Megatron – The “Transformation”

Three and a half years ago, when Megan came screaming into the world, from the first moment she was placed in my arms I instantly knew that she was different. And I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why, or how, she was different, but as the months passed I felt it more strongly than ever.

10653869_10154751633335691_1057412797181126781_n

Life with Megan was difficult from the offset, not only did I have a very poorly baby to care for, but I also had a one year old Eva, and a nine year old Lewis, who needed my time and attention equally. I have written many times before about how we spent the first few months of Megan’s life in and out of the hospital, seeing one specialist after another, having test after test, facing countless possible diagnoses, and never really getting anywhere. But when she was just three months old and I fell pregnant with Harry, coping with Megan, another high risk pregnancy, and the prospect of three under three, was one of the hardest times in our lives no doubt.

10003252_10154064423630691_725360425609636379_n

I doubt I will ever find the words to explain just how difficult it was to see our baby in pain day in, day out, to hear doctors discussing her like we weren’t even in the room, commenting on her appearance, pointing out all of the reasons why she wasn’t as perfect as we had hoped, putting the fear of God into us and sending my anxiety levels through the roof.

“What’s wrong with her?” I used to ask the doctor, when she screamed every second of every day, when she physically shook as though in pain, or projectile vomited yet another feed, when I sat in A&E in the early hours, lay on that Goddam camp bed beside her in hospital, and wondered what we had done to deserve all of this.

“What’s wrong with her?” I used to ask Gaz, when he came home from work and she had done nothing but cry for eight hours solid, when I sobbed with exhaustion at three in the morning, drained, utterly sleep deprived, pregnant, and losing the will to live.

“What’s wrong with her?” I asked Google, night after night reading up on poorly babies, when the medication she was on no longer seemed to work, when the private doctors, the prescription formula, the cranio-osteopath, the homeopath, the silent prayers and pleas of despair did nothing at all to help her.

And then out of nowhere, around the time of her first birthday, just as Harry was born, she suddenly turned a corner. A huge corner infact, so much so that over night she seemed different, healthier and happier.

1613802_10154751653350691_7632342012469458555_n

We went months without a doctors visit, all of those long nights at the hospital feeling like a distant dream, and Ill be honest with you, for the first time in her life I was able to simply enjoy her rather than always worrying about her or trying to stay calm through the hysteria. And it turns out that, when she wasn’t screaming quite so much, she was absolutely adorable.

10369119_10154954360700691_4129698498054454857_n

And for a while, a good few months at least, life was very different. It was hard, admittedly, with three under three and a ten year old, but it was calmer, less frantic, less stressful. And so perhaps I took my eye off the ball, perhaps I thought that we had finally gotten over the hardest part, but it came as a huge surprise when, by the end of that second year, we were right back at square one. Only this time, if possible, it was even worse.

“What’s wrong with her?” I used to ask my friends, when their children laughed and played nicely together, when they shared stories of fun filled days out, and our child, our Megatron, screamed herself hoarse, covered her ears with her hands, squeezed her eyes shut tight, unable to cope with other people, loud noises, any change in routine.

“What’s wrong with her?” I used to ask the Health Visitor, when at her two year check I brought up the topic of her behaviour, the aggression and anger, the way she would hit, bite, kick and scratch me, how at times I worried about the safety of the other children, unable to leave them in the same room together for fear she would hurt them.

“What’s wrong with her?” other parents used to ask me, watching in horror as she threw herself down on the floor in supermarkets, at playgroups, on the dirt path in the park, hitting herself in the face, her hands and feet flailing, screaming at the top of her voice, the most torturous of cries, the veins in her neck visibly bulging.

img_4601

And I’ll be honest with you, I was embarrassed. I would stand there, trying to coax her out of her rage, knowing full well that she was too far gone to reason with, juggling a baby on my hip, a toddler in my hand, feeling the glaring eyes of judgemental mothers on me, no doubt thinking, Why did she have so many children if she can’t control them?

I became a nervous wreck, constantly trying to pre-empt her next melt-down, sheltering her from all of her triggers, finding it easier to just avoid the inevitable tantrums and simply stay at home. I lost count of the number of times I would have to pass up an invitation for  a playdate, leave social situations early, driving home with tears pouring down my cheeks, torn between anger, embarrassment and out-right sadness that our child was not who I had thought she would be.

img_4602

Eventually, last year, having seen a paediatrician to rule out any medical cause for her behaviour, we were told by our GP to consider autism, that she would refer her to CAHMs for assessment and to “Hang on in there”. And I’m ashamed to admit that I felt relieved that, after all of those months wondering what we were doing wrong, there might actually be a reason for her behaviour. And just a few weeks later, I can distinctly remember receiving the letter from CAHMS to say that they would see her but only in eighteen months time. And I remember breaking down at the kitchen table, resting my head on my hands and sobbing at how utterly difficult life was, how mentally drained I felt, how I would give just about anything for our daughter to be “normal”.

