For Meggy, on your third birthday

To my Meggy,

Today you are three, and I can’t quite believe that we are both still here, still surviving this year together. Although we knew from day one that you have always been different, this year, you took the terrible twos to a whole new level!! And I hope that when you are old enough to read this back, that perhaps as a Mummy yourself, knowing just the every day struggles that we Mums face, you will appreciate that it has taken blood, sweat and tears to make it to your third birthday, to make it, even if just a little way, across to the other side.

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From day one you have been our biggest challenge. Even as a newborn you were not the easy, happy baby that your brother had been. As you grew, we quickly realised that nor would you be the compliant, loving little girl that Eva had been, and nor should you be, but you were much happier to smack, kick or scream at us, pretty much twenty four seven.

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But two, WOW, that was a whole new level of crazy. At your two year check I raised our concerns to the health visitor, who looked at you, sat there with your angelic blonde hair and your big blue eyes, like butter wouldn’t melt, and she told me that all children push the boundaries, that we just needed to lay down the law, stick to a routine, battle through this “phase”. And as she left, and you launched yourself at me for the tenth time that day, I felt as though you knew exactly what you were doing and that actually, you really didn’t like me very much at all.

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I used to ring up Daddy on his lunch break, fighting back the tears because you had hit me, scratched me, bitten me. And he would say, “Babe, she’s TWO!” as though that was the answer, as though he had no idea of just how freakishly strong you were, or perhaps just how very weak I was!! Either way, you lashed out with such unabridled anger and hate that I found it very hard to know what to do with you, how to parent a child that seemed to be so pent up with anger and frustration.

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By the Summer I had given in and taken you to the doctors, sat there in tears, sobbing as I told her that your behaviour was out of control, that I had tried everything, that I had finally reached the end of my tether. And you had sat there, again in complete silence, looking so completely innocent that had it not been for the many hours of footage on my phone of you headbutting the floor and flailing on the carpet, I’m sure the doctor would have deemed me a liar right there and then. So she referred you to CAHMS, said that in her opinion you displayed autistic tendencies, that perhaps it was something we should consider, read up on, try to get our heads around.

And I had read up on it, spent hours late at night reading as much as I possibly could, talking to friends, crying into my pillow, wondering at what point would we get the help that we needed, at what point would you start acting, and I hate myself for ever thinking this, normal.

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Because it didn’t seem normal to hit and kick and punch us repeatedly, it didn’t seem normal that you would scream and shout and sob hysterically for eight hours straight without stopping. It didn’t seem normal that for as much as you showed that you loved me, you showed your dislike for me in equal measures. And it’s very hard for me to write this down, and I know that when you grow you will understand this, there were times when I felt, although I loved you with all of my heart, I wasn’t sure that I liked you very much either.

I have no idea how we got through the hazy months of Summer, how we dealt with the fact that CAHMS wrote to us and explained that they wouldn’t see you until you were four. I don’t know how we survived the countless times that you were whisked to hospital suffering with yet another dose of tonsillitis, how we sat through endless nights where you screamed and cried with anger, pain and frustration. I have no idea how we found a way through those days when you raged, from morning until night, when you showed me up in public or ruined yet another day out with your incessant crying.

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And then in September, having exhausted all of our parenting abilities, we decided to start you at nursery, and I dreaded that first day. Knowing how you hated new places, new people, new things, it was with a reluctant pre-meditated acceptance that I took you there, having already explained the situation, already laid the groundwork that you would hate it, that you would cry inconsolably, that you would be un-cooperative and hard to handle. So it was with the greatest surprise when you walked in there, let go of my hand and sat straight down to play with a dinosaur. I had stood there, feeling like a complete and utter fraud, backing out of the door as quietly as possible incase you noticed and began to scream. And as I crept through the door, I heard you shout, “Bye Mummy!!”, and completely gob smacked, I cried the whole way home.

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By Christmas you were a different child. I didn’t even recognise you anymore as the angry, violent, frustrated little girl you had been. As we increased your hours, only to a couple of mornings each week, you gained your confidence, your independence, you found something that was just for YOU, something that you had been needing and perhaps, something that I hadn’t been able to give you. And it was very hard for me to think about that, to wonder why you behaved the way you did for me, and yet a completely different child for the ladies at nursery. It fuelled my paranoia that you simply didn’t like me very much after all, that perhaps you blamed me for being ousted as the baby of the family so soon, that you felt angry at having to fight for my attention, that perhaps deep down you knew that, although I had every intention of making your first birthday cake, knowing I was due to be induced with your brother the next day, I had nipped to Tesco and bought one. Not even a character one, just a rubbishy old sponge cake. A metaphor for your whole life, the un-official “middle child”.

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And I am so sorry that this year has been so difficult and so sorry that it took us so long to find our feet, to find a way to make eachother happy, to work eachother out. I’m so sorry for all of the times I have shouted at you, told you that you are a naughty girl or felt resentful towards you. You’re not a naughty girl, not at all, I’m sorry that I let you down.

