With Fathers Day this weekend, my blog feed is bursting with posts about the men in our lives, our own Dads and the Fathers to our children. It goes without saying that I have the most incredible Dad, and I cannot fault my husband for his role as Daddy to our youngest three. I am filled with nothing but pride and admiration for, not only that but, the role in which he plays as Step Dad to our eldest.
When my ex husband and I divorced and I found myself single again at 28, I can remember thinking just how hard it would be to ever meet someone as, not only a divorcee but, as a single Mother. As I took the tentative steps into the world of dating, I soon realised that those who initially appeared interested would run a mile when I mentioned that I had a six year old son. And that was tough.
Dating as a Mother was a whole new ball game, looking for a man who not only had the potential to be a good boyfriend but who also had the potential to be a good role model to my son. And as I soon realised, those kind of men were few and far between. So when Gaz came along, he was, rightly or wrongly, not the first man that I introduced to my son, but he was the only man that I allowed the opportunity to get to know him, to forge a bond, develop a relationship and, ultimately, allow him into his heart.
And I have always thought that it can’t have been easy back then, to date a woman who comes with all of that baggage. It must have been hard to sacrifice romantic dates for the latest Disney movie at the cinema, a night at family bowling or Toby Carvery on a weekend. It must have been tough to spend his evenings being forced to talk about WWE wrestling in great length, to play non-stop Mario Kart on the Wii, to eat fish fingers, chips and beans and perch on opposite ends of the sofa with a six year old firmly wedged between us. In those early days when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, when we wanted to spend our weekends in bed, watching TV, ordering take out, a blissful blur of snogging and sleep, it can’t have been easy to be woken at 7am, to be slam dunked during breakfast, battled with light sabres and blow up Hulk gloves and pelted repeatedly in the head with Nerf bullets.
And yet to my amazement, for Gaz, it was easy. The relationship between the two of them happened so organically, bonding over football, a mutual love of John Cena, Transformers and the moves of Michael Jackson. And almost before my very eyes, I watched as the same man who was falling in love with me, fell head over heels in love with my son.
I can still remember the first time that Lewis slotted his little hand into Gaz’s, when he first offered him a kiss goodbye, a cuddle goodnight, and asked if Gaz could tuck him up into bed instead of me. I can still remember how I would leave the room and come back to find them kneeling on the floor, heads together, building a make shift wrestling ring, re-creating scenes from the latest Transformers movie, discussing the pros and cons of Optimus Prime versus Bumblebee. I can still remember the sound of them laughing together, the way that Lewis would say, “Nothing Mummy!” when I asked what they were up to, the way in which he looked at Gaz with nothing but utter admiration. And for me, that sealed the deal. Within three months of our first date, with Lewis’s permission, Gaz moved in. And when he proposed just three months later, it wasn’t just me who was over the moon, it was Lewis too.
And as much as Gaz has always made it look easy, there are times when I feel, deep down, that being a Step-Parent is hard work, that more often than not, they do get the short straw. For a man who has helped raise my child for the last six years, it must be incredibly hard at times to take a step back and accept that, although you may look at this child and love them like your own, the reality is, they’re not. Because the truth is, Lewis is very lucky in that he does have a Dad, one who loves him very much and who has an equal input into his upbringing, his choices, his life. And it takes a very special person to accept that fact.
I remember the first time that there was a “Dads v Sons” football match one Sunday up at the club, and despite the fact that Gaz spent most weekends kicking a ball around the park with Lew, he and I both knew that Lewis would walk straight past him and ask his Dad to play. And he would have to swallow his pride and watch from the sidelines while his, and my, heart broke a little. Every parents evening, despite being the one who sits down to help Lewis do his homework each week, Gaz stays at home whilst my ex husband and I sit there together, reaping the praise that is lavished upon us, feeling like the proudest parents on earth, and he must simply make do with me relaying it back to him later that night.
