is beautiful! Anyway, I’m sorry to hear things are a bit tough right now and I do hope things get better… though they always do, don’t they? At the moment, just keep breathing and all will be well 😉 xx

    • April 28, 2016 / 6:45 pm

      Thank you. Some days I really need to hear that!! xx

  45. Fi Ni Neachtain
    April 28, 2016 / 12:53 pm

    What a refreshingly honest post and one I can most definitely relate to. My son doesn’t scream or cry but he does test and it can be absolutely draining. All us mums (and dads) lose our shit at some stage, you’re not alone.

    • April 28, 2016 / 6:44 pm

      Thank you. I think we all have these days, some just more than others. She’s in nursery now 15 hours a week and is like a different child while she’s there, I’m beginning to think that she is just trying to destroy me, whinge by whinge!!! xx

  46. April 28, 2016 / 4:07 pm

    I can definitely understand why it can be so frustrating and why it makes you angry. Hopefully it’s just a phase and don’t be too harsh on yourself!

    Alina | home and lifestyle blogger UK

    • April 28, 2016 / 6:43 pm

      Fingers crossed, although this “phase” has lasted almost three years, ha! xx

  47. April 28, 2016 / 5:44 pm

    What an honest post, I can so relate to this, I always like to think that whenever there are tough times, the sunny days are just around the corner. Much love! X

    • April 28, 2016 / 6:43 pm

      That’s a great way to look at it, bring on the sunshine!!! xx

  48. April 28, 2016 / 6:13 pm

    Awwww, mate. I just want to give you a huge hug. You are not alone in this. I know how it feels when every other mother seems to have perfect kids and yours is trying to put Sudocrem on the cat but we have all been there! Never compare your shadows to someone else’s sunshine. You are doing brilliantly! I promise!

    • April 28, 2016 / 6:42 pm

      Thank you so much. Megan has been a real challenge for me, my other three have been an absolute breeze so I guess it was only fair that I got a difficult one too! She’s so lovely and has so many redeeming qualities but WOW she can scream!!! xxx

  49. April 29, 2016 / 10:48 am

    I’m sorry you’ve been having a bad time! Sounds like really hard work. Just remember that things will only get easier as your kids get older 😉

    • April 29, 2016 / 7:23 pm

      I hope that’s true! I’m not sure I will be agreeing when I have a 13, 14, 15 and 23 year old though! Agghh!! xx

  50. Jenni - Odd Socks and Lollipops
    April 29, 2016 / 3:43 pm

    I am sorry to hear that you have been having a tough week – it sometimes feels like everything is too much all at once doesn’t it I love the quote though and it’s very true!

    • April 29, 2016 / 7:20 pm

      Thank you, we have so many ups and downs with Meggy, I hope that we are going to continue to see improvements now she is at nursery! xx

  51. April 29, 2016 / 7:49 pm

    I feel your pain, Eliza is what I call a “screecher” and it is a nightmare. Everything sets her off – mostly not getting her own way or something her brothers have done. Hope you find a way to cope with it and when you do, let me know ;0)

    • April 29, 2016 / 9:10 pm

      Oh I sympathise! Megan is exactly the same and the more we tell her to stop screeching the more she does! It’s just exhausting isn’t it? I’m hoping she grows out of it….or god help her husband!!!! Xx

  52. April 29, 2016 / 7:49 pm

    I hear you, I too feel like a bad mum at times as my little boy ( he is 20 months) screams and shouts non-stop. I also have a almost three year old and they fight like crazy and I am way to guilty of being a shouty mum. Sometimes being a mum is hard but we need to gave are self some slack as we are not superhuman x

    • April 29, 2016 / 9:13 pm

      You’re right, some days shouting is our only option! I start each day with good intentions but by mid morning I find myself screaming back at them, which only makes Megan scream more!! Keep going, it can only get easier. Xx

  53. April 29, 2016 / 11:06 pm

    YES! THIS! I so needed to read this! 🙂 🙂 🙂 xx

    • April 30, 2016 / 9:23 am

      You’re not alone, I’ve already lost my shit twice this morning already!! 😂 xx

  54. April 30, 2016 / 9:48 am

    I want to say take a deep breath and exhale but I think you have held it together marvelously well as an outsider reading in x

    • April 30, 2016 / 10:17 am

      Thank you. The relentless screaming would break anyone!! I can zone out of it some days, others it’s impossible! I’m told she will grow out of it, God I hope so!!! Xx

  55. April 30, 2016 / 8:34 pm

    Oh bless you, I look after kids and sometimes I forget that they get frustrated too and instead of getting so annoyed I should be more patient.

    • May 1, 2016 / 12:21 pm

      I realised since having kids how little patience I have! It’s definitely my downfall, something I am working on! Xx

  56. April 30, 2016 / 8:53 pm

    I hope she gets a bit easier for you and it’s easy for anyone to see you are not failing her as a mummy so don’t put yourself down. Everyone needs a break sometimes especially if the little ones are pushing our buttons x

    • May 1, 2016 / 12:19 pm

      Thank you. She’s now in nursery 15 hours which is a huge relief, she thrives there and is so well behaved for them, it does often feel as though she only acts this way for me!! Xx

  57. VaiChin
    May 3, 2016 / 11:58 am

    We try our best to be the best parents we can, but, we are, after all, only human. We all say and do things that we later regret. Please try not to be hard on yourself, for tomorrow is another day. x

    • May 3, 2016 / 1:31 pm

      Thank you, that’s so true, and so important to remember!! Xx

  58. May 3, 2016 / 5:38 pm

    As a parent of a screecher (Jenny), I can assure you that you haven’t let anyone down. They find the perfect frequency to drill into the depths of your soul and they abuse that power. I’ve now laid down the law with Jenny. The moment Jenny screeches, she goes to the naughty spot. No counting. (The things that are really bad, like biting, don’t get a count. Screeching has now entered that category). I’m going to keep at this until she stops. Maybe she’ll stop. Maybe I’ll still be putting her on the naughty spot in ten years time! I don’t know. But I wish you luck in dealing with the screeching. It’s a battle that we need to win!

    • May 3, 2016 / 6:30 pm

      Oh it’s such a relief to meet another parent of a screecher! I have friends who moan about their kids crying…occasionally, and they have no idea!! It’s soul destroying isn’t it? The naughty step straight out does not work with Meggy, she is so defiant when she wants to be. I keep trying but I’m not sure this girl of mine will ever tow the line! We are in talks about her being assessed by CAHMS for ASD when she hits 4 but I’m hoping that her behaviour improves way before then. I live in hope!!! You have my sympathies, good luck!!! Xx

  59. May 6, 2016 / 12:21 pm

    Tantruming toddlers really do take it out of you, especially when you have other children too and older children. I find i give in a lot to the youngest (i call it picking my battles, id rather he ate a chocolate bar for breakfast then paddy if it means we get to school on time but if it was dinner time and i said no id let him paddy it out) but then the older ones will be like why does he get chocolate for breakfast!! You can never win :/ #stayclassy

    • May 8, 2016 / 8:43 pm

      Yes!! Chocolate for breakfast is sometimes worth it if it means they stop screaming for just one moment!! But like you say, you can never win when it comes to kids, that’s what keeps us on our toes! xx

  60. May 6, 2016 / 10:52 pm

    It’s a good quote. The cubs have got the skill of button pushing down to a fine art. I know all the techniques and framing methods but it’s really hard to deploy them in the field!

    I’m working on counting out loud to 10 (based on the 10 minute mindfulness session!) with my son so we can both calm down and bonus! he can practice his counting skills. It’s all about the little wins!

    #StayClassy

    • May 8, 2016 / 8:38 pm

      Good idea! Helps us, and helps them! I like it!! Some days just test us to our limits don’t they? xx

      • May 9, 2016 / 12:36 pm

        This weekend it wasn’t so much as pushing butons as mashing their fingers down on the buttons as hard as they can. I did not handle it well.

        • May 9, 2016 / 5:31 pm

          Ahh, yes, we have those days more often than I would like!! This morning my buttons were completely destroyed when the youngest discovered a tube of paint. You can imagine how that went….!! xx

  61. May 10, 2016 / 2:50 pm

    What a lovely message. You’re right, we tend to forget that their little world is actually big and scary and those comforting things like the iPad at 4am or the blue cup help them feel all the little bit safer. Great reminder for us all. Thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassy!

    • May 10, 2016 / 3:27 pm

      Thank you for reading! Sometimes those things are SO important to them aren’t they? And other days they are just pushing us to our limits!!! xx

  62. Great post! I often feel like this with tantrums, you have to work hard to not lose your shit. You are right that although some things they moan about seem ridiculous to us – for them its mega, its really important. Thanks for linking up #stayclassy

    • May 12, 2016 / 8:47 pm

      I’m so glad that others can relate! I always wonder if my children are more whiny than others, perhaps not! xx

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  64. June 27, 2016 / 10:49 am

    This is a lovely, honest post! And we love ‘losing your shit’ , we actually have that in our blog glossary. One of our fave expressions! Keep up the good work. Xxx

    • June 28, 2016 / 7:48 am

      Haha it’s such a good expression isn’t it? Thanks for reading! xx

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  66. 2travellingtots
    July 1, 2016 / 8:40 pm

    Just remember that you are not alone! We all lose our shit! Today I got screamed at because I carried my son’s toy car downstairs the wrong way! I mean what the actual f?! but it was absolutely the end of his world and I just had to remind myself to see the funny side…albeit through very gritted teeth! x

    • July 3, 2016 / 7:45 pm

      Haha thank you, the things they lose the plot over hey? Megan would drive anyone to insanity but on the other hand she is the most adorable little girl and everyone who meets her falls in love with her. She’s just very strong willed, perhaps that’s a great thing. xx

      • 2travellingtots
        July 4, 2016 / 7:26 pm

        It is an amazing thing, I have a 3 year old just like it, it’s also a very challenging thing!!! I’m half way through writing something about not being a bitch! xx

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