It’s okay to be afraid….

With three terrorist attacks in three months, and the UK’s threat level at critical, this is probably the scariest, most dangerous time I have ever lived through. And you’d be excused for assuming that the country would be in complete panic, the city streets would be empty, travel at an all time low, that we would all be barricading ourselves in our homes and wringing our hands with worry. And yet, for the most part, the general consensus appears to be that by doing so, we are letting them win.

I have lost count of the number of times over the last few months I have been told to, “Carry on as normal!”, “Stand up to them!”, “Show them we aren’t scared!”.  My social media is flooded with hashtags, #WeStandUnited #LoveNotHate #InThisTogether, the sharing of quotes, messages of hope, the reminder to look for the helpers, for the positives, the undying belief that in the end, love will win.

And yet the truth is that right now, as a Mother, I just can’t see it.

I wake each morning with a deep knot of fear in my belly, I can’t turn on the TV or open a newspaper without fighting back the tears at the horrors which await us, I can’t go about my daily life without the worry that these terrorists could strike at any time, completely at random. I struggle with the concept of standing united when I’m scared that my neighbour who stops to chat about the weather, that the lady who serves me in the shop or the man I pass in the street, may secretly be plotting these evil crimes of hate. I find it impossible to believe that our police will protect us when these terrorist are already on their radar, flaunting their beliefs in documentaries, being flagged up by their own friends and family, and yet still roaming the streets free to kill.

And I won’t lie to you, I’m scared. Completely and utterly terrified.

And my fear doesn’t end at the thought of another attack, but extends to the fact that hate breeds hate, and already I am seeing so much of it. I have been shocked and saddened to read racist slurs as I scroll through my newsfeed each morning, to see friends turning on each other over conflicting beliefs, to see a level of ignorance which astounds me. I see well educated, seemingly decent people, calling for all Muslims to be extradited, for them to be shipped out to Syria, their passports destroyed, and left there to face the aftermath. And my heart breaks for the hundreds of thousands of Muslims in our country who are good, honest, decent people. What a scary place our world must seem at this time, how lonely they must feel in their own country, how utterly devastated they must be that a small minority have brought such shame on their religion.

It feels as though with every new attack, with every tragedy reported, the rebound effect can be felt right across the globe. I see politicians using the terrorist attacks as ammunition against each other, our relationships with other world leaders at an all time low, the constant threat of retaliation lingering over our heads.

And I have nothing but admiration for the bravery of others, the fact that they refuse to be scared, that they still get up every single morning, and go about their daily lives, walk the streets of London, attend concerts and crowded places, travel the world without fear or panic. I admire the strength of the victims, the Londoners who fled for their lives just one week ago, back in work, commuting across London bridge, standing proudly at Westminster, strong and defiant in a city they love. I have the utmost respect for the Manchester bombing victims, those who pushed their fears aside and attended the One Love concert last weekend, the stars who flocked to show their support, the way that the city has come together to show love, support and courage.

And I wish that I could be like that, I really do.

But all of a sudden it feels as though we are all expected to feel this way, and admitting to feeling scared is met with derision. “It’s the safest time to travel!” a friend told me, when I mentioned that we had changed our plans to London earlier this year. “You’re letting them win!” one said, when we cancelled our plans to a Manchester theatre. “You’re setting a bad example to the children!” one told me, when I shared my fear of tourist attractions. “You’re more likely to be knocked down by a bus!” someone snorted, belittling my fears with their own bravery. And that may well be the truth, and I really hope that it is, but please allow me to do what is right for my family, what is right for my own mental health, however much you may see it as defeat.

Last weekend as we sat glued to our screens, watching the news footage of the horrors unfolding in London, where people ran for their lives, the sound of screams and sirens and absolute panic reverberated into our living room, the saddest question of all came from Lewis who, at just thirteen, asked me, “Why are they doing this Mum?”. And I wish that I had the answers, that I could promise him that his future would be wonderful and our country free of conflict, that I could assure him he was safe, that there was nothing at all to be scared of. And yet I have no answers, I have no words of reassurance or hope, I have no way of promising my children that I will protect them from these evil acts of hate.

And out of everything, that terrifies me the most.

And so if being scared means that they have won, I’ll give them their victory. If being more cautious, reining in our lives and allowing their actions to change our plans for the future means that I have admitted defeat, then I hold up my hands and admit it. Because there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my children, no limit to the lengths I would go to in order to keep them safe, and yet in the face of adversity, when the crimes are so nonsensical, all I can do is make sensible choices for my family, hold them a little tighter, reassure them wherever possible, and remind myself that nothing lasts forever.

Not even this.

 

 

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128 Comments

  1. June 10, 2017 / 4:02 pm

    Absolutely! So glad someone else thinks like this. We have cancelled all London plans and will be staying well away from all crowded places/events for the foreseeable future! Luckily our lifestyle is well away from such places anyway, but why risk our or our children’s safety for a day out?! We’ve also had criticism for saying so, but I just don’t care what other people think.

    We are also keeping them well away from the news, papers etc, for which we have also been criticised. Apparerntly they need to know what is going on in the world, but why do young children need to know anything about this? Their life is full of magic, freedom and sparkles, and we intend to keep it that way for as long as possible.

    • June 10, 2017 / 4:04 pm

      * apparently

      ‘Scuse the typo!