“What’s wrong with you?”  I had cried, as she had crept up beside me, placed her head against mine and just held me, both of us holding on for dear life, wondering if we would ever make it through.

image

And yet here we are, more than a year down the line, still hanging on, and still surviving. And more than that, I’m so proud to tell you that most of the time she’s an absolute delight to be around. Admittedly there are still days when she cries from morning ’til night, when she lashes out at her siblings, launches toys, throws herself to the floor and screams blue murder if she doesn’t get her own way. And admittedly she can be short tempered, unpredictable, overly emotional and hugely demanding, but most of the time, and pretty much all of the time at nursery, she is happy, she is loving, clever, talented and head-strong. She is intuitive, imaginative, inquisitive, hilariously funny and never happier than when she is centre stage, singing and dancing and making us laugh.

img_4422

She is thriving academically, has the wisdom of a child far older than her years and is the most affectionate of all four of our children. She is the first to take my hand, reach out her arms for a cuddle, beg me to lay down beside her in bed each night and tell her just one more story. And above all else, she is the most fiercely protective, and doting, sister to Lewis, Eva and Harry.

img_3202

I read the most beautiful quote this week, shared by a good friend of mine, who is the most admirable Mummy to two very special children, and it was one of those Eureka moments, where I  felt as though everything just clicked into place. It read,

“Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding that she is exactly the person she is supposed to be and that, if you’re lucky, she just might be the teacher who turns you into the person you are supposed to be.” – Joan Ryan.

And that just sums it up doesn’t it? Being a Mummy, regardless of whether a child is ‘difficult’ or not, is the hardest job I have ever had to face, and sitting here now, with Megan gazing up at me with those big blue eyes of hers, telling me how much she loves me, that I am her best friend in the whole world, I know that I was right.

She is different.

But she is different in an infinite number of wonderful ways.

I no longer question, what is wrong with her? Because I know that the answer is absolutely nothing at all. And I wouldn’t change her, not one bit of her, and nor would I change the person she has made me.

img_4146

 

 

3 Little Buttons

Mummascribbles

Run Jump Scrap!
Mummy Fever - Share With Me
Cuddle Fairy
Dear Bear and Beany
Mummuddlingthrough
Admissions Of A Working Mother

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

 

ethannevelyn

Mummy Times Two
Follow:

119 Comments

  1. November 21, 2016 / 8:27 pm

    Laura you’ve written this so beautifully! I’ve got tears pouring down my face! It’s been so lovely reading more about Megan and what you’ve had thrown at you! You’re an inspiration Hun and one of the strongest people I know!!! Feel proud that you’re my friend xxx

    • Laura Dove
      November 21, 2016 / 9:27 pm

      Ahh thank you so much Fi, she’s an amazing little girl but WOW is she hard work! And right back at you lovely lady, you’re a fab friend. xxx

  2. November 21, 2016 / 10:32 pm

    This has made me cry. My older son has some similar behaviour, but his worst behaviour was at nursery and now school. I’ve just been feeling this way today. You’ve described it well. I hope you get some support but I agree that we must love our children for who they are too. x

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 9:23 am

      Ahhh I’m sorry, but I’m so glad that you can relate. I cried when I read that quote last week, it just really hit home that I had been trying to make Megan into something she isn’t, and accepting her for who she is has made such a difference to my mind-set. Love to you Mama, keep going. xxx

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 9:21 am

      Ahh thank you Louise. I was really nervous to share it as it’s hard for me to write about how difficult Megan was, and is. She is the most amazing little girl, its just hard some days you know? Thank you for reading. xxx

  3. November 21, 2016 / 11:20 pm

    I’ve only really recently started reading your blog laura but I think your little girl is brillant. my 2 year old expresses a lot of the facial expressions she does in these pictures 🙂 he is def a stroppy git haha

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 9:20 am

      Thank you so much. She’s a real character and I do hope that comes across in my posts, those faces are hilarious aren’t they? I think most two year olds are stroppy, our Harry can tantrum for England! xx