Despite a mutual love of Manchester United, when Lewis pleaded with Gaz to take him to his first match, Gaz had told him no, that he would have to wait, knowing that it was important to respect the fact that the occasion of a boys first football match belonged with his Dad. And I loved him for that, for sacrificing the things that meant so much to him, for never over-stepping the mark, never trying to take the place of his Dad. And it will be the same as he grows up, when he goes out for his first driving lesson in the car, doing handbreak turns in Tesco car park, the same when he goes for his first pint in the pub on his 18th birthday or the honour of sitting besides him at the top table on his wedding day. Because all of those honours do belong to his Dad, and there aren’t many men in this world who would not only stand back and accept that, but would actively support it, encourage it, and, most importantly, respect it.
I think that one of the things that I love the most about Gaz is that he has genuinely never treated Lewis any different from the other three, something which, I hold my hands up and admit, I did worry about in those early days. Never once has he made Lewis feel any less like his son, nor differentiated between a child who he witnessed come into the world, who he held in his arms at just a few seconds old, a mirror image just exuding his DNA, and a child who, at six years old, peeped out from behind the back of the kitchen door, waggled his John Cena wrestling figure and asked him if he like chicken nuggets.
And I know that perhaps there will be times when, in the not too distant future, fuelled by teenage angst and rampant hormones, Lewis will turn around to Gaz following the slamming of doors and the screeching down the stairs, and he will tell him, “You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my Dad!!”. And I can only imagine how that will feel, how much it will hurt to have that thrown back in his face. I can’t imagine how difficult it will be, taking that from a child who you taught to swim, to play pool, enjoyed countless days out, Summer holidays, introduced to a whole world of opportunities.
A child who you sat up with late at night, just watching him sleep when he was poorly, cleaned up his sick, stripped off his bedding, rang home repeatedly to check how he was throughout the day. A child who stood beside you as Best Man on your wedding day, who you watched with utter pride and admiration as he gave his speech, posed for photos beside you in his matching suit, shared a moment that you will both treasure forever.
A child for whom you stayed up late every Christmas Eve wrapping his presents, who you watched blow out every candle on every birthday cake over the years, who you cheered on from the sidelines of every football match, come rain or shine. A child who you snuggled up with to watch a DVD on the couch, carried up to bed, kissed goodnight, and told him, every single day, how very much that you loved him.
But then I also know that, fast forward another ten years, the day will come when, during one too many drinks over Christmas dinner or whilst dancing wildly at his sisters wedding, Lewis will take Gaz in his arms, in the most macho of hugs, and he will tell him, “Thank you!”. He may pat him on the back, no doubt several inches taller and broader than he has ever been, and say the words that will make up for every bit of drama, every teenage angst, every moment when Gaz has had to take a back seat, and tell him,
“You have been such an amazing Dad to me.”
We are all so lucky to have our Dads in our lives and yet none quite as lucky as those of us who have, not just one but, two.
Happy Fathers Day.
xxx
Mouse, Moo and Me Too says
This is such a lovely post to read – sounds like you’ve got an absolute winner in Gaz. Gorgeous photos too. I hope those words come, maybe sooner than ten years time ? #justanotherlinky
ljdove23 says
Thank you, and I’m sure that they will. Infact he says as much now. xxx
Something Crunchy Mummy says
This is lovely and do well written. He sounds like an amazing man. #binkylinky xx
ljdove23 says
Thank you, he’s pretty wonderful! xx
Angela Milnes says
Such a heart warming post. We had a similar experience. I divorced and was a single mum for five years and finally I met the dream husband and he is the best father ever for my daughter. He is an amazing step dad and sounds like yours hubby is too! I’m so happy for you!
ljdove23 says
Aww that’s lovely to hear, so happy for you too! Sometimes things are just meant to be aren’t they? I honestly thought that I would be single forever after my first marriage ended and yet it was just a path I had to take to lead me to Gaz and our children. Enjoy your lovely family. xx
dearmummyblog says
What a lovely tribute. He sounds like a great guy and a perfect father figure 🙂 love the piccys x
ljdove23 says
Thank you, he’s been amazing, we are super lucky! xx
Keely says
This is such a beautiful post, thank you for sharing it with us??