    • Laura Dove
      June 10, 2017 / 6:20 pm

      Ahh Leta I am so relieved to hear that you agree, I am fully prepared to receive conflicting opinions on this one. I mean what I wrote, I admire anyone who is brave enough to carry on with their lives in the same way as before, but as a Mother (and a worrier!) I just have to do what I believe is safest for my children. I wouldn’t dream of going into London at this time, my eldest is 13 and is very worried about the situation, and I wouldn’t ever put him through un-necessary worry and upset! My youngest three are completely oblivious to terrorism, and for as long as possible I will keep it that way. Thank you so much for your comment. xxx

  2. June 10, 2017 / 8:24 pm

    It is a really scary time we are living in. I really hope this stops it is not benefiting anyone and is hurting too many innocents to count. I am being more cautious that’s for sure.

    • Laura Dove
      June 11, 2017 / 5:05 pm

      It’s terrifying! I’m not sure what the answer is, I don’t think there really is one right now. I just hate all of the worry, it’s all consuming! xx

  3. June 10, 2017 / 9:46 pm

    I am completely with you on this. I actually have written a post about how it is ok to admit you’re afraid. I am so afraid. I admire others that are brave but I just can’t be right now x

    • Laura Dove
      June 11, 2017 / 5:04 pm

      I’m the same, I wish I could be brave but I’m not. It’s just devastating isn’t it? xx

  4. June 11, 2017 / 8:08 am

    It is worrying reading about these attacks. My kids are too young to ask questions so I have not had to explain anything. I dread waking up to hearing about another attack.

    • Laura Dove
      June 11, 2017 / 5:04 pm

      Me too, every day now there is another horrendous headline, where will it end? xx

  5. June 11, 2017 / 9:56 am

    I’m not scared but I live on the edge of nowhere Wales so I have the luxury of not needing to be scared. #kcacols

    • Laura Dove
      June 11, 2017 / 5:03 pm

      I envy you that, I asked my husband if we could relocate!! xx

  6. June 11, 2017 / 2:25 pm

    I 100%agree with you I have had to force myself to carry on as normal its hurrendous a few days after Manchester I was to take my daughter to see Shawn Mendes and Sunday Lion king up london.
    We went to the concert there was a lot of security and was a good evening. Was unable to go lion king due to illness but my mum wouldn’t of let us go either for fear.

    I have even been looking into ways I can carry something that can be used at a distance so I would have time to keep my babies safe 😢 I’m scared

    • Laura Dove
      June 11, 2017 / 5:02 pm

      It’s just awful isn’t it? I hate that we have been made to feel this way, I think as parents it’s even harder as all we want is to know that we can keep our children safe. We cancelled the theatre last week, even though I knew there would be extra security, it just wasn’t worth the worry and fear. I feel so sad that this is our life right now, I just don’t know how we will find a way forward? xx

  7. June 11, 2017 / 6:47 pm

    Everyone responds to these things differently. There isn’t a right or wrong answer. For some, it’s carrying on as normal. For others, it’s keeping away from potential places of risk. Hopefully things will calm down soon

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 10:05 am

      You’re totally right, and I think the main thing is to support each other regardless of how we choose to deal with the situation. xx

  8. June 11, 2017 / 7:07 pm

    Me too – I’m properly scared now. And there’s nothing we can do about it. #KCACOLS

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 10:05 am

      Isn’t that the hardest thing? There is nothing at all we can do, I hate that feeling of helplessness. xx

  9. June 11, 2017 / 8:06 pm

    Oh I’m so glad you are saying it too! I don’t know if you read Muma on the Edge’s one about no longer being defiant but I’d also started writing something exactly along these lines. Bravo to the organisers of the concert last weekend and all those people for going but honestly there is no way on earth I’d go anywhere crowded if I was still living in the UK. I’m staying in my Mediterranean bubble (not that this means anything as I live on an island that is FULL in the summer and could easily be a target now there is a heavily Libyan population here). Superbly written as usual love. #BloggingNetwork

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 10:04 am

      Thank you lovely. I felt the same about the concert, I was watching it on TV with my heart in my chest, unable to relax, despite the fact I was safe in my living room, for fear that something would happen. I couldn’t physically have gone there and been able to enjoy it! I read your post last night, I totally agree with everything you say, the world is a scary place right now -not just due to terrorism but due to ignorance too. xx

  10. June 11, 2017 / 8:07 pm

    Oh Laura! I know what you mean. I think being a mum almost makes it worse as you can feel so helpless but we mustn’t let the actions of so few change the way we live. If we give in to our fear, we are giving in to those that have instilled the fear in. The first place and then they have won. Great, heartfelt post. #kcacols

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 10:03 am

      Thank you so much. I think because I am so naturally anxious, this has pushed me right over the edge! I will learn to be brave again, I’m trying very hard, but right now it feels so over whelming doesn’t it? xx

  11. June 11, 2017 / 8:52 pm

    It is much easier to be brave for yourself but the fear of losing your children is awful. We went to Legoland this week and there was heightened security which was both reassuring and scary. Could we be at risk? Are children a target now following those lost at Manchester? I tell my children that the world is a good place despite the bad in it. I am not scared for me. I am scared for them.

