When maternity care goes wrong…

Medical negligence. It’s a term I have always feared, worrying that when you put your trust into the hands of a doctor, a nurse or a surgeon, they may let you down. Looking back I can think of countless times when this has happened to me over the years, when a doctor has betrayed my trust, a consultant made a false diagnosis or a nurse failed to notice that my “minor ailment” was in fact something more serious. But the biggest negligence for me, and the most bitter pill to swallow, will always be that of Joseph and the ways in which the NHS failed me in the worst way imaginable.

During my pregnancy the failings started quite early on. At 16 weeks during a routine appointment with the midwife, she had struggled to find the heartbeat using a Doppler and told me, quite coldly, that my baby had died. At that time, I had been distraught, unable to know any different as I had yet to feel movements, convinced that given my history of miscarriage we had indeed lost our child. I was then told that I could not have a scan to confirm this until five days later due to lack of appointments and staff.

You can imagine just how heartbreaking it was to go home and tell our husband that we had lost our baby, and how utterly distraught I was at having to wait five long days for confirmation. After frantically ringing around private scanning clinics, and pleading with them for a slot, one clinic finally agreed to see me the following day and we had drove the 40 miles there fully expecting to hear the worst. So when we saw our baby, our Joseph, on the screen, I had been so overwhelmed with relief and excitement that I hadn’t even thought to put in a complaint or question the midwife’s treatment of me that day.

At 28 weeks pregnant, having had very limited contact with a midwife until that time, I was told that I was measuring small and sent for a scan. The sonographer confirmed that the baby was measuring very small, that this was quite a concern and that I would need to be transferred to consultant led care.

At 30 weeks I was re-scanned, told that the baby had not grown as expected and again, this was something which would have to be closely monitored. It was only after that second scan that the panic started to creep in, why was my baby not growing? What could this mean? What would happen to my baby if they failed to grow? And yet none of my questions were ever answered.

At the next scan I was told that the baby had grown yet this was contradicted at the following scan when I was told he had not. I was given steroid injections to prepare for an early delivery yet the following week told that this would not happen. With every appointment and every scan I was told something different, and whenever I voiced my concerns I was told that I was in very capable hands and being closely monitored.

During that last week I rang the unit to say that my baby’s movements had slowed down and I was concerned something was wrong, I was told that this was perfectly normal, that there was less room for him to move, that he was simply sleeping more to conserve energy for the delivery.

And I believed them. 

On the Friday before his birth, I had my last scan and was sent away without any follow up and told to return to the hospital on the Monday to see the consultant. On that Monday morning a midwife rang to tell me that due to a member of staff ringing in sick, my appointment had been cancelled and I should come in the following day. I mentioned that I was a little worried as I had felt very few movements that day and she reiterated that this was normal and her tone implied that I was simply being neurotic.

The following day I was told that my baby, my much wanted little boy, had died. 

Over the following 35 hours as my labour progressed, I was told to prepare for the fact that, despite being full term, our baby would be very small at birth with our last scan estimating him to be around 2lbs in weight. At the time I had been in too much pain, and too devastated, to question it and instead of wheeling in a cot for him to lay, they had brought in a tiny wicker basket, no bigger than my hands, in which they told me he would be placed.

It’s very hard to think about that exact moment when he came into the world, I have never felt a silence quite like it. After a few moments alone with Joseph they took him away to be weighed and we were told that he weighed just 2lb 3oz. And I watched in complete disbelief as they tried to squash my precious son into that tiny little basket, knowing there was no way a baby as big as he would ever fit.

Had I not queried the fact that he looked far bigger than 2lb 3oz, I doubt they would ever have agreed to re-weigh him. Had I not asked to witness that with my own eyes, I would never have known that he actually weighed 5lb, a healthy weight compared with his brother.

When I was handed his death certificate as we left the hospital, which listed “intra-uterine growth restriction” as the cause of death, I didn’t have the energy to query it, far too devastated to be leaving the hospital empty handed. When we were told that they had failed to grow his chromosomes to test for any genetic factors, or his placenta to check for any obvious causes, I just didn’t have the energy to question it further.

At our six week follow up I listened as they told us there was no clear cause for his death but that it was likely due to his size, and I had screamed inside my head, “He wasn’t small!”. And yet instead, I simply could not find the strength to speak.