ljdove23 says
Thank you for reading. xx
Kara Guppy says
What a lovely post. My husband took on my eldest two and it has been really tough at time – especially the teenage years but we are out the other side now and they are really close
ljdove23 says
Thank you. I hear so many stories from friends about how difficult it has been for them introducing step-parents, I think that we were very lucky that Lewis was so accepting! I’m glad to hear you are out the other side. xxx
Rachel says
Aw this is such a lovely post and you can see the bond Lewis and Gaz have with one another x
ljdove23 says
Thank you! Everyone comments on their bond, and more so on how alike they look! Must have been fate…! xx
Kerry Norris says
This was absolutely lovely to read. This is what Father’s Day is all about. He sounds like a fab man and a wonderful step dad. Enjoy today x
ljdove23 says
Thank you, he’s the best! xx
Nige says
A beautiful and husband sounds brilliant thanks for linking to the #binkylinky
ljdove23 says
Thanks Nige, he’s definitely a keeper! xx
Twinmumanddad (@Twinmumanddad) says
Aw what a lovely post! Hope you all had a happy fathers day. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
ljdove23 says
Thank you, we had a lovely day together. xx
fashionandstylepolice says
This is a lovely post. This is what Father’s Day is about.
ljdove23 says
Thank you for reading! xx
Its Adam Again says
Another fab post. Brilliantly written, genuine and a wonderful insight and reminder that being a positive role model is so important. Gaz sounds like a great bloke. #BinkyLinky
ljdove23 says
Thank you, he’s pretty wonderful! My son, and all of my children, are very lucky to have him. xx
ERF Mama says
What a beautiful post! My husband is also step father to our oldest son. 🙂 He treats all the children just as if they were all his by blood. 😀
#FabFridayPost
ERF Mama says
#KCACOLS
ljdove23 says
Thank you. How lovely to hear, our children are very lucky aren’t they? xxx
ERF Mama says
They truly are. 🙂 x
newbiemomsite says
So wonderful to read about amazing step-dads. My husband has both a dad and a step-dad and he is richer for it, just like your oldest. Great post! #momsterslink
ljdove23 says
Thank you, that’s lovely to hear. I hope that together we can give him the best upbringing possible. xx
Alina says
Thank you for writing this lovely post, it’s very sweet and so beautiful to know that there’s such love in the world – really wishing the very best of luck for the future and may their bond never be broken.
Alina | DIY blog
ljdove23 says
Thank you, their bond is truly amazing, I’ve been very lucky as I know that for some it is a little more difficult. xx
Kim says
You have an amazing husband. Step-parenting can be such a gray area that takes a special person to navigate through and do it well. Sounds like you hit the jackpot! Great post and well written 🙂 #KCACOLS
ljdove23 says
He really is, I sometimes don’t give him enough credit for that. I think it definitely takes someone very special to parent a child that is not biologically their own, whatever the circumstances. Thank you for reading. xxx
Healthy Cooking Mom says
What a beautiful story, i can tell you those words do come, my oldest is now married with a baby of her own on the way and those teenage years (we met my hubby when she was 12)were really difficult but what follows is gratitude every chance she gets, unlike your son she didn’t have a dad in her life so my hubby got to walk her down the aisle and do the dad things it must be difficult not to be able to, but what great men these wonderful step dad’s are. Marie
ljdove23 says
Aww that’s so lovely to hear! I know that my son is so grateful for everything Gaz does for him but I think it’s only as a parent yourself when it really hits home just how much your parents did for you! xx
blabbermama says
Gaz sounds like an absolute diamond. This was a lovely read, to hear how a step father loves his son completely, but also knows when to let his dad take some of those first moments. Really is an honourable thing. I’ve heard and witnessed many upsets when parents are estranged etc with partners, it sounds like you have the balance completely sussed. A heartwarming read- I hope Gaz had a lovely day yesterday #marvmondays
ljdove23 says
Thank you, we all had a lovely day and he was spoilt rotten, and rightly so! I think it’s very hard for so many step families, we were very lucky that it just seemed to work, I guess Lewis is very lucky to have four parents who love him and respect eachother. Thanks for reading. Xx
babiesbiscuitsandbooze says
Another emotional and beautiful post Laura! I adore all the pictures of them, especially the matching outfits! And love that Lewis was best man at your wedding, how wonderful. It sounds like they have the most amazing relationship and that Gaz is an incredible man and father. How wonderful to have two dads. #fartglitter
ljdove23 says
Thank you! That was completely unintentional but they are so alike aren’t they? They really do have a fab relationship, I’m sure they will be just as close as Lewis grows up, he’s a lucky boy having four parents who love him. Xx
Happyhandley says
What a lovely post. He sounds like a wonderful dad, lovely photos.