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 10:01 am

      That’s exactly it. Having already lost one child, I will do whatever it takes to lessen the risk of losing another. And the thought of leaving my children without a mother is always at the back of my mind. There is so much unpredictability in the world at the moment, that’s the scariest thing. xx

      • June 12, 2017 / 7:16 pm

        So true. The not knowing is the worst and being on constant alert with dark thoughts running through your mind. But the happiness of my children reassures me, in fact my eldest said that to me today on the school run ‘good always wins in the end’. Popping back from #bigpinklink

        • Laura Dove
          June 12, 2017 / 7:54 pm

          Ahh that’s such a lovely thing to say. I’m sure that he is right. xxx

  12. Ti
    June 11, 2017 / 9:06 pm

    How brave of you to write such a moving post Laura, admitting that you are scared. You are not alone. We live in unpredictable and frightening times and it’s important to find beauty and joy where we can and make every moment, with those we love, count. As Mums we want to protect our children and nobody should ever question, or belittle, the choices you make to keep your precious rainbows as safe as you can. 💟

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:59 am

      Thank you lovely. I think that’s the crux of it, as a parent I just can’t bear to think of anything happening to my children and if by avoiding certain situations I can lessen that risk, even by a fraction, then I will. xx

  13. June 11, 2017 / 11:09 pm

    I completely understand why you are scared. I do get it.
    I’m however the opposite and wrote a blog post on Friday about how I will be going back to London shortly with my children. We were actually in London the day it happened…our last port of call was walking over London Bridge and through borough market just a few hours previous to the attacks.

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:58 am

      Ooh I will have to check it out. I think that if we lived in London I would force myself to go back out there, because you can’t barricade yourself indoors forever. We don’t live in London though, we are way up in the north, so to visit London at this time feels a little un-necessary and for that reason we will avoid it. My youngest three are oblivious to it all, and I want to keep it that way, but my eldest is terrified. I hate that. xx

  14. June 12, 2017 / 4:35 am

    It is okay to be afraid. This is such an intriguing subject. When I read your article it got me thinking. Very impressive and I discuss on this subject on the lunch table with my friends.

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:56 am

      Thank you Sona. I think that it’s inevitable that we will feel afraid, we live in a very scary world right now. xx

  15. June 12, 2017 / 7:19 am

    What a personal post this is. It shows how everyone is reacting to these attacks in different ways.

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:56 am

      Thanks Jon. I was nervous about sharing it as I know that everyone feels differently about this kind of thing. I think understanding that everyone reacts differently is so important, and supporting each other regardless is the main thing. xx

  16. June 12, 2017 / 7:55 am

    What a beautifully written post – like you, I am a lot more cautious now and that saddens me greatly.

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:55 am

      It does me too Helen, I hate that I feel this way, and I envy those who are able to carry on as normal. I hope that as time passes I become a little less afraid again, I really hope so. xx

  17. June 12, 2017 / 8:16 am

    Thanks for sharing your take on the London attacks, as a Londoner myself, I agree with your friends (I’m sorry) there is no point living in fear. Yes, your fears are justified but you won’t stop crossing the road even though people die doing that every day. I’m not trying to belittle your fears but put them into perspective. These are terrible times but they certainly are not the worst we have ever been through as a country. No matter what we will come out stronger. yes, be vigilant but don’t stop living your life xx

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:54 am

      I appreciate hearing the other side to this, and what you say is totally right. I am naturally a very anxious person, I have been through years of CBT for anxiety disorder and so in that way, it was probably a given that something like this would send me over the edge. As much as I know that the chances of us being caught up in a terrorist attack are unlikely, I struggle to find that a comfort. I am trying very hard to look for the positives and yet with so much hate in the world, it is very hard. xx

  18. June 12, 2017 / 8:18 am

    I am so scared of what world I am bringing my daughter up in. I also wonder if our parents felt a similar fear in the 70s with the IRA bombings. I think I am a bit more cautious than I used to be but I do live in the country.

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:52 am

      It’s terrifying isn’t it? As parents I think we feel the worry and the fear more deeply. I can’t see a way forward from this, but I truly hope that there will be. xx

  19. June 12, 2017 / 9:37 am

    I can understand why you feel this way, I have never been scared till the Manchester events on the 22nd because it was so close to home and we knew people close to us at the event. I initially said I would not allow my children to and event like that, I was scared for my OH who has to travel through Manchester everyday to get to work. It hit us really hard and while I am still cautious and nervous life has to carry on and my OH has to go to work everyday. I am scared and I think it has changed the way I see and do things but I wont let it change us enjoying our life. #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:51 am

      I’m the same Lisa. Although the London attacks scared me, I still felt “safe” up here in the North. When the Manchester attacks happened, in a city where my friends and family live and that we frequent often, it suddenly felt very real, and THAT terrified me. I haven’t been into Manchester since it happened, I’m not sure that I could face it at the moment, but I will do in time. I love that you are still enjoying your lives, and we are too, but we have changed the places we go right now, I think for me, it’s the only way that I can feel I am protecting my children. xx

  20. June 12, 2017 / 9:39 am

    It is so very true about the fear we all feel that some can bury more easier than others. I felt sick to my stomach at seeing and reading all the things about the terror attack and my intital thoughts were dark and full of fear. As time went on and I started to get really consumed by feeling anxious I thought I must change this round, so instead of concentrating on listening to the tales of death and horror I started reading about the stories of bravery from ordinary people, through to police and the first responders, doctors, nurses etc and I started to feel lifted by these amazing deeds, it made me realise that these dispicable acts are carried out by such a small number of people yet the good people, the kind people can fill a stadium 100 times over. A very good read. xx #bigpinklink

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 9:49 am

      That’s such a great way to look at things, thank you for that! I am naturally very anxious, I’ve been through years of CBT for anxiety and so something like this can really set me back. I have become consumed with watching the news and reading the papers but this week I have tried to avoid the news quite as much which definitely helps. I’m definitely going to do as you suggest and really try and focus on the positives, it’s such a sad time for our country but you’re right, there is so much good in the world still. xx

  21. June 12, 2017 / 9:52 am

    We all deal with things differently… it’s okay to feel scared, to not want to travel somewhere, to cancel the plans… the world we live in today is scary – made even more terrifying, I think, thanks to the media, and social media. People are getting more and more hateful – and that breeds more hate, more terrorism, more violence. 🙁 I am an old hippy at heart and just wish everyone could just get along – because love = more love.

  22. June 12, 2017 / 10:50 am

    It’s heart breaking and terrifying isn’t it. And like you, I found the saddest thing trying to even attempt to explain the horrendous actions to my eldest daughter who was watching the news with us. We have to do what we think best for ourselves and our family so I hope you can ignore those people who are telling you what you should and shouldn’t be doing! Thanks for linking up with #KCACOLS, hope to see you again next time. xx

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 8:00 pm

      Thank you Cheryl, at first I found it really upsetting that I was being made to feel like I was over reacting or setting a bad example to my children by being scared. And then I realised that actually I just have to do what’s best for my children regardless of what anyone else thinks. I really wish that we weren’t in this situation, it’s heartbreaking. xx

  23. June 12, 2017 / 10:50 am

    Personally I am with the “don’t let them win” bunch, but my children are scared so I have cancelled a trip to London because of them, my kids don’t want me to go and they come first! #kcacols

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 7:58 pm

      I admire you for being able to take that approach, I really wish that I could. My eldest is terrified, at 13 he sees and reads far too much, and he refused to go to Manchester last week which is partly why we cancelled. I just think we have to reassure our children where possible but respect their fears too. xx

  24. June 12, 2017 / 10:56 am

    Such a beautifully honest post darling and I think you are reflecting the thoughts and feelings of so many others who will do anything to protect their own. xoxo

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 7:57 pm

      Thank you Talya. I did worry I would face a backlash over this but it’s so reassuring to know that I’m not the only one out there who is afraid right now. xx

  25. June 12, 2017 / 1:54 pm

    You have owned your feelings in this piece and I’m sure you’re not alone. Everyone’s different. Personally after 7/7 I went to work the next day on the tube, had to, how else do you get around? I’ve also lived in Nairobi and Addis and travel a fair bit and I have to live in the moment, otherwise I’m frozen and restricted. I find that meditation helps to bring peace in my thoughts about lots of things. I need it. The thing about the terrorist attacks for me is they are indiscriminate, so it could happen to anyone and they are nonsensical. If I think and try to rationalise, it is impossible. I feel it’s a waste of energy. I understand and empathise with people that do but for me I meditate and put my focus in the now. #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Laura Dove
      June 12, 2017 / 7:56 pm

      Thank you, and you are totally right. I think the fact that it is indiscriminate makes it all the more scary though doesn’t? No-one, and nowhere is truly safe, and if I really let myself think about that too much, I WOULD go insane!! I have never tried meditation but I do think I would benefit from it. xx

  26. June 12, 2017 / 9:59 pm

    I agree with you, I think as parents it is harder because we have to think of our little ones too and look after ourselves. I would never forgive myself if something happened to them as a result of a choice I made, so I am in the same boat and I tend to avoid things and places that might be higher risk!

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 9:09 am

      Exactly this Charlotte. If we don’t NEED to go somewhere at the moment, we won’t go. We have no need to visit London, or Manchester, or any large city, and so I can’t justify the risk simply to go shopping or to sight see. Being a Mother is hard enough but when the world is in such a state, it’s absolutely terrifying. xx

  27. June 12, 2017 / 11:09 pm

    Such a powerful post. It’s amazing how differently we all deal with this and how we are all reacting to it. It’s so much harder when you have children involved to not let it affect your life decisions. It is such a scary time and even though we need to stand united and not let fear stop us from doing anything, we have to do what our paternal instinct tells us. If you feel like you shouldn’t go to the theatre or you should cancel plans to London then always follow your gut instinct. It’s so not wrong to do that. xx

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 9:07 am

      Thank you Chloe. That’s exactly it, as a Mother I have to do whatever I deem best to keep my children safe. It may be irrational, others may see it as defeatist, but for my own sanity, I will always minimise the risk when it comes to my babies. Thank you for your understanding. xx

  28. June 12, 2017 / 11:34 pm

    The same is happening here in the Philippines. We have the same feeling of fear and distrust. It just feels so sad that we cannot go out during weekends because we are afraid that negative things might happen while taking a stroll at a park or even inside malls.