It was only six years later during my pregnancy with Eva that I found the courage to ask my consultant why mistakes had been made. I questioned why I had been prepared for an early delivery with steroids and then denied the following week. I questioned why a sonographer had measured my baby at 3lbs less than he actually weighed, why I had not been rushed in for an emergency induction at the point where they believed my full term baby weighed just 2lbs. I questioned why the fact that Joseph had been born with severe hydrocephalus had been missed on a scan, just four days before his death, something I was told would have been highly visible. I questioned why his weight had been measured wrong at birth, why the hospital had claimed he died due to being too small, why it felt as though everyone had simply been trying to cover their backs.

And finally, after six years, I was told that this was gross negligence, that there was nothing they could do but apologise and give me their word that they would do everything they could to make sure that the same mistakes were not made again with my daughter.

And as much as I needed to hear those words, to realise that, after years of unanswered questions, somebody was finally admitting their part in the blame, the saddest truth remains that nothing will ever bring him back.

And whilst I cannot change my story at least I can share it with others in the hope of changing theirs. I want all women to feel empowered, and informed of their rights, to know that they can speak out should they feel they are being failed in their pregnancy, birth and after delivery and to know that ultimately, nobody knows your body, or your baby, quite like you do.

You can read more information about your rights here and how to take it further should you wish. 

 

 

*** This is a collaborative post ***

 

 

 

 

Follow:

138 Comments

  1. September 25, 2017 / 5:37 pm

    This is so heartbreaking to read…There was so many mistakes made. I am so sorry.
    My girls were both born with heart defects which were only discovered when my youngest jammed her finger in a door and had to have them reset in place. If that hadn’t have happened we may never had known and without the surgery my girls had they could have been dead by now. The defects should have been picked up on scans and when they were born. 🙁 x

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:06 pm

      Thank you Kim. Gosh that is awful, the what ifs must have been terrifying. I hope that your girls are doing well. xx

  2. September 25, 2017 / 7:49 pm

    It’s so awful that you would have to go through something like this, but thank you for being brave and telling your story!

    • Laura Dove
      September 25, 2017 / 11:04 pm

      Thank you lovely. xx

  3. September 26, 2017 / 11:19 am

    I’m so sorry to read what you went through – it’s really brave of you to share this, and will definitely help others who may be experiencing similar situations.

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 4:53 pm

      Thank you Milly, I do hope it helps. xx

  4. September 26, 2017 / 1:33 pm

    OH Laura, yours & Joseph’s story is so sad and important that professionals learn from. I completely understand why you were not able to ask the questions at the time. Just heartbreaking that they kept facts from you. With much love x

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 4:52 pm

      Thank you Helen, I think the more time goes on the more I regret not asking those questions, but at the time it was just a case of survival! xx

  5. September 26, 2017 / 5:49 pm

    I am so sorry you had to go through this. When I read articles like this I often wonder if some of those in the medical profession know what they are doing at all. Times like these we need to speak up and be our own medical advocate. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:27 pm

      It’s terrifying isn’t it? We put our faith in these people and so many mistakes are made, it’s very hard not to think “if only…” xx

  6. September 26, 2017 / 5:51 pm

    Oh my goodness!! This is truly awful and I’m so sorry you went through this!! 🙁

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:26 pm

      Thank you Lianne. xx

  7. September 26, 2017 / 8:18 pm

    It’s terrible to read what you have been through and the mistakes that have been made. Never blame yourself for not asking questions, you put your trust in people.

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:23 pm

      Thank you Jenni, I think had it happened these days I would have had a solicitor and we would have taken it further. At the time it wasn’t really something we ever thought of, plus we were simply trying to stay afloat! xx

  8. September 26, 2017 / 8:37 pm

    You have been through so much, it is so sad how many mistakes they make when looking after precious lives!

    • Laura Dove
      September 26, 2017 / 9:23 pm

      Thank you, it’s very sad that these mistakes are made, especially when it results in the loss of a life. xx

  9. September 26, 2017 / 9:31 pm

    My wife Lori died due to medical negligence as well. Her doctors at the hospital we were being seen at missed her uterine cancer for 3.5 months. By the time it was discovered and she had a hysterectomy,it had broken through uterus wall and met is 3 different places. It took her two and a half years to die and I died with her. My body still is here but the heart is gone. I am very sorry about the loss of Joseph. I know we will see our loved again soon enough but the wait is a real bear.