#fartglitter
ljdove23 says
Thank you! Xx
Rhyming with Wine says
This actually made me tear up a little! I grew up with step parents but sadly my experience of step-parents as a child was in no way the amazing and supportive experience that your little man has had. I think it takes an extraordinary person to be a good parent, but I think it takes an outstanding extraordinary person to make a good step parent. Thank you for sharing such a lovely and touching post. #fartglitter xx
ljdove23 says
Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. I completely agree, there aren’t many people who can be a good step parent to a child, let alone an amazing one. xx
lifeofachronicallyillmummy says
What a lovely piece to write. Your son is so blessed to have two guys who love him so very much (and a fabulous mummy!!!), sounds like you have a real diamond there with Gaz, and wonderful photos too xxxx #mmbc
ljdove23 says
Thank you. He really is! xx
Hannah - Budding Smiles says
Such a beautiful post, it sounds like your husband is a wonderful man and father, and Lewis will do so well in life with the amazing support and role models he has xx
ljdove23 says
Thank you, I think Lewis is so lucky to have four parents who love him, some aren’t ever that lucky. xx
mackenzieglanville says
you are such an amazing woman and mother, and I know you may find it hard to take a compliment, but it is the truth. Yes I don’t know you personally, but through the way you write you show your truth and your truth is beautiful. That is why you have such an amazing son in Lewis, that is why you have the love of Gaz, because you deserve it! Lewis and Gaz are both so lucky to have one another and to have you #mg
ljdove23 says
Thanks lovely. That’s really nice of you to say and I shall accept that compliment whole heartedly. xxx
sisterk1n says
Oh the love just flows of the page (screen?) in this post. And I adore all the happy photos (not to self – must take more photos). #fartglitter
ljdove23 says
Thank you xxx
min1980 says
This was, as always, lovely to read, but also gave me hope that maybe one day I will find someone, despite being a single parent. I’ve always found dating difficult at the best of times, so the thought of doing it now is nothing short of unbearable! #mg
ljdove23 says
Ahh thank you. I felt exactly the same and the first few men that I dated were entirely wrong for me, and looking back I knew this by their inability to accept that my child was my priority. But then it all clicked into place with Gaz and look at us now. Your time will come, promise. xx
Jayne (@SMABLblog) says
This is just lovely.
Gaz sounds an amazing father and you can see what a lovely bond he and your little man have, just by looking at your photos 🙂
Thank you so much for joining in with #MMBC. Hope to see you next week x
ljdove23 says
Thank you, he really is. xx
jeremy@thirstydaddy says
This is a great post. I’m a step dad to a sixteen year old that I met when she was five. I feel like I’ve done everything I possibly could to be a good father to her, but under the surface there is always that knowledge that I’m really not. It’s a hard feeling to articulate and one that most people wouldn’t admit, but it’s there. Its easier here not having her father be in the picture at all, but it’s a difficult job. Good for you for writing this show of appreciation #twinklytuesday
ljdove23 says
Thanks Jeremy. I take my hat off to anyone who parents a child who is not their own, regardless of the circumstances. It takes a special kind of person, well done you. xx
Something Crunchy Mummy says
Popping back from #JustAnotherLinky – thanks for linking up xx
hopewellslibraryoflife says
Lucky lady! LOVE that wedding photo.