  4. Fi Ni Neachtain
    November 22, 2016 / 8:34 am

    Another great post Laura and in parts I felt as though I could have written it myself. We are experiencing some of these things with T and sometimes I just want to cry too – either that or die of mortification when he can’t seem to control his impulses or behave himself at play dates no matter how many times I tell him to stop… I’m glad you’ve turned a corner with Megan and will be celebrating her for who she is, that’s something I need to do with my boy too x

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 9:17 am

      Thank you. It’s been a rough ride and it’s still never easy, but I think once you can just accept them for who they are things get easier without even trying. Now I just choose my battles, if she wants a green plate she can have the green plate where as at one time I would have argued with her until I was blue in the face!! It’s so hard having a child who is difficult, but it does get easier, and I’m assured the older they get the easier it gets too! Keep going mama! xxx

  5. November 22, 2016 / 11:02 am

    Wow what a read! I think you deserve a medal for coming out the other side with a smile on your face. I do think she sounds like an amazing little girl who is going keep you on your toes for her whole life. I suspect she will bring you challenges you never expected but you will be a better parent for it. Who cares if people stare at her public tantrums, I suspect many of them would do better in life if they were half as strong willed as she obviously is. We have had a rough couple of years from 2 years old. Pinky is nearly 4 now and we have definitely turned a big corner. Knowing my two girls though it is going to be my youngest that resembles this scenario more closely….. She will be 2 in February. This time I know its coming.
    #DreamTeam

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 12:29 pm

      Thank you Kirsty. Being a parent is hard work isn’t it? We’ve definitely turned a corner but when she’s tired or poorly she reverts back to the screaming and WOW that’s exhausting for all of us!! I’m sure when she starts school the routine will work wonders, she loves nursery so much! I think four is a turning point for a lot of children, although my four year old has been the easiest child ever until a few weeks ago and now she is competing with Megan over who can scream the loudest!! The terrible twos are hard work, my two year old is pushing the boundaries now too, but once he turns three at least I know there will never be another two year old to contend with! Good luck! xx

  6. November 22, 2016 / 11:03 am

    Can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like before her 1st birthday and not knowing what was wrong. Looking at the pictures she is just a happy looking little girl and I am sure she will continue being happy and healthy

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 12:26 pm

      Thank you, I do hope so! xx

  7. November 22, 2016 / 1:09 pm

    It sounds like you are doing an absolutely amazing job of being her mummy and she is so lucky to have you. Motherhood is the hardest job I’ve ever done but it’s also the most rewarding. Continue to hang in there you’re fantastic x

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 6:33 pm

      Thank you Lisa. You’re right, I love the saying, “Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” That couldn’t be any more true! xx

  8. November 22, 2016 / 1:49 pm

    I’m in tears having read this. It must have been a real struggle at the start with all 3 little ones and the constant hospital visits. She seems likes a little star 😉

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 6:32 pm

      Ahh bless you. She IS a little star and as hard work as she is, she has taught me so much. Thank you for reading. xxx

  9. November 22, 2016 / 2:22 pm

    wow Laura I can’t imagine how tough it was for you during that time, especially being pregnant and then having 3 under three! I think you are amazing and you have done a wonderful job. I love the quote about accepting our children for who they are, isn’t that what everyone truly wants? Not to be judged or compared, just to be themselves. Such a great, honest post 🙂 xxx

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 6:30 pm

      Thank you. It was a real challenge to say the least!! I look back at that first year and wonder how we ever survived it, but at two, three and four it is getting a little bit easier. I tell myself four, five and six will be doddle when they’re in school but my eldest will be fourteen and that’s going to be a challenge in itself!! xx

  10. November 22, 2016 / 5:23 pm

    Sounds like u are can amazing mum it must have been so tough with being pregnant and then having 3 under 3.

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 6:29 pm

      Thank you. It was so tough but the small age gap is lovely, they really are the best of friends most of the time! xx

  11. Paighton Millington - The Lazy Baker
    November 22, 2016 / 6:58 pm

    So beautifully written. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of the unknowing and worrying. I love what you’ve written at the end of this post. She is an absolute beauty ☺️

    • Laura Dove
      November 22, 2016 / 8:57 pm

      Thank you so much. She’s a very special little girl. xxx

  12. November 23, 2016 / 1:30 am

    Aw hun it seems like you have had quite a journey and I hope you get some answers son. What I am grateful for is that despite everything you still love each other very much x

    • Laura Dove
      November 23, 2016 / 2:55 pm

      Thank you. She’s a real Mummys girl these days which is lovely, I’m very lucky indeed. xx

  13. November 23, 2016 / 6:12 am

    Beautiful post, it is so hard as a parent not being able to help our children when they can’t tell us what is wrong. She is absolutely gorgeous, no wonder you are very proud of her.