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 8:59 am

      Oh Patrick I am so sorry to hear that, that’s absolutely heartbreaking and so needless when something could have been treated if it had been caught earlier. You sound like such a wonderful person, it saddens me to think that your heart is broken, give that cheetah of yours a big cuddle from me. Much love. xxx

  10. September 26, 2017 / 10:52 pm

    Oh bless you Laura, I read this with my heart in my throat, what an awful time you went through and I am sure still go through as you miss your much loved Joseph. Mich x

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 8:56 am

      Thank you Michelle, it sounds crazy but I never really realised just how much we had been failed until I wrote this down. xx

  11. September 27, 2017 / 8:23 am

    This is so heartbreaking to read how many mistakes the hospital make, and you should make sure that the hospital and those related know how wrong their decisions were x

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 8:48 am

      I know, it wasn’t until I pieced it all together when I was pregnant with Eva that I realised just how much we had been failed. I should have taken it further at the time but I wasn’t in the right head space. Shocking really xx

  12. September 27, 2017 / 9:02 am

    This is such a heartbreaking post to read. Are you able to take it further now? Or is it too late?

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:42 pm

      I think it is too late Alexandria, it has been 11 years. I may look into it further. xx

  13. Laura H
    September 27, 2017 / 9:40 am

    Oh my goodness how AWFUL! I cannot believe that something so horrific like this would happen when it’s about something as important as your baby’s life. I am so so sorry that this happened and I sincerely hope that the people responsible have learned their lesson or are no longer practicing!

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:35 pm

      Thank you so much. xx

  14. Laura H
    September 27, 2017 / 9:41 am

    Oh my goodness what an AWFUL thing to happen to you. I am honestly astounded at how poorly you’ve been treated by people you should trust and I am so sorry this happened to you. I sincerely hope that the people responsible are not practicing anymore!

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:35 pm

      Thank you so much Laura. I think the saddest thing is that I’m not alone in these failings. xx

  15. September 27, 2017 / 10:17 am

    Aw Laura what an upsetting time you went through – upsetting doesn’t even cover it! It’s understandable that you’d be in a haze it’d be too much to absorb or understand. I know with my daughter they said she was 7lbs and was nearly 10lbs when born so those machines don’t know what is going on! It’s scary that appointment can be canceled and things messed around like that, it’s a terrible shame. It’s good you are sharing your story to help others, it must have been really tough to write xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:34 pm

      Thank you Becky. Exactly that, I don’t judge the scans one bit which made my subsequent pregnancies so hard as I had no trust for the scanner itself, or the medical “professionals” involved. Even when the youngest three were born we were failed on so many levels, it leaves me with little trust in the NHS in some ways. xx

  16. September 27, 2017 / 10:28 am

    Oh Laura, this is so heartbreaking to read. I can’t imagine how scared you must have felt when you were being told different information all of the time, and then people not listening to you and contradicting each other, and then your heartbreaking loss. It’s awful because when we should be making a complaint we are so exhasted and traumatised by what has happened and the way we have treated, that we can’t find the energy or words. Well done for pushing for answers though as I imagine that can’t have been easy at all. Also, it’s brilliant that you are sharing your story so that you can help others. xxxxx

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:32 pm

      Thank you Emma. I have never pieced it all together like this before, I blamed myself for such a long time that it was only years later I allowed myself to realise that actually, we were failed on so many levels. xx

  17. September 27, 2017 / 10:58 am

    I have tears in my eyes. This is so, so, so sad and I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I cannot believe how poorly you have been treated by the people we should be able to trust. Well done on being so brave and sharing your story – and for questioning, later, why you were treated the way that you were. It’s so heartbreaking. xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:31 pm

      Thank you Amy, I think at the time I blamed myself so much for not keeping him safe that it is only now I realise that I was failed. Thank you for reading. xx

  18. September 27, 2017 / 11:14 am

    I am so sorry to read this and to hear you went through this! No woman should ever have to go through maternity neglect and well done to you for raising awareness and talking about it xxxx

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:23 pm

      Thank you Ami, much appreciated. xxx

  19. September 27, 2017 / 11:20 am

    What a difficult read – It’s so bad that you had to go through all this.