ljdove23 says
Thank you xxx
Kaye says
This is such a wonderful post and what a gorgeous bond the two of them seem to have. I am a step parent and it is difficult at times – sadly we rarely see my OH’s son. How I wish we could all get along so him and I could have a bond like this! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo
ljdove23 says
Thank you. I’m so sorry to hear that, from experience I have found that many of my female friends with step-children struggle to have the same bond that Lewis and Gaz do. I’m not sure why, perhaps a childs loyalty to their Mum, perhaps more jealousy on a Mums behalf. I hope that you find your own bond in time, thank you for hosting. xxx
Becky, Cuddle Fairy says
Wow you really lucked out when you found Gaz. He is such a great step father. I suppose during the early dating times when you have kids someone’s true personality shines through immediately whether they are happy to spend time with your kids or not. It must be really tough for Gaz to be left out of things sometimes, that’s something I hadn’t thought of before. And very cool of him to leave the first football match to his dad. There certainly i a lot behind the scenes to being a step father! #MG
ljdove23 says
Thanks Becky. That’s so true, I saw immediately with some men I dated that Lewis was an issue to them and there is no way I could ever be with someone like that. Gaz loved Lewis instantly, and how could he not?! xx
A mum track mind says
What a gorgeous post. It is really true that being a father is way more than just a biological deposit. My other half is a fantastic step-dad to my son too and it’s really something to be treasured. Thanks for sharing on #fortheloveofBLOG x
ljdove23 says
Thank you. I think we have been very lucky, and what more could we ever want for our children than for them to be surrounded by love. xx
bridiebythesea says
Such a beautiful post – as you know, we are a step family too so this is so close to my heart. The bond between Lewis and Gaz is so wonderful and you must be so proud. What a gorgeous family you have, I always love reading your posts x #thebabyformula
ljdove23 says
Thank you. Step families are pretty amazing aren’t they? xxx
This Mum's Life says
Oh my goodness… Your posts always, without fail, make me so emotional. They are always so raw, and honest, and so powerfully straight from the heart. I was welling up all the way through, then the wedding photo pushed me over the edge! The pride in Lewis’s face in that photo, and having heard about his and Gaz’s relationship was just beautiful. I’ve always thought that it must be really hard to be a step parent, and Gaz sounds like he was made for the role. And you are right, Lewis is lucky to have 2 people in his life to call dad. What a wonderful tribute to an amazing relationship.
#bigpinklink
ljdove23 says
Ahh thank you so much. The wedding photos always make me blub, Lewis was just so proud! I think we are all of us lucky to have eachother, I always think that it was fate that Gaz came into our lives when he did and that it all simply slotted into place. Thanks for reading lovely. xxx
threedifferentdinners says
What an amazing dad and partner! #bloggerclubuk
ljdove23 says
Thank you! xx
mummyfever says
What a lovely tribute. Thank you so much for sharing this. You are so right and I do understand this having been in a similar situation. Thanks for linking to #sharewithme
ljdove23 says
Thank you for hosting! xx
Squirmy Popple says
What an amazing post about an amazing stepdad. My husband has a stepdad too, and I never really thought about how difficult it must have been for his stepdad to get that balance right between helping to raise him and taking a step back when he needed to. It sounds like Gaz has gotten it just right. I hope he and Lewis have a great relationship for many years to come. #StayClassyMama
ljdove23 says
Thank you. I don’t think that I realised exactly how hard it would be for Gaz as a step parent in a lot of ways. But as I say, for him it is easy, afterall what could possibly be easier than loving your child? xxx
mummuddlingthrough says
Oh Laura, what a beautiful, beautiful read (again). This one is particularly poignant to me as I was blessed with a wonderful Stepfather when I was nine years old. He, alongside my Dad, has been the most wonderful role model, influence and friend to me. It is still him who I ring if I break down, need someone to pick up my daughter from Nursery, or if my sister in law is locked in my bathroom. He is a very much loved Grandad, and the best Father in Law to my hubby. The bond between a Step parent isn’t everything Disney said it would be eh?
Thank you for sharing this with #coolmumclub
ljdove23 says
Thank you! Ahh that’s so lovely to hear of your relationship with your Step Dad, I often think of how not only is Lewis lucky to have two wonderful men in their lives, but how lucky his children will be to have two lovely Grandads. You hear so many stories of step families and I think we have been very lucky, sounds like you have too. xxx
debsrandomwritings says
Hi Laura, this post gave me goose bumps. Gaz sounds like an amazing man and Lewis is indeed a very lucky lad to have not one, bit two very special men in his life. It must be difficult for Gaz to take a step back sometimes, but he will always live in the knowledge that if it weren’t for him Lewis may not be the very special young lad he is today and I hope too, tat one day Lewis will make sure that Gaz knows that.
xx
ljdove23 says
Ahh thank you. The bond they share is wonderful, we were very lucky that Lewis accepted Gaz from day one. I know that all parent-child relationships go through testing times during those teenage years but we are ready and braced for them and quietly confident that it wont be half as bad as everyone tells us!! xx
Yvonne says
Such a lovely post. I love the way you decribe their relationship and loved checking out the fab photos which show how close they are 🙂 xx #fartglitter
ljdove23 says
Thank you, their relationship really is so beautiful. xx
Honest Mum says
Gorgeous post lovely, love the photos too x
ljdove23 says
Thank you so much! xx
ethannevelyn.com says
What a lovely tribute post to Gaz! What a perfect man he is to you and your boy. They are such a lovely pair together, and you all have been through so much together too. I love the photos! Gaz really does have the most genuine smile. Thank you so much of linking up with us on #FabFridayPost Xx
Sarah | Digital Motherhood says
What a lovely post, he sounds like the perfect dad. Your son’s very lucky to have 2 great dads in his life 🙂 #BrillBlogPosts
mudpiefridays says
Aww such a gorgeous post! I am sure that day will come and it will mean the world to both of them. It must have been very difficult to start again, I’m so glad it worked out so wonderfully for you. Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUk hope to see you again this week X
ljdove23 says
Thank you! It was difficult but again, Gaz made it all so easy. I think it was more difficult before he came along and having to accept that at 28 I was single, that my life as I knew it was over. I always think that things work out how they are meant to, and without everything we went through I wouldn’t have the family I do today! xx
Sarah Aslett says
Omg this killed me. Like I am dead. From the sobbing, I love your posts and I love your blog and your family is so lovely! What a great Dad and such a lovely relationship they have #stayclassymama
ljdove23 says
Aww bless you, thank you!! He’s a lovely Dad, we are very lucky. xxx
Trista, Domesticated Momster says
I hope to never be in the dating pool again … Especially being a mother of 3 young ones. I am, however, happy that you found love again and were able to extend your family with a truly genuine person. Thank you for linking with #momsterslink and for your patience in my commenting delay as I’ve been on vacation for 2 weeks. Hope to see you tomorrow!
ljdove23 says
Thanks Trista. Hope you had a wonderful vacation and I shall be linking up tonight for sure! Xx
A Moment With Franca says
Aw what a lovely post Laura! And I think you are so right with that. The most important thing is the love that you can give to a child. I can really see from all these photos that they have an amazing bond. Love all your photos. You have a beautiful family! Hope you all had a happy fathers day. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. Hope you can join us again on Sunday, 🙂 x
ljdove23 says
Thank you. They have such a lovely bond, it’s an honour to witness. Some aren’t that lucky to even have one wonderful father and so I know just how grateful Lewis is that he has two. xx
Jaylan - Diapers At Dawn says
This is such a lovely post, what a lucky boy to have two dads who care for him. The pictures truly show how close they are and the bond they share. Even though it may be hard now when Lewis turns to his dad for certain things but like you said there will come a time when he turns to Gaz and tells him how much he appreciates having him in his life and for stepping back and being an understanding father. That’s what a dad does after all puts his sons needs before his own even if it hurts sometimes x #KCACOLS
ljdove23 says
Thank you. That’s so true, I think that as a parent that’s what we all need to remember, sometimes it’s hard to ignore your own needs but we just do whatever is best for our children don’t we? Thanks for reading. xx
Jenni - Odd Socks and Lollipops says
Such lovely photos, I think it’s wonderful. My stepdad is the most amazing person – he is a wonderful dad to my brother and myself and he is a fab grandad to Boo! I can’t imagine life without him and in every sense he is my dad and I have so much to thank him for. #KCACOLS
ljdove23 says
Thank you. That’s so lovely you had an amazing Step Dad, sounds like you have been so lucky. xxx
Ahdad says
Awesome tribute!
ljdove23 says
Thank you!
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