    • Laura Dove
      November 23, 2016 / 2:54 pm

      Thank you so much. I am such a proud Mummy, she’s a real character! xx

  14. November 23, 2016 / 9:07 am

    This is something i really needed to read right now and i love that poem. My boy has asd we are going through diagnosis and our little girl who at two has been through so much already with having primary Lymphoedema we also think is possibly on the spectrum too, i was at first hopefull with our boy that he would speak and just be delayed but its been an emotional couple of months realising that he is actually autistic and that our girl probably is aswell. Thank you for sharing your story. Marie x

    • Laura Dove
      November 23, 2016 / 2:52 pm

      Thank you Marie. I hope that both of your children get the help they need, sometimes just having an answer can be exactly what you need to find a way forward. I’m glad that this helped you, and it certainly helped me to realise that I’m not alone. Thank you. xxx

  15. November 23, 2016 / 9:29 am

    Beautifully written, I’ve teared up a bit. My nephew is “different”. At nearly 4 he is being assess for autism and a number of different behavioural conditions. He too is very affectionate, but requires a different way of wording things to that you would with other kids. I get really annoyed with people when they ask me what is wrong with him. There is nothing wrong with him, he is perfect, he is just not what they expect. And thats ok #bestandworst

    • Laura Dove
      November 23, 2016 / 2:50 pm

      Thank you so much. I think that it’s about realising that it’s okay to be different, and actually, more than that – it’s pretty amazing to be different. Everyone who meets Megan falls in love with her, she’s just such a big character and, more so when she’s not screaming, she’s hilariously funny! I think it just took me a long while to realise that. xxx

  16. sarah
    November 23, 2016 / 9:37 am

    This was a beautiful post and so well written. *Wipes Tear* I’m so sorry for what you have been through. truly lovely post and lovely photos, too! xx #BestAndWorst

    • Laura Dove
      November 23, 2016 / 2:48 pm

      Ahh thank you so much, I was so worried about sharing it and others thinking perhaps I am to blame. It’s very hard to parent a difficult child, but it’s those same things that make her different also make her very special. xxx

  17. November 23, 2016 / 9:56 am

    This is a great post. It really is about accepting our children and working with what they bring us. You are so right, they teach us so much too. It is not easy to have a child who behaves markedly differently. It took me time to learn to be okay with it and ignore other peoples reactions. Well done for seeing your daughter for who she is and all the wonderful qualities she has. #sharewithme

    • Laura Dove
      November 23, 2016 / 2:47 pm

      Thank you Kirsten. It has been so reassuring to know that others feel this way and face the same struggles. Parenting is never easy but I think it’s important to find the right path that suits you and your child, and if sometimes we stray from the norm then that’s okay, we just do what we have to do to get by! xx

  18. Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons
    November 23, 2016 / 10:15 am

    You write so wonderfully Laura – I’m sure so many parents can relate to this. I have to admit that I found Max incredibly hard work for the first year of his life. He cried a lot, he resisted sleep, he hated anything new, or a change to routine – he just wasn’t like all the other babies I saw when I’d go out to baby groups, or meet up with friends. He just needed so much more from me and it was exhausting, and I wondered all the time what was wrong with him, or what it was that I was doing wrong. But after that first birthday I definitely felt that we turned a corner – everything just started to get easier, more rewarding, and as his personality started to shine through I realised that he’s just a child who needs more – more stimulation, more affection, more ways to burn off energy, more reassurance. I’m so pleased that you feel you’ve turned the corner (again!) with Megan – it’s clear from your blog what a special character she is!