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 9:06 am

      I’m so sorry to hear that Ivan. It’s a global problem isn’t it? I think that actually things are a lot worse in other countries than they are in the UK, I just cant even imagine! Stay safe. xxx

  29. June 13, 2017 / 12:18 am

    Noone should judge you for your decision to stay away because it is scary. I was not far from the attacks and I was frightened, when I was on the tube I was scared and I still feel uneasy now. It is ok to be scared, to be afraid and people shouldn’t judge you after all it is your choice. I can imagine how worrying it must be for you to switch on the news or read the papers and it does take time to heal. Sure we can’t let them win but cancelling a trip or being aware of your own mental health and safety is not letting them win, it is making sure that you are ok. Thank you for this, your personal posts never fail to move me, beautifully written as always x

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 9:05 am

      Thank you Ana, I love that you are able to understand where I’m coming from, I was really nervous about sharing this post as I know that many will disagree. As a naturally anxious person, who already struggles with my mental health, terrorism is always going to be a trigger and I will always do what is best for my family and I, even when others deem it irrational or defeatist. Stay safe in London my lovely, love to you. xx

  30. Ali Rost
    June 13, 2017 / 6:35 am

    I too feel the unease in the world. Here in the U.S. I feel like we’re continuously living under a little black rain cloud. Everywhere I turn it seems there is negativity. Not just in general, but toward others at a level which I haven’t experienced before on such a wide scale. Once it’s started, I can’t see how it’s going to stop. x

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 9:03 am

      I totally agree with that, it isn’t just the terrorism that is the issue, but the repercussions in the way that hate breeds hate. I have no idea how it will end, it’s a worrying time. xx

  31. June 13, 2017 / 7:26 am

    I am so sorry you feel this way. I remember all the atroctities in the 70’s & 80’s with the IRA and have always taken the stance that I won’t let people stop me from doing anything. In fact I was on the train to London on 7/7 so had a near miss

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 9:01 am

      Oh wow Kara, I really admire you for taking that stance. I think I would be rocking in a corner had I been involved in 7/7 but then I am a naturally anxious person anyway and something like this has simply fuelled it! xx

  32. June 13, 2017 / 8:03 am

    It’s literally so scary indeed – UK has always been my second home. I’m currently studying in Transylvania and I always went in the UK in vacations, visiting my family and I even lived there for a good amount of time before college. I’m just thinking about friends or family that right before the terror attack, they have been in the exact places… I just won’t feel safe where I should be

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 9:00 am

      It’s a terrible feeling isn’t it? I think there are so many people who feel afraid right now, and as much as I hate that we do, I think its important to know that it’s okay to feel that way, infact it’s only natural I’m sure. We are living in such uncertain times, I encourage everyone to be more vigilant and stay safe. xxx

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 11:19 am

      Thank you! xx

  33. My Teen Guide
    June 13, 2017 / 12:35 pm

    I feel exactly the same way as you. They said if you stay away from the crowds, if you let yourself live in fear then they have won. Well, I would rather feel afraid but have my family with me, in the safety of our home. I am a nervous wreck when I don’t receive a reply when I text my kids, or when they don’t pick up my calls. I enrolled in a feature from my cellphone service provider, called “Family Finder” that gives me the location of a family member I want to track. I admit. I am scared. Very scared of the future.

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 6:58 pm

      I’m so sorry that you feel the same way, but it’s a comfort to know that I’m not the only one. I think there are many people in this country who feel the way that we do, especially those who are parents. It’s our parental instinct to want to keep our children safe and when something, or someone, threatens that, we will do whatever it takes to minimise that risk. It’s such a scary time for our world, I’m not sure what the answer is, but sending much love to you. xxx

  34. June 13, 2017 / 1:10 pm

    I completely understand Laura. While I try to maintain the #WeStandTogether point of view, I am scared. As a mother you are built to protect your children and when something like this happens it’s a big fat reminder that we can’t protect them all of the time. It’s such a sad state but a very real one. Don’t feel bad about doing what you feel is best for your children x
    Thanks for linking up to #DreamTeam

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 6:56 pm

      Thank you Helen, that’s the hardest part isn’t it? We just want to protect our children wherever possible and faced with terrorism, if tragedy struck, we wouldn’t stand a chance. I hope that things will improve in our country, I’m not very optimistic about that right now, but in the meantime I will keep doing what is right for me and the kids. Thank you for understanding. xxx

  35. June 13, 2017 / 1:26 pm

    I think it’s really unfair to say that you’ve let them win by cancelling your plans. In some crazy, warped way, it’s like blaming you for what has happened and saying that you’re contributing to the atrocities. Which is ridiculous. Everyone needs to deal with this in their own way – some need to press on with life and pretend like nothing has changed, whilst others need to take a step back and take time to process what has happened. I’m sure, with time, you will feel able to visit London again, but right now, you don’t want to… AND THAT’S OKAY. Don’t listen to those other people. #triumphanttales

    • Laura Dove
      June 13, 2017 / 6:55 pm

      Thank you so much Lucy. That’s exactly how I have felt, as though allowing them to win is letting down our country! You’re totally right, everyone deals with life very differently and as someone who is naturally anxious, this has simply fuelled my anxiety. You’re right, in time I will go back into Manchester, I will visit London, and I might feel a little nervous, but I wont be terrified and I’ll still be able to enjoy our trip. I think doing what is right for you is the main thing isn’t it? Thank you so much for understanding. xxx

  36. June 13, 2017 / 7:35 pm

    I can’t tell you how deeply your post struck a chord in me, you have summed up exactly how I feel. Thank you for saying it out loud. xx #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      June 14, 2017 / 4:28 pm

      And thank you for making me feel a little less alone in my feelings. I think so many of us feel this way too Claire, it’s such a scary time for our country. xx

  37. June 14, 2017 / 6:24 am

    I feel exactly the same, Laura – these words could have been extricated from my brain (although maybe not so articulately!). I think the strength of others is amazing, but we aren’t all of the same mind set and can’t just ‘keep calm and carry on’. It is a terrifying time the world is experiencing at the moment – and I for one, am scared for the future, not only for myself, but largely for my family and little boy. #DreamTeam

    • Laura Dove
      June 14, 2017 / 4:22 pm

      Thank you Jade, it’s so comforting to me that so many people have said that they too feel the same way. I hugely admire anyone who can keep calm and carry on, but that’s not me at all! As a mother my fears are for my children, I think many of us feel that way. xxx

  38. June 14, 2017 / 7:13 am

    This is an amazing post. And right on the button with every sentiment here. I think that you are right, that we can’t let our fear turn into hate for other people or unfounded accusations. But I also think that when people look down on you for making sensible decisions, if only ones you make for your own mental health and wellbeing, that they are being equally hostile and hateful towards anyone who thinks differently or acts differently than we do. Everyone responds to things differently and you need to do what’s best for you and your family. So keep doing it.

    • Laura Dove
      June 14, 2017 / 4:21 pm

      Thank you so much David, I really appreciate that you can understand where I am coming from. I have had so many comments and messages from others who feel the same way, I think sometimes us British are very guilty of putting on a brave face! I will do whatever it takes to minimise the risk for my children, I make no apologies for that and never will. xx

  39. June 14, 2017 / 7:38 am

    It is a scary time and you can’t help how you feel and its your prerogative to change your plans because it’s safer for you as a family. I admit I am keen to carry on as normal but that said, I do occasionally worry and think what if- what if we went somewhere for the day but one was at school or at grandparents and something happened to us. The news is just awful at the moment, every day something seems to have happened and today it’s that awful tower block fire. #bestandworst

    • Laura Dove
      June 14, 2017 / 4:20 pm

      That’s exactly what I worry about too Fran. Today I had to go into Preston, which is only a small city but it’s the first city I have been to since the attacks, and I kept thinking what if something happens and I leave the children without a Mum. I know that rationally, that was so unlikely, and I probably have more chance of being involved in a car crash or similar, but it’s such an awful thought. There is so much sadness in London right now, this fire is just heartbreaking. xx

  40. June 14, 2017 / 9:33 am

    I’m feeling exactly the same as you hun. I don’t care if altering how I live life is seen as letting them win..I would rather be alive and my children be safe! I went to a show the other day, our bags were searched going in and I was still on edge the whole time we were there.mi was constantly looking around and eyeing up my nearest fire exit in case something happened and we needed to escapement I an sad I’ve been made to feel that way but I think it’s important to be more cautious in light of everything that’s happened xx #bestandworst

    • Laura Dove
      June 14, 2017 / 4:17 pm

      Oh Wendy I am exactly the same. That’s why we didn’t go to the theatre last week, because I KNEW I would be so on edge I wouldn’t be able to relax in any way. Just the thought of it sends me into a panic, so for the foreseeable future we will be staying away from the cities. It’s terrifying, even more so as parents, and I can’t see an end to it. Lots of love. xxx

  41. June 14, 2017 / 9:05 pm

    We went to London at the weekend. A few friends asked me if I was worried about going. I will admit I was quite nervous about going, but I am glad that we did. You could see the increased security all around, but to me it didn’t spoil the atmostphere of London.
    #TriumphantTales

    • Laura Dove
      June 15, 2017 / 1:11 pm

      That’s great that you felt safe there. We live in the north so no reason to go to London really, I think if we lived in London we would have to face our fears sooner rather than later! xx

  42. June 15, 2017 / 7:23 am

    It’s absolutely your choice as to the decisions you make regarding the safest course of action for you and your family. And I know what you mean about the increase in social media hate, I’ve been unfriending away on Facebook whenever it pops up! #CoolMumClub

    • Laura Dove
      June 15, 2017 / 1:07 pm

      Thank you. Yes me too, I cant bear to read anything like that on my social media. xx

  43. June 15, 2017 / 12:25 pm

    Everytime I hear my BBC news app go off I dread checking to see what has happened. I hate the world for all these dreadful things but yet try to continue to think that there is always bad things happening and sadly always will be so have to relish the amazing things and keep positive. Keep smiling lovely and thanks for linking up #bestandworst

    • Laura Dove
      June 15, 2017 / 1:04 pm

      Youre right, focusing on the good is so important, it just feels like the news is always so negative these days, they never share anything positive! xx

  44. June 15, 2017 / 2:39 pm

    Great post. hate breeds hate…if we thought about these 3 little words, our world would be entirely different. I think it’s important to say these words to ourselves every morning.

    • Laura Dove
      June 16, 2017 / 6:50 pm

      Thank you Tonya. xx

  45. June 15, 2017 / 3:09 pm

    Brilliant post. I think we have every right to be scared. I live just outside of London and an so glad I’m not commuting right now every day. That said, I will be going up there soon and will try my best not to panic on the day! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • Laura Dove
      June 16, 2017 / 6:49 pm

      Me too, it’s only natural surely? I think it’s important to allow everyone to handle this however they see best. We are up north so there is no need to visit London right now, I’m kind of relieved about that. xx

  46. June 15, 2017 / 7:40 pm

    I was feeling exactly the same Laura – still am somewhat, although I got my hands on a last minute ticket to see Take That this week and it’s amazing the anxiety I put myself through to spend the evening with Mark Owen 😉

    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

    • Laura Dove
      June 16, 2017 / 6:46 pm

      Ahh I’m so glad that you managed to go, it’s amazing the pull that Mark Owen still has over us Take Thatters!! xx

  47. June 16, 2017 / 10:05 am

    It is a scary time and I think this resonates with a lot of people X #thatfridaylinky

    • Laura Dove
      June 16, 2017 / 6:31 pm

      So scary, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in my thoughts. xx

  48. June 16, 2017 / 12:45 pm

    It’s awful isn’t it. I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s a scary world we’re brining our children into. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

    • Laura Dove
      June 16, 2017 / 6:30 pm

      Thank you Emily, it’s utterly terrifying. xx

  49. June 16, 2017 / 12:57 pm

    What a incredibly thoughtful and brave post, I just published something very similar on the same subject. I am concerned about projecting my own anxieties and fears on others but on the other hand I am a firm believer that we should speak out and not bottle things in.

    • Laura Dove
      June 16, 2017 / 6:30 pm

      Thank you. I totally agree, I have been very careful that I don’t project my fears onto the children, my eldest is already worried, but at the same time it’s not healthy to hide how you feel. Here’s hoping that things start to improve in our country. xx

  50. June 16, 2017 / 7:24 pm

    The world right now is a dark dark place and one I am so horrified to be raising a child in. But I will not let Ben know fear. Hubby doesnt want to go to London any time soon but I think we need to carry on regardless but just be a bit more aware? I truly hope that the future starts getting brighter for us all!
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.

    • Laura Dove
      June 16, 2017 / 8:16 pm

      I agree, I have managed to protect my youngest three from terrorism so far, but my eldest is frightened, and I can’t deny that. At 13 he has seen and read far too much, but I can’t shield him in the same way, and with us being up North we have no reason to push our fears aside and visit London any time soon. We will though, sooner or later. xx

  51. June 16, 2017 / 8:20 pm

    I have to agree! I agree with the stand together, look for the helpers scenarios that everyone says but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared. I’m absolutely terrified about the world that I have brought my children into. Where people are prepared to blow themselves up or run people over. It’s on the news everyday and I have to explain to my three year old why the man on the radio is saying kill and dead when they are bad words. Our children lose their innocence so quickly. I feel fortunate that I live in a little town where not much happens. The thought of travelling to the city with my children is not something that I feel comfortable with in the slightest. #ThatFridayLinky

    • Laura Dove
      June 17, 2017 / 6:50 pm

      Thanks Jo, it’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone in these thoughts. We also live in a quiet town in the north, so I feel that in some ways I can hide away here and not worry quite as much. It’s still scary though as sooner or later I think they will start attacking out of the city, and that thought terrifies me like no other. It’s a really scary, unsettling time for our world right now. xx

  52. June 17, 2017 / 8:51 pm

    So brilliantly put laura I’m terrified for our children the world is a mess at the moment, I have to go London this week and I’m worried no doubt, totally agree with everything you say, but life does go on all the same Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

    • Laura Dove
      June 18, 2017 / 8:12 pm

      Ahh thank you Nige, it’s such a comfort to know that I’m not totally reacting and nor am I the only one. Life does go on, and I am certain that with every week that passes we will all start to worry a little less, that’s natural I’m sure. You will be just fine in London Nige and no doubt return home a winner! xx

  53. Elizabeth o
    June 18, 2017 / 9:34 am

    Laura, I stand with you 100% on this issue. We live in scary times and it’s equally important for us to be honest about our fears. I was born and raised in London and I haven’t stopped crying over these awful incidents that have wrecked my favorite city.
    I haven’t been able to write about it because my emotions are still raw. Add to that the recent fire that killed so many in the city, and my anxiety and sadness is heightened.
    Yes, we will press on and take care of our responsibilities but, we need not pretend that this is not worth hitting that pause button. Brilliant post and reaction.

    • Laura Dove
      June 18, 2017 / 8:07 pm

      Thank you so much Elizabeth. It has been a huge comfort that others feel the same way, although I am so sorry that you do. London has been hit by so much sadness this last month, the fire has been devastating, and it has left many of us feeling extremely anxious. I think acknowledging that we are afraid is just as brave as not being afraid at all, and it’s important that we talk about our fears so that we know we are not alone. xx

  54. Our Family World
    June 18, 2017 / 1:51 pm

    All I can think of is fear right now. I avoid going to the malls. I am so paranoid sitting in the bank waiting to be served. When we eat out, I make sure I sit facing the door or the window of the restaurant so I can see what is going on outside or who is coming in the restaurant. My fear is that much that I do not enjoy the meal anymore. It is okay to be scared, because when we are scared, we act carefully, we become more vigilant, we become more prepared.

    • Laura Dove
      June 18, 2017 / 8:05 pm

      This is absolutely and totally me. I am the same in that we have stopped doing those things because I literally could not enjoy it. I think it will get easier, we will start to relax again, but right now it’s terrifying. Much love to you. xx

  55. June 18, 2017 / 4:02 pm

    Im in London today and was stood on the bridge where the terrorist attacks happened. I work in Manchester a right next to the MEN so going back there a few days after the attack also gave me a knot in my stomach. We have to keep going though or we are playing inro their hands. #Postfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      June 18, 2017 / 7:59 pm

      I saw you are in London, good for you Becci! I admire your bravery, I really couldn’t do it! xx

  56. June 18, 2017 / 7:48 pm

    Oh Laura. I feel the same, I really do. I read your post as soon as I saw it live. Whilst there is most definitely a ‘let’s get on with it and keep going’ attitude, I very much doubt everyone feels this way really, without fear. I notice it on my way in to work. It’s just a few tube stops, but you can see it on everyones faces. Like you, I have been avoiding crowds and family trips into the city. I feel terrible doing this, but I just can’t talk myself round. Thank you for sharing such an emotional and honest post with the #Dreamteam xxx

    • Laura Dove
      June 18, 2017 / 7:57 pm

      Ahh thank you for making me feel like I’m not on my own with this. I have friends who have gone out of their way to travel to London since this happened, like they want to make a point of not being scared! Then here’s me, a nervous wreck when I have to go into our nearest town! I’m sure things will get easier with time again, it’s scary thought isn’t it? xx

  57. June 19, 2017 / 5:50 am

    Scary times indeed, but we have to stay strong and don’t let them control your life. Together we will be stronger!

    • Laura Dove
      June 20, 2017 / 9:06 am

      You’re so right, it’s just very difficult not to feel scared and anxious. xx

  58. June 19, 2017 / 10:44 am

    I see there’s been another attack today. My heart saddens each time. After Grenfell and the waste of life people still choose to take it. This was hate breeding hate but I have seen so much love consolidated. #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Laura Dove
      June 20, 2017 / 9:03 am

      I know, and sadly I think there will now be a retaliation and then the cycle starts again. It’s such a scary world we live in. xx

  59. June 19, 2017 / 10:17 pm

    I am a Londoner and these atrocities have totally shaken me up.0! So much so I’ve stayed off all social media and mo ventured in to central. I am just wondering when will all this hatred end.

    • Laura Dove
      June 20, 2017 / 8:56 am

      Gosh it must be so scary to be there amongst it. We are up north and until the Manchester bombing I felt quite removed from it. Now I feel as though it’s on our doorstep and that’s scary. Stay safe lovely. xxx

  60. June 21, 2017 / 12:57 pm

    I don’t think being scared means terrorists have won, it just means you have things worth protecting, it is how that fear manifests…if you in turn become hateful then yes I think they have won. I am afraid, worry about traveling to big cities, but I don’t want to round up every person who may be different and blame them. Or hate them. You can be afraid and still love, still be kind and that is also a good message for our children xx #coolmumclub

    • Laura Dove
      June 21, 2017 / 4:16 pm

      Thank you Jade, that makes so much sense and is exactly how I feel. There is nothing at all wrong with being afraid, that’s only natural, and you’re right, when you have children and something worth protecting, those feelings are even stronger. xx

  61. June 22, 2017 / 2:04 pm

    I’m far more concerned now that i’m a mum than I was before. It’s when you have others that care for you and need you that I feel that there is so much more to go if something happened to me. God forbid anything happening to my kids, I can barely even write about what impact that would have to me. Its fine, I think to feel whatever emotions we want to, we are individuals with that right. I travelled away from home to another major city this week and I was on the look out at people ALOT. Natural in my head and something that is just with me know, such a shame but we evolve around situations like this and my behaviour now includes being more suspicious of people when I’m travelling.
    Mainy
    #KCACOLS

    • Laura Dove
      June 22, 2017 / 6:22 pm

      I totally agree, I think being a parent makes you far more protective, and afraid. I worry about losing my child, I worry about them losing their Mum, and I worry that there are so many terrible things happening in our country that I can’t always promise to protect them from. It’s very sad that this is the time we live in, I’m not sure of what the answer will be but I hope that things improve all round. xx

  62. June 23, 2017 / 12:50 pm

    I love your honesty Laura, and I think you’ve voiced what a lot of other people are feeling. We’ve got a big event coming up here in a few weeks and it honestly had not crossed my mind to be worried about it, until I read that the main road around the event is going to be completely blocked off, as an added security measure. It’s reassuring that the police and the council are doing what they can to keep everyone safe, but knowing that they feel the need to do it has made me a bit nervous at the same time, if that makes sense. x #KCACOLS

    • Laura Dove
      June 23, 2017 / 1:38 pm

      I totally get that. That’s what worries me to some extent, if the security is being ramped up to such extreme levels, do they know something we don’t? But without the security I would probably be even worse! I hate that we are in this situation, and I genuinely am not sure how we can change it. I’m still living my life but I am definitely reining it in where necessary! xx

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