I really thought that I would be glad to see the back of the terrible twos, to embrace your threenage self, to remain optimistic that this is the year that you will FINALLY stop screaming, but actually, I feel really emotional about it. Because despite all of this, two was an amazing year. Two was the year that you fell in love with all things Frozen, when you convinced yourself, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you were infact Anna, that Eva was Elsa, and together you could move mountains. Two was the year that you discovered a love of You Tube, of maths tutorials, the un-boxing of toys and opening of  Kinder Eggs. It was the year that we holidayed in the south, where we felt the sand between our toes, ate ice creams on the beach and ferried you back and forth to A&E in a turn of events that could only ever happen to you. It was the year that you discovered lipstick and nail varnish, where you developed a penchant for pretty dresses and Rapunzel like hair, where you reminded us every single day of how beautiful you are, how sweet you can be, how lucky we are to have you. Two was the year you started at Little Nursery, made friendships of your own, where you learned to count, learned to paint, where you blossomed before our very eyes.

Two was the year that you stepped up to your role as big sister to Harry, where you grew even closer to Eva and you idolised Lewis in a way that has never faltered. Two was the year you discovered Knock Knock jokes, your singing voice, an imagination so vivid that at times you lost all sense of reality. It was the year you watched The Lion King, every day, on repeat, as often as we would let you, the year you set your heart on a Baby Annabelle, when you squealed with delight on Christmas morning, held her in your arms and told her, “I will love you forever!”. It was the year you discovered dress up, a love of swings, of stickers, bubbles and chocolate ice cream. Two was the year where you swapped your nappies for “big girl knickers”, your cot for your bunk beds, your chubby little baby face for that of a little girl, and a stunning little one at that. It was the year you gained your independence, your confidence, your intuitiveness, the year that you would lay your head against mine and it felt as though you could read every thought in my head.

Two was the year when I realised that it’s okay not to be normal, that it doesn’t matter if you are different and in fact, all of those things that make you stand out are all of the things that make you Megan. Two was the year when I realised that we are both so much stronger than we ever knew, where I learned to let go of all of my worries and frustrations and simply love you, every little quirk, every bit of crazy, every single part of you, my little wildcat, Meggy.

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Because now you are three. And admittedly, you are still hard work, I think that’s just in your nature, and I cant lie, you do still scream, a lot, but you are funny, witty, smart and articulate. You are free spirited, fiercely independent, imaginative, dramatic and a whole series of contradictions. You are loving, more so than any of your siblings, and you tell me time and time again each day, “I love you Mummy, you’re my best friend.” And I believe you, I really do. Because most of the time, you are an absolute delight to be around, when you aren’t going schitzo over somebody looking at you the wrong way or losing the plot because Eva said, “the”, you are the most wonderful little girl in the whole world. There is nobody who meets you who doesn’t love you, everyone tells me, “I know you shouldn’t have favourites but  Meggy is mine!”. And I get it, even though I don’t get what it is, I get why people love you, why you endear yourself to just about everyone.

You have been the biggest challenge I have ever faced, and I accept that there is so much more to come. You have pushed me to my limit, and beyond, you have tested my patience, my sanity, my will to live, but I wouldn’t change you, not one bit of you, and I am so very proud of you, always.

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Happy 3rd birthday Meggy Moo.

Love you all the stars in the sky.

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138 Comments

  1. May 23, 2016 / 1:17 pm

    A really heartfelt post. I’m sure that when she is older, she will appreciate all that you did during the difficult times. She will probably say sorry too, I know I apologised to my mum once I had children and realised what a monkey I was at times!! Happy birthday gorgeous girl X #marvmondays

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:29 am

      Thank you. And yes, I’m sure she will! Although to be honest, I can’t imagine a time when she wont be hard work, God help me when she hits her teens!! Thanks for reading xx

  2. May 23, 2016 / 2:09 pm

    Hi Laura, it sounds like Megan pushes you to the limits and I hope that as she grows you gets calmer. She must never lose that spirit, just tame it a little. It’s brilliant that she enjoys nursery school so much, maybe the different stimulation is something she craves.

    There will always be times as a parent when we are harsh on ourselves or think our children dislike us (they are bound to sometimes), but we mustn’t be. Children have their own personality (thankfully) and sometimes they clash with our own.

    I hope that Megan has a fantastic third birthday and gets spoiled rotten…. You’ve got some great photos there, Megan’s expressions are priceless!

    xx

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:28 am

      Absolutely! I would hate for her to lose her spirit, but taming her a little does sound appealing! I think you’re right, she’s very intelligent and I think she just needed that extra stimulation and to push herself more.
      I think that I will always blame myself a little for how hard the last couple of years have been, it was so easy with the other three, I just had no idea where to start with Megan.
      She had such a lovely birthday though, a whole day with minimum screaming, bliss!! Thank you for reading lovely. Xxx

  3. Baby Anon
    May 23, 2016 / 2:56 pm

    What a lovely, honest post and throughout it all you can feel your unreserved, limitless love for her. And what a cutie! Your pics are, as ever, lovely. Happy birthday! x #bigpinklink

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:26 am

      Thank you! I love taking photos of Meggy, she’s just so funny with her expressions and the crazy things she does. Thank you for reading. Xx

  4. May 23, 2016 / 6:38 pm

    What a beautiful post. Really heartfelt and full of love. She’s a very lucky girl to have such a loving mum. The photos are beautiful. She is so adorable! 🙂