    • Laura Dove
      November 23, 2016 / 2:44 pm

      Thank you so much Katy. I was so worried about sharing this, I think sometimes I worry that others will judge or think that perhaps it was something I did that made her that way. That first year of her life wasn’t as enjoyable as I had hoped it would be, and it took me a long time to realise that that’s okay, and now, thankfully, that I’m not the only one. I’m so glad that her character shines through, the same way that your little Max does with that twinkle in his eye, these strong willed children of ours are pretty special aren’t they? xxx

  19. The Rambler
    November 23, 2016 / 5:46 pm

    Such a beautiful post. Your little girl is absolutely adorable and I’m reaching out virtually to give a quick hug and lets go grab some coffee (or tea) and have a mommy moment. Thanks so much for sharing. #bestandworst

    • Laura Dove
      November 23, 2016 / 7:03 pm

      Thank you so much, a hug is much appreciated today!! xxx

  20. November 23, 2016 / 7:14 pm

    Beautifully written Laura. I can relate to this post as others do too. Jayden was such hard work through his toddler years, he still has his moments, but his wit and loveable nature out rule all of that 🙂 Megan is a beautiful little girly xxx

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 10:03 pm

      Thank you Jayne. I live in hope that one day she will finally stop screaming..!!! xxx

  21. November 24, 2016 / 8:33 am

    That was so beautifully written, you had quite a journey and Megan despite everything she is one cute little girl. x

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:59 pm

      Thank you so much. She’s an absolute beauty, and the funniest child you could ever meet! xx

  22. November 24, 2016 / 8:47 am

    Beautifully written, and well done for making it through all of the challenges you have faced! She’s obviously a strong willed little girl and you just have to take her as she is and not worry about what everyone sayS! #Sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:58 pm

      Thank you Louise, you’re right. She’s very special and I’m very lucky that she is mine! xx

  23. November 24, 2016 / 8:54 am

    Such a beautiful written post. I remember having 4 young children and it being hard work. I can imagine what you have been through. They grow so quickly though don’t they. You have such a beautiful family.

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:58 pm

      Thank you lovely. It’s so hard isn’t it? Being tired makes everything harder too, my patience levels aren’t what they used to be with one child! xx

  24. November 24, 2016 / 9:35 am

    A wonderful quote, an inspiring mama, a beautiful daughter. Alison x #StayClassyMama

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:57 pm

      Thank you so much Alison. Some days I feel like the worst parent in the world, I guess I can’t be doing that bad to have survived three and a half years so far!! xxx

  25. November 24, 2016 / 10:47 am

    I am loving that you call her Megatron………all children are different. She sounds very similar to Isaac – I have no idea what causes his mood swings and reactions to things but they are just him 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:57 pm

      Haha if you met her you would instantly know why we call her Megatron!! xx

  26. November 24, 2016 / 1:42 pm

    I love this post darling – I can relate and can see so much of my daughter in this, and me in this, and our progression too. I have stop questioning why now, and just accept she is different, but marvellous in so many ways and I definitely think the two go hand in hand together. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xx

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:52 pm

      Thank you so much, it has really helped me reading comments from those who say, me too. We’ve had such a difficult three and a half years together and although I wouldn’t change it, I would love for it to get a little easier at times! I think once you’ve stopped questioning that’s when it starts getting easier, I hope so anyway. xxx

  27. November 24, 2016 / 2:26 pm

    So beautifully written, and with such a perfect quote to tie it together. This post brought a tear to my eye xx

    #StayClassyMama

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:49 pm

      Ahh thank you so much, I cried when I read the quote last week, it made so much sense! xx

  28. November 24, 2016 / 2:59 pm

    This has moved me so much, what an amazing little girl you have and that quote touched me. Thank you for this, your honesty and words, this post will help so, so many x

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:48 pm

      Thank you so much, I was so worried about sharing this as it’s something that has been really difficult at times. She’s an amazing little girl. xxx

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:47 pm

      Thanks lovely. xxx

  29. November 24, 2016 / 7:40 pm

    Wow wow wow. This is such a beautiful post. I had goosebumps when I gpt to the end because I honestly know how you feel. I knew that my son was different from when he was about 4 months old even when everyone else told me I was paranoid. When he was 2 I spoke to his HV who agreed that we should see a pediatrician. It took another 2 years after that to have him referred to genetic testing where it was discovered that he has a chromosomal deletion. He is now nearly 5 and still on the waiting list for an autism assessment. It’s been a long long road and I’ve changed so much as a person (for the better I think). I honestly think that my son has taught me far much more than I have taught him. Thank you for sharing your story. I resonated so much with it and enjoyed reading every word.

    (Unhinged mummy stopping by from #stayclassymama).