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:23 pm

      Thank you Jon. xx

  20. September 27, 2017 / 11:40 am

    I am so sorry for all the heartbreak you had to endure during that 9 month period of your life. To be told such a long time later that you were neglected and treated abominable by the NHS system is a lot to handle. It is intolerable to think that not one person during your pregnancy was truly on your side. I would pursue this case further if I were you. I hope you heal in time and RIP to your little one. x

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:23 pm

      Thank you Kathryn, I thought that with 11 years passing that we would not be able to pursue it further but perhaps our notes do exist somewhere in the files. I think I may request them to look over at least. xx

  21. September 27, 2017 / 11:58 am

    Oh gosh what an awful time you went through 🙁 it is scary some of the things that can happen when medical people drop the ball.

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:22 pm

      So scary, I really wish that my story was a one off but I know it sadly isn’t. xx

  22. September 27, 2017 / 12:48 pm

    Oh darling, you’ve been through so much. I think we really put out trust in health care professionals but the reality as this shows is that mistakes happen and I can totally understand that whatever compensation one may get for these events, it’s nothing really to ease the heartbreak of loss. Sending love and hugs xoxo

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:16 pm

      Thank you Talya, this was the first time I had wrote this down in this way so it was really quite shocking to read back. xx

  23. September 27, 2017 / 1:09 pm

    Oh lovely I have sobbed reading this. Heartbreaking. Well done for sharing your story you have done yourself proud. Sending love – I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this was to write.

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:15 pm

      Thank you Natalie, much appreciated as always. xx

  24. September 27, 2017 / 1:17 pm

    This is such a heartbreaking and scary read – I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through. I gave birth 3 months ago and as I arrived at the hospital they looked at my notes and said that my bump’s growth had gone over a centile, so I should have had a growth scan. This scared me so much because I was about to give birth and suddenly worried that our baby girl may have some health problems. The midwives hadn’t been plotting my bump measurements, so hadn’t identified the issue. Luckily, everything was fine and our second daughter arrived safely in the world. I felt very let down by the midwife care I had throughout my pregnancy this time.

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:14 pm

      I’m sorry to hear that Helen, it’s shocking the amount of people who have a similar story to tell, especially when a babies life can depend on it. I’m so glad that your daughter arrived safe and well. xx

  25. September 27, 2017 / 1:25 pm

    Oh my gosh this is heartbreaking. I was in tears reading it. We really do put out trust and faith in our doctors don’t we so it’s horrible when we are failed.

    I have often wondered if I should have complained or if I should now about my treatment when I had Molly 3 years ago.

    On the whole when I was in hospital I was treated well, but there was one issue. I have got strep b which i knew about before pregnancy so I made sure I told every single doctor and midwife about it that I came in contact with. I told the community midwife when i first found out i was pregnant, i had a swab done in early pregnancy and never given the results, i was admitted to the ante natal ward a few days before Molly was born and I told every midwife there.

    Most importantly I told my midwife for the Labour. She told me I would be fine and wouldn’t need the antibiotics which is advised for women with strep b. After the birth a doctor angrily asked me why i hadn’t told them I had it and that Molly would have to keep having tests to make sure she was ok. 😠

    Luckily for me Molly wasn’t affected but I was so angry. I didn’t say anything at the time because I just wanted to get out of there..

    Sorry for the massive comment. I am so sorry you had to go through that experience. X

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:14 pm

      Oh gosh Samantha that is just awful! My friend lost her son at just a few hours old due to Strep b going untreated so the consequences can be devastating! I would definitely think that you are within your rights to put in a complaint even now, if you follow the link at the bottom of this post it tells you that claims can be made up to 6 years after medical negligence. I’m so sorry that your treatment was so poor and so glad that Molly was lucky and well. xxx

  26. September 27, 2017 / 4:12 pm

    This is a heartbreaking read, Laura! I can’t believe it still happens in this day and age. Oh wait, yes, I can. All I need to do is switch on the TV and I hear it happening again and again and the words “We should learn from our mistakes”, it just makes me so sad and angry 🙁

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:09 pm

      I know, that’s the saddest part when you hear just how many lives have been lost through medical negligence. xx

  27. September 27, 2017 / 5:35 pm

    I am sat here trembling for how distort you must have been, you were mishandled from the word go and really those healthcare professionals don’t sound like they should be allowed to practice medicine, how awful.

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:08 pm

      Thank you Anosa, it’s very hard to ask the right questions when you are dealing with such a loss, I wish that we had taken it further back then. xx

  28. September 27, 2017 / 6:23 pm

    I’m horrified with the negligence on professional healthcare providers part. But thank you for sharing this it must have been a difficult post to write, but at least it helps to know your rights.

    • Laura Dove
      September 27, 2017 / 7:07 pm

      Thank you so much, it’s the first time I’ve really read it like this. Just awful really how we were failed. xx

  29. September 27, 2017 / 7:09 pm

    I’m so sorry that you went through this. It must be a very difficult post to share.

  30. September 27, 2017 / 7:54 pm

    I am so sorry – such a heartbreaking post. Beautifully written x

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:27 pm

      Thank you Mary. xxx

  31. September 27, 2017 / 8:07 pm

    Oh Laura… you are the most incredible woman to write so eloquently and heart-breakingly about a time so personal, so tragic and unimaginable. You’re an absolute inspiration. And you have NO IDEA just how many women and men you are helping with this post – I know I’ll be remembering this for any future pregnancies and it’ll push me to be more forceful and assertive if I need to be (something I am NOT naturally. I’d have done exactly the same – trusted the professionals). Sending big love Hx

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:26 pm

      Thank you Holly, I really do appreciate that. I am very much like you and find it very hard to be forceful and assertive, plus I think we put our faith in these people and believe them as we don’t know any different. Had the same happened now I would have raised my concerns far earlier and demanded the induction, I have to live with that regret sadly. xx

  32. September 27, 2017 / 8:09 pm

    This sounds like error after error after error, with limited compassion. Your body changes so much during pregnancy that the trust placed on the medical profession is huge. I’m so sorry for your loss, for your Joseph.

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:25 pm

      Thank you so much, it’s very hard when people are let down and sadly I am not alone in my story. xx

  33. September 27, 2017 / 8:23 pm

    This is the most heartbreaking thing to have every have read let alone experience. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that heartache and pain and to lose baby Joseph is terrible. During my pregnancy and the morning of my delivery I was told there was a risk of my LO being still born and it was terrifying luckily she’s well now but it could have been a lot worse x

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:24 pm

      Thank you Kirsty, I’m so glad that your daughter is well. The NHS is wonderful in so many ways but sometimes mistakes happen when really they just shouldn’t. xx

  34. September 27, 2017 / 9:18 pm

    This is so upsetting to read, and I feel so upset you had to go through all of that, and the pain of walking away with your son. I just wanted to shout at them for those mistakes. I am so sorry you had to suffer this, lots of hugs xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:22 pm

      Thank you Stephanie, it would be very easy to become bitter but I think raising awareness of it is way more effective. xx

  35. Utminh
    September 28, 2017 / 2:51 am

    One share I think is very useful. Medical care is very important in life. So this industry needs to do more to deserve its place.

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:20 pm

      Thank you. xx

  36. September 28, 2017 / 7:01 am

    Such a heartbreaking story. I have to say I have nothing but praise for our NHS, we are very lucky to have it, but I do know that mistakes are made and they are stretched to breaking point at times. My friends little boy was born with severe brain damage due to an error 🙁

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:19 pm

      I totally agree Kara, I am so grateful to the NHS and I think for the most part they are all absolutely amazing at what they do, we are very lucky. That said, when mistakes are made they can be catastrophic. I’m sorry to hear about your friends son. xx

  37. September 28, 2017 / 7:08 am

    Oh my heart is breaking for you, I’m so sorry that you and your family had to go through this. I truly hope others read your words and do indeed question anything they feel they need too. So sad x

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:18 pm

      Thank you Jemma. It was a tough one to write but I’m glad I shared it, I hope it helps others. xx

  38. September 28, 2017 / 9:18 am

    I am so sorry to read your post and learn of your loss. There was clearly a huge catalogue of errors that could have been avoided and a simple “sorry, it won’t happen again” is not enough in my books. I understand there are times that the NHS is stretched with staff sickness or shortages but that is no excuse for the neglect you suffered at their hands. Sending lots of virtual hugs your way x

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:17 pm

      Thank you Cath. It was very hard for me to trust them with my youngest three, I had lost all faith. BUT at the same time the NHS is amazing and life saving for so many people. It’s a tough one… xx

  39. September 28, 2017 / 10:08 am

    My heart breaks for you again and again. It’s a hard thing to share these stories but you are doing the right thing by doing so.

    Such a clear catalogue or errors and avoidable ones riven with than patronising attitude that has been shown to be fatal time and time again. It shows why we still need #babyloss awareness weeks and #AlwaysAsk campaigns to empower expectant parents to fight their corner.

    I’m sorry. And angry.

    #StayClassyMama

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:15 pm

      Thank you Rich, this was probably the first time that I have written this down in this way, I found it incredibly hard to read back and felt so angry at the ways we were failed. I spent the best part of a decade blaming myself, wondering what I could have done differently, but I was not the professional and I have to remember that. Thank you so much. xx

  40. September 28, 2017 / 11:28 am

    This breaks my heart Laura, what you went through should never have happened. Sadly I know first hand that it does, as I lost my niece in very similar circumstances. Lots of love my gorgeous friend xx

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:13 pm

      Thank you Laura, it was hard for me to write all of this down, I felt incredibly angry reading it back but I also know that nothing can change it. That’s the saddest thing. xx

      • October 3, 2017 / 9:40 am

        I can understand why you would have so much anger, as now in a clear mind knowing more of course there is going to be. Love you and Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove xx

        • Laura Dove
          October 3, 2017 / 12:32 pm

          Love you lots my gorgeous friend xxxx

  41. September 28, 2017 / 11:46 am

    Popping back from #coolmumclub thanks for linking up this important post darling xoxo

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 12:12 pm

      Thank you Talya. xx

  42. September 28, 2017 / 12:16 pm

    Oh Laura, I’ve just cried at this. And now I’m crying writing this, you’re so so brave writing about your experiences and your and Joseph’s story. You’re an amazing lady and I’m so so glad you did get that admission, as worrying as it is xx

  43. September 28, 2017 / 1:31 pm

    oh i am so sorry to hear of the heartbreak you and your family have had to go through , its such a sad story to hear x

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 5:54 pm

      Thank you Lisa. xx

  44. September 28, 2017 / 4:24 pm

    Oh my goodness, I am speechless that so many mistakes were made. So heartbreaking x

    • Laura Dove
      September 28, 2017 / 5:53 pm

      Thank you, it really is .xx

  45. September 28, 2017 / 5:52 pm

    I’m so sorry you had to go through this 🙁 My mum and dad nearly lost both me and my daughter during my first pregnancy due to medical negligence.

    Louise x

  46. September 28, 2017 / 6:21 pm

    It’s so shocking this many errors can happen. What’s worse is you are often at your most vulnerable and unable to advocate for yourself. It’s only with hindsight you start to piece together somehing was clearly wrong. I’m so sorry this happened to you and can only hope for you by writing this all down it helped you to process everything.

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 5:32 pm

      Absolutely. It has taken me over a decade to peace all of these mistakes together, it’s heartbreaking. xx

  47. September 28, 2017 / 6:25 pm

    Oh my word this is horrible. I hope you’re okay and I’m a good place. It must have been awful for you to write these emotions downs and have to relive the pain and all the anguish. You are a real solider. Not all heros wear capes ❤️

    http://www.nmdiaries.com

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 5:32 pm

      Thank you so much, it was very therapeutic to share it. xx

  48. September 28, 2017 / 9:17 pm

    I am so sorry you went through this. I have had bad experiences and negligence throughout pregnancy and when I have spoken to friends in the medical field about it they have been so shocked. I am very fortunate that both of my boys are with me today, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you have been through. It is amazing and brave that you have spoken about your experience and I sincerely hope that it helps other people who feel like they are not being heard.

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 5:27 pm

      Thank you Emma, the saddest part is that stories like mine aren’t a one off, it’s heart breaking isn’t it? xx

  49. September 29, 2017 / 12:51 am

    This was devastating to read. I’m sorry that you had to endure all the pain of losing a child due to the negligence of others. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully understand that pain, but I’m so glad you found the strength to ask those questions and get the answers you deserve.

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 5:24 pm

      Thank you so much Sean, I really appreciate that. xx

  50. September 29, 2017 / 9:12 am

    Bloody hell, I mean where do you even begin. I know they say midwives are rushed off there feet and all, but jesus, this is not a small thing to over look, this is your baby and human life we are talking about.

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 5:20 pm

      I know, I think it has literally taken me 11 years to piece it all together like this. Reading it back was just shocking. xx

  51. September 29, 2017 / 11:54 am

    This has really made me sad – I am so sorry for your loss , and I had the exact same experience with Nila’s pregnancy- luckily she was fit and healthy , but I got treated awful and barely saw anyone and was in and out of hospital and no one could care less as to what I wanted or was concerned about – My heart goes out to you ❤️

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 5:00 pm

      Thank you Kira. I am so glad that you had a happy outcome, it saddens me to hear that others were treated so appallingly. xx

  52. September 29, 2017 / 12:29 pm

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. No one should have to face such a tragedy. I hope this post gives others the confidence to speak out when they feel ready.

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:57 pm

      Thank you so much Emily. I loved your session this weekend at Britmums by the way, never apologise for being you is the best advice I have ever heard. xxx

  53. September 29, 2017 / 12:56 pm

    I just wanted to say that I am so sorry. It is just heartbreaking to read how many things were dealt with so wrong and how horrendous it all was. It just sounds like nothing you said was taken seriously and you were just brushed off. It’s horrendous.

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:57 pm

      Thank you so much, I wish I had tried harder to push my concerns but at the time I trusted what they told me to be true. xx

  54. September 29, 2017 / 1:27 pm

    I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of this. All the midwives and doctors who you saw clearly neglected every part of your pregnancy and concerns. I can’t believe that this happens!

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:55 pm

      Thank you Amy, sadly my story isn’t a one off. xx

  55. September 29, 2017 / 3:19 pm

    This is shocking. I cannot believe this happened and nobody admitted any liability. Sending you lots of love and hugs. Well done for writing about it xxx

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:51 pm

      Thank you Jo, I hope that others can learn from my story. xx

  56. September 29, 2017 / 4:06 pm

    moments like this are those that brings out a different person in us than we all knew, sorry about your experince on this one. hugs from here.

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:48 pm

      Thank you Lex. xx

  57. September 30, 2017 / 12:05 am

    I have previously read your post about losing your son and it just breaks my heart! I really pray that no other mother has to go through the same thing! You are such a brave woman! Lots of hugs and love your way!

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:44 pm

      Ahh thank you so much Ayesha. xxx

  58. September 30, 2017 / 8:26 am

    Oh my god this is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you had to endure this. That’s the most tragic thing and i cannot believe you were treated that way. I am glad they were honest with you the next time around but it doesn’t take away what you had to go through.

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:42 pm

      Thank you Chloe, I found it hugely therapeutic to write! xx

  59. September 30, 2017 / 9:41 am

    So brave writing and sharing this. I am so sorry for what you went through and how you were treated. No one knows their body but that then person who owns it. I wish healthcare professionals would remember that x

    • Laura Dove
      October 1, 2017 / 4:40 pm

      Thank you so much Kerry. xxx

  60. October 1, 2017 / 8:47 pm

    This is such a heartbreaking read. I can’t understand how you were failed over and over again by the people who we trust to look after us, and the people we love most. I think so often when it comes to encounters with medical professionals, we can be so intimidated, or shell shocked, that we don’t question the things that we normally would, but it’s so important to be able to voice concerns or ask questions. I’m so sorry Laura, not just for your loss, but for you to have had to go through all of that alongside it is just awful. Thank you for sharing this at #SharingtheBlogLove – I really hope it helps other people to be more pushy and not just accept the information from medical staff.

    • Laura Dove
      October 2, 2017 / 12:45 pm

      Thank you Katy. I’ve never shared this post before, I think it has taken me a long time to piece together all of the failings and when I had Eva and the consultant admitted their part, I just didn’t know what to do with that. The saddest thing is that had I been induced when they initially said, it is almost certain that he would be here today, 11 years old, and our lives would be altogether different. It’s very hard not to feel angry about that sometimes. xx

  61. October 2, 2017 / 2:45 pm

    I totally agree with you that nobody knows your body as well as you do. It angers and upsets me to read of what happened to you. #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      October 3, 2017 / 12:36 pm

      Thank you so much Helena. xx

  62. Liz
    October 4, 2017 / 9:36 am

    There really are no words to express how sorry I am that you and your family had to experience that. I had a similar scare but my story did not end as horrifying as yours. I was told during a scan that I had miscarried at 18 weeks and would have to wait 3 days to see my doctor. When my doctor scanned me, she found my son to be alive with a healthy heart beat. He is now 10 years old. I’m sure the technician was incompetent. I wrote a lengthy 4 page letter to the director of ob/gyn as a result.

    • Laura Dove
      October 4, 2017 / 10:50 am

      Gosh it’s just awful isn’t it? How these mistakes are made is beyond me. I’m so glad that you have a healthy son and yet so sorry you had to go through such agony. Much love. xx

  63. October 4, 2017 / 8:23 pm

    Oh Laura, your posts about Joseph are always so heartbreaking to read. I feel so sad that you had to go through this, so sad that they failed you so badly. I think you’re helping so many by sharing your story.

    Thank you for linking up to #StayClassyMama

    • Laura Dove
      October 5, 2017 / 5:43 pm

      Thank you so much Jenny, I really appreciate that. xxx

  64. October 5, 2017 / 7:52 am

    This is a heart breaking read. It is appalling that so many mistakes were made. More care should have been taken. My mum was told that her twin daughters had ‘water on the brain’ and she needed to decide whether to abort them or not. I was 13 and remember the trauma my parents went through. On her next appointment she was told it had cleared up – told it was ‘a miracle’. You are so brave telling this story. Sending you virtual hugs xxx #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Laura Dove
      October 5, 2017 / 5:39 pm

      Thank you Maria. That is shocking, the mistakes that are made terrify me and break my heart at the same time. I will never know if Joseph would have survived had the early induction gone ahead, it’s very difficult not to feel angry at the ways in which we were let down. If only we could go back, that’s the saddest part. xxx

  65. October 5, 2017 / 11:19 am

    Oh darling this is a post that brings me to tears. I am living in a bubble of fear right now as this second pregnancy began with ‘sorry’, a doctor telling me it was likely ectopic, then 4 weeks later that the baby wasn’t growing, constant small haemorrhages from low placenta and a struggling ticker. I feel like I have been bounced from midwife, to doctor, to consultant and although labelled as high risk I still have the lessened appointments with the second baby. I haven’t seen the same person twice. The lingering sense of unnerve and uncertainty is so difficult. My heart breaks for you and all you went through but it also gives me the courage to dig my heels in and push for reassurance. All my love #sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      October 5, 2017 / 5:35 pm

      Ahh Jade, I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time in this pregnancy, it’s just awful, even more so when it should be such an exciting time for you. But yes, always dig your heels in if you know that something isn’t quite right, I would give anything to go back and do the same. xxx

  66. October 5, 2017 / 11:43 am

    It’s horrific that this kind of care (or lack of) can happen at such a sensitive time. Mums, whether a first or last baby, just know when something isn’t right and they should be listened to. It sounds like that hospital just weren’t doing their jobs properly. I am so lucky that our care was good, although with maternity care unless midwife led, now closed at our local hospital I think in our area there could be more of these issues happening. #sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      October 5, 2017 / 5:33 pm

      It’s scary, and the scariest part is that it happens all the time, way more often than we realise. A lot of it is due to staff shortage, I know when I had the youngest three, despite being high risk, my treatment was also shocking. xx

  67. October 5, 2017 / 8:13 pm

    This is heartbreaking. I was treated very badly during and after the birth of my eldest but thankfully my Father-in-law is a doctor and picked up on several actions that had gone wrong. I never had the energy to make a claim because I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress – I couldn’t even go into the city where the hospital was for about 3 years afterwards because I would have a panic attack. But we never had to face what you have described here. It is just too sad for words. I am so sorry #sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      October 6, 2017 / 4:47 pm

      Gosh Lucy that sounds awful and so traumatic. It’s so sad that so many people have had negative pregnancy and birth experiences. I was the same, I should have pursued it even just to give any compensation to a baby loss charity, it wasn’t about the money at all, but I just didn’t have the strength at that time. Thank you for reading lovely. xx

  68. October 5, 2017 / 9:13 pm

    You are so brave to share this with the world. It must have been incredibly hard to write.

    I also had a bad experience and I’m incredibly lucky to have my little boy. I have considered requesting a copy of my notes and I think now I will.

    Thank you so much for sharing.
    xxx
    #sharingthebloglove

    • Laura Dove
      October 6, 2017 / 4:42 pm

      Thank you, I am so glad you have your little boy but I’m sorry you had a bad experience. xx

  69. October 8, 2017 / 4:55 pm

    This is Awful! Just Awful! How can live and go on like this – like nothing had just happened. If their hearts are not in the right place then they shouldn’t be in that kind of job. Disgraceful!

  70. Katie Skeoch
    October 15, 2017 / 8:02 pm

    After a horrific birth six months ago this has given me the nudge I needed to query my own care. I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy xx

    • Laura Dove
      October 16, 2017 / 8:29 am

      Ah Katie I’m sorry you had a bad experience but you should absolutely query it, I so wish that I had. xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *