The things I wish I had known before I lost my baby

A few weeks ago a stranger messaged me via my blog to tell me that her sister had received the devastating news that her unborn baby had died, and she was booked in for induction later that day. And she asked me for my advice, whether there was anything I could share with her which would make the impending birth and the days that followed even that tiny bit easier for her sister.

And, as always, I was devastated to hear that someone else was going through such sadness, it will never make sense why anyone should have to say goodbye to a child, and yet it was a comfort to know that I could use my own experience to tell her the things I wish I had known, the things I wish I had done, and the things I wish, with all of my heart, that I hadn’t.

There is so much advice out there for anyone having a baby, countless TV shows, books, and baby magazines, sharing hints and tips for the “perfect pregnancy”, a whole world of I nformation about the many options available for giving birth. Everyone is so quick to impart their expert opinion (whether they have children or not!), to pass on advice about ways to cope in the months that follow, and yet there is very little information about what to do if your baby dies.

And I guess the main reason for that is quite simply because, for many women, it is the unthinkable. Nobody spends their pregnancy planning for the possibility that a baby they have grown and loved for nine months may not make it home, myself included. And rightly so. But given the fact that for 1 in 200 of us, that will be the case, surely having the right advice readily available beforehand would help many women should the unthinkable happen?

Because I imagine that anyone who loses their baby feels very much as I did, when you are sat there receiving the news that your baby has died, when you’re whole world has come crashing down and you are in complete and utter shock, it is impossible to think straight, let alone make decisions that will last you a lifetime.

I am also hugely aware that everyone’s experiences are very different, and the following advice is by no means the right way, or the wrong way. I have met so many women who have lost babies, even at full term, who did not want to hold their baby, or even look at them, who dealt with their grief personally and privately, and in a way that they felt was best for their family. And I support them in that whole heartedly.

But for me, and for anyone who stumbles across my blog looking for advice, I wanted to share the things I wish I had known before we lost our son, in the hope that others can be spared living with the same regrets as I do.

I wish I had known that there is no need for am immediate induction.

After being told the devastating news that Joseph had died, we were told to go home, pack a bag and go straight back to the labour ward to begin my induction. In complete shock, and not knowing any different, we did just that, and within two hours of learning that our baby had died I was already in labour.

With hindsight, I wish that we had held off until the following day at least, I wish that we had gone home, held eachother, cried and shouted that life was so unfair, that this couldn’t be happening, and tried to prepare ourselves in some way for what lay ahead. Instead I was left reeling with shock, unable to think straight, mentally and physically exhausted, grieving for a baby that we were yet to meet, all whilst enduring a 35 hour labour.

I wish I had known that it’s okay to be afraid.

When you hear people talk about loss, be that losing a baby, a parent or elderly relative, the main thing you hear people say is just how devastating that loss was. You never really hear anyone tell you how afraid they were, how they felt such overwhelming fear, how the thought of seeing their relative after they had passed away completely and utterly terrified them. I wish I had known that it was okay to feel afraid, that it was normal to experience that crippling fear, that grief is so much more than just sadness, or even anger, and that being terrified of the situation, and even of your baby, is perfectly normal.

I wish I had been prepared for what he would look like.

I’m ashamed to admit that throughout my labour I was absolutely terrified of Joseph being born, of the fact that I would have to hold him and even look at him. And for a long time I did feel incredibly guilty about that, for the fact that when he was born I had squeezed my eyes closed and been too afraid to open them. I wish I had known that, when I opened my eyes, he would be just a baby, my baby, and however trivial it may seem, I regret those few seconds when I refused to look at him, maybe just ten seconds of our son, but ten precious seconds that I would never get back.

At the same time, I wish I had been told a little more about what he would look like and how, although he was undoubtedly perfect to us, his body would show signs of distress. His skin had blistered and peeled, he had great deal of fluid around his brain which caused his head to be swollen, and he leaked fluid and blood from his nose and mouth, all of which I had been totally unprepared for. Had I known beforehand that this was normal it may not have been so frightening to witness, and yet those are the details that nobody shares, not even those who have been through the same.

I wish I had allowed Lewis to meet his brother.

Lewis was just two years old when we lost Joseph and we had assumed that we were doing the right thing in protecting him from the upset of meeting his brother in those circumstances. Looking back, I feel that it was the wrong decision and, although it may have been confusing and upsetting for him at the time, at two years old he would never have remembered those emotions, or even meeting Joseph at all. But for his Dad and I, we would have had the opportunity to capture that moment, to take a photograph of our two boys together, something which, in the years that followed, would have been very precious to the three of us.

I wish that I had taken more photos.

I have huge regrets about the fact that we have just a handful of photos of Joseph, all taken on a poor resolution camera, with dim light and shaky hands. I regret that I have just two photos of myself with my son, both blurred, both grainy, both never enough. I regret that we have no photos of the three of us, and even more so the four of us. I regret that we worried so much about what other people would think about us photographing our child, how we almost felt ashamed to be caught capturing such sad moments, and now looking back, although we are fortunate enough to have some photos, there are so many more I wish had taken.

I wish that we had taken castings of his hands and feet.

Although we have smudgy hand and footprints to look back on, that in no way compares to a little hand to hold in mine or a precious little foot that I can hold to my heart and remember the exact size, every crease, every little detail of those perfect toes which have blurred over the years. I had no idea that this was an option for us, nor that there are charities out there who provide these services for stillborn babies, and eleven years later I would give just about anything to have something tangible to hold and to show the children just how perfect their brother had been.

I wish that I had known my rights.

After having Joseph we were taken down to the maternity ward at our hospital, to a private room, where we lay on the bed holding our son, surrounded by the most torturous sound of babies crying. I wish that I had spoken out and told them that it was too painful to be in there, that we needed to be moved to a separate area away from the ward, where we didn’t have to lie awake listening to the sound of cries that our own baby would never make. I wish I had known that I could have asked to give birth in any hospital, not just our local one, a hospital with better bereavement facilities, sound-proofed rooms, and a cold cot that would have given us extra time with our son.

I wish that we hadn’t felt rushed into saying Goodbye.

Although we were fortunate enough to spend just under 24 hours with Joseph, it still wasn’t enough. The morning after giving birth the midwives lingered round, asking did we have plans to leave, explaining that they would soon be needing the bed, that Josephs condition was deteriorating and we were hindering our chances of positive findings from the tests that would follow. On the hottest day of the Summer, we were forced into a goodbye that we were nowhere near ready to make, led into a room to discuss the funeral arrangements, loaded with paperwork, and sent home with empty arms.

I wish we had talked more about the funeral arrangements.

Having been through a horrific labour, and the hardest day of our lives, we were then landed with the decision of whether to bury or cremate our baby. The idea of ‘burning’ our baby was so abhorrent at that time, having literally just kissed his beautiful little face goodbye just moments earlier, that we were both adamant we wanted a burial.

On the day of his funeral, watching as they lowered his coffin into the ground, as we walked away and left him there, buried in the cold, dark, earth, I instantly regretted our decision. I wish that we had cremated him, that we had taken his ashes home, planted them in the garden and kept him close forever. I wish that I didn’t have to trek down to a sad, dreary cemetery, lay flowers at his tiny grave, surrounded by so much sadness and loss, and feel as though I am abandoning him every time I walk away.

I wish that I had been prepared for seeing him in the funeral home.

This is a difficult one for me as I know that had we not visited him, I would be sat here wishing that we had. But I wish that somebody had told us just how hard it would be, how different he would look, explained how he had deteriorated to a point where he would no longer resembled the baby we had kissed goodbye just six days earlier. I wish we had been told what they had done to him in there, why his body no longer felt the same way, why his face was mis-shapen and his features sunken. I wish we had been warned, prior to walking in there, that we would not be holding the same baby we had expected to see.

And most of all……

I wish that I had held him a little longer, kissed him a little more, told him I love him a thousand times over, frozen every single moment in my mind to cherish forever. I wish I had known that although it felt as though my whole world had ended, and life would never be the same, I’d find a way to keep going, to discover a new kind of normal, to get out of bed each morning and face the world again. I wish I had known that I would be stronger, I’d be braver, I’d be more empathic, more grateful, a million different things that I never imagined I would be, but, ultimately, everything I was meant to be.

And more than that, I wish I had known that one day I’d be sitting here, almost eleven years down the line, with four children in my arms and one in my heart.

And I’d be okay.

If you or someone you know has been affected by babyloss, there is help out there in the form of so many amazing charities, some of which you can find the links for below. And to anyone who is struggling, my inbox is always open. xxx

SANDS

Abigail’s Footsteps

Aching Arms

Child Bereavement UK

Bliss

Kicks count

Tommy’s

Petals

Pink Pear BearMummy Times Two
Petite PuddingMy Petit Canard

 

Mummascribbles3 Little Buttons

MummuddlingthroughDear Bear and BeanyBrilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

JakiJellzDIY Daddy Blog
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208 Comments

  1. May 5, 2017 / 7:20 pm

    Oh Laura; your post had me sobbing. I think it’s amazing how you use your own experience to positively help and support other women in the same situation. I hope I never need it but you have some wonderful, heart wrenching advice there x

    • Laura Dove
      May 5, 2017 / 9:39 pm

      Thank you Hayley, I’m so sorry I made you cry. I wish that no-one ever had to go through this, 1 in 200 is far too high a statistic. xx

  2. May 5, 2017 / 7:25 pm

    Have you read the post, or seen the accompanying video “A Letter To My Doctor: The Heartbroken Mother” from One Pink Balloon? It’s incredible, and touches on so much of what you have written about… It’s powerfully devastating to watch- even for those of us who have lived through these losses. Definitely check it out if you haven’t, I think you may really identify with it.

    • Laura Dove
      May 5, 2017 / 9:34 pm

      No Kate, I will look that up right away, thank you! I’m sure it is something I will relate to, I’ll grab some tissues first hey? xx

  3. May 5, 2017 / 7:38 pm

    This is just simply beautiful. Not only full of advice for those poor people that will so sadly have to go through this but a real insight into the awful reality of just what you had to go through. I’m in tears. xxx

    • Laura Dove
      May 5, 2017 / 9:34 pm

      Thank you Lisa, I’m sorry I made you cry!! I really hope that it helps someone, even though I hate to think that anyone will ever need it. 1 in 200 is far too many isn’t it? xxx

      • May 12, 2017 / 7:21 pm

        It really is. It happened to someone I went to uni with and it’s just awfulThanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday lovely x

  4. Kate Fulwell
    May 5, 2017 / 8:20 pm

    You are amazing <3

    • Laura Dove
      May 5, 2017 / 9:33 pm

      Ahh Kate, thank you so much. I really hope this helps someone. xxxxx

  5. May 5, 2017 / 9:37 pm

    It is such a difficult and sad situation for a mother losing her baby.. Though no words may comfort them initially but articles like this can help them come out of the depression… good share.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:40 am

      Thank you so much. xxx

  6. May 5, 2017 / 10:04 pm

    I can’t even imagine what this must have been like for you to go through, but the fact that you are sharing and helping others is truly admirable. I think this is such good advice for anyone unlucky enough to be going through such a awful time, heartbreaking to read but also so helpful to others x

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:40 am

      Thank you so much. I do hope this helps others xx

  7. May 6, 2017 / 3:32 am

    I dont think there’s anything that can make it easier. The only thing you can do is know that it wasn’t your fault. I don’t think anything could make losing a child that way easier.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:40 am

      Thank you so much. xxx

  8. May 6, 2017 / 4:26 am

    I can not begin to fathom this situation or what you have been through. And to think that 1 in 200 mothers face the same situation is absolutely mind-blowing. That is an amazingly high number and we collectively need to think about how to better prepare and support those that experience it. You are an amazing person who I admire in helping being part of addressing something so tragic for so many people.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:39 am

      Thank you Nicole. It’s a shocking statistic isn’t it? We have one of the highest stillbirth rates in Europe, it saddens me that more is not done to lower that. xx

  9. May 6, 2017 / 8:55 am

    Oh lovely this must of been such a difficult post to write. You really are one of the bravest people I know. 😘 Xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:38 am

      Thank you so much Natalie, I appreciate you reading. xx

  10. May 6, 2017 / 11:07 am

    What a post. This is probably the most emotional and personal post I’ve ever read online.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:37 am

      Thank you so much for reading Jon. xx

  11. Elizabeth O.
    May 6, 2017 / 4:29 pm

    I am down to tears after reading this. It has touched my heart. I have never experienced losing a child and my heart goes out to parents who have. You are strong and brave and sharing your story means you’re also giving strength to those who are currently going through the same loss you did 11 years ago.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:37 am

      Thank you so much Elizabeth, I really appreciate that. I hope that it finds the right person at the right time. xx

  12. May 6, 2017 / 4:43 pm

    My heart goes out to you x

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:37 am

      Thank you Alyssa. xx

  13. May 6, 2017 / 5:23 pm

    It really is such a beautiful and honest post. I’m so sorry for you that you could write it. xxx

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:36 am

      Thank you Jenny. xxx

  14. May 6, 2017 / 7:49 pm

    Oh gosh this must have been so difficult to write but you have written everything so beautifully. A photographer I know works with Remember My Baby taken photos for parents who were born sleeping and every time she posts that she has met another baby I feel so heartbroken, it happens a lot more often than I could have ever imagined xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:36 am

      Thank you so much. That’s so lovely that there are photographers out there who do that, I would have loved the same. I think things have definitely improved in terms of support for bereaved parents, that’s a huge comfort to me to know that. xx

  15. May 6, 2017 / 7:58 pm

    Laura, this post was so incredibly moving. I don’t normally read entire posts through, but this one I read again and again. The emotion is unreal. I’m so glad you’re helping people with this beautiful post and letting them know your regrets with Joseph and what their ACTUAL rights are in the situation. You’re a truly inspirational woman. x
    Lots of love,
    Marina Rosie xx
    http://marinawriteslife.blogspot.fr/

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:35 am

      Thank you so much Marina, that means a lot to me. I really do hope that others in the same situation will stumble across my blog should they ever need help or support. xxx

  16. May 6, 2017 / 8:15 pm

    this post made me cried. It’s so generous that you share such a difficult experience with us, I’m sure you did the best you could at that time x

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:34 am

      Thank you Natalia, I really did do my best at that time. xx

  17. May 6, 2017 / 8:33 pm

    This is so beautiful that any words I want to say seem trite. I cried throughout this post, imagining the unimaginable. I want to run upstairs and hold my children close and never let them go.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:34 am

      Thank you so much for reading, and I’m sorry I made you cry. xxx

  18. May 6, 2017 / 9:51 pm

    This post made me cry. I am so sorry about your loss. I am sorry you were not giving the right information at the hospital. Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure it would touch so many lives.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:34 am

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate you reading. xx

  19. May 6, 2017 / 10:24 pm

    It takes a very brave person to share something so personal as this. I can only reiterate what you hope…that by telling your story and offering your insights you will help countless other families facing the same situation. Thanks for opening your heart Laura. x

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:33 am

      Thank you so much Lauretta, I really hope so. xx

  20. May 7, 2017 / 12:35 am

    I’m sorry to read this. I used to work in a maternity hospitals and I’ve seen mother’s who lost their child. I can feel their heartbreak. I agree when you say that there’s not much to read about when moms lose their baby, it is unthinkable and maybe if someone did experience this, they wouldnt want to talk about it… Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I wish you and your family the best in life! xoxo

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:33 am

      Thank you Gracie. I was the same in that I would rather bury my head in the sand before Joseph, I didn’t want to even think about losing my baby, yet now I wish I had known more than I had 11 years ago. xx

  21. May 7, 2017 / 2:39 am

    What an amazing post. It is so emotional and i appreciate that you have shared your story with us. Sorry for your loss.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:32 am

      Thank you so much Shirley. xx

  22. Ali Rost
    May 7, 2017 / 3:06 am

    I’m in awe of your words. I can’t imagine how difficult this had to have been. At so many steps along your journey I kept thinking .. there are professionals who are aware of kinder options. I’m saddened they didn’t offer any to you or your family.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:32 am

      Thank you Ali, me too. I don’t know why we weren’t given options or advice, or most important why we were not given the time we needed. I hope things have changed in recent years. xx

  23. May 7, 2017 / 6:53 am

    This post literally broke my heart.
    I so wish you had got all those things. I’ve always found the fact that women who have lost their babies being made to be on the same wards as those who have their babies. I find it quite sick & unnecessary.

    I can’t quite come close to understanding but I will share this post for others. I know it will help people out.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:31 am

      Thank you so much lovely. It’s heartbreaking that there aren’t private wards for bereaved parents. They shouldn’t even be in earshot of crying babies, nor have to face them when they leave their room. xx

  24. May 7, 2017 / 7:40 am

    You are amazing. Thank you for sharing. I am sure it will give strength to others. Xxx

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:30 am

      Thank you so much Taryn, I do hope so. xx

  25. May 7, 2017 / 9:43 am

    It is really brave of you to write about the loss of your baby and give others the strength to face this terrible pain. I will keep your reader’s relative and you in my prayers. You are doing a really good thing by helping others out.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:29 am

      Thank you so much, I so hope this helps the right person. xx

  26. May 7, 2017 / 1:12 pm

    Oh Laura, this was heartbreakingly brave. Thank you so, SO much for writing it. It is going to help somebody so, so much one day. I’ve read your previous posts about Joseph before, and each time I do I’m struck by how unfair it is that he never got to grow up with you as his mum. Big love xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:29 am

      Ahh thank you so much lovely. That means so much to me, he was the most special little boy and I love that I am able to share that through my blog. xxx

  27. May 7, 2017 / 1:55 pm

    This post is absolutely amazing. I am sure each person may come to slightly different beliefs about how to handle the situation. But all of these things you list give people the chance to think about what’s good for them. thank you so much for sharing.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:29 am

      Absolutely, there is no right or wrong way to go about your grief, but the main thing to remember is that you have choices and options in just the same way as someone does whose baby is healthy and well. Thank you for reading. xx

  28. May 7, 2017 / 6:03 pm

    Thank you for being so brave and sharing this Laura. After seeing my brother and SIL loose my niece at 7 months, so much of this rang true for what they experienced. I hope this post reaches everyone that finds them in this sad situation, as I know it will help so many x

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:27 am

      Thank you Laura, I wish I had known so many of these things 11 years ago, but I guess I never wanted to consider the possibility that it could happen to me. By the time I did, it was too late. Much love to your family as always. xx

        • Laura Dove
          May 16, 2017 / 12:32 pm

          xxxxxxxxxxx

  29. jenny
    May 7, 2017 / 7:51 pm

    Oh this is such a good post to share and get out there so many like you won’t know they have rights or think about things they can do differently in this situation. Good for you for sharing and helping them further it’s enough like you said to have the shock of the news than to not know what you can and can’t do so that you have no regrets. Sending love. Ps. I love your last photo.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:26 am

      Thank you Jenny. I know that the majority of us don’t ever want to consider the possibility of losing a baby in the same way, myself included, but the fact is, 1 in 200 of us will, and I really wish that I had known my entitlements at the time. I hope this helps someone, I really do. xx

  30. May 7, 2017 / 8:43 pm

    He would be and is so proud of you I’m sure. You are such an amazing, inspiring mum and you are so brave. Sending lots of love x

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:25 am

      Thank you so much Amy, I do hope so. xxx

  31. May 8, 2017 / 12:53 am

    I love that you shared this incredibly difficult time in your life. My sister-in-law lost a baby last year at 7 months and it was incredibly difficult for the entire family. Our hospital here provided a photographer to capture as many moments as they wanted, they were given a tiny toy and hand and foot prints (no castings, though I like that idea) and he was buried – cremated – with Rebecca’s father who died about 14 years ago. I had no idea how hard it would be to stand at that gravesite with the family and say goodbye to a baby we would never know. I can’t even imagine the pain and sorrow the parents have to endure. Thank you for sharing – I know you are helping others by sharing your experience.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:24 am

      I am so sorry to hear that Jessica, I think the loss of a baby affects everyone, not just the parents, and the aftermath is so difficult for all concerned. That’s so comforting to hear that the hospital there has a photographer to capture those moments, I would give anything to have professional shots of our whole family, I just have to be grateful that we have some memories, some have none. xx

  32. May 8, 2017 / 7:35 am

    This post is so honest and raw that it made me cried. You are such a brave woman.
    🙂 x

    #marvmondays

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:22 am

      Ahh thank you so much Nichole, I’m sorry I made you cry though! xx

  33. May 8, 2017 / 7:36 am

    I don’t even know if I have the words to express how I feel after reading this… but I couldn’t read and run. My eyes are stinging and my heart is aching. Laura, you really are amazing. Not only will this blog post help other poor parents having to deal with the same awful tragedy, but you’re also raising awareness for everyone – to better understand the unimaginable. It all helps to make the subject less taboo. You brave, beautiful woman.

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:22 am

      Ahh Holly, thank you so much. I always worry when I write about baby loss that it will come across as unduly morbid or pessimistic, but I also think that there is no point in skirting around the issue, if I’m going to share my story, I refuse to gloss over it or pretend that it wasn’t as horrific as it was. I really appreciate you reading, and thank you for your lovely comment. xxx

  34. May 8, 2017 / 8:02 am

    Oh you poor poor poor love. This is so emotional and just heartbreaking to read. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. I hope that by writing this someone else will have help themselves for the stages after and not feel so alone. Your line about being where you are 11 years down the line is beautiful. Just beautiful. Sending love #MarvMondays

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:20 am

      Thank you Helen. It’s hard isn’t it, we don’t want to ever think about the tragedies that could affect us in life, so we bury our heads in the sand and tell ourselves that we wont ever have to deal with it. Then when it happens, we have no clue how to handle it or even what it will entail, and that’s the loneliest, and most frightening part. I really hope this helps someone in the same situation. xx

  35. May 8, 2017 / 8:13 am

    This is beautiful! Thank you. I think unless you’ve been through it you just don’t know and even then you only know your experience. #MarvMondays

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:19 am

      Than you for reading. I wish I had known more about it before it happened, but then I guess I didn’t want to ever think it could happen to me. xx

  36. May 8, 2017 / 8:51 am

    Heart wrenching blog lovely lady, your strength to write this will help so many others. Stay strong mama xxx

    • Laura Dove
      May 8, 2017 / 10:18 am

      Thank you so much Renee. I really hope it does help someone. xx

  37. May 8, 2017 / 10:22 am

    I hope this post helps women who have lost a child and their relative. When it happened to a close friend it was the not knowing what to do or say that made things worse for all of us

  38. May 8, 2017 / 11:03 am

    Laura you have made me cry. This is beautiful. I know this will help so many people. I don’t know how you cope with these memories, you are so brave. There is so much here I didn’t know before and not just because I haven’t experienced this but because this information just isn’t readily available. I know that many parents are left on a ward where they can hear the other babies. That has always seemed like the most cruel injustice to me. People need to know they can be moved. I hope you can find another bit of peace knowing this really will help someone else.
    #BigPinkLink

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:44 am

      Thank you Kirsty, it’s a huge comfort to me to think that this might help someone in the same situation. I was the same before we lost Joseph, I didn’t know anything about stillbirth, or even that it was a possibility that late into a pregnancy. At 26 I naively assumed that when it happened, I would be given a C-section and saved the ordeal or labour. I had no clue that I was allowed to have a photographer visit the hospital, that we could stay there as long as liked, have castings and created memories, have our family and friends visit our son. I wish I knew then what I knew now, hindsight is very bittersweet. xx

  39. May 8, 2017 / 11:04 am

    There are literally no words to describe this, it had me welling up!
    You are truly an amazing person to open up and share your story in a way that can help others. I am truly sorry for what you went through. Of course it’s not something that anyone wants to think about, but with such high stats as that, maybe being a bit more prepared isn’t a bad thing..a beautiful post x
    Becky x

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:37 am

      Thank you Becky. I completely agree, none of us want to consider that this could ever happen to us, but perhaps learning a little more about it is important, for ourselves and for our friends and family. Thank you for reading. xx

  40. May 8, 2017 / 11:52 am

    I glad you were brave to share this, it will definitely help somone else in a similar situation

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:35 am

      Thank you, I really do hope so. xx

  41. May 8, 2017 / 1:20 pm

    This is so beautiful Laura. You had me cried again. It must have been hard writing all these feelings down. I can not begin. It must be hard looking back but you know what you have given someone closer and I think that very commendable. Thank you Laura for being the voice for many women out there. xxx

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:34 am

      Ahh Su, I’m sorry I keep making you cry! I really do hope that this helps others though, it comforts me greatly to think that it might. xx

  42. May 8, 2017 / 2:17 pm

    I believe sharing your pain is not only a step towards healing but it might help others too. I can’t imagine the pain and the difficulty of loosing a baby. Thanks for sharing.

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:32 am

      Thank you Eve, I completely agree. Sharing these posts is so therapeutic for me. xx

  43. May 8, 2017 / 3:35 pm

    I am in tears and I am so sorry that you had to experience all this and you still have strength to share your experience with others to help them! Life sometimes is so unfair… xxx

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:31 am

      Thank you Evelina. If this post helps even one person, then it was worth writing. xx

  44. May 8, 2017 / 3:46 pm

    A very honest and personal account, which made me cry reading it. I feel so upset for you and anyone else that has gone through this. A friend of mine has lost all three babies at different stages. One was almost at full term. Its devastating seeing the impact it has had, especially on Mother’s Day. I really hope someone (other than your other half), was able to give you a big hug and comfort you. You’re so brave to talk openly about this. I never know what to say. Xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:31 am

      Thank you Kiki, sometimes there are just no words are there? I am sorry for your friend, that must be incredibly hard for her and all of you. I really hope that by sharing this it will help someone in the same position. xxx

  45. May 8, 2017 / 5:06 pm

    You can’t not read this and be taken back to that moment … I wish I had been better prepared for what she looked like. Told about the blood from her mouth and fluid leaking. No one told me and it terrified me. I felt guilty for not wanting to hold her for a while.

    I wish I had taken more pictures. Had casts and changed her nappy x

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:29 am

      Oh Mary, I think so many of us in this situation feel the same. I think should it happen to me now, our time together would be entirely different. You can never be fully prepared for losing a child but you can be prepared for some of it. We live and learn, I wish that didn’t have to. xx

  46. May 8, 2017 / 6:34 pm

    This must have been so difficult for you to write. My husband (@whatalexdid) has mentioned your lovely Instagram posts before and he told me once that you have lost a child. I have a cousin who went through the same experience in New Zealand. She waited for days for her mum to arrive from the UK before she was induced and I simply can’t imagine what she went through. It wasn’t even happening to me but I was distraught on the other side of the world just thinking of her. This post will undoubtedly help others too xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:26 am

      Ahhh thank you Hannah, you have such a lovely husband! That must have been horrific for your cousin, especially waiting all of that time for her Mum. Baby loss is devastating, whatever the circumstances, and I have had a decade of feeling helpless that I couldn’t change our outcome. I hope that this post really helps someone, thank you for reading. xx

  47. May 8, 2017 / 7:20 pm

    This made me sob and sob. It is such a sad but important post and I’m so glad that you wrote it so that I could read it. I lost a baby through miscarriage and it’s still so hard to put my feelings into words even after 15 years. I can’t imagine the pain of having to give birth to a much loved baby and then have to say goodbye. You have a such lovely family. #marvmondays.

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:24 am

      I’m so sorry to hear that, and sorry that I made you cry, but it’s a really important thing to raise awareness of. Miscarriage is devastating, and I have so many regrets of those too, I just hope that this can really help someone going through the same. xxx

  48. May 8, 2017 / 8:26 pm

    This is such a beautiful and sad post! I can relate to some of it and I still regret my decision with what to do with the remains after my ectopic. Long story but reading this helped. Thanks Hun x

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:22 am

      Thank you Eilidh, I am so sorry that you can relate to this. Living with regrets is so hard isn’t it? Even more so when they involve your baby. Much love to you. xxx

  49. May 8, 2017 / 8:45 pm

    I’m reading this with tears spilling down my cheeks and a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow, I think that you are a wonderful person for writing this and I feel certain that it will help so many people to read this. You can never get that time back but you can help to ensure that other parents don’t sit there feeling the same way that you do about their loss. You’re doing a wonderful thing sharing these thoughts and emotions Laura, Thanks for joining in the #bigpinklink this week.

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:20 am

      Ahh Louise, thank you so much. I know that something like this is so hard to read, perhaps that is half the issue in that most people would rather NOT read it, they would rather remain blissfully unaware of the reality of stillbirth, in the hope that it will never happen to them. I hate to think that someone reading this may go on to lose their child in the same way, but if they did, I would like to think that my words could help them. Thank you so much for reading. xxx

  50. May 8, 2017 / 9:54 pm

    My heart hurts reading this, reading how much pain little Joseph’s death caused you. No mother, no father, no parent should ever have to bury their child and it pains me to know that you had to face these uncertain times without much chance to say goodbye. I wish that the hospital was more supportive but one thing I do know is that you are a strong and brave person, never forget that x

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 8:18 am

      Thank you so much Ana. It always saddens me when I look back on it all and think how young we were and how completely over whelming it all was. I really do hope that things have changed 11 years later and bereaved parents are supported far more. xx

  51. May 9, 2017 / 9:14 am

    such beautiful, wise worsd. So sorry for your loss, losing a baby is never easy, and being prepared really helps

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 9:52 am

      Thank you Polly, much appreciated. xx

  52. May 9, 2017 / 9:14 am

    I knew I shouldn’t read this whilst sitting at my desk, but I also knew it was going to be so well written and I would again admire you for everything you have been through and managed to get through. I love how you are so great at helping other people in your situation and I really, really admire you. #TriumphantTales

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 9:51 am

      Ahh Abi, thank you so much, that’s such a lovely thing to say. I really do hope that this helps others. xx

  53. May 9, 2017 / 9:29 am

    What a sad post! There’s tears in my eyes reading it as I clutch my own little one as he sleeps. I can’t imagine how that must feel, the thought fills me with dread. You are so brave to have come out the authorised of such an awful experience but also for sharing your thoughts and feelings on the matter so openly. I have no doubt that this post will help so many people, those who have experienced the pain themselves and those who are fortunate enough not to have gone through it find a little more understanding.

    #triumphanttales xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 9:50 am

      Ahh Amy, it’s heartbreaking to consider, and I really do appreciate you reading this. I have to hope that sharing my story helps people, otherwise there is nothing positive to gain from our experience. xx

  54. May 9, 2017 / 11:45 am

    This was a really kind thing for you to do, difficult I’m sure but beautifully written. I hope it reaches the families who are going through what you went through. xx

    #DreamTeam

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 9:38 pm

      Thank you Charlie, I really do hope so. xxx

  55. May 9, 2017 / 12:36 pm

    I don’t even dare to imagine what it feels like to go though still born. Firstly this a fantastic list of very helpful things to do for others going though these terrible times. Your last paragraph brought a tear to my eye because letting go must be just so awful I know I would struggle with it. As usual and I know I say it a lot but it’s true your posts are well just beautifully crafted pieces of work I’m actually in awe of your writing you simply take me on a rollercoaster of emotion #triumphanttales

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 9:38 pm

      Ahh Nige, thank you so much. I really do hope that this helps someone, infact I HAVE to believe that will, because if I can’t do that, where are the positives in going through what we did? We have been incredibly lucky to have four healthy children, but I will always feel sad for the 10 year old boy who should be counting down to his 11th birthday. xxx

  56. May 9, 2017 / 1:36 pm

    this is not something i or anyone close to me has experienced, but thank you for sharing such an emotional post that must have been difficult to relive in such detail. I was induced for my first son just over 25 years ago and returned to the ward for labour to kick in, the woman in the bed next to me, was off next for her induction and i wished her good luck, she didn’t return to the ward, her baby had died and she and the hospital staff were aware of this before she was induced, during the 5 hours i’d been at the hospital, she had been in a side ward and had been moved onto the main ward (reasons unknown) there were women in that ward in various stages of labour, waiting to go to the delivery room, it must have been horrific for this woman and i asked at the time my midlife, why she had been on labour award if her baby had died, the midwife said there was nowhere else for her to go.
    #TriumphantTales

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 9:36 pm

      Oh gosh that is just heartbreaking to hear. I was the same to be honest, I was given the news that my baby and sent to a maternity ward, surrounded by pregnant women or those lucky enough to be leaving with their babies. It was so hard, going through labour listening to the cries next door that my baby would never make, I will never forget how that made me feel. I like to think that things are different 11 years later but sadly I fear not. Thank you for reading. xxx

      • May 10, 2017 / 5:20 am

        it is heartbreaking and i really feel for you and your family, i thought 25 years ago it was cruel to do this to women, so sad to hear that 15 years later you had to go through the same, i’d like to think it has changed now, but like you say, I doubt it very much.

        • Laura Dove
          May 11, 2017 / 10:19 pm

          Thank you. I think there is so much that needs to be done to help bereaved parents more, I just wouldn’t even know where to start. xx

  57. May 9, 2017 / 5:46 pm

    Thankyou. Thankyou for your honesty. Thankyou fur sharing such personal heart aching memories with others and by doing so making it easier for others to talk about losing a child.
    #triumphantTales

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 9:33 pm

      Ahh thank you so much for reading this, I really do appreciate it. xx

  58. May 9, 2017 / 8:25 pm

    I’m sobbing on the train. I am so sorry that you went through this. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your lessons. I truly believe that you are helping others. Pen x #Twinklytuesday

    • Laura Dove
      May 9, 2017 / 9:32 pm

      Ahh Pen, sorry I made you cry but thank you so much for reading. xx

  59. May 10, 2017 / 7:07 am

    Hindsight is a wonderful thing and you have given this to someone else, however hard it must have been to write yourself. Total respect to you. I lost one too but much earlier on, I still remember all those key dates and feelings even though it was such a long time ago, silly really but a baby bond forms inside us so quickly in pregnancy. #BloggerClubUK

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:18 pm

      Thank you Fiona. It’s not silly at all, I don’t think you ever get over a loss, regardless of the circumstances, I still think about every single one of the 15 I lost to miscarriage, and remember each and every due date, no matter how many years pass. Lots of love. xx

  60. May 10, 2017 / 9:10 am

    Ooops, shouldn’t have read this on the train. Devastating loss. My heart goes out to you and I really appreciate the advice and key information that you’ve highlighted. My miscarriage of our first pregnancy this month has highlighted the problems in pregnancy and I’m terrified that it will happen again, especially at a later stage. I’m so hopeful that next time will be different. Thank you for writing this difficult post. #dreamteam

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:17 pm

      Ahh I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. We lost 15 babies to miscarriage so I can sympathise, I was terrified during all of my subsequent pregnancies but I now have four beautiful and healthy children, so there is always hope. xx

  61. May 10, 2017 / 12:15 pm

    Wow. Just wow. Beautiful post. Thank you for laying your heart open here. This will truly help someone I am sure! Thank you for writing this up for mamas who will go through this and be a little more prepared. Thank you!
    #TriumphantTales

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:14 pm

      Thank you so much for reading. I really do hope that it helps someone in the same situation one day. xxx

  62. May 10, 2017 / 1:36 pm

    This post hit me right in the heart. Gorgeously written! Sending lots of love x

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:14 pm

      Thank you Clair. xxx

  63. Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons
    May 10, 2017 / 4:34 pm

    I know this will be such a helpful post for anyone out there facing this, and I think it’s amazing that you are able to share your experience. It’s such a difficult one, because so much of what you feel you want or don’t want at the time might not be the same things as further down the line. I know I tend to be quite shut off emotionally when things are actually happening, and it’s only later on that I start to process everything, so to read some of the things you wished you’d done I’m sure would be so helpful for people. Two of my friends sadly lost their daughter in the same way a few years back, and I know they organised a photographer to capture their moments together, and they’re absolutely beautiful, stunning photos that I know they treasure. Just to know that that option is available and not feel rushed into things is something I know I wouldn’t have been aware of, but something I know I would have felt was so important.

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:13 pm

      Thanks Katy, I do hope it helps. Yes, that’s exactly it, just knowing what options you have and what help is out there is hugely important. I had no idea there were photographers who came into hospitals to do this kind of thing, or those who took castings. We were only young, very naïve, and completely and utterly shell shocked. It’s hard living with regrets, and I know I cant ever change my experience, but maybe I can help change someone elses, and that’s a comforting thought. xx

  64. May 10, 2017 / 7:41 pm

    What a terrible thing to experience. I am typing this with tears running down my face, wondering how you can possibly have such strength, to share this so honestly. Thank you so much for being so brave and so selfless as to share your pain to help others. You are inspiring. xx #bloggerclubuk

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:09 pm

      Ahh Claire, thank you so much for reading this. I know it’s not easy to read so I really do appreciate it. xx

  65. May 10, 2017 / 9:09 pm

    I sobbed through this, my heart breaks for any woman and family that goes through this pain. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and my gut instinct is to avoid reading too much about the awful things that can happen. But you’re right, there is very little out there to prepare someone for an experience such as babyloss. It was hard to read, but your words are beautiful and honest, and should the worst happen the experiences you shared could make all the difference. Thank you for sharing, though I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
    #BloggerClubUK

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:08 pm

      Thank you so, SO much for reading this. That’s exactly it, our gut instinct tells us that it is too painful to even consider the possibility of losing our babies, and so for most of us, we choose to bury our heads in the sand. I think I was very much guilty of that, because when Joseph died I didn’t have the first clue about stillbirth or what would happen afterwards. I really wish I had read more about it, not in a morbid way, but just so that I had some idea in the back of my mind what I might need to know. Good luck with your little one, and thank you again for reading. xxx

  66. May 10, 2017 / 10:08 pm

    Oh Laura, you do this everytime! I’m struggling to fight back the tears! this is such a wonderfully honest post and one that shows an insight into what you went through at your darkest point in your life. I am so sorry you felt that the hospital let you down and rushed you into doing things that if you were thinking clearly you’d have done differently.
    Hubby works in our local mortuary and I know that when it comes to relatives wanting to visit their loved ones often people are happy it is away from the wards as it is more personal..
    Thank you so much for letting us at #TriumphantTales into your life with such a beautifully written post. xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:06 pm

      Ahh bless you, thank you for reading. Wow what a job that must be for your hubby. I really hope that 11 years later things have changed but other than a cold cot is now available at my local hospital, I’m not sure that anything else really has! xx

  67. May 11, 2017 / 9:55 am

    I really don’t know what to say, but I’ve shared this with everybody in the hope that this post will find it’s way into the hands of someone who really needs it right now.

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:04 pm

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. xxx

  68. May 11, 2017 / 10:11 am

    This is heartbreaking and I love you for talking about it. #sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:03 pm

      Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate it. xxx

  69. May 11, 2017 / 10:56 am

    My heart broke for you and every other mum who has gone through this. It truly is heart breaking, but what a helpful and caring post #brillblogposts

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:03 pm

      Thank you Michelle, I appreciate you reading. xx

  70. May 11, 2017 / 11:57 am

    Im sat here crying, there are just no words.
    Im so sorry this happened to you and I’m so sorry this happens to anyone.
    My mother in law had a still born baby.
    Some of the issues you raised I had never even considered.
    Posts like these can only raise awareness, and you have done so so beautifully.
    I think there NEEDS to be better policies in place for the women and their families who are experiencing such a distressing time.
    Thank you for this. #bloggerclubuk

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:03 pm

      Thank you so much, I’m sorry that your mother in law lost her baby, it always saddens me just how many people baby loss has affected. I agree, changes should be made, 1 in 200 is far too many babies in the first place, but the circumstances that those women have to say goodbye to their babies is often a terrible experience for too many reasons. xx

  71. May 11, 2017 / 3:11 pm

    Oh Laura. I just can’t put into words how sorry I am for what you’ve been through. But also for all the help and awareness you’re giving to other mums to be or mums who are in this terrible situation too. I don’t know how anyone couldn’t read this and be moved to tears. You’re a wonderful, incredibly strong lady x #BloggerClubUK

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 10:01 pm

      Thank you Susie. I think anyone who goes through something like this finds a huge comfort in giving something back, and turning their tragedy into as many positives as they can find. I really do hope that this helps someone in the same situation, although I wish that nobody had to go through this. xx

  72. May 11, 2017 / 5:15 pm

    Laura, I dont have any words. But I couldnt read and not say anything at all. I dont know what to say but I just have to let you know that you’re amazing in so many ways. As a writer, as a mummy and as an advocate for mothers of stillborn babies. I wish you’d been made aware of all these things too, and I hope to god that this post reaches as many people as possible so that people who find themselves in this awful situation can remember it and be as prepared as its possible to be. I don’t have any words to express what I want to say, just tears and sadness but also admiration and awe at the same time if that makes any sense. xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 9:59 pm

      Ahh Hayley, no words are needed, it means enough to me that you read it, because I know that posts like this are never easy for anyone! I have to hope that this helps someone, sometimes I think that’s all I really have left of Joseph, his ability to educate and inform others about baby loss. Life is so unfair, I wont ever stop feeling that way, but I have been incredibly lucky and I know many are not. xxx

  73. May 11, 2017 / 8:41 pm

    Laura, every post of yours I read I think it’s the best yet. This is such a beautiful and moving post to read, and so much of it I can echo from my own experience. Our daughter at 23 weeks was quite shocking to see, and there are lots of things I wish I had done differently. At the time it’s so hard to think straight and step back and see the bigger picture. My advice would be to take one step at a time, and get through the process however you can.
    I have no doubt at all that this post will be an enormous help to someone, somewhere.
    Sending love xx
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 9:55 pm

      Ahh lovely, thank you so much. I knew that you would be able to relate to this. I think it’s incredibly hard to make informed decisions when you are completely shell shocked and actually, entirely clueless about what is happening. I knew NOTHING about stillbirth, literally had no idea what would happen, and although you can never prepare for that kind of loss, you can at least be educated about what it involves on some level. I do hope this helps someone. Love to you. xxx

  74. May 11, 2017 / 9:02 pm

    Laura this is beautiful and moving and tinged with such sadness as well as being extremely practical and sensible advice to others going through such an awful time in their lives. You are a blogger who really makes a difference. Lots of love to you, the lady’s sister and others in the same position xx #eatsleepblogRT (though I would have read this post anyway) xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 11, 2017 / 9:53 pm

      Ahh Hayley thank you so much. I always worry about sharing these posts as I would hate to upset anyone, but I also believe that it’s important not to sugar coat stillbirth, and to speak about it honestly and openly. I really do hope this post helps someone, thank you so much for reading. xxx

  75. May 12, 2017 / 5:51 am

    This post invokes everything that you are my darling. Brave, honest, loving. And so so strong. My heart is broken reading this and I am full of admiration of your strength to to write so beautifully about something so difficult. All my love xx #blogcrush

    • Laura Dove
      May 12, 2017 / 4:28 pm

      Thank you so much Fi, I really appreciate that. I think when you go through something like this you can either allow it to make you or break you? If I can help others from having the same regrets as I do, that’s a positive that I will hold onto with both hands. Love you lots. xx

  76. May 12, 2017 / 10:52 am

    You are a truly amazing lady and your experience and your honesty will be a real comfort to another family. Take care #ThatFridayLinky xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 12, 2017 / 4:13 pm

      Thank you so much Lisa, I really hope you’re right. xxx

  77. May 12, 2017 / 12:44 pm

    I don’t even know what to say. This made me well up. So beautifully written, it must have been so terribly hard. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

    • Laura Dove
      May 12, 2017 / 4:12 pm

      Thank you Emily, I appreciate you reading. xxx

  78. May 12, 2017 / 2:18 pm

    This is heartbreaking, beautiful, touching and overwhelmingly real. But most of all, this is a really helpful post and a brave one to write – baby loss is spoken of so rarely that people are almost afraid to offer advice, instead shying away from talking about it. This is a really valuable thing to share. #Sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      May 12, 2017 / 4:11 pm

      Thank you so much. It’s difficult to write, just as much as it is difficult to read, but I think we need to know these things, and be aware of them, even if they don’t affect us personally. xx

  79. May 12, 2017 / 4:12 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am also at awe, that you are able to talk so openly about your experience. I know, nothing I can say will make your loss any easier, but, I will say, that you are an inspiration for sharing your struggles. Many blessings and healing to you, and your family.

    • Laura Dove
      May 12, 2017 / 4:29 pm

      Thank you so much Claudia, that’s a lovely thing to say and much appreciated. xxxx

  80. May 12, 2017 / 8:50 pm

    Where do I even start? I’m gobsmacked at the moronic lack of intelligence or empathy at the hospital taking you down to the maternity ward after you’d lost a child. I’m so sorry you feel ashamed to admit you were dreading facing your baby; I’m sure anyone would be in those circumstances. And I felt heartbroken by – well all of it obviously – how you feel like you’re abandoning him every time you visit him and then leave. Never mind blog awards (which I’m sure you’ll be up for this year), I think you deserve some kind of royal commendation for somehow managing to still talk about it so regularly here on the blog when I know I’d just bury it because I’d find it too painful to write about. You must be helping so many women through it. (Incidentally a woman here in Malta posted on a local page last week re baby loss having lost her baby shortly after it was born. I mentioned your blog. I don’t know if she got in touch). #coolmumclub

    • Laura Dove
      May 13, 2017 / 2:02 pm

      Thank you lovely, for reading, for replying, for understanding. It’s shocking that anyone losing their baby has to be on a maternity ward, even more to stay there listening to other babies cry. I will never forget how heartbreaking that was, and I will always regret the choices we made that we felt pressured in to. Thank you for sending someone over to my blog, I haven’t heard from her but I hope should she read about Joseph that she finds some comfort in knowing she isn’t alone. xx

  81. May 12, 2017 / 8:52 pm

    You always write so openly Laura, you’re an inspiration you really are.
    I always find it so hard to read that parents who lose their baby are on maternity wards, hearing the cries of other babies. I didn’t realise that it is 1 in 200 babies that are born sleeping, such a high number! #ThatFridayLinky

    • Laura Dove
      May 13, 2017 / 1:58 pm

      Thank you Jo. It’s shocking isn’t it? 9 babies were stillborn every day in 2015, that is just unbearable to think about! xx

  82. May 12, 2017 / 9:10 pm

    Your posts always move me to tears. I hope that you and others bring light when others see only darkness. #DreamTeam

    • Laura Dove
      May 13, 2017 / 1:47 pm

      Thank you Helena, I really do hope so. xx

      • May 14, 2017 / 8:15 am

        stopping back via #ThatFridayLinky

  83. May 12, 2017 / 9:59 pm

    A very brave post that needs to be read by everyone. There is so very little information for parents. I lost my baby to cot death at a time when there was very little heard about that either. We’d all prefer to think that losing a baby doesn’t happen these days but that’s not the case at all.
    #thatfridaylinky

    • Laura Dove
      May 13, 2017 / 1:46 pm

      I am so sorry to hear that Suz, how devastating. You’re right though, nobody wants to think that it could happen to them, but it could, and it does. We are all too quick to bury our heads in the sand, myself included. But when the worst happened I so wished that I had known more about stillbirth, it would have made my experience that tiny bit easier. xx

  84. May 12, 2017 / 10:30 pm

    Such a moving post written from the heart. Anything that isn’t the perfect birth always seems to have no information out there, so I’m sure this will be an useful post for many people wh oare unfortunate to have been through baby loss. My SIL lost her first, and now has 2 others #sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      May 13, 2017 / 1:44 pm

      Thanks Emma. I agree, there is very little information out there before hand for the things that may go wrong. Obviously nobody wants to scare pregnant women, but even just a little information could be helpful if the worst did happen. xx

  85. May 13, 2017 / 1:34 pm

    This is beautiful. What strength there is in laying bare such pain in hopes of helping others. You’re an inspiration.

    • Laura Dove
      May 13, 2017 / 1:41 pm

      Thank you Liz, I do hope it helps someone who needs it. xx

  86. May 13, 2017 / 1:44 pm

    I don’t think I’ve ever read a post about babyloss like this that was so open and honest about the reality and practicality of it all. As always, your post is really moving, brave and filled with lots of love. I’m sure this will help someone who is going through something similar. #BlogCrush

  87. May 13, 2017 / 6:53 pm

    Oh Laura, this post has absolutely broken my heart into pieces, I could barely get through it but only because as you said, it’s the absolute unthinkable for anyone. I am so glad you’ve written it though, it’s such an important post for parents that are going to go through this, and so brave of you to share. If I could barely get through the post, I can’t imagine how others go through the experience. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 1:20 pm

      Thank you so much Kaye, I really appreciate you reading, because I know that it is never easy to allow ourselves to even think about something so tragic. As much as it was hard to read, it was very hard to write, but I have to hope that it helps someone going through the same, or else what other positives could we possibly draw from something so devastating? xxx

  88. May 13, 2017 / 8:43 pm

    Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 1:17 pm

      I’ll be there! xx

  89. May 13, 2017 / 8:44 pm

    Pretty much an emotional wreck right now. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through. You really are an inspiration. My heart aches for you. You are so brave to relive this like you do for others. Thank you. As always an amzing piece of writing. Thanks for linking up to #TriumphantTales, hope you’ll come back on Tuesday 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 1:17 pm

      Ahh Jaki, thank you so much for reading this. I wish I had known all of these things before we lost Joseph, but I, like most pregnant women out there, never for one second thought that it would happen to me. xxx

  90. May 14, 2017 / 1:12 pm

    I am speechless Laura. My eyes are full of years, my heart aches, and I have nothing but respect and love for you and your family for the unthinkable times that you have had to endure, and for the fact that you are brave enough to share your experiences in the hope of reaching out to support other families having to go through the same. Thank you so much for sharing this with at #DreamTeam xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 1:11 pm

      Thank you so much lovely. Sometimes I write these posts and I read it back and it’s like it all happened to someone else, someone I no longer recognise, all of those years ago. At the same time, I have to hope that it helps someone, or what other comfort would there be from our tragedy? Thank you so much for reading. xxx

  91. May 14, 2017 / 1:57 pm

    This is such a brave post and I have tears in my eyes as I reach the end. I hope that this post can help other families who have to go through such an emotionally traumatic experience #eatsleepblogrt

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 1:10 pm

      Thank you, I really hope that it helps someone. xx

  92. May 14, 2017 / 10:00 pm

    This is am amazing post Laura and you will help so many people by sharing the loss of Joseph. Sadly 2 of my friends have been in your position and neither of them had any advice or compassion given to them #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 1:04 pm

      Thank you Becci, I’m so sad that your friends had to go through this too. It’s so hard because as a pregnant woman, you don’t want to even consider the possibility of losing that baby, so in that way it’s easier to bury your head in the sand and tell yourself that it wont happen to you. I wish I had known more about stillbirth before it happened to me, I wish I could go back in time and listen, even when it was really sad and really scary, and in that way I hope that this post helps someone if the worst was ever to happen to them. xx

  93. May 15, 2017 / 9:56 am

    Stuck an emotive subject. So sorry for your loss. I am sure this post will be invaluable for others #KCACOLS

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 12:59 pm

      Thank you Andrea, I hope so. xx

  94. May 15, 2017 / 10:58 am

    This is so raw – I know someone who lost a baby this week & will share xx #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 12:58 pm

      Ahh thank you so much, and I’m sorry for their loss. xx

  95. May 15, 2017 / 12:49 pm

    Heart-wrenching #Postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 12:54 pm

      Thank you for reading Sally. xx

  96. May 15, 2017 / 8:30 pm

    I thank the lord every day that I have never had to experience such terrible loss and this is such wonderful advice for anyone going through it. My Mum gave birth to a still born a few years before I came along (about 45 years ago) and she wasn’t even allowed to see her baby let alone hold it. She doesn’t even know if it was a boy or a girl and I just don’t know how that was ever allowed to happen. She was just expected to move on and get on with her life. It is wonderful (if you can call it that) that there is so much more support these days. #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      May 16, 2017 / 12:40 pm

      Oh Nicola, I hear that so often from older women who lost their babies. I know my ex husbands Grandma lost her baby and she wasn’t even allowed to see them either, no clue of the sex, and denied a funeral. It hurts my heart to think about it too much, as much as I live with regret and wonder, what if….at least I met my son, I held him and bathed him and dressed him, and I have a place to go where I can feel close to him. Thank you so much for reading. xx

  97. May 16, 2017 / 7:39 pm

    So proud of you lovely lady! It’s amazing that you are reaching out to others who are going through the same awful ordeal. They will no doubt be forever grateful to have read your story and take some comfort in their time of need, that they are truly not alone. xx

  98. May 17, 2017 / 3:09 pm

    </3 I would never wish this pain on my very worst enemy. I hope that you can find some comfort in that someone's pain may be helped by your ability to write this post. #PostsFromTheHeart

  99. May 17, 2017 / 7:58 pm

    My heart is broken after reading this, I just can’t even imagine what it must have been like to go through this. Laura you are so amazing for reliving these painful moments and sharing them on your blog, all to just try and help other parents going through the same thing. You really are an inspiring woman, it is no surprise that this post was linked to #BlogCrush as someone’s favourite xx

    • Laura Dove
      May 17, 2017 / 9:16 pm

      Ahh thank you so much Wendy. I really do appreciate that you read it, it’s not an easy read I know. I hope that it finds the right person at the right time, I really do. xx

  100. May 20, 2017 / 8:02 am

    Everytime I read a post about your little Joseph, my heart breaks for you and yet I have such admiration. This is a beautifully written post and I think anyone who goes through what you have will take great comfort and advice from it. Thank you so much for linking up with #KCACOLS

    • Laura Dove
      May 22, 2017 / 10:15 pm

      Thank you so much Becky, that really does mean a lot to me. xxx

  101. May 22, 2017 / 12:44 pm

    God that was horrible to read. In that ‘holy crap I can’t imagine how it feels well done you for talking about it’ horrible way. Take care. You do good work spreading awareness and helping others. #kcacols

    • Laura Dove
      May 22, 2017 / 10:08 pm

      Thank you so much, I know exactly what you mean, but I really appreciate you reading. I think we should all be more aware of things, even when it’s too painful to consider. xx

  102. May 25, 2017 / 8:54 pm

    Oh Laura, what an amazing, open and honest post. I’m sure this will be a huge help to (far too) many women, just knowing that there are options open to them. x #KCACOLS

    • Laura Dove
      May 26, 2017 / 7:50 pm

      Thank you so much, I really do hope that it helps someone although I wish that it didn’t have to! xx

  103. May 27, 2017 / 9:11 pm

    Was any parent able to read that without shedding a tear or two? I’m going to go hold my daughter now. Sorry for the late comment. #BloggerClubUK

    • Laura Dove
      May 29, 2017 / 9:15 pm

      Ah thank you so much for reading this. xxx

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