    • Laura Dove
      November 24, 2016 / 9:46 pm

      Thank you so much for your comment, I felt like crying reading that just to know that it isn’t just me who felt this way. I felt like the doctors thought I was crazy, at one point they asked me to start filming her when she was having her “episodes” as I’m sure they didn’t believe what I was telling them. I think a mothers instinct is so important, we really do know our children better than anyone else ever will or can. I feel the same about Megan, every day she teaches me something new, sometimes something wonderful and other times just how far she can push me to the edge without me falling!! Good luck to you with the assessment. xxx

  30. November 24, 2016 / 11:12 pm

    What an honest post. It’s a big worry when you think your child is different, but sounds like Megan’s a lovely girl, and certainly has a mum who loves her so much. Hope you get her assessed sooner than expected so you get some support #sharewithme

    • Laura Dove
      November 25, 2016 / 12:33 pm

      Thank you, she’s utterly adorable ,even more so when she’s not screaming! She has us in stitches and regardless of how hard it has been, that’s the most important thing that we just keep laughing! xx

  31. November 25, 2016 / 9:51 am

    What an absolutely beautiful post. It can be so hard when you have a little one who acts so different to a previous child, everything you thought you knew about raising kids seems useless and you feel at a complete loss. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same though. Love that quote, it’s so true x
    #Coolmumclub

    • Laura Dove
      November 25, 2016 / 12:29 pm

      Definitely! Megan is my fourth and I thought I knew it all! Turns out I didn’t know anything! xx

  32. November 25, 2016 / 11:40 am

    This is such a lovely post, that quote sums motherhood up perfectly. Our children are who they should be; and with that they should be embraced.
    I hope you get answers to help your bad days have meaning. Sometimes having a “label” as bad as they can be; sometimes helps in accepting things.
    She is a cutie though! #sharewithme

    • Laura Dove
      November 25, 2016 / 12:28 pm

      Thank you, she is absolutely who she is meant to be, there’s nobody else quite like her! xx

  33. November 25, 2016 / 12:36 pm

    What a beautiful post. I feel I have read more about you today than I ever have. You seem like an amazing mummy and so caring:)

    Mainy x

    #fabfridaypost

    • Laura Dove
      November 25, 2016 / 8:48 pm

      Thank you so much, that really does mean a lot. xxx

  34. November 25, 2016 / 1:25 pm

    We ask ourselves “What’s wrong with them?” when often it’s not them that needs fixing. It’s our own perspective of them. Love this and It will top of the list on my Sunday Share on, of course, Sunday 🙂

    • Laura Dove
      November 25, 2016 / 8:46 pm

      You’re so right, and now I have finally realised that it has got a whole lot easier. Thank you so much Eric. xx

  35. November 25, 2016 / 3:39 pm

    What a beautiful post on so many levels. That quote does sum it all up so nicely. Oh how much they teach us, these littles… xoxo #StayClassyMama

    • Laura Dove
      November 25, 2016 / 8:44 pm

      Thank you so much. xxx

  36. November 26, 2016 / 11:41 am

    This is so beautiful Laura. I’m so pleased to hear that Megan has turned a corner. She sounds like a lovely girl 🙂
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK
    Debbie

    • Laura Dove
      November 28, 2016 / 11:08 am

      Thank you so much. xxx

  37. November 26, 2016 / 9:26 pm

    This is so beautifully written. Motherhood is so so hard. I would not compare it with anything else. It is so true – it is one of the hardest job in the world – no matter what. Thank you so much Laura for sharing your stroy of Motherhood with little Megatron. #FabFridayPost xxx

    • Laura Dove
      November 28, 2016 / 11:02 am

      Thank you Su, it’s the hardest job in the world isn’t it? xxx

  38. November 26, 2016 / 9:37 pm

    Oh Laura this is so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing this with us, it has made me feel so much better about the journey I’ve had with my own children and still having. Megan is an adorable girl and you can tell how special she is from reading your blog and seeing your photos of her. I am so pleased you continue to turn corners with her and she is thriving. What a credit to you all. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove x

    • Laura Dove
      November 28, 2016 / 11:02 am

      Thank you Laura. It has been lovely for me to read these comments and know that others feel the same way at times, it’s hard work when your child is “difficult” although I wouldn’t change her for the world. There are moments when I see her, like this weekend at Lapland, and I know that she is absolutely fine, and it’s those moments that keep us going through the bad days!! xxx

  39. November 29, 2016 / 9:15 am

    What a beautiful, powerful, emotional post. And what a beautiful little girl you have, with a huge task attached. I admire you for the love you give her, the strength you have. You are one wonderful and amazing super woman!

    • Laura Dove
      November 29, 2016 / 3:54 pm

      Thank you so much, I needed to hear that today! xxx

  40. November 29, 2016 / 10:48 am

    I couldn’t agree more with your new approach. My four children are all very well behaved and always have been at nursery, school and so on BUT two of the boys are very sensitive to change and can be very challenging in a number of ways. Like you I know the triggers but I’ve always just thought they are different. They are also very clever, very witty and hugely loving as well as being very protective over all the children.Often people, even their grandparents will say why does he do that? or some other annoying question. The answer is because he’s not like you, or anyone else. Although some days I’m ripping my hair out, I honestly think they make be a better mummy and a better person and I wouldn’t change them for the world. Thanks for linking such a gorgeous piece of writing to #sharewithme xxx

    • Laura Dove
      November 29, 2016 / 3:53 pm

      That is SO like Megan, and you’re right, these children make us better people because of their differences. It’s hard work, unbearably hard some days, but it’s worth it because on those good days, they make up for it 100%. xxx

  41. December 1, 2016 / 9:15 am

    I had no idea how hard the beginning was with Megan, I knew that there were problems from reading other posts but I didn’t realize the extent. I seriously don’t know how you did it (I know people say this but I really mean it, you are incredibly strong). I’m so glad she is happier now and it seems she is turning into an amazing little girl! Thanks so much for sharing with #GlobalBlogging!

    • Laura Dove
      December 1, 2016 / 6:37 pm

      Ahh thank you. I think most people didn’t realise just how hard it was, I literally just did what I had to do to get through each day and those who were still there at the end of it deserve a medal. I think motherhood is hard regardless, but with a difficult child, and indeed a poorly one, it can be really hard. We still have bad days but now the good days make it a little easier, and she’s an amazing little girl who I wouldn’t change for the world. I just wish she screamed a tiny bit less….xx

    • Laura Dove
      December 1, 2016 / 6:35 pm

      Haha! xx

  42. December 1, 2016 / 12:24 pm

    This post is beautiful. Megan is absolutely adorable. You are an amazing mum. #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      December 1, 2016 / 6:34 pm

      Thank you Lucy, that means a lot. xx

  43. December 1, 2016 / 1:21 pm

    Glad she’s settling down a bit, but an 18 month wait! wow!

    Our Little Bear was really tough for the first six months. I think it turned to a new tough at that point because he could move around: although much happier he has way more energy than the other babies we know, needs a lot more attention and never really sits still unless he’s ill. Think it might just be his personality but it’s soo tiring. #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      December 1, 2016 / 6:33 pm

      I know, and at the time it felt like the longest wait!! Some babies are just harder than others, I was spoilt as my first two were very easy! Maybe it’s payback for having an easy ride for too long! xx

  44. December 1, 2016 / 5:55 pm

    I’m feeling a bit wobbly after reading this… so heartfelt. It’s always a worry that ‘something is wrong’, and I totally understand the thought that if something was that you can stop blaming yourself… so tough the torture we put on ourselves!! And can I just say, your kids are beautiful!! #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      December 1, 2016 / 6:29 pm

      Ahh thank you so much. It was really hard for me to write it but I feel better having shared! xx

  45. December 1, 2016 / 10:58 pm

    I thought this was really moving. I had a tough ten weeks of morning noon and night wailing with my little one but that is nothing compared to Megan.
    You have written this so beautifully, and you’re such a strong lady to accept her for her brilliant and bad bits and just love her for who she is. The quote is beautiful!
    Such an enjoyable and emotional read #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      December 2, 2016 / 9:59 am

      Thank you so much. It has been a difficult few years but she is totally worth it, she’s the most hilarious, crazy character, life would be very dull without her in it! xx

  46. December 1, 2016 / 11:23 pm

    What a brave post. Megan looks a real little character. Well done for hanging in there.
    #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      December 2, 2016 / 9:59 am

      She really is, I’m very lucky to have her! xx

  47. Mackenzie Glanville
    December 2, 2016 / 12:30 pm

    That quote is simply amazing, it took my breath away, I know with my middle child, my quirky little sunshine girl, I knew she was different too, and you’re right I never could explain why I felt like that from the first time I held her alone I just felt different. Unlike Megan my daughter was exceptionally quiet, withdrawn and found it hard to look me in the eye. She would go off and just be by herself. Whilst the other 2 demanded attention, she just sat back. She refused at kinder to talk to any other kids until the very last couple of months. I was so worried about her. She would read a book with me and read a word on on page and then the next page she wouldn’t recognise the word at all. But on day it all changed, kids at school gravitate to her, they love her and yet she still doesn’t give a lot back. She is very intelligent and so quirky with a dry sense of humour. She has never been diagnosed with anything, but she is very different. Sometimes I try to really tell her how proud I am and she just says “I know’ but won’t look at me, if I ask if she love me she says ‘maybe’ yet she cries and cries if I am not home. Sometimes I feel hurt by her distance, yet I know how much I mean to her. Anyway i am blabbing on, I think this just brought out a lot of emotion in me.