    Laura xx
    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday 🙂

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:25 am

      Thank you so much. She’s such a character as you can see in her photos! Some days all I can do is laugh! Xx

  5. May 23, 2016 / 7:00 pm

    Oh this is so wonderful. Those photos are just amazing, and despite your talks about the hardships, this is going to be a wonderful post for her to look back on when she is older. I’m so glad things seem to have settled down for you and I really hope that things continue to go so smoothly into the future. #bigpinklink

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:24 am

      Thank you, I hope so. I thought about glossing over the truth, thinking how she would feel when she reads it back in later years, but I think she will understand and I’m sure be hugely apologetic! 😂 I can’t see life ever being easy with Megan but one thing for certain is that it will never, ever be dull!! Xx

  6. May 23, 2016 / 7:07 pm

    Happy Birthday cutie. What a lovely post. I can relate to this post. I am finding the terrible twos hard.

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:23 am

      Thank you! I was lucky that my older two skipped this stage altogether, maybe Megan is making up for that! Good luck surviving the terrible twos!! Xx

  7. May 23, 2016 / 7:57 pm

    Happy Birthday Megan. I have s screamer – no, screecher and it drives me to distraction, I can only hope she grows out of it. Sounds like Megan has been a real challenge and hope she becomes easier for you xx

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:18 am

      Thank you! Oh I sympathise on the screecher, it’s torture isn’t it? I can drown it out to a point but when she’s really on one, nothing at all will stop her!! Xx

  8. May 23, 2016 / 8:41 pm

    Happy birthday Megan
    My 17 month old has the terrible two’s early and is testing the boundaries so can relate.

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:17 am

      Thank you! Oh no! I hope things improve! My youngest is two on Friday so we are hoping he skips that stage!! Xx

  9. May 23, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    aaaahhhhhhh have a lovely Birthday Megan. A cute name for a cute little girl. One of my daughters is very similar, I can sympathise.

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:17 am

      Thank you! And sympathy right back at you, there’s always one isn’t there?! Xx

  10. May 23, 2016 / 9:39 pm

    This was so touching Meggy is such a cutie and I love all the memories you dedicated to her. Sorry to hear that it was was so difficult at times but it seems like nursery did the trick!

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:16 am

      Thank you. Yes I think nursery was a huge help and hopefully school will be the making of her next year! Thanks for reading. Xx

  11. May 24, 2016 / 12:36 am

    Aww… what a lovely tribute! Happy Birthday Megan! I have to say Ethan was like that when he was two and even worse at three, but seem to have calm down now. I also used to call my other half up at work to tell him I have had enough and a very long day – please come and get your child! lol! Evelyn is just starting two and already she would get so worked up that she would be lying on the floor screaming until she gets what she want. Being a parent can be so hard! But so worth it. 🙂 xx

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:13 am

      Ahhh I was hoping three would be easy, haha! At least there is light at the end of the tunnel, although with Harry turning two on Friday I’m not sure if we are about to enter the terrible twos all over again!!! Xx

  12. mackenzieglanville
    May 24, 2016 / 2:24 am

    Happy birthday gorgeous girl! Wow what a challenge you have had as a mum, it is fascinating how different our children can be. For me my middle daughter has been the hardest to get to know and figure out, at one point I thought maybe something was wrong with her, but she is just so different from my other 2 who seem to be identical in so many ways. Everyday she stands out as being different and I feel like I am getting to know her bit by bit. She is my quiet one, she is quirky and hard to get to know, but once you see glimpses you just love her even more for it. Great post, so honest and moving. Thank you for sharing #mg

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:07 am

      Thank you! Yes, I think most larger families find themselves with one child who seems to stand out. My other three are so chilled out and very upfront, what you see is what you get. Meggy has been very hard to get to know and just when I think I’ve figured her out she surprises me in so many other ways! Kids hey? Thank you for hosting. Xx

  13. May 24, 2016 / 6:43 am

    Aww Happy 3rd Birthday, Meg you gorgeous crazy girl! Oh my word, this post is full of so much love – such a wonderful tribute. It sounds like you’ve had such a journey. I went through such a lot with one of my daughters too – dm me if you want some advice _ I wouldn’t be so forward to think that you would but I’m here if you want to chat as we went down the cranial osteopathy route with outstanding results and I can not describe how it changed our lives. Meg is truly beautiful and the photos are just stunning – they scream character – I love that! #MarvMondays

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:04 am

      Thank you! Funnily enough we went down the cranial osteopathy route too! We spent an absolute fortune on it for months and it didn’t seem to make the slightest difference! I honestly think that it’s just the way she is, nothing whatsoever seems to help when she’s in that mood! Did you have cranial osteopathy later on? I’m wondering if it’s still an option to refer back to and try again. Will DM you when I get a moment today. Xx

      • May 24, 2016 / 7:07 am

        Ah we didn’t start it until Georgia was 7 – that may have been the difference xx but it sounds like nursery is hugely helping – my sister’s little girl displays similar behaviours – she’s very frustrated that she can’t express herself as well as her big brother or do the things that he can – Oh, do you know what, I’ll stop because no one knows their child as well as mummy – just little bits of advice pouring out of my thoughts! dm if you get a chance! xx

        • May 24, 2016 / 7:12 am

          Ooh so it’s still an option! I think a lot of Megans anger was frustration, she is hugely intelligent and I think maybe she did just feel that she wasn’t being stimulated or pushed enough. Will def speak about this later, thank you so much. Xx

  14. May 24, 2016 / 7:06 am

    My heart hurts for you as I read this post.

    I get what you mean about how paranoid it makes you feel when people see the girl as presented in the photos rather than the one clawing and biting at you. From the pictures it seems difficult to resolve the two.

    I’m glad that she has started to find her way and even in the worst times for you that you are still able to remember the good bits.

    This is an incredibly honest post. Thanks for sharing.

    #mg
    #bigpinklink
    #kcacols

    • May 24, 2016 / 7:10 am

      Thank you so much. I think that was half the problem in some ways, she literally looks SO angelic that it was very hard when others simply said, “Oh I can’t believe it!” or “But she looks like butter wouldn’t melt!”. Thankfully I think most people now have seen her mid-melt down and everyone knows exactly what she is capable of!
      I do think we are through the worst of it, although God knows what the future has in store, and I’m hoping that school next year will be the making of her. She is such an amazing little girl, it’s just taken me a long time to work her out. Thank you for reading. Xx

      • May 24, 2016 / 7:13 am

        I hope you can forgive yourself on working her out. It’s difficult when they can’t tell you why they are behaving in the way they do. So much of it is educated guesses, heroic assumptions and casting of the runes to make sense of it all.

        • May 24, 2016 / 7:15 am

          Maybe in time I will, it’s been a really difficult couple of years and I have beat myself up over it often. I hold my hands up and admit that I have lost the plot with her far too often through frustration and upset and absolute exhaustion. I really hope when she is older she remembers the lovely times we have shared, not those days she has screamed and cried while I sobbed on the sofa. She’s such a one off, and I honestly wouldn’t change that, as much as I want her to rein it in a bit, I would hate for her to lose all of the things that make her Meggy. Xx

  15. May 24, 2016 / 8:55 am

    Beautiful post from the heart, like all your posts are! And what beautiful pictures! #TwinklyTuesday

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:33 am

      Ahh thank you, she’s very easy to take photos of with those hilarious expressions!! xx

  16. May 24, 2016 / 10:02 am

    Oh but she is so beautiful she looks like she could get away with anything. My little girl who is now eight was also like this and I worried so much – now she is a fiesty mini lady and I am sure that these are the woman that will run the world one day. xx Gorgeous pics – I laughed out loud at some #twinklytuesday

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:33 am

      Oh that’s good to know that it gets easier, I can deal with feisty over the screaming any day of the week! You’re right though, these girls will rule the world one day and it will all make perfect sense!xx

  17. May 24, 2016 / 10:04 am

    my goodness me I’m in tears what a beautiful post. Happy birthday to Meggy, continue being you xxx #abrandnewday

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:29 am

      Thank you so much, and absolutely, I don’t think Megan will ever be anything other than herself!! xx

  18. May 24, 2016 / 11:02 am

    Gorgeous! What a beautiful memorable post with such fab photos (LOVE the Halloween one!) that Meg will be able to look back on. Sorry to hear that she has driven you mad and challenged you. Who knows why some kids are harder work than others? My sister had a terrible time with her eldest daughter with similar circumstances. She’s doing much better now (almost 5!). My Eva will soon be 3 and I can see so many similarlities here! I hope Meg had a wonderful 3rd birthday and wishing you lots of luck and happiness in the next year! xx #TwinklyTuesday

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:28 am

      Thank you! The Halloween one is one of my favourites, their faces are hilarious aren’t they? It’s funny how different children can be with the same genetics and the same upbringing, but then it would be pretty boring if they were all just clones of eachother. Two is such a difficult age, and for me I have it all ahead of me as Harry turns two tomorrow!!! Eeeek! xx

  19. May 24, 2016 / 11:42 am

    This is such an amazing post. Meg’s facial expressions are just so wonderful and you can she that she can be a bit of a diva. Cuteness at the photo of the backshot of them both, too cute and divine xx

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:27 am

      Thank you! She really is a diva, and I hope that she keeps that and all of her little quirks as she grows, I just wish the screaming wasn’t QUITE so loud!!! xx

  20. May 24, 2016 / 1:13 pm

    I read this yesterday and though it was so sweet, (as always your photos are just cuteness overload!) my eldest drove me to tears MANY times but he is like a different child now so hopefully she will calm down as she gets older, sounds like she is already on her way! Happy birthday Meggy you little firecracker!! 🙂 x

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:24 am

      Ahh thank you, it’s good to know that there is hope for the future! In all honesty, other than the violent outbursts, I wouldn’t change her for the world, I just wish she wouldn’t scream quite as much!! xx

  21. May 24, 2016 / 6:13 pm

    Happy Birthday!
    Sounds like a challenging time, iMIt can be so frustrating being a parent at times. But well done you sounds like your doing a great job! X

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:22 am

      Thank you!! I’m trying my hardest that’s for sure! xx

  22. May 25, 2016 / 5:26 am

    Such great photos, I love the faces you’ve captured. Hope she had a great birthday

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:20 am

      Thank you, she really did! xx

  23. May 25, 2016 / 9:38 am

    Happy Birthday to Meggy Moo and to you dear Momma, way to embrace the challenges in this very honest post. For us, with both little and big, threenager was the toughest year. Keep capturing your thoughts and pictures. And hanks for sharing them with us! #thebigpink

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:20 am

      Thank you, although the thought of three being worse than two is unbearable!! My youngest turns two tomorrow so between those two I’m dreading the challenges that this year brings! Wish me luck!! xx

  24. serenityyou
    May 25, 2016 / 9:52 am

    oh wow!! this is the most beautiful post I think I have ever read!! Brought a tear to my eye. Love all your photos too especially the ones when the kids are pulling funny faces. Happy birthday Meggy xxx

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:19 am

      Aww thank you so much, what a compliment!! She has the best expressions, even when she is being naughty I cant help but smile, that face is irresistible!! xx

  25. May 25, 2016 / 12:42 pm

    I love these photos capturing real life – what a terror! Pour yourself a drink for surviving!! #marvmondays

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:18 am

      Haha she really is!! I don’t think one drink will ever be enough where Megan is concerned, she has aged me thirty years in this last three!! xx

  26. reimerandruby
    May 25, 2016 / 4:51 pm

    What a lovely post! I bet when Meggy read this one day, she will be thankful and proud to have you as her mum. Beautiful collage of photos, love the pouty lips the most, she looks so adorable. Happy birthday Meggy! #sharewithme

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:17 am

      Aww thank you. I hope so, I feel that I made a lot of mistakes with this one, it was trial and error to reach this point but we did it! Woohoo!! xx

  27. reimerandruby
    May 25, 2016 / 5:08 pm

    visiting again from #BloggerClubUK

  28. May 25, 2016 / 5:41 pm

    I think the toughness you have suffered with this gorgeous girl is going to be wonderful in future as she will be strong, independent and determined. No one will mess with her! She is a true character! Such a lovely post and it reminds me I must write one for my girly when she is almost 3. Such a memory and treasure for her. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:17 am

      I completely agree, she’s definitely going to be a strong willed adult, I just dread the teenage years!! xx

  29. May 25, 2016 / 6:43 pm

    Truthful and beautiful in equal measure what a lovely blog post and the pictures are absolutely gorgeous well done 🙂

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:16 am

      Thank you! Megan gives the best photos, her expressions are priceless! xx

  30. May 25, 2016 / 9:39 pm

    This is such a beautiful and honest post. It had me in tears. Parenting can such a hard task and as mum’s we can sometimes feel like we are alone reading your post all I can say is I take my hat off to you. I’m in the midsts of my son going through the terrible twos (he turns 2 in week and half) and I thought they were bad. I take my hat off to you. #bestandworst

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:15 am

      Aww thank you. It IS hard isn’t it? And there are so many people who do choose to gloss over these hard times, and that’s entirely their choice, but I think sometimes you need to be honest and share that motherhood isn’t all it cracked up to be, there are times when you feel like giving up. The terrible twos SUCK don’t they? And just as Megan turned three on Monday, Harry turns two tomorrow so we have to start all over again! Agghhh!! xx

  31. May 26, 2016 / 1:09 am

    What a refreshingly honest post. Our tot’s behaviour gets a bit wild when he’s bored but he thrives at nursery. Maybe the challenge? Or just that he’s not stuck at home bored all day. I’m really glad things got better. What a litle character you have there. She has such an expressive face- gorgeous x

    #fartglitter

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:14 am

      Thank you. I think sometimes they must just need that extra challenge but also, just be sick of the sight of us!! She has the best expressions doesn’t she? Never fails to make us laugh!! xx

  32. May 26, 2016 / 8:11 am

    Sounds like you have had a tough year but you have been an amazing mummy and got through it! Happy birthday to your little girl #coolmumclub xx

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:13 am

      Thank you, it’s been a real learning curve for all of us, here’s to the threenage years, let’s hope that life is a little easier from now on!! xx

  33. May 26, 2016 / 8:20 am

    She’s got taste, that girl of yours. Anna is the best character on Frozen by far. 🙂

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:13 am

      Well Eva had already claimed Anna and Harry is Olaf so she was more than happy to be Anna!! xx

  34. May 26, 2016 / 8:28 am

    I admire your honestly in this post, as it’s not that easy to read at the beginning, but it’s wonderful and heartfelt and in it’s own way a lovely tribute to an individual. Beautiful photos too.

    Thanks for sharing #PuddingLove

    Nadia – ScandiMummy x

    • May 26, 2016 / 10:12 am

      Thank you. I often think about how Megan will feel when she is older when I share stories of her difficult behaviour and the struggles we have had, but then I think it’s wrong to gloss over them and pretend that it has been easy, because in all honesty it has been even worse than I have ever shared. She is such an amazing little girl but there is no denying that she is a challenge!! xx

  35. May 26, 2016 / 11:02 am

    Goodness what a year! I totally relate to this as we had a mare in the twos and that all got a lot better once she started nursery. Although they are so frustrated it can be mindblowing and so exhausting the way they behave. We are almost at the three yet and hoping we got our lot in the 2s and can side step the tyrannical threes! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

    • May 26, 2016 / 6:08 pm

      I think a lot of children behave one way for nursery/school and one way at home. They always play up worse for the parents don’t they? At least I hope I’m not alone with that. I’m pretty sure that Megan will be hard work her entire life, we often joke god help her husband, but shes so adorable that it’s impossible to be angry at her for more than two minutes!! xx

  36. May 26, 2016 / 11:32 am

    Oh what a rollercoaster and such a bitter sweet post. They like to test us don’t they? I totally relate to all of this post and found myself nodding along. Although you apologise at one point in the letter and you really, really shouldn’t! You have and are doing an amazing job, you are clearly a wonderful mum and Megs is very lucky to have you She looks like such a character, I LOVE the photos, made me laugh and she sounds very strong-willed like my threenager 🙂 Happy Birthday Megan xx #coolmumclub

    • May 26, 2016 / 5:47 pm

      Thank you so much, I think I needed to hear that. She is SO funny, I cant help but laugh at her, even when I am at the end of my tether, she still has a way of making me smile. I’m so hoping the threenage years are easier, please don’t tell me differently!!! xx

  37. May 26, 2016 / 1:24 pm

    That’s beautiful. Children do have a habit of scraping away the surface and confronting us with who we really are … Sometimes that’s good, and other times not so much … But we’re all just making it up as we go along and trying our best to be good parents. I don’t think you have anything to apologise for at all … Sometimes it takes a while to figure things out.

    • May 26, 2016 / 5:45 pm

      Thank you so much. I think you’re right, a lot of parenting is just making it up as we go along, I know I still do!! She’s such a character and I don’t ever want to take away from that, I just wish she screamed a little less!! xx

  38. May 26, 2016 / 3:06 pm

    Gosh you sound like you have gone through a lot. Discovered who you both are and how you connect. I wonder when she is older and looks back over your words what she will think. #bestandworst

    • May 26, 2016 / 5:45 pm

      I’m hoping that she realises just how much I love her and how, no matter how hard it was when she was small, we did our best for her. Here’s hoping. xx

  39. shaunaceyb
    May 26, 2016 / 6:43 pm

    what an incredible and difficult journey and how courageous of you for putting it all out there, the real ‘it’. She does look like a little angel, I can see how challenging that would be. I would find it so infuriating for everyone else to say ‘but she’s so sweet’ and ignoring everything you had to say about her behavior. I’m so glad it’s improved and your relationship sounds to have improved. She really is a gorgeous little girl. #stayclassy

    Simply Shaunacey

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:45 pm

      Thank you. And yes!! How many times do we hear it, “Oh but she looks so angelic!!” and I often feel like such a fraud, especially when she sits there batting her eyelids!! She has massively improved though, although yesterday was the day from hell (I have the scratches to prove it!!) but most of the time, we are doing good! Thank you for reading. xx

  40. May 26, 2016 / 7:48 pm

    I really love this post and your pictures are great. It can be so hard! Such a struggle but I’m glad that your little girl likes nursery. It must’ve been a relief. My little boy starts in September and I hope he takes to it just as well! I’m an emotional wreck just thinking about it! #momsterslink

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:43 pm

      Thank you. Good Luck with nursery, I’m starting my youngest in September just for two mornings a week and I’m exactly the same, such an emotional wreck!! xx

  41. May 26, 2016 / 8:03 pm

    What a deep and honest post! Happy birthday to your sweet girl. Yes, children have a way of tearing into us and making us feel inadequate, and then letting us see how great we did all along by some simple gesture they don’t even realize they are making.

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:42 pm

      Thank you! You’re so right, I hope that as they grow they will realise that we did our best, and I can only hope that it was good enough. xx

  42. May 26, 2016 / 8:21 pm

    Aw, such a beautiful and honest post! It’s amazing how different all our children can be, and some more challenging than others. But it’s always worth it, even when they push us at our most difficult times. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:41 pm

      Thank you. Yes, it always amazes me how different they are, I think it took me a while to learn not to make comparisons and now I focus on their differences and embrace them whole heartedly. Thank you for hosting! xx

  43. May 26, 2016 / 8:22 pm

    Happy birthday to your gorgeous little Meggy! Your pictures are beautiful and you’ve written such an honest and moving post. I’m sure that Meggy will treasure this piece of writing as she grows up as you can feel that it is filled with her Mum’s absolute love and devotion.
    #momsterslink xx

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:41 pm

      Thank you. I hope when she is older she reads it back and knows how loved she was, and is, and also why her Mum has grey hair and looks ten years older than she really is….!! xx

  44. May 26, 2016 / 9:15 pm

    Firstly, your photos are so amazing and you’ve captured some fantastic moments but what shone out most of all to me and brought a tear to my eye is the pure, honest and unconditional love you have for your wonderful daughter through all the highs and lows. #stay classy

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:40 pm

      Thank you, that’s such a lovely comment. I think that’s the thing isn’t it? The unconditional love, that’s what being a parent is all about. xx

  45. May 27, 2016 / 6:07 am

    Ah happy birthday Meggy! You sound like you’ve been on quite a journey together but you are a credit to yourself and your daughter; your love and strength in testing times shines through in this post! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:40 pm

      Ahh thank you, I’m so glad that comes through. I often feel like Meggy gets the short straw as I have more to say about her behaviour and her screaming, I would hate for it to come across that she means any less to me because of those things. I think, in a way, it endears her even more to me and to others because of those things, there is just something about her that makes you want to love her that tiny bit more, to soothe away all of that anger and frustration. thank you for reading. xx

  46. May 27, 2016 / 9:02 am

    Happy Birthday Meggy! She sounds like such a character! These photos are to die for. : ) It must have been really hard to bring her to nursery (I’m going through a similar situation right now), but it seems like it ended up for the better for everyone. : ) This is such a lovely letter to your daughter – very honest and brings it back to why there shouldn’t be a “normal”. Everyone is different and we should embrace these differences. Although I can only imagine how hard it must be having a screaming baby for 8 hours out of the day! Thank you so much for sharing with #StayClassy!

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:38 pm

      Thank you. You’re so right, what is normal anyway? I think it’s very easier as a parent to compare our children, I have learned that they are all so different and I to embrace those differences. She’s amazing though, really the loveliest child when she isn’t screaming! Ha! xx

  47. May 27, 2016 / 11:15 am

    This is such a moving post. It sounds like you have been through so much, as individuals and as a family. Love conquers all!
    Happy Birthday Meggy.

    #StayClassy

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:37 pm

      That’s so true!! Thank you! xx

  48. Tracey @ One Frazzled Mum
    May 27, 2016 / 11:53 am

    Oh wow it sounds like she definitely puts you through your paces! But through all that she sounds like she is an amazing character to have around and those pictures are brilliant especially the halloween one, their faces are brilliant #kcacols

    • May 27, 2016 / 1:37 pm

      Haha the Halloween one is possibly my favourite ever photo of the two of them! Meggy really is an amazing character, she just knows which buttons to press!! xx

  49. May 27, 2016 / 1:56 pm

    Well done for making it to three – what An amazing job you have done! Motherhood can be so challenging and j think it is totally normal to seek out a reason or a label for a type of behaviour…. I think sometimes our little ones just know how to push our buttons.it is part of their survival. She obviously knows you well, and that can only be a testament to the bond that you have, and how close you have been so try not to see it as a negative when she does what she can to upset you. We upset the most those we love the best! We know they will still love us afterwards after all! #KCACOLS

    • May 27, 2016 / 3:45 pm

      You are so right! I think for a long time I took it personally, it felt as though she just didn’t like me at all, but now I know that she loves me so much that she feels that she can act that way for me, because she is secure in my love for her no matter how she behaves. It’s hard though, thank god for the good days!! xx

  50. May 27, 2016 / 2:19 pm

    What a beautiful little girl she is. Its lovely she has settled into nursery. You have been through a lot, xx

    thanks for linking up with #stayclassy

    • May 27, 2016 / 3:44 pm

      Thank you, we absolutely think she is the most beautiful little girl, and she knows it too!! Thank you for reading! xx

  51. Sara Handy Herbs
    May 27, 2016 / 5:07 pm

    Amazing photos! Being a mum can be very challenging at times – it sounds like you are doing a grand job 🙂 I hope Megan had a lovely birthday. #KCACOLS

    • May 27, 2016 / 6:54 pm

      Thank you, she had a wonderful day!! xx

  52. min1980
    May 27, 2016 / 8:51 pm

    This is so beautiful. How lovely that in years to come, your children will be able to look back on these posts, and see just how loved they are. #FabFridayPost

    • May 27, 2016 / 9:05 pm

      Thank you, I plan to write them one every birthday, it’s just so emotional looking back over the year and seeing how much they have changed! I wish that time would slow down a little!! xx

  53. beccatooth
    May 27, 2016 / 10:37 pm

    This is such a sweet post! Two can be seriously hard work can’t it?! Sounds like you have your hands full. They are gorgeous pics, she is a real cutie! #puddinglove

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:38 pm

      Yes! And then our youngest turned two four days later, so I’m going through it all again! Agghhh!!! Xx

  54. May 28, 2016 / 9:12 am

    What an amazing read. She is a real character & I can so relate to the not so normal first years. I cant expound but in a way my son is like so and now he is different, more mature. Happy birthday to Meggy Moo! #puddinglove #fabfriday

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:35 pm

      Thank you. It’s good to know that they improve with age, although I wouldn’t change her for the world, I do live in hope that the screaming stops!!! Xx

  55. twotinyhands
    May 28, 2016 / 7:45 pm

    Happy 3rd Birthday. I love your birthday letters, you pour your whole self into them. Beautiful little one, I hope you’re enjoying 3. Thank you for sharing with #abrandnewday

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:34 pm

      Thank you so much. I so hope that they enjoy reading them when they are older. Xx

  56. May 29, 2016 / 10:07 pm

    Oh Meggy Meggy your mother’s life is like an onion…there are so many layers to peel. And you are one mighty layer. Happy Birthday!! Don’t stop telling your mummy she’s your best friend; she really is if she this post for you #BigPinkLink

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:31 pm

      Ahh thank you, she’s been such a challenge but we just keep trying our best, it’s all you can do isn’t it? She’s so lovely, when she isn’t crying, you would fall in love with her at first sight! She just loves to test us!! Especially ME!!! Xx

  57. May 29, 2016 / 10:48 pm

    Lovely & heartwrenching. Happy Birthday, Meggy! So glad that she has loved nursery. Amazing photos – I love her pout! #marvmondays

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:29 pm

      Thank you!! She has such an amazing pout, makes us laugh so much!! Xx

  58. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    May 30, 2016 / 12:15 pm

    Awww happy birthday Meggy!! Geez it sounds like you had a really hard time with her for a long time. It’s tough when you can’t get answers from the doctors. I’m glad that going to nursery helped Meggie so much. I love the photos you have here – she pulls some hilarious expressions! Thanks so much for sharing with us at #BloggerClubUK x

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:28 pm

      Thank you!! It has been really hard, not knowing why she behaves the way she does, trying to second guess her actions and find a way to parent her to the best of our ability. She’s so funny though, has us in stitches every day, and I think we have finally turned a corner. Thank god!!! Xx

  59. May 30, 2016 / 12:43 pm

    Awww such a lovely read. My son turns 3 on wednesday and I am getting rathe emotional about it all.

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:27 pm

      Aww happy 3rd birthday to your son! Birthdays are so emotional aren’t they!! Xx

  60. May 31, 2016 / 8:32 am

    Oh lovely, this is beautiful. Gorgeous pictures of your wonderful girl, but mostly just so real. Ours is only 13 months but she too is an independent soul and quite spirited. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but you can see through the pictures how much love she has, and how she feels loved too. You’re an amazing mummy <3 xxx

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:27 pm

      Ahh thank you, that means a lot to me. She has really tested me this one, I have really struggled to find a way to be the best mummy I can be, but we got there in the end! She is such an amazing little girl, I hope that comes across. Xx

      • May 31, 2016 / 2:47 pm

        Definitely. It really resonated when you mentioned the change going to nursery – Emma is also quite independent and I’m told at one point they actually need to go to nursery, even though it breaks our hearts seeing them run off xxx

        • May 31, 2016 / 2:54 pm

          Yes! I’m a stay at home mum so there was no need for her to go to nursery, other than her own need for independence. It was so hard to let her go, only two mornings at first, as I felt very guilty about it. The change was instant though and now she is doing 15 hours and would go full time if I let her! It’s always us that struggle with it isn’t it? Kids just take it in their stride!! Xx

  61. mummyfever
    May 31, 2016 / 9:19 am

    Oh my goodness what an amazing post – I love this. So fantastic to see how things have changed and the impact nursery made as well. Also I call my daughter Meggy Moo as well! How funny . Thanks for linking up to #sharewithme do join in again xx

    • May 31, 2016 / 2:26 pm

      Thank you!! The change in her is amazing, and so wonderful for us to see as parents. Oh that’s so funny, I hope your Meggy Moo isn’t as hard work as ours!! 😂xx

  62. May 31, 2016 / 4:58 pm

    A beautiful post for a beautiful little girl – I hope she had a fantastic birthday. I know where you are coming from with the screaming, hitting and feeling like your child doesn’t like you, because that sounds just like my son. He has been the biggest challenge I have ever faced! Thanks for sharing #PuddingLove

    • May 31, 2016 / 5:20 pm

      Thank you. It’s reassuring to know I’m not alone, I hope for our sakes that they grow out of it!! xx

  63. June 1, 2016 / 12:08 am

    With both my girls the threes were harder than the twos. Not to discourage you 🙂 that may have just been my girls. I think girls are just more dramatic for some reason and I have two who are complete opposites. Happy birthday to your little one may the threes be better than the twos for you and her. Thank you for linking up with #momsterslink!

    • June 2, 2016 / 9:18 am

      Oh no!!! I’m sure it’s not even possible to be any worse than two, we will soon find out! Yes, my girls are a million times harder than my boys, saying that Harry turned two four days later and we are set to go through it all again!! xx

  64. Jenny @ Let's Talk Mommy
    June 7, 2016 / 7:01 pm

    She is so adorable bless her loving all the photos too down memory lane. Happy Birthday little one. MM turns three in two weeks I can’t hardly believe it. 🙂 It goes so fast doesn’t it. Bless. I think three is good well with my son’s experience it was good think girls are a little harder possibly. lol Apologies for the late commenting the hand over of Share With Me to Mummy Fever and the busy half term has me a little behind but never forgetting your amazing support and thanking you for linking up. I hope you will link up again tomorrow for another great round of Share With Me over with Charlotte and keep Share With Me blog hop going long after my hosting. #sharewithme

    • June 7, 2016 / 7:25 pm

      Thank you, so far three isn’t shaping up to be any easier than two though!! Girls are definitely harder, my son was a breeze in comparison!! No need to apologise, I will definitely be linking up tomorrow and supporting the blog hop! xx

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