    I am so sorry things have been so tough on you lovely, Megan is gorgeous and she is so blessed to have you as you are her xx

    • Laura Dove
      December 2, 2016 / 8:54 pm

      Ahh Mac, I’m so glad that you could relate to this, sometimes we feel like the only parent in the world going through it. It’s so hard when your child seems different, I think it has taken me three and a half years to realise that being different isn’t a bad thing and that actually, it’s those differences that make her special. I’m sure you feel the same way. Love to you all. xxx

  48. December 5, 2016 / 3:57 pm

    Laura, I know how worries about our children can consume our every thought. My son was also assessed for autism a little over a year ago, during which time I read and read and read everything I could find online. As you mentioned, my son is FINE. We all have quirks. Hell, I am convinced after the exhaustive reading I had done that everyone and their brother is on the spectrum! Thanks for sharing your story. #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      December 5, 2016 / 4:16 pm

      Thank you so much, I think you’re right, every child has their quirks, some more than others. All of Megans’s quirks are what makes her special, she is an amazing little girl! xx

  49. February 13, 2017 / 11:31 am

    Megan is beautiful, spirited and amazing, and you are an amazing mummy. I can so relate to your story, My Star is exactly the same. She’s 11 now and still brings us many challenges, but we deal with it and life goes on. I love this post it’s straight from the heart xx

  50. February 14, 2017 / 8:54 am

    That is so beautiful. My husband and I have a saying we share when things are hard. God gives you what you can handle, what you need, and what they need. You were chosen to be her mom. Both of you are very lucky.
    #Postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 14, 2017 / 9:52 am

      Ahh thank you so much. That’s such a lovey saying and I think you’re right. I am incredibly lucky to be her mummy. xx

  51. February 19, 2017 / 8:59 pm

    What a lonely, thought provoking post. I.love your nickname for her too #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 20, 2017 / 11:08 am

      Oh you had the baby!!! I missed this! Congratulations – I am off to find out! xx

    • Laura Dove
      February 20, 2017 / 11:09 am

      Thank you! Megatron is the perfect name for her! xx

  52. February 19, 2017 / 9:00 pm

    Sorry I meant *lovely* thought provoking post!! Writing this with phone balanced on newborn baby!!

  53. February 19, 2017 / 9:12 pm

    I love reading your posts and finding out more about your family. Sounds like you had a tough couple of years and the stress of 3 under 3 couldn’t have helped.I hope that Megan is now on the right path and you dont need to go back to the doctors or hospital. As my mum says to me ‘ keep putting one foot in front of the other’. Thanks for linking up to #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 20, 2017 / 11:07 am

      Thank you Becci. We really did go through such a difficult time with Megan, some days are still a struggle, but for the most part she has come on leaps and bounds. I think she will still be assessed by CAHMS at four, but deep down I think that it’s just who she is and there is no medical or psychological explanation for it! xx

  54. February 20, 2017 / 9:03 am

    Such a beautiful and touching post. You have had a tough few years but you are so strong and are an amazing mum #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 20, 2017 / 10:28 am

      Thank you so much Beth. xxx

  55. Laura - Autumn's Mummy
    February 21, 2017 / 12:21 am

    Very honestly written and very touching. It sounds like you’re an amazing mum! #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Laura Dove
      February 21, 2017 / 12:13 pm

      Ahh thank you so much. xx

  56. February 23, 2017 / 1:25 pm

    What an absolutely gorgeous, meaningful, loving, honest post. It is so true, we must celebrate for who they are, their uniqueness is what makes them them. And I’ve been there, wishing my child wouldn’t be like that, or do that in public, but they are who they are. Each and everyone of them so special. That really made me think. Thank you #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 24, 2017 / 4:27 pm

      Thank you Susie. Megan has taught me so much and I really wouldn’t change her for the world. xxx

  57. February 23, 2017 / 10:05 pm

    This is a beautiful post. Little ones can teach us a lot if we choose to listen. #postsfromtheheart

    • Laura Dove
      February 24, 2017 / 10:43 am

      Thank you Helena. xxx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *